Chapter Four

Too Much Water

It has been said that of all the five sense, smell is the one that is most closely associated with memories.

And Jordan believed that with her whole heart as she pushed open the door to the Nineteenth Precinct and got her visitor's badge from the on-duty officer at the desk. Nothing had changed since she had been here before, all those many years ago. It smelled the same – that strange mixture of dust and floor wax, adrenalin and stale coffee. The odor brought up a thousand and one memories of cases, both solved and unsolved…time spent in interrogation rooms…the that heady rush she used to feel when a case was solved, won in court, and closed.

But dredged up with those thoughts were memories of him…working with Woody, celebrating the victories and consoling each other on the defeats. Dancing with him at the Pogue, kisses in a California desert, a stolen night at the Lucy Carver Inn…they flitted through her mind, blinking like fireflies as she rode the elevator up to his office. The on-duty officer told her that Woody was now chief of detectives. Somewhere along the way she had missed hearing that.

She missed him. She just hadn't realized how much until she saw him again at Boston's Children's Hospital

The years had come and gone, however, and they both had moved on with their lives in positive ways. She was now a pediatric cardiologist. He was now over the detectives and a father. It's for the best. Like Woody said once, if we were together, we'd end up killing each other inside a week…She mentally shook herself, shedding the memories of the past. Armed with the promised list of housekeepers with a medical background, she knocked at his office door.

"Come in." Why did his voice still send shivers up her spine?

"Hey…I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd give you that list I told you I'd bring by."

"Jordan…" Woody's face creased into a smile. It had been nearly four days since Alice had been dismissed from the hospital and Woody hadn't realized how much he missed Jordan until he wasn't seeing her daily again. "List?" The smile changed into a look of puzzlement.

"Of housekeepers with a medical background…." She held out a slip of paper as proof.

"Oh, yeah….now I remember. Come in…shut the door behind you."

Jordan slipped inside and closed the door, instantly blocking out the buzz and noise of a roomful of homicide detectives, and finding herself completely alone with Woody…for the first time in over seven years. She took a deep breath and surveyed his office. There were pictures of Alice everywhere at every age. Birth…christening….first steps…crayon drawings and other child-crafted art. In some of the pictures, Jordan noticed a petite, blonde woman. It wasn't Lu, but Jordan would bet her lunch that the woman was Alice's mother – the blonde hair and shape of the face matched up. But there were no recent pictures of Alice with the woman…in fact, after a picture that declared it was Alice's first birthday, Jordan saw none of the woman and the girl together.

"Sit down…take a load off," Woody said, bringing Jordan out of her thoughts. "Let me see that list."

Jordan handed him the list and sank down in a chair in front of his desk, looking at the pictures, but trying not to seem so obvious about it.

"Are all these women available to go to work immediately?' Woody asked, once more bringing her back to the reason she had stopped by the Nineteenth Precinct to begin with.

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Or so my human resources department tells me…"

Woody nodded and sat the list under a paperweight on top of his desk. "Good. I'll start calling and setting up the interview process after lunch. Hopefully by next week, I'll have someone and Julie can go home."

"Julie?"

"My cousin. Remember?"

Jordan nodded. "I'm sorry…."

Woody chuckled. "I bet you see so many patients now that it's hard for you to keep everything straight."

"Sometimes. It's just being back here…"

"Kind of overwhelms you?" Woody softly asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah…"

"Would you be offended if I told you it was good to have you back? Even though this is just a professional visit?"

Jordan shook her head. "No. It doesn't offend me. And thanks."

Woody sat back in his chair. "You're welcome, but I sincerely mean it. It is good to have you back. I just wish…I just wish you were back in the medical examiner capacity. I still haven't found anyone as good as you were or anyone that I worked as well with…"

Jordan lowered her head. "Thanks again…but I seem to remember we had more than our fair share of disagreements, too."

Woody grinned. "We did. But that doesn't change the fact that you were the best…and I miss working with you, Jo. I miss you."

Her head snapped up then and she looked him in the eyes. They were twinkling at her…the same way they used to all those years ago, but the sincerity he claimed was there, too – and an unexpected look that took her breath away. "I, uh…Some days I miss it, too. My old job…us working together."

Woody sighed and ran a hand through the back of his hair. "If you really do, I'm sure Garret would be more than happy to give you your key back to the morgue…"

Jordan lowered her eyes again. "I don't think that will happen anytime soon."

"I don't know. Rumor is that he's considering retirement pretty seriously. I can't imagine him wanting anyone to fill his shoes but you."

"I'm a pediatric cardiologist now, Woody."

Woody nodded, agreeing with her argument. "I know…but rumor also has it you keep your medical examiners license up-to-date, too."

"Bad habits die hard, I guess…"

He sighed then and leaned forward. "Too much water underneath a bridge you've burned to come back, huh Jo?"

"Something like that."

"I understand…and some bridges just can't be repaired, can they?"

Woody's comment rang in her ears after she had left his office, slowly making her way downstairs and out the front door. Just a lot of water underneath a bridge I've burned…she mused as she blinked in the bright sunlight of a late winter's day in downtown Boston.

Some bridges just can't be repaired, can they?

Jordan wasn't sure. She wasn't sure if the bridges in her life could be repaired or rebuilt.

Or if she even wanted them to. She had a good life now…in a field she enjoyed. And yeah, sure…when there was that odd, strange homicide that made the front page of the Boston paper, she had to admit, she felt a rush…a need to find out what happened. But that was always tempered with the knowledge that now she saved lives on a daily basis. Young lives. Lives that were so vital and important to everyone – not just their parents.

No, I've moved on…I'm past this and over him. I'm glad that I can help Alice, but this part of my life…morgues and medical examiners, homicides and detectives…this part of my life is over.

But her feet had automatically taken her across the street to the morgue. She stared at the sign on the side of the building. Medical Examiners Office…for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Holding her breath, she pushed the door open and took the elevator to the sixth floor.

"Sweet Mary in the manger, looked what the cat dragged in," was the first voice that greeted her as soon as the elevator doors slid open.

"Afternoon, Nigel…" Jordan responded as the tall man caught her up in a hug.

"What brings you back home?" he asked, skeptically raising one eyebrow. Jordan had not been back to her old office since she had left them that hot August morning.

Home? When will everyone accept the fact that this part of my life is over? That thought ran through her mind before she could form a reply.

"Jordan!"

She whirled around in the opposite direction from Nigel to find out who called her name. "Lily…."

"Long time, no see. What brings you back?" the grief counselor asked.

"I …I…had to stop by Woody's office to drop off a list of housekeepers with medical training…next thing I knew I was crossing the street to come back over here."

"I heard you worked wonders with little Alice," Nigel said. "Good work, Dr. Cavanaugh…"

Jordan nodded. "She's doing better, but she's not out of danger yet…"

"I know. Woody told us that you had put her on the list for a heart transplant," Lily rejoined.

"That's too bad, she's such a sweet kid…" Nigel added.

Before Jordan could agree, she heard her voice being called one more time.

"Jordan….it's good to see you…" Garret said, coming out of his office. "How's it going?"

"Good…"

"She stopped by on her way back from Woody's office…she had to give him a list of housekeepers that would look after Alice," Lily explained.

"Oh. And I thought she had come by just to see us…" Garret teased. "Seeing as she hasn't been back since she resigned…"

"Uh…" Jordan began, sounding lame and sorry even to herself.

"Love…got a minute? I've got this great new toy in the lab. I know you'd enjoy seeing it…"

Jordan found herself being dragged reluctantly back into trace and autopsy…looking over Nigel's vast array of new toys and gadgets…finding herself being caught up in conversations over cases and evidence…autopsy results and lab reports. The next thing she knew it was five o'clock and everyone began to get ready to go home.

"Join us at the Beef n' Brew for a pint and a bite?" Nigel asked, loathe to let his friend go.

"Come on, Jordan. We haven't seen you in a while," Garret added. "It'll be good to get caught up on things other than work-related issues."

Jordan swallowed hard. The entire day had been a bit like being pushed through a mirror…seeing what could have been on the other side of her life. A family with Woody…still working at the morgue…training to take Garret's place…being with her friends…This part of my life is over…over…over. She repeated the mantra firmly to herself. "I'm sorry, I can't. I have the early shift tomorrow…I need to get home and get some rest. Maybe next time?"

"Yeah, next time," Garret said, softly, noting the confused look on her face with some concern. He could tell the memories were getting to her. "My offer still stands, Jordan," he added.

She simply nodded before she took the elevator downstairs and made her way to the visitors' parking lot, surprised to find her hand shaking as she pushed the unlock button on her SUV's key tab. This is not good, she thought. I really don't need to do this again...I can see my friends…even Woody…just not here. He was right, I know. Woody was right. There's too much water underneath bridges I've burned for me to ever come back.