AN I know, I know. It's been far too long since I've updated this story. I've had writers block for so long…Anyway, here it is. I think I finally have a direction I wanna take this in. Let me know what you think so far and thanks for the great reviews!
:oP NeverMind

I didn't think it would be this hard to hear about Maria's rape. I'd heard plenty of women recite similar stories over the years, but this was way too close to home. I wanted to be in there with her, but I was only allowed to watch through the one-way glass.

Stella and Mac listened intently to her story, asking questions now and again for clarity. Maria told the story as though it had happened to someone else. Disassociation is common for raped women. Helps them cope.

My best friend is coping with being raped. If I ever get my hands on Carlos or Sonny…

I felt a soft touch on my elbow. "Hey," Lindsey said, "you okay?"

I snorted. "My best friend was raped by a guy I used to call a friend. No, I'm not okay."

"I finished processing her rape kit. Got plenty of DNA for a conviction. Flack's on his way to pick Mr. Giambi up right now." She was trying to make me feel better and it was almost working, except that I knew the kind of shit that was gonna hit the fan over all of this.

"I hate that I can't do anything," I muttered, as much to myself as to Lindsey.

"We're gonna catch this guy," she offered.

I smiled to try to thank her. "I wish is was that easy," I sighed. I would give anything for it to be that easy.

She gave me a perplexed look, but I wasn't ready to explain it all to her. Not that I didn't want to – I just didn't want to.

Mac and Stella emerged from the room just then. The look Mac gave me made me uncomfortable. He did nod at me to let me know it was all right for me to go in, though. Stella was asking Lindsey for the details of the rape kit, distracting her from that 'I want to save you from whatever it is that's burdening you' look she was giving me.

Maria sat at the table staring vacantly at nothing. She looked up at me when I sat down next to her. "How many times do you figure I'll have to relive this?" she asked.

"At least three more times. At most, two dozen," I told her truthfully.

"I think I understand why people don't like to report rapes," she sighed, running a hand over her face.

"You did good," I said, putting my hand over hers.

She smiled sadly and I thought I caught her wince. I couldn't be sure what that meant – if anything at all.

"Hey, this is the best CSI team in New York. They won't rest until they get their man," I tried to reassure both of us.

She looked up at me, her face full of concern. "This is gonna get real messy for you, Danny."

"I know."

"I…"

"Don't," I cut her off. "If you're gonna try to apologize again, don't. You did nothing wrong, remember? It is what it is."

"But your job…What if..?"

"Come on, Maria, don't even go there. What have you always told me about 'what if's'?"

"They don't exist, so there's no use worrying about them," she conceded.

"Look, if the shit's gonna hit the fan over all this, then so be it. Can't change what was."

She forced a smile, but didn't look convinced. I wasn't so convinced myself, truth be told.

I stood up. "Come on," I said, taking her hands to help her up. "I'll take you home."

I spent the night at her place. She told me I didn't need to, but it made me feel better somehow. I slept on her couch. Okay, slept is an exaggeration. I mostly tossed and turned and tried to think of a way I could get back at Sonny without losing my job. Needless to say, it was a hopeless task.

When I did drift off, I mostly dreamt about making love to Maria. Not that I hadn't had those dreams before, but – it seemed so inappropriate considering the circumstances.

I must have slept a little because I woke up to find Maria sitting on the armchair next to the couch. She had her legs curled under her and was staring absently out the window, sipping at a cup of coffee. It occurred to me that we had never actually done the morning after thing. She always used to leave long before I'd wake up.

I rubbed my eyes and stretched before sitting up. She'd made me a cup of coffee too – it was sitting on the table in front of me.

"Did you sleep?" she asked without looking at me.

"Off and on. You?"

"About the same."

I carefully sipped at the coffee, remembering her tendency to like it smoking hot. I wasn't disappointed. "What time do you have to be at work today?" I asked.

"I have a couple stories to cover this afternoon. I called Gerry and told him I was gonna do some work from home this morning."

"Good idea."

I just watched her for a little while. She still hadn't actually looked at me. She had a faraway look on her face, staring out the big window into nothing.

"Having nightmares?" I asked as gently as I could muster.

She smiled vaguely. "How'd you know?"

"I've heard it's pretty common. Are you seeing someone?"

She finally turned her attention to me with a perplexed stare.

"A counsellor, I mean."

"A shrink? No thanks. I think I can deal with this on my own."

I reached across the table to grab my wallet. "Yeah, right." I pulled out the card of the psychiatrist I'd seen after my possibly shooting a cop incident. "Here. She's good. My treat."

She looked dubiously from the card to me. "You saw a psychiatrist?"

"It's a long story."

"I don't think I…"

I didn't even have to say anything, just gave her that look. Lord, could she be stubborn. "Come on. For me," I said.

"Fine. For you."

"Thank you." I blew at my coffee to try to cool it to a reasonable drinking temperature. She was almost done her cup.

"Your boss seems nice," she said.

"Yeah. We have our moments."

"I'll bet. Does he know about..?"

"Yeah. Which is probably why he gave me that look when he left the interrogation room with you yesterday."

"That look?"

"The one he gives me every time he anticipates me frustrating the life outta him and throwing his world into turmoil."

"You do have a tendency to do that."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, you must be feeling better if you can mock me already."

She gave me a more genuine grin. "Yeah, well, you might frustrate some people, but you always seem to make me feel better." She looked down and fingered the rim of her mug. "Thanks for staying with me."

"Hey, what are friends for? Besides which, I got two years to make up for."

My phone started humming violently and skittering across the table in front of me. I put my coffee down and answered it. "Messer."

"Danny, its Lindsey. I know you've had a long night, but New Yorkers decided to self destruct last night. We have 7 DBs scattered across the city and Mac stuck me with two of them. I could use your help."

Since when did she apologize for calling me in to a scene? "Yeah, no problem. Where are you?"

"Lower Manhattan."

"I'm close. Give me ten."

"Thanks."

I hung up and downed the rest of my coffee as quickly as I could. I'm pretty sure I scalded my throat. "Duty calls," I told Maria.

She nodded and indicated the bathroom where I quickly washed my face and rinsed my mouth with her mouth wash. Bad idea with a coffee-burned mouth. Stung like a bitch.

When I emerged, Maria tossed me a clean shirt and a pair of jeans. "Ex-boyfriend," she explained. "Your partner's cute. Wouldn't want you to ruin your chances by showing up in the same clothes two days in a row."

"Hey now," I scolded. "I don't date girls I work with."

"Who said anything about dating?" she asked with a smirk.

"Oh yeah, definitely feeling better," I shook my head at her and went back to the bathroom to change.

I packed my clothes in my backpack and pulled out another business card; my own this time. I scrawled my home number on the back and gave it to Maria. "Now you have it. You better use it," I told her.

She smiled. "I will."

I wanted to hug her, but thought better of it. I put my hand on her arm instead. I wanted to make it all better. "You'll be okay."

She just nodded. I turned to leave, but she grabbed my hand. "Danny? Don't tell Louie."

"Why?"

"Because, as much of a hot head that you are, I know you're smart enough not to go out and kill Sonny or Carlos. I'd hate for you to have to arrest your brother."

She had a point. People who think I'm reactive have not met my brother. "Fine," I agreed, and kissed her forehead before I could think twice about it. "Call me."

I waited until I heard her secure all her locks on her door before I headed downstairs to meet up with Lindsey.