Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven.
When the Colonel Speaks, Listen
Early the next morning, a whistle blew, causing everyone to stir in their beds, or in some cases, makeshift-beds. However, no one actually got up. The whistle blew again and again and again. Eventually, the whistle irritated them to no end. Everyone, excluding those smaller than Sam and David, headed to the kitchen, where the noise seemed to be coming from.
"It's four a.m.," complained Eric.
"We have a lot to do," answered the Colonel, rather cheerfully.
"It's four a.m.," Eric repeated, still trying to get the sound of that whistle out of his ears.
The Colonel blew his whistle. "Everyone get in line, four rows, size order, tallest to shortest, front to back and left to right."
Everyone stared at him. The Colonel blew his whistle again. This time, every person got into the specified arrangement.
"Stand up straight," commanded the Colonel, "arms at your sides, hands in a fist, with your thumb out. Put your head high. Hold it straight; look forward. Be proud. Don't slouch. Feet at a forty-five degree angle, heels touching. I said don't slouch; stop bending your knees."
As everyone straightened up, with Lucy and Ruthie helping the twins, the Colonel yelled, "That's better. This is called Attention. Now, how did everyone sleep?"
"Crowded," Mary and Carlos fussed.
"Uncomfortably," grunted Matt and Sarah. "We didn't fit."
"Fine," Lucy said, impassively.
"I have a backache," moaned Kevin.
"Horrible. Kevin snores," Ruthie criticized.
"I do not!"
Ruthie stuck her tongue out at Kevin, causing the Colonel to blow his whistle. "Enough!" his voice boomed. Ruthie hurried back to Attention.
"We slept great," Simon and Cecilia bragged, with huge smiles plastered on their faces. "Kylie didn't wake up once, so we caught up on some much needed rest."
Everyone glared at them, causing their smiles to grow even bigger, if that was at all possible.
"What about you, son?" the Colonel asked Eric.
Eric growled.
"Well, I slept perfectly," the Colonel announced.
Matt whispered to Sarah, "He'd sleep perfectly on a bed of nails."
Unfortunately, the Colonel heard him. "Quiet!" he blew his whistle. "Now, for the assignments."
Everyone groaned.
The Colonel blew his whistle, yet again. "Le…"
Ruthie marched up to her grandfather and grabbed the whistle from his hands. She threw it down the garbage disposal. It made a horrible sound as it was ground into nothingness. Ruthie grinned evilly. She'd destroyed the atrocious whistle. She'd never have to hear its ghastly note anymore.
"That was uncalled for, young lady," scolded the Colonel, pulling another whistle from his back pocket.
"You've got to be kidding," Ruthie stared in disbelief.
The Colonel blew his new whistle, "Get back in line."
On the way back to her spot, Eric muttered a 'nice try' to his daughter. Surprisingly, the Colonel didn't catch him.
"Just for that, Ruthie, you have bathroom duty. I want all three of them scrubbed until they shine!"
"Ok, next," the Colonel continued. "Simon and Cecilia, kitchen and dining room-shine. Matt and Sarah, stairways, halls, and attic-shine. Mary and Carlos, your parents, Simon's and Matt's rooms-shine. Lucy and Kevin, garage-shine. Sam and David, your room-shine. Eric, basement-shine. And I'll take Eric's office and the foyer."
"Shine," Eric mocked the Colonel, who gave him a cruel stare.
Ruthie whispered to Lucy, "At least he forgot the living room; it's the worst."
Lucy nodded her head in agreement.
"As you finish your assigned duties, report to the living room and start doing whatever needs to be done," the Colonel directed, causing the smile that Ruthie had just recently acquired to fade. "That pigsty will be cleaned as a group."
He blew his infamous whistle, "Dis-missed!"