Chapter Two

Alice

After her breakfast with Garret, Jordan left Tony's feeling unsettled…like someone had plowed up the field of her past and left all the relics of it out to bake in the hot afternoon soon…exposed to the elements…for all the world to see.

The morgue. While she thought about her friends often, the truth was once she had been hired by the Children's Hospital, she had never returned. She still saw Garret, Nigel, Lily, and Bug…but it was always after hours and at a neutral place such as the Beef n' Brew, or one of their apartments.

When she had closed and locked the door to her office that hot August morning, she made one promise to herself that she had kept: She didn't look back.

So she never returned to visit there or the Boston PD. There was no reason to. She was no longer a medical examiner. She was a pediatric cardiologist. She had never mentioned to anyone except her morgue family where she had gone, assuming Woody and the other detectives would hear of her career change through the ever growing inner office grapevine.

But Jordan had to admit, she was a little disappointed that as the days passed, Woody had made no effort to contact her. Then as the days slid into month and the months into a year, she had quietly and stoically accepted the fact thattheir one night together at the Lucy Carver Inn really did mean something….and that something was nothing at all. It's a good thing we discovered it now instead of later…after we would have invested time and our hearts in it…I don't think Woody or I either one could handle anymore heartbreak in our lives…Jordan thought as she wandered aimlessly through the streets of Boston, trying to put her past in perspective and see if it had any bearing at all on her future.

She was slightly shocked when her wandering feet took her right up to her father's house. Slightly surprised, but not much. If Max had been the one to inform Garret that he thought his daughter was unhappy in her role as a children's heart doctor, Jordan was damned and determined to find out just what made her father come to that conclusion. Taking a deep breath, she rang the bell. It wasn't too many moments later that Max swung open the door. "Good morning, Jahden….to what do I owe this early Saturday surprise?"

"Just in the neighborhood, Dad…."

Max eyed his daughter carefully. "Just in the neighborhood my ass. Come in and take off your coat and tell me what's really bothering you." Max held the door open for her.

And an hour later he held the door open for her to leave with Jordan feeling no more settled than when she entered. She had asked Max why he told Garret that she was unhappy.

"Because you are, sweetheart. Anyone that knows you can tell that."

"No, I'm not. I'm fine. Perfectly, wonderfully fine. I have a rewarding job that is fulfilling. I help children…."

"While never thinking about having your own…"

Jordan had snorted and pushed back her hair over one shoulder. "I'm getting too old to think about having my own kids…besides, I'm not in any kind of relationship now…"

"Which you would be if you had stayed at the morgue…."

"Dad…look…" The irritation in her voice had been evident.

"Look…I don't know what happened between you and Hoyt. I'm not sure I want to. I just know that what you and he have….is the real deal."

"Dad, if it was supposed to have happened, he would have called me way before now. It's over. He's moved on and I've moved on."

"And you're miserable…"

"I am not!"

The conversation had circled like that for an hour, Jordan trying to convince her father that she was fine with her present state in life and Max equally determined to prove her wrong. He pointed out her continued loss in weight, dark circles around her eyes, and quiet demeanor.

And she mentioned the fact that she was making more money, had job security, and was working with sick children.

Just as in the past, neither was willing to give an inch.

Jordan was nearly ready to call their argument a draw until Max had whispered in her ear as she was leaving, "Jordan, you've made countless children well and have brought their parents more happiness than they ever could have imagined. And that's well and good. But don't you think that it's time to find out what really makes you happy? Life's too short…it's worth the search. I know." Then he had hugged her before she left.

Leaving her feeling just as unsettled as she had when she found herself in front of his house an hour ago. Determinedly she walked back to her apartment. I am happy…I am happy….I am happy, she kept repeating to herself…her mantra as she made her way back home.

I am happy….Aren't I?

The next week more than made up for the time Jordan had off. She was stationed in the emergency room…meaning while she was on the pediatric cardiology floor, if there was a child brought in to the emergency room with heart problems, she would have to take the call.

It was exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. Decisions had to be made in split seconds…decisions that concerned life and death. And with children, the atmosphere was even more high pressured. But it was Tuesday, and as Tuesdays go, it was a quiet night. Until about eight o'clock and her pager went off.

Bounding for the emergency room, one of the nurses clued her in. A little girl…irregular heartbeat….blue lips…Jordan quickly scanned record the EMT's had brought in with them before she entered the exam room. "Hi…I'm Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh," she said, her eyes still on the file in front of her. "I'm the cardiac pediatric specialist on call…" She raised her eyes to look at the child and nearly lost her composure.

Woody. Woody was sitting beside the child, nearly cradling the little girl's head in his arms. "Woody?"

"Jordan?" Her name escaped his lips in a startled whisper. The look of shock on his face told her that he had no idea she was now on staff at the Children's Hospital.

"Daddy?" The little girl asked softly.

This was all it took to bring Jordan back to the present. If they had anything left to say to each other, it would have to wait. The tiny person in front of her commanded her full attention. "Hi, sweetheart. My name is Dr. Cavanaugh. But you can call me Jordan."

The little girl smiled. "Jordan. My name is Alice…" And she looked like an Alice. Blonde hair in loose curls and blue eyes – Woody's eyes. And his dimples. If Woody can't do anything else, he's made pretty babies, Jordan thought as she listened to the girl's heartbeat.

Woody watched Jordan carefully as she put the stethoscope to Alice's chest. For a few minutes there was silence as Jordan moved the instrument from one side to the other, intently listening to the child's heart. Finally, she pulled the plugs from her ears and faced Woody. "Has she been tired lately…unable to catch her breath?"

Woody nodded. "I've noticed it more in the last several days. I thought she was catching a cold or the flu. It's been going around her daycare center…"

Lowering her voice so Alice wouldn't catch the urgency in it, she continued. "How long have you known about her heart murmur?"

"Heart murmur?" The rise in his voice said it all. He didn't know.

"Yeah. Heart murmur. There's something definitely wrong …"

Woody ran his fingers through his hair. "Her pediatrician has never said a word…and she's in for regular check ups…"

Jordan sighed. She hated to second guess any doctor. "Well, it could have been faint and he may not have heard it. For whatever reason, it may not have acted up until now. But we need to keep Alice overnight and monitor her. Tomorrow I want to schedule a few tests for her…a sonogram and a few other things to let us know what we're facing."

The look on Woody's face said it all. You've gone from an ME to this…just how qualified are you? "I understand if you'd rather have another doctor," she said quietly.

And was equally surprised when he shook his head. "The EMT told me Alice would be seeing a Dr. Cavanaugh, and that she was one of the best in the field of pediatric cardiology. No…I want Alice to see you."

Nodding, Jordan turned from Woody and pulled back the curtain around the exam room, telling the nurse to go ahead and admit Alice for at least overnight observation and monitoring. Then she wrote up the order for a series of tests to be run on the girl the next morning. "Alice," she softly said, going back over to the little girl, "you're going to get to stay with me here overnight….so I can watch you…then tomorrow, we're going to have a look at your insides to see what's wrong with you. I'll be with you the whole time and there's nothing to be afraid of….nothing's going to hurt you."

Alice nodded, and Jordan could see she was trying to be brave, but the tears in the child's eyes were nearly Jordan's undoing. "Do I have to stay here tonight by myself? Can Daddy stay?"

Jordan took a deep breath, noticing the way Woody's hands tightened around his daughter's. "Of course…We'll bring a bed into your room for him, so he'll be comfortable, too. And I'll be up to check on you again as soon as Nurse Rosea gets you settled."

"Promise?" Alice asked.

"I promise."

A stroll down the hallway of the cardiac unit in Boston's Children's Hospital belied the seriousness that lay behind many of the doors. The walls were painted in bright colors, not the sterile white of most hospitals. There was soft music and large playrooms filled with natural light. It was as homey as they could possibly make it…for children that were so sick…so sick they were sometimes dying.

That was one of the things that drew Jordan to Children's. Despite being a large institution, it worked hard to give their patients the feeling that they were each so special and so individual. She sighed as she neared Alice's door.

So Woody was a father now. From the looks of the child, with that blonde hair, Jordan would wager that Lu was the mother…but where was she now? Even if Lu was still with the Boston PD, surely they would have let her off to be at the hospital with her child. But from the way Alice had talked, she only mentioned her father staying with her. No mother.

Were Lu and Woody separated or divorced? Did Woody have full custody? Jordan pushed these questions away as she neared the door to Alice's room. Those issues would have to wait to be answered, if they even needed answering at all. She softly rapped on the door and then pushed it open, witnessing a sight she had seen all too many times, but now it particularly touched her heart.

Woody was sitting on the side of the bed, holding Alice's hand and gently stroking his daughter's hair. "Hi," she whispered, loathe to intrude on this loving scene.

"Hi…how's she doing, Jo? Tell me…be honest."

Jordan bit her lip. Her first instinct was to once again console him…ease the pain of a dear friend any way she could. But she couldn't do that…she was the doctor, Alice was the patient, and Woody was the parent. She owed them all honesty, if nothing else. "I don't know…her records say she turned blue and passed out…her heart has a murmur, but until we get the tests run tomorrow, I honestly can't tell you anything definite."

Woody nodded, but Jordan saw the muscle in his jaw tighten.

"I can tell you that she's in the best place to be treated…and that she'll receive excellent care." Jordan hoped this would ease his stress just a little. She could easily tell just how much pain he was in by his hunched shoulders and red-rimmed eyes.

He nodded again. "I know. It's just that…." She saw him take a deep breath, obviously fighting back the tears, "Nothing can happen to Alice, Jordan. She's all that I have left."