Soon they reached camp. Calvin marched proudly up to the kids. "Guys! I have great news! If any villains are keeping you down, come to me! I'm a hero!"

"Who says?" said Kevin.

"A talking bear." The kids all laughed. Eddy watched and glared at Ed and Edd. "I thought he was GONE!"

"Thank goodness he isn't!" said a relived Edd.

"I can't believe this! I set it all up...why didn't it work?"

Edd was stunned. "You mean you...? I'm appalled!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's not rubbing him out any faster."

"I like to eat erasers, 'cause they smell like hotdogs!" grinned Ed.

"What's so funny?" Calvin was asking the others.

"Nothing," answered Kevin. "You just proved once again that you're a DORK!"

"Get lost, blockhead!" yelled Lucy. Calvin was crushed. "How can I prove to you I'm a hero?"

"Well," suggested Charlie Brown, "a hero does things that are...heroic."

Calvin looked determined. "Fine." He walked over to the Kanker sisters, who were beating up on Jimmy. "Hey, sisters!"

"Is he talking to us?" said May, looking up.

"Wow, you sure are smart to have figured that out!"

Marie started to get mad. "I think he's making fun of us."

"Everyone does behind your backs!"

Lee started over. "You wanna go, kid?"

"Let's."

"Wait..." smiled Eddy, "this could be over even sooner than it started."

The Kankers ran for the lone kid. Calvin put up his fists...and that was it. He hadn't been trained very well, and as Hobbes had guessed, the Bear had toned it down too much. The Kankers jumped him and started pounding. Hobbes, Jason, and Marcus watched from the stunned crowd of kids.

"Wow, some hero," said Jason. "It's like what everyone did to us at school that day we reminded the teachers that we had to take a test."

"We can't let him die out there!" said Hobbes. "You guys, help me out!" The three of them snuck over. Jason had a small extendable claw which pulled Calvin out of the fight and threw him into a closet. Inside, Hobbes and Marcus taped the practically unconscious Calvin onto a scooter and pushed him towards the Kankers. They were swept up by the scooter and rolled right out the door. The kids were now interested and followed. The scooter zoomed down the sidewalk and down the road. A bus honked its horn and swerved out of the way, accidently hitting a construction pile of rocks. They collapsed onto Calvin and the Kankers. The kids fell silent.

"Game. Set. Match," Eddy sneered.

Suddenly, the rocks moved! Calvin staggered out. He wasn't sure what just happened, but he saw the moaning Kankers sticking out of the huge rock pile, and why were all the kids cheering for him? Was he a...hero? Apparently. As the kids led him back to the main room, he called to his friends, "You gotta admit guys! That was pretty heroic!"

"You won by a landslide!" cheered Marcus. His friends were proud that they had helped Calvin. Maybe he would stop complaining now. Meanwhile, Eddy was strangling the other two Eds. "Eddy...mad," gasped Edd.

"From that day forward, Calvin could do no wrong," narrated Snoopy. "He was so hot...steam looked cool. Wow, that was a bad line. Sorry."

(sung to the tune of "Zero to Hero")

Snoopy: Bless my soul
Calvin's on a roll
Bigger than the play-offs or even the super bowl
What a pro
He could stop a show
Point him at a villain and you're talking SRO
He was a no one
A zero, zero
Now he's a hotshot
He's a hero
Cheered on by his friends and peers
From zero to hero, despite Eddy's jeers
Zero to hero, he had no fears

When he smiled
The girls went wild but
He didn't care
A few might slap his face
Or give a chase
But he wasn't scared

Beat lawbreakers, got jawbreakers
And that made Eddy burn
As that yappy runt
Watched him his stomach
Would begin to churn

Say amen
There he goes again
Sweet and undefeated
And an awesome 10 for 10
Eddy thought
Of him as a welp
Calvin didn't realize
About his secret help

Calvin, he comes
He sees, he conquers
I tell you, the crowds wereGoing bonkers
He was a kid with lots of flare
From zero to hero, with spiky hair
Zero to hero, he was always there

Bless my soul
He was on a roll
Undefeated
Riding high
And the nicest guy
Not conceited

He was a nothin'
A zero, zero
Now he's a hotshot
He's a hero

He would always aid those in need
From zero to hero
Calvin's a hero
Now he's a hero
Yes indeed!

As Snoopy sang, we saw Calvin defeating other villains and bullies, ranging from Moe and Sarah all the way to Lucy when she pulled the football away from Charlie Brown (she had it coming, but that round-headed kid was sure gullible!). But every time Calvin defeated the bad guys, it would always be with help from Hobbes, Jason, and Marcus. No one, not even Calvin, was aware of this.

Some of the kids Calvin fought were actually paid by Eddy. Eddy was certainly mad about this. Not only would his scam fail, but now Calvin was getting glory AND jawbreakers! It wasn't fair! But he wasn't done yet...

Just wanted to say that "Zero to Hero" was pretty fun to write. The "Who put the glad in gladiator" verse is gone, as I felt that that messed up the song.