Disclaimer: I don't own Brokeback Mountain and the lyrics belong to the band Snow Patrol from their song "Run"
So, I wanted to do a song fic... and I finally found one that I wanted to do so badly. So... it's not the best I've written, but I hope you guys like it.
Ennis had gotten into a habit of lighting fires once every year. It was always in July, but not on the fourth.
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right in a life time
Standing next to the fire he always hummed quietly to himself. He hummed a lullaby that he had sung to his children. He sung it to himself when he was alone and riding. And he sung it every year by this fire. If he closed his eyes and thought long enough he could almost feel Jack standing next to him.
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere away from here
He stared into the flames and thought of the last time they saw each other. They had fought. He wished a million times that they hadn't fought. He wished they had seen each other again. He didn't ever tell Jack that there were so many times that he could have left with him. He could have said yes to getting a ranch together. Every time he looked into Jack's eyes he could have said yes. But he was never looking into his eyes when he denied both him and Jack that great life together. He was always looking away and letting his doubt consume him.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
He didn't start the fires in July when Jack died. He had started it long before. He would take the little love notes and letters that he had written to Jack that he never meant to send and burn them. Somehow he thought if he burned them and released them to the sky that somehow Jack would know he was thinking of him.
Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak and understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
After Jack had died, he didn't stop writing the love letters. If nothing else his letters had gotten more personal and more filled with longing and love than ever. He wished over and over again that he had been able to say to all of this to Jack before he had died and slipped away from Ennis's grasp forever.
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye I nearly do
Ennis could picture Jack in his mind and tried to focus on his eyes. Those blue eyes that always managed to see straight through him. He wished that once he had stared straight into his eyes and said yes. But instead he was standing here with a fire and burning love notes and hoping that Jack would get them up in heaven.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Ennis leaned down and burned the last love note he had written to Jack. It was the hardest one had ever written. He watched as the fire consumed a small piece of paper with a few words written on it. 'Jack, I miss you. I love you.'
Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak and understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
Ennis cried fresh tears and wished that Jack was next to him. He wished that Jack was holding him. He was an old man now, but he wanted Jack there. He wanted Jack to hold him more than ever. He had lived far too long without Jack in his mind. He turned back to his trailer after putting out the fire. Then he saw Jack. He was young and just like the first day he ever saw him. Ennis fell to his knees and felt a pain in his chest.
"Easy cowboy, easy," said Jack gently as he stepped towards him and touched his face. Ennis could feel the warmth from Jack's hands that brushed away the tears on his face. "Don't worry."
Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easy way
To get out of our little heads
Jack held him gently through the painful spasms and the last gasps for air.
"Just let go cowboy," he whispered in his ear. "It'll be all right. I'm here. Just let go."
Have heart my dear
You're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Makin' up for all this mess
Ennis let out his last breath and then sat up. He looked at himself and saw himself young like he used to be. Jack held out a hand to him. Ennis still looked at him with apprehension.
"It's all right, we're together now. Nothing can take us apart now." Ennis took Jack's hand and felt him pull him to his feet. He looked back and saw his cold dead body lying on the ground.
"How did you know?" Ennis asked quietly.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Jack smiled at him and held out a piece of paper. Ennis stared in amazement. It was the last piece of paper that he had burned. It said, 'Jack, I miss you. I love you.'
"I never left your side Ennis. I was always here." The two kissed each other passionately and disappeared from the landscape.