The Epiphany

"Hey Georgia!" Kirsten yelled as she came up to her daughter's bedroom on Tuesday morning. "Guess who managed to getup the Stair Glider all by herself!" She grinned as she pushed open the bedroom door. However Kirsten's smile dropped when she saw Georgia lying on her bed with her head in her pillow crying.

"Georgia, sweetie," Kirsten said climbing onto her bed. "What's wrong?"

Georgia sat up and didn't say anything she just fell into her mother's arms. "Hey, hey, it's ok, you're ok. Eh? What's wrong?" Georgia came out of the hug once she had stopped crying. She giggled. "Sorry. I wet your shirt." She said, looking at the watermark where her tears had fallen.

Kirsten smiled gently. "That's ok." She took her thumb and wiped her daughter's cold cheeks dry. "Now what's wrong sweetie?"

Georgia took a breath. She started from the beginning. "Once, when I was 5 years old, Anne came into my bedroom and found me crying on my bed. When she asked me what was wrong I told her that 'I didn't know my daddy'." She screwed her face up, ready to start crying again. Kirsten gave her a sympathetic head tilt. "I don't want to forget dad."

Kirsten kissed her temple and pulled her into her arms. "Oh Georgia don't worry about that. You won't. Ok? You won't. I promise you. Everything will be ok." She took a breath and sighed. "We'll be ok."

------

"Are you sure you're up for school?" Kirsten asked again.

"Yeah. I think its better that I take my mind off dad. Everywhere I turn in this house there's memories and no matter how deep I bury those memories, thousands more keep coming to my mind. It's easier at school."

Kirsten nodded. "It won't be long. Ok? It won't."

Georgia nodded. "I'll see you after school." She said.

"Oh!" Kirsten called after Georgia before she ran outside to get a lift from Elle. "Don't be back late. Grace is coming round with her nieces remember?"

"Ok! Love you!"

"I love you too." Georgia and Kirsten always made sure to tell each other 'I love you' before going out without one another; you never know when it might be your last goodbye.

-------

Kirsten didn't go into work that morning. She was too exhausted. She hadn't slept since she left the hospital 10 days ago. Recently, she had started to feel sick a lot of the time. Not all day but most of it.

Kirsten scrambled frantically through her cupboards and grabbed two boxes and piled them on her lap then took herself into her bedroom emptying the boxes onto the bed.

Out fell memories and objects of affection. Everything that she and Sandy had experienced together; everything that had mattered; she set aside and keepsake of.

She found a movie stub from their first date. A small empty Minute Made carton from the first time Sandy made her breakfast in bed. She then pulled up Sandy's Berkeley t-shirt. She unfolded it, taking a moment to picture him in it. She then gripped it tightly in her hands. It even smelt like Sandy.

Then she found it. Sandy's class ring from Berkeley. It was bronze with a red gem in it. Sandy came to Kirsten's dorm room one night and asked her to study with him and he gave her the ring as a proposal. She slid the ring on her wedding finger and held onto it with her other hand.

Knock, knock, knock.

Kirsten Nichol opened the door to find a handsome Senior standing in her doorway.

"You." She said with a sly grin. "I'm not surprised to see you here."

"So you were expecting me?" Sandy asked with a grin.

Kirsten folded her arms and leant against the frame of her doorway. "So what's it this time Sandy Cohen? What excuses have you come up with to please your horny adolescent mind?"

"Were you always this wonderful or did you have to work at it?" Sandy asked smiling.

Kirsten smirked. "What a line. You use that on all the girls?"

Sandy paused then shook his head. "No."

Kirsten rolled her eyes. "Of course you don't. Cos you're a guy and all college guys want is 'true love' not a never-ending list of girls you managed to score." She hinted with sarcasm.

"Is it hot out here or is that just you?" Sandy asked with a grin. Kirsten tilted her head and giggled a little bit. "What do you want Sandy?"

"Well you see I have this test tomorrow…it's a flirting test and I was wondering if I could practice on you?"

Kirsten raised her eyebrows. "Goodnight Sandy Cohen."

"Wait!" Sandy said. "There's something wrong with my eyes…" Kristen turned around and looked at them. "I can't take them off you." Kirsten sighed and walked into her dorm room. "No, no, no!" Sandy said laughing. He put his hand on the door to stop Kirsten from shutting it. "Seriously, I do need your help. I have a History of Art test tomorrow and I could really use your expertise."

Kirsten squinted her eyes and glared at him. She smiled. "Well I don't come for free."

"Will this tempt you?" Sandy asked, presenting Kirsten with a large bronze and red gemmed ring. Kirsten smiled. "Is that your class ring?" She asked.

"Yeah." Sandy said. "So what do you say? Kirsten Nichol, will you be my study partner?"

Kirsten laughed. "Of course I will Sandy Cohen."

Kirsten looked at the rings on her fingers. She brought her right hand to her mouth and gasped when the loneliness hit her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She fell forward on the bed, burying her face in her arms as she cried, and cried, and cried.

"I do like the Solomon Burke." Sandy said looping his arms around Kirsten's waist as she leant forward on the bed. Kirsten sat up. "Sandy?"

He took her hand and stood her up in front of him. He wiped her cheek with his thumb. "Baby, why are you crying?"

Kirsten sniffed. "Oh Sandy, I can't even begin to explain to you how much I miss you." He put his hands on her waist comfortingly, protecting her from her fears. "When I lie in our bed in the morning and think about not seeing you in the day it makes me not want to get up."

"Kirsten listen to me…you are my wife. At this moment and forever and I will always love you. I'm never far away." He said twirling her wedding rings.

Kirsten smiled. "I love you too."

He frowned and looked down at her hand. "You found my ring."

"Yeah…amongst other things. You're right; we really do need to clean out that closet." She said with a smile.

Then she suddenly buried her face into the crook of his neck and cried blissfully. Tears streamed down her pale and vanishing cheeks as she held onto him urgently. Sandy kissed her forehead then her mouth; silencing her sobs with his lips. Kirsten distracted herself from crying and kissed her husband back. She brought her hands up to his neck but as she placed them on his shoulders he turned to ash in her hands.

She opened her eyes and found herself on a beach. The sand was blowing in the strong wind and flying through her hands.

She looked in front of her and saw a single red rose floating on the rippling surface of the sea. She frowned. She didn't understand what was going on. There was no one around her. No one on the beach but her. Not a bird in the sky and not a sole on the sand. She walked in to the tide of the water. She bent down and delicately took the rose in her hand and looked at the flower for a moment. What did this mean? Why was she here? A single petal fell off the rose and blew away in the wind. Kirsten watched it fluttering away into the horizon.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere a wave came and pulled only her under. She couldn't open her eyes and she wriggled trying to escape. Finally she stopped feeling like she was being thrashed about in the water's ferocity. She opened her eyes and she was at the bottom of the ocean. She looked around her when she heard a little girl's cry. She saw who she thought was her daughter when she was around 5 years old. "Georgia?" She tried to call out but her words didn't travel through the water.

"Mummy…Mummy" The young Georgia called out. "Help me!" She screamed as she was being pulled away by the waves.

Kirsten tried to swim towards her but she was held back at her feet. Her legs were chained together and the chain was attached to a weight which was trapped in some rocks. She tried as hard as she could to swim up but she couldn't kick her legs or get away from her restraints.

Georgia's voice faded away. "Georgia!" Kirsten screamed. Then, mysteriously, she heard her own voice around her. "I want my baby girl, Sandy!" She heard repeated. She remembered that was what she had cried to Sandy when they thought they had lost their baby.

A black cloud grew at the top of the ocean that started to travel down to Kirsten. It started to isolate her confused mind. It surrounded her and Kirsten felt like this darkness was taking over her body and her intelligence. She turned to get out but everywhere she turned there was darkness. Then below her was a hole. She hovered above the hole. Though it looked scary the hole seemed like her only way out. She got sucked in and she fell. She fell. She fell and she continued to fall and then she…

Kirsten jolted her eyes open with a start. She gasped, feeling like she had just fallen into her body from high above. She felt so fragile and vulnerable. That dream or nightmare had terrified her. She didn't know what it all meant. She was partly frightened to know.

She heard the front door shut. Georgia. She thought. She wiped her eyes quickly then wheeled herself around to look in the mirror. Her eyes were only slightly red. Hopefully Georgia wouldn't notice. "Mum!" She heard her daughter yell.

"In my bedroom." She quietly yelled back.

As Kirsten looked closer at herself in the mirror she was slightly horrified to her very core. She was ashen, her eyes were overcast and her collarbone and shoulder blades were jolting their way out of her skin. She could feel her spine through the back of her t-shirt. She knew she hadn't exactly been taking the best care of herself in the last week and a half – she was too miserable to do anything for herself – but she never expected to see the skeleton like frame that was in front of her.

Footsteps came closer down the corridor and Georgia popped her head in her room. "Hi mum."

"Hi sweetie." Kirsten said with a maternal smile, turning around.

Georgia frowned. "What's all this?" She asked walking over to the bed. "Oh just some stuff your dad and I kept hold of from college and other places." Georgia smiled as her eyes scammed the objects scattered out on the bed; everything was so typical of Sandy Cohen. Georgia looked up at her mum. "Grace is just about arriving."

Kirsten nodded. "Ok. I'll-I'll be done in a minute."

"Mum, are you ok?" Georgia asked concerned. "You look very pale."

"I'm fine." Kirsten insisted. "Just tired."

----------------

Kirsten wheeled herself down the ramp Ryan had made for her last year to enable her to get around the house the way she should. Grace had just shut the door behind her when she came into the living area. Georgia had a baby girl in her arms that must have been around 20 months and at Georgia's side was another girl who appeared to be 6 years old. Kirsten went up to them as they sat on the couch. "Alexis, this is my mum. Kirsten." The little girl, dressed in a gorgeous pink summer dress, waved at Kirsten.

"Hi Alexis. I love your dress." Kirsten said sweetly. "And who is this?" Kirsten asked with awe as she took the baby into her arms. "Emily." Alexis answered.

"Is that your name? Are you Emily?" Kirsten asked holding Emily above her head. Emily giggled. Georgia watched how her mother's smile grew when she held Emily in her arms and it made her feel happy.

"So what do you want to do today Alexis? Your mum brought a box of toys with you." Georgia asked.

"Swimming! Swimming! I wanna go swimming!" Alexis said jumping up and down.

Kirsten sat in the shallow end of the pool with Emily in a baby inflatable seat. She had her legs stretched out in front of her. She had a good amount of feeling in her legs today. Perhaps because she got a little sleep. She pulled Emily around her in the water and Emily laughed. She started to slam her hands in the water. "Splish…splash, splish, splash." Emily giggled and Kirsten smiled at her innocence.

Kirsten watched her daughter on the other end of the pool trying to teach Alexis how to dive. She was doing a sitting-dive. Georgia was standing and crouching beside her putting her arms into the right position.

"Ok put your arms above your head, yeah straight up, together. Ok and now, arch yourself forward." Georgia said guiding her to the position. "Now protect your head with your arms so, yeah," Georgia started "Ok good now watch me then fall forward, ok?"

Georgia sat on the side of the pool beside her and led by demonstration. Alexis copied Georgia's dive almost successfully. "Ow!" Georgia smiled. "What a belly flop!" Alexis just laughed. Georgia climbed out of the water and hoisted Alexis up by the hands. "Jump! Jump! Jump!" Alexis said hopping about.

So Georgia scooped her up and threw Alexis into the pool. Alexis screamed with joy as she flew in the air. Kirsten laughed to herself as she saw Georgia play with the little girl. "Watch out below!" Georgia called out before she dive bombed into the water. Alexis laughed at her.

After they got out of the water Kirsten took care of little Emily and put fresh clothes on her. "Should your socks go on first, or your pants?" Kirsten asked Emily who was lying on the floor in front of her. Emily pointed at the socks Kirsten was holding up. "Ssssssocks!" Emily called out.

"Yes. Very good. Your socks go on first."

Emily kept squirming trying to get way when Kirsten was dressing her. She was laughing as she ran around obviously thinking it was a game. "Who's a troublemaker Emily, eh?" Kirsten asked her laughing too.

"I'm a troublemaker!" Emily announced with a smile.

On the sofa in the family room Georgia and Alexis watched American football. "So you have to tell me how to play because I don't know." Georgia told Alexis. Alexis was very much into American football. She used to watch it a lot with her dad when he was around. Georgia knew this and decided to encourage her to stop playing and watching football just because her dad wasn't around to enjoy it with her. Some advice she thought perhaps she should take in herself.

"Ok Emily, first we'll put your blocks away and then we'll get dinner." Kirsten said to Emily. Emily walked around Kirsten picking up the blocks and putting them back in the case they came in. "Thank you Emily. I like that you helped me put away your building blocks." Kirsten said to Emily with simplicity but Emily speared to completely understand.

The doorbell rang. Kirsten sat up in her wheelchair and put Emily on her lap. Georgia answered the door. "Hi Grace."

"Evening Georgia."

"Hi, Kirsten Cohen." Kirsten smiled offering Grace her hand.

"Grace. Nice to meet you. You have a beautiful home and a very charming daughter."

Kirsten smiled. "Thank you. You have two beautiful nieces."

"Thank you." Grace said in return." Come on Alexis. Say thank you to Kirsten and Georgia then go put your sister in the car."

Alexis jumped doff the sofa. "Thank you for having me."

"You are very welcome Alexis." Kirsten said.

"'hank…'o" Emily said pointing at Kirsten.

"Who's a troublemaker?"

"I'm a troublemaker!" Emily said jumping up and down.

Grace headed out after them as well. "Goodnight." She said.

Kirsten and Georgia looked at each other and smiled. "That was fun." Georgia said.

"Yes it was. That was a good suggestion you made; having them round here."

"Thanks. You were great really. You know the only time I've seen you smile the way you did when you held Emily was when I called you mum for the first time."

"I still smile whenever you call me mum. Even if it's just in my head." Kirsten said.

"I'm glad we're not one of those families were the mother and her teenaged daughter despise each other." Kirsten said.

"Of course not!" Georgia laughed. She walked over to her mum and crouched down in front of her. "I love you mum. I am your daughter now and forever I will always be your little girl. I'm never far away." She said with an angelic smile. Kirsten's eyes widened. She had heard those words before.

"Uh…I've gotta go." Kirsten said wheeling herself out of Georgia's way.

"Go? Where?"

"Just to see someone. I'll be back soon. Just uh…there's some mac and cheese in the fridge." And with that Kirsten had gone out the door and had a driver imminently pick her up and driver her straight to the hospital.

----------------

"Hey baby." Kirsten said stroking Sandy's hand gracefully. "I had a dream today…you were in it and I want you to know that…I'm here for you too. OK, baby? I'm gonna be here when you wake up and I'm gonna be there to see you get better and I'll walk again and you can surf with Georgia and I'll be there for all of that. I promise. I love you so much and you don't deserve this." Kirsten smiled and looked down at er hand. "Look what I found." She took Sandy's class ring off her finger. "Your class ring." She slid it on his finger. "Now that, you haven't seen in years. We should go through all that stuff together when you get home." Kirsten smiled.

"I brought something." Kirsten said pulling a pink i-pod mini out of her handbag. "I hope Georgia doesn't go mad when she sees that it's missing."

Kirsten put one headphone in Sandy's ear and the other in her ear. She scrolled down and found just what she was looking for. She pressed 'play' and put it on repeat. She lay her head down on Sandy's chest and relaxed as she listened to his heartbeat and the music. She smiled and whispered. "Oh I do like the Solomon Burke."

--------------------------

Well I hope you are happy with that. There's a lot of symbolism in Kirsten's dream. When Sandy turns to ash in her hands it embodies Kirsten's fears about having to say goodbye to him. Her trapped legs are her paralyses and her inability to reach Georgia is her fear about losing a connection with her daughter. And finally the darkness falling is reflecting way back on the second season which will be explored more in the next few chapters.

Aside from the fact the dream was in italics, the first clue that it was her dream was that she stood up. 

Anyways. Thank you for reviews. I realise these updates have been fast but I'm not sure how soon the next might be. Could be very or might not be. Friday at the least. Please give your opinions. Suggestions are very welcome.

Kiki xoxo