Attention all. This is the diary of the captive, charming but sickeningly annoying Princess Zelda. On a personal note, I think she should stop whining and save her own butt sometimes. But that would take away the funny, so here goes. Zelda goes nuts.
June Seventeenth
Oh, Link, save me from this pinkish hued nightmare! I only just found this diary in my pocket. How it got there, I shall never know, but I shall write all the same, in hopes of sending a telepathic message to the Hero who I know will come.
Linklinklinklinklinklink Zelda+Link Link+ Zelda 4-ever Prince Link and Princess Zelda Zelda n Link love lasting forever yo homies wassup chillin in da crib with mah homeboy Link who needs to GET OFF HIS BUTT and save meeee
It isn't working.
Yet I worry about being enclosed in a pink crystal. Whatever shall I eat? All I see below me are evil minions, or the evil king Ganondorf playing piano. Oh, Link, save me!
June Eighteenth
Linkhearts Zelda
Zeldahearts Link
Why won't he save me, the little (bad words that most princesses aren't born knowing)
June Twentieth
Fooooooooood. Must have fooooooooooood. Walnuts would be nice. Why do I like walnuts so much? Maybe I have some psychic connection to chipmunks---no, maybe I am a chipmunk---yes, that's it! Curse you, father, for never telling me! No wonder mother had such chubby cheeks. I must find my chipmunk-y brethren and convince them to gnaw through the crystal! Then we shall roam free throughout hyrule and slaughter all owls! Hahahahahahahaha! And I shall bite Link's face off for not saving me.
I need walnuts. NOW.
June Twenty-second
Walnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnutswalnuts.
June Twenty-ninth
None of that happened. Do you understand, diary? None of it. I was suffering from a hallucination at the time, that's all. However, I suppose I must tell you how I managed to escape from Ganon's castle.
You see, I suddenly remembered, while searching for walnuts, that I have magic. So, why couldn't I just break the glass, cushion my fall, and steal all the walnuts from Ganon's pantry? Well, that I did. Of course, first I had to give that evil king a piece of my mind. He won't be able to walk properly for days. (these high heeled shoes are wicked sharp…)
Now to implement my plan to rid the world of owls---I mean, to restore Hyrule….