Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven.

Let the Torture Begin

"Dad!" Eric repeated, shocked.

"Hi, son. I thought it was about time for my yearly visit."

Eric gave his father a quick hug. "So, uh, Dad, where are Mom and George?"

"Oh, your brother's going to Harvard, smart boy, that George. He's becoming a lawyer. Your mother decided to stay for a while, help him settle in, you know, the usual. I'm not sure George was too thrilled about that. Anyway, I dropped them off and decided to fly out here to see you and Julie. But, when I called Julie from the airport, she said Hank had some kind of doctor's conference in Colorado, so he was taking the family along to go skiing for Christmas. And, well, here I am," the Colonel stated, advancing towards the house. "I'm sure you don't mind putting a roof over your dear old Dad's head."

"Well, actually, about that, um, you see, we, we're kind of full. The kids all came back and so... we... don't really have any, um... room," Eric said, trying to prevent his father from entering the disaster area that he called home. "So, uh, George is becoming a lawyer, huh? That, that's interesting."

"Yeah, it is," the Colonel said, entering the house by gently shoving Eric aside. "And don't worry about me, son." The colonel made his way through the foyer, approaching the sliding doors that lead to the living room. "I'll just sleep on the," completely oblivious to what lie on the other side of the doors, the Colonel opened them, "couch," he finished.

All seven Camden kids, plus their significant others, looked up from their assortment of places around the living room, as the doors opened.

"Hi, Colonel," they all said at once.

Eric scratched his face, "Yeah, about that couch; it's kind of... occupied."

"What tornado swept through this house!" the Colonel exploded, slowly surveying the room that used to be before him. "All of you up; stand, NOW!!!"

Ten faces stared blankly at the Colonel.

"What? Don't you have ears? Up, on your feet! Look at this mess! What has gotten into you?!" the Colonel's tirade began. "You were raised better than this! Where's Annie? I can't believe she's letting you fall apart like this! I'd hate to see your places! None of you should've left home if you don't even know how to keep a mess from collecting!"

"Mom went to Aunt Lily's for Christmas," Ruthie told the Colonel.

"Yeah, we all came back into town to surprise her, but she wasn't here. She won't be back until after New Year's," Matt explained.

"And the kids needed to play," he said as an afterthought, referring to the mess.

"Oh, they needed to play. Well, that just explains everything," the Colonel said, appearing to be calm.

"Yeah," Matt smiled.

"NO!" the Colonel yelled, "All of you, upstairs. In bed. Don't make me say it twice. Starting tomorrow, we're gonna have a few new rules around here."

The Colonel was met with eleven blank stares, since Eric had joined the kids.

"I don't live here," Lucy stated, breaking the silence.

"None of you do," Ruthie pointed out.

"It's only seven-thirty," Matt argued, wondering where he, or Lucy for that matter, got up the nerve to contradict the Colonel. Ruthie was a different story.

"Enough with the excuses," the Colonel boomed, "Upstairs, NOW!"

Scared, all the kids, but Lucy, ran up the stairs. Lucy was imagining that the Colonel was a kitten, so that she could talk him into letting her leave, before she lost the nerve that had impressed her big brother so much.

Turning to her, his temper rising, the Colonel shouted, "Luce! Call your husband. Tell him you will be staying here for the night. You helped make this mess and you're gonna help clean it up."

"I don't even have kids," Lucy started, but the Colonel cut her off with a look that could scare even the toughest of men. He had just turned into a ferocious lion.

"If I let you leave, how do I know you'll come back?"

"I will come back. I will," Lucy begged, frantically trying to get out of the prison that she used to call home. Her brothers and sisters may be willing to go through this, but she wasn't gonna take it. Not even from the Colonel. She tried to picture him back into a kitten, but it wouldn't work, so she just closed her eyes.

The Colonel considered her plea. Maybe, she really would come back. After all, this was the granddaughter who was on her way to becoming a minister. She wouldn't lie. The Colonel glanced at Lucy, her eyes scrunched up, that scared little frown, her trembling body.

"Lucy, I will make that phone call for you, since you, obviously, don't want to. Get upstairs!" How often did he get a chance to play with his grandchildren? Why ruin the fun.

Lucy, still wavering, headed upstairs.

Eric, still stunned, spoke up, "What about me?"

"Did I stutter? I said EVERYONE! That means you, too!" the Colonel shouted.

"OK, goodnight," Eric left the room.

"It's gonna be a long visit," the colonel predicted, pushing toy on top of toy off of the couch, so that he could make up his temporary bed.