Chapter Three

Difficult Answers

Jordan frowned as she looked at the results of Alice's tests. She had read and re-read the reports at least a dozen times. She had viewed the sonograms twice that often. She had the other cardiac pediatrician have a look at them just to make sure she was right.

And she was correct. Tragically correct. Little Alice not only had a faulty valve, her entire heart was damaged. If Jordan had not have known the test results were from a five year-old, she could have easily sworn they were from a much older person. Jordan sighed and absent-mindedly pushed a piece of stray hair behind her ears.

Alice had been in Children's Hospital for three days undergoing the tests. For three days, Jordan had watched Woody take care of his daughter, never really leaving…for three days he had waited for Jordan to give him some kind of answers.

She had the answers now … answers that Woody needed to hear, but were also going to be very difficult for him to process and accept. With a heavy heart, she made her way back down the hall of the cardiac ward to Alice's room. She gently tapped and waited until she heard Woody say, "Come in."

"Hi," she replied, quietly coming into the room. Alice was asleep and Jordan was reluctant to disturb her. "Can I talk to you? Nurse Rosea said she would stay with Alice while we're gone."

Woody nodded, not taking his eyes off his daughter. He pulled the sheets up a little closer around her shoulders and bent down to kiss Alice's forehead. "Sure," he murmured. "But I don't want to be gone too long. It scares her when she wakes up and I'm not here."

"It won't take long." She held the door of Alice's room open and led him down the hallway to a conference room where she had the results of Alice's tests and the sonogram and MRI pictures of her heart. "Sit down, Woody. I think I have some answers for you about what exactly is wrong with your daughter…"

Woody hesitated and ran a hand down his face. "You don't sound encouraging, Jo."

Jordan shook her head and sat down, motioning for him to sit across from her. "It is her heart, Woody. And I'll be honest with you, it's not all good." She pointed to a picture she had laid out in front of him. "This is a sonogram of healthy heart of a typical five year-old." She let him look it over for a moment. "And this is a picture of Alice's."

Woody looked at both blankly, as if trying to take in the differences, but his mind wouldn't let him.

"Do you see what's wrong?" she gently asked.

He continued to compare the two, finally shaking his head in frustration. "I'm sorry…I guess maybe I'm just too tired or stressed out…but yeah, Alice's heart is shaped a little differently…"

Jordan nodded. "The valves…the valves aren't formed right…they didn't grow correctly…but it's more than even that, Woody. It's like this child has the heart of a much, much older person…"

Woody felt his head spin for a minute, then taking a deep breath, he asked, "Why?"

"That I don't know. It could be genetic, it could be from an environmental factor…we just don't know…and right now that's not important. We need to treat her and try to make her better."

"How are you going to do that?"

She sat back in her chair and pressed her hands together. "There's medicine I'm going to put her on…blood thinners and such. That will make her heart not have to work quite so hard. Of course, that means that her blood also won't clot easily, so you're going to be careful with her as far as bumps, bruises, and falls are concerned."

"But that won't fix her heart…."

Jordan shook her head again. "No. You're right, it won't. What we're really facing is surgery. We could go ahead and replace the valves, but the rest of her heart is in such poor condition, it might not accept the replacements," she began.

"Or it might not allow her to survive the surgery," Woody finished for her, his eyes still glued to the test results.

Jordan nodded in agreement, and then took a deep breath. "That's right. So I wouldn't want to risk it. What Alice really needs…is a heart transplant."

She saw the tremor run through him. "When?" he asked. His voice was nearly inaudible.

"I don't know. We'll have to get a donor heart. It could take a day, a week, a month….or longer. I just don't know. I've already put her on the list…as soon as we get one, we'll let you know."

"Or it might not happen at all…." Jordan saw his eyes tear up.

"No…don't think like that, Woody. Whatever you do, don't let your mind go there. We're going to give her the best medicine and treatments we have available…keep her well and comfortable until we get a donor. You can't be negative…you have to think positive. At least for Alice's sake… do you hear me?"

Woody nodded, the tears now slipping down his cheeks unheeded. "Give her…give her whatever she needs….I just can't lose her, Jordan. She's all that I have left."

Jordan watched Alice from the door of the playroom on the cardiac hall. Once she had gotten the girl's medicine regulated, Jordan saw a huge change in Alice. Woody's daughter had gone from being a quiet, sickly child to being the vivacious, playful little girl she was meant to be. She not only had Woody's eyes, but also his dimples, which Alice used to her advantage. Jordan, along with most of the cardiac department's staff, soon found themselves wrapped around Alice's little finger.

And she could be mine. The thought crept into Jordan's mind unbidden. But it was the truth. Over the past week that Jordan had been with Alice, the knowledge that if things had worked out forher and Woody, Alice could very well be her daughter. It was a bittersweet thought, just as sharp as the vision of watching Woody interact with his daughter. That could be my family…

Only it wasn't and never would be. Jordan had surmised that whoever Alice's mother was, she and Woody must have had a nasty divorce. He never mentioned his former wife and Alice never breathed a word about her mother. So Jordan concluded that Woody and Lu…or whoever….must have split up shortly after Alice was born…and the woman either must have readily given Alice over to Woody, or Woody fought like hell to gain sole custody for whatever reason there was. And although Jordan hadn't had any interaction with Woody in the years since she had left the morgue, she still felt she knew him well enough to conclude he still wasn't a vengeful person. If he had fought for sole custody, the woman must have given him a good excuse to wage that prickly battle.

"Jordan!" Woody's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Oh…hey…I was just going to come looking for you," She turned and gave him a smile, finding her breath still taken away by a pair of blue eyes and dimples that identically mirrored Alice's.

"I want to thank you," he said, absent-mindedly taking her hand and running his thumb over the back of her knuckles. "Alice is so much better…"

"We're not out of the woods yet," Jordan returned, holding up one hand in warning. "You know that, don't you?"

Woody nodded. "I know.."

"I mean she's better…and I'm going to let her go home in a few days, but you're going to have to be really careful with her. I don't particularly want her to go back in daycare right now…if she picks up any infection, that bacteria is going to head straight for the weakest place in her body and that's her heart valves…so meanwhile, you're going to have to make some plans. Is there anyone who can watch her at home while you work?"

Woody was silent for a moment, running his other had through his hair…still his habit when he's thinking…she thought, watching the gesture with more fondness than she cared to admit.

"I don't know…I'll have to make some calls…" he finally said.

Jordan hesitated for a moment…but if she didn't ask, Nurse Rosea would. "What about Alice's mother, Woody? Is she in the picture at all?"

"No."

Whatever Jordan was expecting…a revelation about exactly who was Alice's mother…what had happened…a stern reprimand from Woody for even asking…didn't happen. He simply said "no" quietly and apparently without much regret.

"I think I can call my cousin Julie…she lives in Cambridge now. She might can come down and help me for a few days until I can find an in-home sitter."

Jordan nodded. "That would be great, but I think for long-term, it might be good for Alice if you could hire a housekeeper that has a medical background. And I can write that up as a medical order so your insurance will help with the cost…"

Woody bit his lip and glanced over at Alice, still happily playing with her blocks, bears, and dolls. "I don't know anyone like that, Jordan. I don't even know where to begin to look for a housekeeper like that…what to ask when I'm interviewing them…hell, how do I even advertise for that?"

"Don't worry," Jordan placed a calming hand on his arm. "I'll get you a list of reputable housekeepers with a medical background. The human resources department here keeps stuff like that on file. I'll bring it by your office next week."