Meh. This isn't very good. Feel free to skip over this chapter, if you want. I'm going back to Ganondorf's diaries after this, because (for some odd reason) I find him easier to connect to , in a morbid, Dark-Lord-Of-Evil sort of way.

Warning: This is the journal of Dark Link. If you find this, kindly return it so said Dark Link can remove your spleen, liver, and left lung in the most humane way possible. Thank you.

July Seventh

Today I realized that I am out of food.

How did that happen? Why do I even need food anyways? It isn't like I have a digestive system. Food is overrated. Especially cheez-doodles. Nasty, packaged blobs of cheese and that light fluffy stuff that sticks to your teeth and makes you want to disembowel a villager or three. Speaking of disemboweling…

Note to self: Make sure to check up on prisoners in basement once a week. The smell is that hard to get out of the carpet.

July Eighth

Second day of cheez-doodle fast. Dear Gods, how can someone survive without those things? But…I have no money…maybe I shouldn't have spent it all on those iron shackles. On an optimistic note, I killed an owl today, but his head won't stop spinning.

July Tenth

Today is a bright day, a light day, a day of evil. And not the good kind of evil, either. I, Shadow, Dark Link, the Scourge of All That is Fluffy and Cute, have acquired a job.

First I looked through the newspaper to see my prospects, but there was no opening for a torturer, a hangman, a blight-to-good-nature, or anything of that sort. So I signed up to be a "cashier" at "Wal-mart." That sounds decidedly evil.

July Eleventh

What do they MEAN, I have to say "Have a nice day?" I REFUSE to wish good will on others! Why do I want them to have a nice day? I don't want them to be happy, I want to see them writhe in agony and intense pain until I see fit to pull out their organs with a spoon. So when I told them so, who do you think got on my case about it? That tall, pimply, greasy haired man they call a "manager!" Pah! And if he tells me to put on that blasted frock or remove the animal carcasses from the overhead gum rack, I'm going to rip out his ears with a wrench.

July Twelfth

I have a new collection of ears now. It made me quite amused.

July Thirteenth

Screw responsible work. I broke open the cash register and stuffed what I wanted into my pockets. When my last customer asked (in that nasal, lordly tone, too) if I could "wait a minute" while she ran ACROSS the store to get a bag of chips, I pulled her up by the collar, forced my eyes to glow demonically, and tied her to the smiley face hanging up over the main door. I left the dead owl (whose head has yet to stop spinning) on the scanner, and stormed out the doors surrounded by a cloud of darkness. It was glorious.

Second Note to Self: When setting a building on fire, stay away from the card section. The fumes are oddly attracting.