Calvin, Edd, and Ed were in the Mushroom Kingdom's Warp Zone, a small island covered in pipes, all leading to various places. They had opened up a pathway to the Mario world through a series of Nintendo books, and it was used quite frequently now.
"This is very odd..." said Edd. "I wonder where Eddy is...he's always on time when there's money involved..."
"Maybe this is part of an evil plot!" guessed Edd.
"I doubt it, although it is possible."
"Well, I think..." started Calvin, but he never finished. Eddy was hiding behind a pipe to Darkland, the home of Bowser. He threw Calvin in. It was done so quickly, that no one saw Eddy doing it. In fact, no one actually saw Eddy! But Ed and Edd both saw Calvin go down the pipe and jumped in after him. "Wow! Pipe dreams!" said Ed.
Calvin landed on a tank belonging to Bowser Koopa himself. He knew he was in trouble now. The tank was heading right for Koopa Castle! Edd and Ed peeked out of the pipe.
Calvin quickly realized where he was and hopped off the tank. But physics were different in the Mushroom Kingdom, and he landed right on Castle Koopa's ledges! He hid in a place where it looked like no one would find him. Still, he was in trouble. How would he get out of this one? Edd followed him, along with Ed. When they reached Calvin, Edd handed him one of three potions.
"I've prepared an escape potion to our camp for cases like this," he explained. "I have a fourth one for Eddy, if he..."
Eddy jumped out of nowhere and grabbed it.
"Alright, drink it all to return," ordered Edd. "Every last drop!"
But before Calvin could finish his, Eddy "accidently" knocked it out of Calvin's hands. The three Eds were warped back without him.
"Oh, dear," said Edd upon returning. "What do we do, now? The kids will use us for target practice when they found out that we lost Calvin to those horrible Koopas!"
"You mean, if they find out," said Eddy.
"Eddy? What are you talking about! Calvin is now...if? If is good..."
Eddy smiled to himself, knowing that Calvin wouldn't come back in time to stop the scam.
Snoopy: Calvin was stranded now
And since he did not drink the last drop
He was sadly left sitting
On Castle Koopa's roof
He knew that he was stuck
And it would be hard to come home
He'd be left hiding up there
Thanks to Eddy's "goof"
Yes, Eddy laughed and planned
He thought failure was simply aloof
This is my last reprise
That's the sort-of truth
Calvin was still sitting up there when he heard some Koopas coming. He was suddenly surrounded by Koopalings! With some fancy jumping, Calvin leaped right off the roof and onto the tank below. All the cannons pointed to him, but Calvin dodged all the shots, which hit other tanks as a result. All the tanks around Calvin crumbled and fell.
"See?" whined Calvin. "Why can't people ever be around to see this kind of thing?" A Koopaling named Larry unleashed a few Cobrats (snakes from SMB2) on Calvin, who simply tied them in a knot and threw them into the distance. He jumped into another warp pipe and escaped. The Koopalings watched.
"Hey, did you hear that dog singing earlier?" asked Lemmy.
"What are you talking about, freak?" replied Roy and punched him in the face.
This is the THIRD time "If? If is good" has been used in a fic. It was first said by May Kanker in my Lion King parody, and then by Panic himself in the Disney fic "A Ghost's Night on the Park."