((I blame MeyRevived for this fic. Meirav, you're a pervert. But still… this was too good an idea to waste. '' My first real crack fic. Enjoy.))

Disclaimer – I don't own any of the characters. I just like playing with them and putting them in fun situations. Clamp owns them, though, unfortunately. MeyRevived gave me the idea, but I really don't think that has to be in a disclaimer. Really… But I put it anyway.

One Last Thing Before We Die.

Kamui fidgeted. His foot hit something warm and fleshy. A horrible sense of impending doom hit him.

Opening his eyes blearily and staring at the ceiling. It wasn't familiar. Something moved, and it drew his attention to his right hand. Raising it, he stared at the empty sake bottle for a few moments. Then he realised something – well, a few things – at the same time.

He was lying on something warm and moving.

"WAH!"

Darting off the lump, across the room, Kamui fell into a crouch and just… stared.

Three sweaty, naked human bodies were tangled together on the floor of a vaguely familiar bedroom.

Kamui blinked. Then, as one of the bodies untangled itself from the bundle.

"F-Fuuma!"

Stark naked and leering unpleasantly, Fuuma nodded to him and leant back against the wall, knees bent, resting his forearms on his knees and smiling at Kamui even more unpleasantly.

"Mm…" From the bundle of what was now two bodies, another face became apparent, and Kamui almost choked as the taller dark-haired one spoke;

"Congratulations on loosing your virginity."

"Which one, Sei-chan?" That was Fuuma, sounding heavily sarcastic.

Kamui stared in mingled horror and a twisted sense of satisfaction as the lone backside lying on the original place on the floor turned around and blinked at him. Subaru looked every bit as confused as Kamui, but no less naked.

"Heh." Reaching out, Seishirou hooked one arm around his uke's waist and pulled the unsuspecting Subaru into his lap and leaning over to nip his ear, making Subaru 'eep'.

"S-seishiou-san…! A-and…" Subaru looked around wildly, "Kamui…! And /Kamui/ too! What the hell… are you guys doing in my apartment! And why are we all naked?"

"You really mind, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou murmured, nuzzling into his uke's neck as Fuuma piped up cheerily;

"You must've got really drunk last night, Sumeragi." That cheerful smile was scary.

"W-what!" His Kamuiness had torn his eyes off the naked bodies to stare at Fuuma, "I-…I can't remember what happened last night!

Fuuma snickered, and lowered his legs – sending Kamui into a slight nosebleed as he did so – then put another fake smile on his face and started talking, "Them…" Point to Subaru and Seishirou. Seishirou grinned and Subaru muttering something, went red, and clung to the Sakurazukamori slightly, "…Me…" Point to himself, "…And you…" Point at Kamui.

"We had a rough, kinky gay orgy." Seishirou said, blandly. Then, "You were good." Added thoughtfully, patting Subaru lightly, and causing the Sumeragi to go red.

Kamui had turned a nice, flustered red by this point. "B-but… we can't… they aren't… we didn't…" A soft whimper, "Someone tell me he…" Point at Seishirou, "…Didn't… Ugh…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Subaru piped up, annoyedly, moving away from Seishirou a little and glaring at the directionally-challenged saviour of the world. "Do you prefer smaller guys?"

Kamui immediately went on the defensive, "At least Fuuma's not a murderer! He didn't kill my sister!"

Subaru practically blanched, then came back firm, "Oh, yeah, he just murdered your freakin' childhood crush! Besides, you don't have a sister, you stupid kid!"

"…" Lapsing into blessed, angsty silence as images of a certain blonde girl filled his head, Kamui looked ready to fall into a self-pitying pool of angst, when Fuuma seemed to wake up and retorted at Subaru.

"You didn't even try to save your sister, Sumeragi. Too busy having wet dreams over the stupid Sakurazukamori, so leave Kamui alone." Cool, calm, collected.

Subaru looked ready to kill something. Attempting and failing to pull out of Seishirou's hands, his anger seemed to dissipate as Seishirou pulled him close and nuzzled into his neck. Evidence of licking/sucking/kissing.

"Ladies, ladies, calm down." He purred, apparently happy to have a reason to hold the naked Sumeragi.

"…" Kamui just stared as Seishirou proceeded to make Subaru giggle, before pouting and flopping down on the floor.

"So, when's the ceremony going to take place, anyway?" That was Fuuma. Smirking something horrible and openly watching the two onmoujis.

"Ceremony?" That was Subaru.

"Yeah. The wedding."

"Oh, wedding." Pause. Seishirou nipped his ear, Subaru squeaked, "W-WEDDING! What? How? When? Whaaaat!" He had turned around and blinked at the assassin, and Seishirou smiled smugly.

"Did you forget, Subaru?"

"F-forget what!"

"You said you'd marry me."

"W-well… I take it back!"

"…You mean you don't love me anymore?"

"…Tch."

"You know, Subaru…" Kamui piped up. Apparently going to get his revenge on the Sumeragi for making him angst. "…When two adults have fully consensual sex, then usually means they like each other."

"What, like you and /Kamui?" Seishirou said, calmly. Apparently he didn't want Subaru going ape-shit on the saviour/destroyer of the world. At least, not while they were both naked. Or maybe he was just too lazy to hold him back again.

"…What?"

"You heard."

"…Me… and…" Blinking, the uke turned to blink at his twin star. Fuuma waved cheerfully. Kamui went pink. "…"

Silence reigned. Seishirou took the opportunity to snicker and tighten his grip around Subaru's waist, to stop the squirming Sumeragi from getting loose.

Then, another voice piped up; "…Uh… g-good morning…"

Everyone's face turned towards the door. Blonde, smiling, and dressed only in a pink apron, Keiichi smiled at them all and raised the tray he was holding slightly, like an offering. "…Breakfast?"

Fuuma frowned, "…Oh yeah. I forgot about him."

Kamui seemed to be having trouble putting two and two together. He looked from Fuuma to Keiichi, looking cutely confused. "W-what…. Keiichi… what are you doing here? Get out while you still can!"

"Heh…" Turning a fetching shade of pink, Keiichi gave Kamui a soft smile, "…Good morning, Kamui."

"He had sex with you too." Fuuma piped up, cheerfully, accepting the cup Keiichi offered him.

Kamui fell over.

Keiichi smiled nervously, offered the onmyouji's both a cup of tea, having poured it. Seishirou took it graciously, but Subaru declined it with a soft groan of annoyance and embarrassment.

The four – excuse me, five men all just sat there sipping tea for a moment. Then, untangling himself from Subaru, Seishirou stood up and inclined his head politely to the assembly, "Well, I don't know about you, but I am going to get dressed. I believe I left my clothes in…" Pause. He tried to remember, "…The kitchen. Excuse me a moment."

Reaching down, he grabbed the unwitting Sumeragi's wrist and pretty much dragged the poor man into the kitchen with him.

Fuuma snickered, "…Getting dressed. Right. Talk about obsessed."

"I think it's sweet…" Keiichi interjected, sat opposite Kamui, sitting his tea and smiling graciously, "…Think about it. They've been in love for over ten years, and haven't been able to express it. Other than trying to kill each other. It's sweet that they're finally together."

"Haven't been able to express it?" Fuuma snickered again, "…Keiichi-kun, we're talking about Seishirou and the Sumeragi. This is not going to be the first time. Just… the first remembered time. Well, sort-of."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that, chances are, they're already h-…" The emotionally-redundant twin star stopped, looking at Kamui, "…Kamui, what are you staring at?"

"…Uh. That is… ano… I was… just… ah… heheh." Truth was, Kamui had been thinking how good Keiichi looked in the apron. But he didn't want to get the perky blonde one killed. Then he found himself wondering, why the hell not?

"Kamui, your face is all red…" That was Keiichi.

"Uhh…"

"…Kamui, stop ogling the ditz, or I'll have to kill him."

"…" He stopped looking. Instead, he looked at the floor.

Keiichi, wisely, looked the other way and pretended not to hear. No-one made a sound for a while, and then Kamui piped up in a quiet voice.

"…U-uhm… so… what did happen last night?"

"How come you can't remember?" Fuuma asked, quizzically, reaching over and seizing his Kamui-ness, pulling him into his lap. Mimicking Seishirou. Well, he had to idolise someone… "Well… I guess I'll start from the beginning…"

FLASHBACK

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.:Lani:. Before you say anything, I KNOW! This fic has changed rather drastically under my disappointingly un-perverted mind! …Mostly because I doubt would accept lemonade… That, and I'm not so good at writing smut…

.:Kamui:. …

.:Subaru:. …

.:Lani:. Oh, come on! I know you guys enjoyed it!

.:Fuuma:. …I know I did. –Grin-

.:Lani:. Well, duh…

.:Seishirou:. …Are you really going to write me coming onto Kamui?

.:Lani:. Uh… no? Heheh…

.:Kamui:. XO Don't make me hurt you.

.:Lani:. …Oh. So it's bad if a completely random person (Apart from all the 'Seishirou-Be-Kamui-Daddy!' rumors…) like Seishirou has sex with you, but you can stand the thought of your mindless twin star, who murdered your girlfriend, and basically made you life even more a living hell by killing everyone close to you, having sex with you?

.:Kamui:. …Of course I can. It's called fanservice.

.:Fuuma:. –Grin-

.:Subaru:. …How come the fangirls seems to prefer the twin stars over me and Seishirou-san, anyway?

.:Seishirou:. Because everyone knows that we've already done it?

.:Subaru:. …

.:Lani:. –Grin- Oh, look at that. No more room for more talky here…

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