The Many Uses for the Oxford English Dictionary
And then the phone rang.
Rory moaned softly and pulled away from Jess, who let out his own moan in protest.
"Let it ring," he whispered.
"I can't, it could be important," she replied.
He wrapped his arms around her and fastened his lips to the side of neck. She curled her fingers into his hair and the phone in their apartment rang again.
"Jess..."
He replied by sliding his hands up the back of her shirt. She closed her eyes and let the phone ring a third time before the answering machine picked up.
"Hi! You've reached Jess and Rory... well... actually, Jess is being belligerent, and refuses to participate in this message, so it's just Rory right now...Anyways, we can't take your call... we're either not here, or we can't find the phone."
"Or we hate you."
"Jess!"
BEEP!
In the back of her mind, Rory kicked herself for not changing that message. In the front of her mind, she was trying to think of the easiest way of getting Jess out of his shirt without breaking her lips away from his.
"Hey, Rory... its Dad... Your mother told me something really interesting the other day... about you... and... Jess... and... a wedding, apparently... but that can't be right, because you would have called me, right? I'd know... right?" Christopher sighed. "Okay, just... call me back when you have the chance. Love you, kiddo." With that, he hung up.
Rory sighed and pulled away from Jess.
"The mood just died, didn't it?" Jess asked, pulling his shirt, which Rory had previously been pulling off, back onto his torso.
She nodded. "Oh, yeah."
He sighed, and reached over to grab the cordless phone and hand it to her.
She smiled and took it, before pushing him onto the couch and sitting down on his lap. She dialed and waited. "Hey, Dad..."
******
There was a knock on the door about five minutes after Rory had fallen asleep in his arms.
Jess rolled his eyes. "Keep knocking, asshole... see where it gets you..." He slid down under the covers and pulled Rory closer.
"S'at the door?" she asked drowsily.
"No," Jess grumbled. "It's nothing. Sleep."
She opened her eyes a little and looked at him. "That's the door."
"I'm naked."
"So am I."
"I'm not getting the door."
"What if it's Mrs. Bauman?"
"I'm not getting the door."
Rory pouted.
"Oh, god."
"Please?"
"Rory..."
"Just see who it is..." she smirked. "If it's a scary person you can beat them up with the Oxford English Dictionary if you want."
A spark of tired interest shone in Jess's eyes. "Huh."
"I was kidding."
Jess got out of bed and slid into his boxer shorts and t-shirt. "Too late."
"Jess..."
"Dictionary, here I come."
Rory groaned and turned over in bed.
He sauntered out to the front door, grabbing their copy of the Oxford English Dictionary on the way. They did live in New York, after all. He couldn't be too careful. He looked out the peephole and stepped back a little, feeling incredibly confused. He opened the door and blinked.
Liz smiled enthusiastically. "Surprise!"
TJ smirked. "Hey, there, Read."
"I'm in hell." Jess muttered.
*****
The four of them sat at the kitchen table.
"Married?" Liz asked.
Jess nodded, looking anyplace but at his mother.
Liz smiled. "Aw... you guys... that's... I'm so happy for you." She got up and walked around the table to hug them.
Rory smiled and hugged back, and Jess just sat there.
*****
"So they just kind of showed up?"
Rory nodded as she looked through the stack papers on her office desk. She held her cell phone to her ear. "Yup. We set them up on the couch. Jess was at a complete loss."
Lorelai gasped. "Really? I've never seen him at a complete loss, what does he look like?"
"A small puppy alone in the woods at night," Rory replied. "Why did you tell Dad about the wedding? I was going to do it."
"Because you didn't do it fast enough," Lorelai replied. "I just... he needed to know, Babe, I'm sorry."
Rory sighed. "It's okay... I just... I hadn't talked to him in a really long time... I didn't know how to say it."
"Well, that's what I'm here for... how did it go?"
"Okay, I guess," Rory replied. "I feel so bad for putting it off... he sounded really hurt."
"He'll get over it," Lorelai reassured her.
"I told Georgia she could be the flower girl."
"Oh, Ror... That's really sweet... let's just hope she doesn't jump out of her skin while walking down the aisle."
She snickered. "Mom!"
Lorelai laughed a little. "Sorry... so... Everybody who's anybody knows now, right?"
Rory leaned back in her chair. "Not quite."
******
"So?"
"So, I'm getting married, Paris."
"Well, that's very nice, Rory," Paris replied, taking a sip of her coffee. "I'm very happy for you. I hope you'll be able to find domestic bliss with your heathen of a life partner."
Rory sighed and sat back in her chair in the little coffee shop in the city, looking a little confused. "Thank you."
"Was that all?" Paris asked. "I'm very busy, you know."
"No, that's not all," Rory said quickly before the other woman could get to her feet.
"Okay. What?"
Rory sighed. "Will you be a bridesmaid?"
Paris blinked, looking a little shocked. "What?"
"You. Bridesmaid... please?"
"Why?"
"Paris, you're one of my oldest friends!" Rory exclaimed.
"What would this entail?"
"Wearing a pretty dress, walking down an aisle with a groomsman, and keeping me sane."
Paris raised an eyebrow. "You? Sane?"
"Hello, Pot. I'm the kettle! You're black, just like me!"
"Well," Paris sighed. "If you really want me to be a bridesmaid..."
"I do."
"Don't expect me to get all teary-eyed for you," Paris snapped.
"I won't."
"Alright then," Paris nodded. "I'll do it."
Rory smiled.
*****
Jess sighed as he made dinner that night. "Lily is thirteen," he pointed out. "We can't make her a flower girl. She'll kill me."
Rory sighed. "Well... how many groomsmen do you have?"
"Jamie... Dave... Luke... Zach and Brian," he replied.
"Okay, and so far my bridesmaids list consists of Mom, Lane, Gloria and Paris," Rory said. "She can be my last bridesmaid."
Jess nodded. "Might work... did we even decide on a date yet?"
Rory shrugged and wrapped her arms around him. "Well... I kind of want a fall wedding."
"It's May now... fall would give us enough time to plan," He nodded.
"How about September twenty-third?"
Jess gave this a moment's thought, and nodded. "Sounds good."
Rory smiled and reached up and kissed him.
A moment into their embrace, a light flashed in front of them. Jess broke away from his fiancée to find his mother stand in the kitchen doorway with a camera. She smiled and rushed off.
"That woman is evil."
Rory snickered and kissed his cheek. "Make dinner."
He sighed and turned to the oven.
*****
"So, have you two thought about a honeymoon location?" TJ asked.
Rory shrugged. "Not really. We're still in the early stages of planning. We've told everyone who really, really needs to know, and now it's planning time."
"Well, if you guys need any help, feel free to ask," Liz smiled. "God, I can't believe you're getting married. That's so wild."
"So, who's planning your bachelor party, Read?" TJ asked, not a hint of sarcasm or ill will in his voice.
"My best friend," Jess replied. "And possibly my father... depending on how creative he's feeling."
Liz rolled her eyes. "Jimmy will probably hire belly dancers."
"That's tame compared to what Jamie can think up," Jess said. "He was practically born in the gutters."
Rory sighed. "Do you have to get strippers?" she asked. "Can't you play scrabble instead?"
"Scrabble makes my head hurt," TJ said. "Too many words."
Jess shook his head. "Damn those words," he said. "Damn them to hell."
"Jess, be nice," Liz told him.
"It's my house," he muttered. "I can be rude if I want to."
"Don't worry about the strippers, honey," Liz told Rory, ignoring Jess. "Nothing ever happens... and we'll get you a couple of nice male strippers for yours."
Rory gave her mother-in-law-to-be a blank stare.
Liz smiled.
*****
The phone rang while Rory rinsed dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. "Jess!" She called. "Wet hands!"
He walked into the kitchen and grabbed the phone. "Hel-... Lane... I'm glad you liked the interview article..." he smirked. "Yeah, well it was about making all of us look good. It got me another assignment, so I'm pretty happy with it..."
Rory watched his brow furrow as he listened.
"You wanna what?" He shook his head. "We haven't started planning the reception, Lane, we-... hold on." He put a hand over the phone. "They wanna play our reception."
Rory almost dropped the glass she'd been about to put into the washer. "What?!"
"She said it," Jess replied.
"Well, tell her yes!" Rory cried. "God, yes!"
Jess sighed and put the phone back up to his ear. "Are you sure you want to play something as low-grade as a wedding? That's kind of beneath you guys now... If you're sure you want to be half the wedding party and the entertainment... Okay. Okay... well... thanks... I will... okay. Bye." He hung up the phone and turned to Rory. "We've got a band."
Rory smiled and went back to the dishes.
And then the phone rang.
Rory moaned softly and pulled away from Jess, who let out his own moan in protest.
"Let it ring," he whispered.
"I can't, it could be important," she replied.
He wrapped his arms around her and fastened his lips to the side of neck. She curled her fingers into his hair and the phone in their apartment rang again.
"Jess..."
He replied by sliding his hands up the back of her shirt. She closed her eyes and let the phone ring a third time before the answering machine picked up.
"Hi! You've reached Jess and Rory... well... actually, Jess is being belligerent, and refuses to participate in this message, so it's just Rory right now...Anyways, we can't take your call... we're either not here, or we can't find the phone."
"Or we hate you."
"Jess!"
BEEP!
In the back of her mind, Rory kicked herself for not changing that message. In the front of her mind, she was trying to think of the easiest way of getting Jess out of his shirt without breaking her lips away from his.
"Hey, Rory... its Dad... Your mother told me something really interesting the other day... about you... and... Jess... and... a wedding, apparently... but that can't be right, because you would have called me, right? I'd know... right?" Christopher sighed. "Okay, just... call me back when you have the chance. Love you, kiddo." With that, he hung up.
Rory sighed and pulled away from Jess.
"The mood just died, didn't it?" Jess asked, pulling his shirt, which Rory had previously been pulling off, back onto his torso.
She nodded. "Oh, yeah."
He sighed, and reached over to grab the cordless phone and hand it to her.
She smiled and took it, before pushing him onto the couch and sitting down on his lap. She dialed and waited. "Hey, Dad..."
******
There was a knock on the door about five minutes after Rory had fallen asleep in his arms.
Jess rolled his eyes. "Keep knocking, asshole... see where it gets you..." He slid down under the covers and pulled Rory closer.
"S'at the door?" she asked drowsily.
"No," Jess grumbled. "It's nothing. Sleep."
She opened her eyes a little and looked at him. "That's the door."
"I'm naked."
"So am I."
"I'm not getting the door."
"What if it's Mrs. Bauman?"
"I'm not getting the door."
Rory pouted.
"Oh, god."
"Please?"
"Rory..."
"Just see who it is..." she smirked. "If it's a scary person you can beat them up with the Oxford English Dictionary if you want."
A spark of tired interest shone in Jess's eyes. "Huh."
"I was kidding."
Jess got out of bed and slid into his boxer shorts and t-shirt. "Too late."
"Jess..."
"Dictionary, here I come."
Rory groaned and turned over in bed.
He sauntered out to the front door, grabbing their copy of the Oxford English Dictionary on the way. They did live in New York, after all. He couldn't be too careful. He looked out the peephole and stepped back a little, feeling incredibly confused. He opened the door and blinked.
Liz smiled enthusiastically. "Surprise!"
TJ smirked. "Hey, there, Read."
"I'm in hell." Jess muttered.
*****
The four of them sat at the kitchen table.
"Married?" Liz asked.
Jess nodded, looking anyplace but at his mother.
Liz smiled. "Aw... you guys... that's... I'm so happy for you." She got up and walked around the table to hug them.
Rory smiled and hugged back, and Jess just sat there.
*****
"So they just kind of showed up?"
Rory nodded as she looked through the stack papers on her office desk. She held her cell phone to her ear. "Yup. We set them up on the couch. Jess was at a complete loss."
Lorelai gasped. "Really? I've never seen him at a complete loss, what does he look like?"
"A small puppy alone in the woods at night," Rory replied. "Why did you tell Dad about the wedding? I was going to do it."
"Because you didn't do it fast enough," Lorelai replied. "I just... he needed to know, Babe, I'm sorry."
Rory sighed. "It's okay... I just... I hadn't talked to him in a really long time... I didn't know how to say it."
"Well, that's what I'm here for... how did it go?"
"Okay, I guess," Rory replied. "I feel so bad for putting it off... he sounded really hurt."
"He'll get over it," Lorelai reassured her.
"I told Georgia she could be the flower girl."
"Oh, Ror... That's really sweet... let's just hope she doesn't jump out of her skin while walking down the aisle."
She snickered. "Mom!"
Lorelai laughed a little. "Sorry... so... Everybody who's anybody knows now, right?"
Rory leaned back in her chair. "Not quite."
******
"So?"
"So, I'm getting married, Paris."
"Well, that's very nice, Rory," Paris replied, taking a sip of her coffee. "I'm very happy for you. I hope you'll be able to find domestic bliss with your heathen of a life partner."
Rory sighed and sat back in her chair in the little coffee shop in the city, looking a little confused. "Thank you."
"Was that all?" Paris asked. "I'm very busy, you know."
"No, that's not all," Rory said quickly before the other woman could get to her feet.
"Okay. What?"
Rory sighed. "Will you be a bridesmaid?"
Paris blinked, looking a little shocked. "What?"
"You. Bridesmaid... please?"
"Why?"
"Paris, you're one of my oldest friends!" Rory exclaimed.
"What would this entail?"
"Wearing a pretty dress, walking down an aisle with a groomsman, and keeping me sane."
Paris raised an eyebrow. "You? Sane?"
"Hello, Pot. I'm the kettle! You're black, just like me!"
"Well," Paris sighed. "If you really want me to be a bridesmaid..."
"I do."
"Don't expect me to get all teary-eyed for you," Paris snapped.
"I won't."
"Alright then," Paris nodded. "I'll do it."
Rory smiled.
*****
Jess sighed as he made dinner that night. "Lily is thirteen," he pointed out. "We can't make her a flower girl. She'll kill me."
Rory sighed. "Well... how many groomsmen do you have?"
"Jamie... Dave... Luke... Zach and Brian," he replied.
"Okay, and so far my bridesmaids list consists of Mom, Lane, Gloria and Paris," Rory said. "She can be my last bridesmaid."
Jess nodded. "Might work... did we even decide on a date yet?"
Rory shrugged and wrapped her arms around him. "Well... I kind of want a fall wedding."
"It's May now... fall would give us enough time to plan," He nodded.
"How about September twenty-third?"
Jess gave this a moment's thought, and nodded. "Sounds good."
Rory smiled and reached up and kissed him.
A moment into their embrace, a light flashed in front of them. Jess broke away from his fiancée to find his mother stand in the kitchen doorway with a camera. She smiled and rushed off.
"That woman is evil."
Rory snickered and kissed his cheek. "Make dinner."
He sighed and turned to the oven.
*****
"So, have you two thought about a honeymoon location?" TJ asked.
Rory shrugged. "Not really. We're still in the early stages of planning. We've told everyone who really, really needs to know, and now it's planning time."
"Well, if you guys need any help, feel free to ask," Liz smiled. "God, I can't believe you're getting married. That's so wild."
"So, who's planning your bachelor party, Read?" TJ asked, not a hint of sarcasm or ill will in his voice.
"My best friend," Jess replied. "And possibly my father... depending on how creative he's feeling."
Liz rolled her eyes. "Jimmy will probably hire belly dancers."
"That's tame compared to what Jamie can think up," Jess said. "He was practically born in the gutters."
Rory sighed. "Do you have to get strippers?" she asked. "Can't you play scrabble instead?"
"Scrabble makes my head hurt," TJ said. "Too many words."
Jess shook his head. "Damn those words," he said. "Damn them to hell."
"Jess, be nice," Liz told him.
"It's my house," he muttered. "I can be rude if I want to."
"Don't worry about the strippers, honey," Liz told Rory, ignoring Jess. "Nothing ever happens... and we'll get you a couple of nice male strippers for yours."
Rory gave her mother-in-law-to-be a blank stare.
Liz smiled.
*****
The phone rang while Rory rinsed dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. "Jess!" She called. "Wet hands!"
He walked into the kitchen and grabbed the phone. "Hel-... Lane... I'm glad you liked the interview article..." he smirked. "Yeah, well it was about making all of us look good. It got me another assignment, so I'm pretty happy with it..."
Rory watched his brow furrow as he listened.
"You wanna what?" He shook his head. "We haven't started planning the reception, Lane, we-... hold on." He put a hand over the phone. "They wanna play our reception."
Rory almost dropped the glass she'd been about to put into the washer. "What?!"
"She said it," Jess replied.
"Well, tell her yes!" Rory cried. "God, yes!"
Jess sighed and put the phone back up to his ear. "Are you sure you want to play something as low-grade as a wedding? That's kind of beneath you guys now... If you're sure you want to be half the wedding party and the entertainment... Okay. Okay... well... thanks... I will... okay. Bye." He hung up the phone and turned to Rory. "We've got a band."
Rory smiled and went back to the dishes.