AN Alrightyroo. This is me going out on a huge limb here. This is a story written in first-person from Danny's perspective. Please refrain from any lynching until the story is complete!

WARNING – This story has massive 'Trapped' spoilers, so if you haven't seen that episode yet and don't want to know the ending – DON'T READ THIS STORY!

Also, I would thoroughly appreciate reviews (of course) but I would also love suggestions as to where you'd like to see this story go and any advice on how to improve! Thanks:oPNeverMind

Inside Out

© 2005 NeverMind

Chapter 1

There's something about being locked in a room with a cadaver for 10 odd hours that really makes you start to realize the importance of certain things that you normally take for granted. Like a good hot shower, for instance. God, I don't know if I'll ever get the smell of rotting flesh out of my skin.

You know, I don't usually give myself that much time to think about my life anymore. Mostly because if I did, I'd realize that I'm not happy with a lot of aspects of it. Like my somewhat strained relationship with my brother, Louie. He's always been a bit of a screw-up. Could never seem to pull himself together long enough to accomplish anything. And even when he did try, he'd inevitably end up messing up and begging me to clean up after him. I dunno. I love him, but I don't always like him very much.

Then again, at least I still have a brother. My cadaver friend wasn't so lucky. All the people in his life that meant something to him when was a kid just…snatched away. And the only other people he let himself care about end up committing the ultimate betrayal. I'll never understand some people.

I picked up my brother, half expecting him to look contrite and ready to ask me for some big favor. I was surprised to see him grinning from ear to ear.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked.

He just laughed. "Come on, let's go to the Toad. I'll tell you there. Meantime, what's this you were saying about being locked in a panic room today?"

I told him about my day as I eased my car around the corner to the Toad in the Hole pub, a familiar haunt in my old neighborhood. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been there. Most days, I didn't want to remember. I tended to avoid the old neighborhood. Too many people I'd rather not run into.

I found parking a little ways down the street and we walked the rest of the way. This all felt strangely familiar and foreign at the same time. My brother was babbling on about something or other, I wasn't really paying attention. I'd already fallen back into my old habit of scoping the place out to make sure there wasn't anyone lurking in the shadows that I might have to deal with.

We found a spot at the bar and ordered. I'd noticed and acknowledged one or two people I recognized, but I hadn't seen anyone of any concern yet. Louie ordered us two Guinness and I tried to force myself to relax.

"So, bro, enough of the mystery. What the heck is wrong with you? You're acting like a giddy schoolgirl," I said.

He grinned happily and I started to feel uneasy. I don't remember ever seeing him like this. "I'm getting married!" he exclaimed.

I almost choked on my beer. "What?"

He burst out laughing. "Ah, the look on your face! Priceless!"

I was coughing. "Hold on, hold on. Did you just say you were getting married? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone!"

"Yeah, well, if you'd call once in a while," he chided me.

"Ah, don't guilt me, Louie. I feel bad enough. So are you being serious? You – getting married?"

"Yeah, man. I totally am. Her name is Cinnamon."

"You're marrying a spice?"

He laughed again. "I guess I am. She certainly is spicy."

"Well what? Where did you meet? Seriously, some details would be helpful at this point."

"She works at Tom's bakery. I was in there a few months ago and boom, it was love at first sight."

"Geez, come on!"

"No, I'm serious, Danny. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I asked her out and that was it. We got engaged just last week. We want to have a family."

A family? He had to be kidding. "Louie, you can't even take care of yourself. How in the world are you supposed to take care of a family?"

He winced and I could see I'd hurt him. He didn't deny it, though. "I know I've been a fuck-up most of my life, Danny, but its different now. I've changed. I been working at the same job for almost a year now. I'm looking at a promotion in a couple months."

I eyed him closely. I wanted to make sure he wasn't takin' the piss outta me. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, man. It's good. I'm good."

I wasn't gonna let him go that easy. "So you don't need anything from me?"

"Actually, I do." I knew it. "I need you to be my best man."

Oh. Huh. "Really?"

"Yeah. We're just going to a justice of the peace, but I want you there, man. You're family."

I nodded thoughtfully. This wasn't going at all how I expected it to. "Of course, man. You know I'm there for you."

He smacked my back. "Always have been, bro. Even when you haven't wanted to."

I gave a wry chuckle. Wasn't that the truth. "So, have you set a date yet? Should I be looking to get some time off work?"

"Well, we wanna do it sooner than later, but we haven't actually decided on anything yet. All right if I let you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course."

We sipped our beers in silence for a while. This was all well and good, but we still had some huge issues hanging between us that were aching to come out in the open. Seemed a little like a now or never moment, so I took the plunge.

"You, uh, you ever get your debts paid off?" I asked.

He didn't look at me, but his demeanor visibly changed. He did nod, though. "Got tired of runnin'," he said quietly.

"You know we arrested Sassone, right?"

He nodded again. "Another reason I wanted to end it all. Didn't want him trying to use me as leverage over you."

"He did try."

Louie shook his head in dismay. "I'm so sorry man."

I just nodded, accepting his apology. We'd both paid our dues with the Tanglewood boys. Both tried to bury that part of our pasts as deep as we could, but it just wouldn't stay dead.

I was gonna ask him another question when I heard a familiar voice behind me. "Danny Messer," it said. "How the hell are ya?"

I turned around to greet the voice and got swept up in a swirl of perfume and hair. "Maria Santonelli," I said, pulling her away from me to get a better look at her. She stood there grinning at me, looking the same and different all at once. "You look good." She looked real good. Her dark hair had blood red streaks in them and she had a new piercing in her nose – a small diamond stud. She looked as eclectic and artistic as she always had.

She leaned over and kissed my brother's cheek, obviously more familiar with him than with me. She turned her attention back to me and lightly punched me. "So what, you don't call, you don't write..?" she teased.

"Holy, what is this, beat up on Danny day?" I laughed.

"Maybe – you do something worth a beating?" she asked.

That's when I noticed the guy standing behind her. He held out his hand to me.

"Gerry Malo," he introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you," I said, shaking his hand firmly. "This your boyfriend?" I asked Maria, half hoping it wasn't.

Gerry laughed. "I wish! Nah, I'm only her photographer."

"My Jimmy Olsen, if you will," she explained.

"Oh yeah, you're a journalist now." I kicked myself. This girl used to be my best friend.

"Ah, so he does remember me." She always was good at mocking me.

"Come on now, give me a little credit!"

"Okay. But only a little." She looked from me to my brother and back again. "Geez, I'm sorry guys. I interrupted."

"No, no. It's all right," Louie told her. I noticed the looked they shared, though. She nodded her understanding.

"Gerry and I are just gonna get a bite to eat. Give us a holler when you're done," she said with a grin, taking Gerry by the elbow and leading him over to a booth at the other side of the room.

"Wow, I haven't seen her in forever," I mused.

"Your loss, man," Louie told me.

Yeah, it probably was. Me and that girl have more history… Everyone always assumed that she and I would get married one day. Funny how assumptions don't always turn out. We never even dated.

I tried to focus on the issue at hand, though. My brother and I and the gang that caused the strain in our relationship. We sat in silence for a long while, trying to regain whatever motivation we had had to talk about this.

"So you figure you'll be able to convict Sassone?" Louie finally asked.

I just shrugged. "Hard to say. We hardly had enough evidence to arrest him."

"That sucks."

I nodded. "Sucks even more that I'm gonna have to come clean to my coworkers eventually."

"Really? They don't know?"

"My boss knows. But that's only because he made me tell him everything about everything after Sonny was arrested." I took a long drink of my beer, trying not to relive that painful conversation too vividly. "What about you? Have you told Cinnamon?"

Louie still wouldn't look at me. Not that it mattered; I could hardly look at him myself. "Yeah, I told her. Almost ended the whole thing."

I could feel my brother's pain. Some secrets are better left unrevealed in my opinion. Funny how love often makes us hurt each other more instead of less.

"You regret it? Telling her?"

He shook his head. "Nope. Rather have her know right from the outset instead of it coming back to bite me in the ass later."

"I thought you'd paid all your debts."

"I have. But that doesn't mean they don't still think I owe them."

I nodded. I knew how these things worked. Hell, they still thought they had power over me, despite the fact that I'd run the gauntlet and got myself out officially. None of it mattered. Once you were one of them, you could never really go back.

"Stupid, isn't it," Louie observed, "How a teenaged clique won't ever let you really grow up."

Once in a while, my brother does say something I agree with. This was one of those times. "Well, cheers to us for trying," I offered, raising my glass in a toast.

He clinked my glass with a chuckle. "You think it'll ever really be over?" he asked.

"Can't say for sure. Stupid decisions have a way of haunting you for a long time. The trick is to not let them influence your future decisions."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For not disowning me."

"Ah hell," I said, putting an arm around his shoulders. "You're blood. Besides which, who's gonna pay for all my medical bills when all the chemical shit I work with gives me cancer?"

He just laughed. "The city, of course, you bastard. You're a civil servant." He shrugged my arm off his shoulders. "You're not contagious, are you?"

I punched his arm and all was right with the world.