Chapter Five
Questions of the Heart
A cold, snowy Boston winter gave way to a wet but sunny Boston spring that year.
And Jordan found the days of her life slipping back into a safe routine again after her unsettling visit to the morgue. Her life was hectic, as the hospital increased her patient load, but strangely enough the fulfillment she once found in the cardiac pediatric field was diminishing. Alarmed, she chalked the feeling up to more patients and less time for herself.
But the emotion still bothered her, stirring up the anxiety that had lingered after her trip to the morgue and Woody's office – that maybe she had made a mistake in leaving the medical examiners' office. Maybe she had never faced her problems and issues with Woody head on, and if she had, Alice could be her daughter, and her life would have taken another road.
Still worried over this emotional inventory, she had wrangled a few days off her work schedule, hoping that some time to unwind would help her regain her perspective and her enthusiasm for pediatric cardio again. Determined to relax, one warm spring morning, she had donned her bikini and lazily sunbathed on her deck, absent-mindedly listening to an oldies station on the radio while trying to catch up on her reading.
"So tired waiting for you…." The lyrics wafted out into the warm, early morning spring air. The Kinks. Jordan reached out her hand to slam the radio off…but instead found her fingers only hovering over the off button before her arm dropped helplessly back into her lap. "So tired waiting for you…."
Los Angeles. Faye. Woody. The one-armed man. Memories of the past once again swirled around in her mind like so many left-over autumn leaves. He gave up his Kinks tickets for her…he went to LA and put his Florida trip in jeopardy for her. He had teased her, cajoled her, and helped her free a wrongly accused, innocent woman.
Woody did that for her. No one else had ever done the things for her that he had…no one.
And all he asked in return was to hold her tighter.
Jordan swallowed hard and fought back the tears for a moment. The last notes of the song drifted away as soon as the song was over. Her questing fingers fumbled for the control button and flipped the radio off.
Maybe all you need, Jordan, is for someone to hold you tighter…
The days continued to grow warmer and before Jordan knew it, Alice was back in Boston Children's Hospital for her three month check up. The young girl was being carefully monitored, with the hospital, her father, and transplant team knowing that Alice had to maintain her good health incase a heart became available. If Alice was as healthy as she could possibly be, the transplant stood a better chance of being successful.
Jordan knew Woody and his daughter was coming…she had prepared herself…prepared herself not only to look the past in the eye and deal with the fact she had thrown away her future with this man, but also to look ahead. Somehow not only try to continue to help Alice until a heart became available, but also reconcile her relationship with Woody back to a solid friendship. She didn't dare wish for anything more. After all, at some point in his life, Woody had fallen in love and that relationship had produced a daughter. No matter how badly that marriage may have ended, at one time, Woody had moved on enough with his life that he had put Jordan behind him and taken someone else as his wife.
And despite the fact that the union had produced a darling little girl, it still left the bitter taste of "what if's" in Jordan's mouth.
Pushing these thoughts aside, she picked up Alice's case file before going in to examine the young girl. Alice had been brought in earlier in the week for blood work and Jordan wanted to go over the enzyme report. Everything is looking good, for the condition her heart is in, Jordan mused, glancing over the reports again. At least she had that good news to share with Woody. She stood up from her desk and started to leave her office to meet them in the exam room.
But there was more paperwork in the file this time. More must have been added since Alice was first admitted to Boston's Children's Hospital months ago. She sat back down to review the file again…she hadn't ordered anymore tests…curiously she looked at the added sheets. Family information.
She had every right to read it. She was Alice's doctor. But yet she couldn't shake the feeling that somehow she was intruding on a part of Woody's life she had no right to know. Jordan closed her eyes for a minute, then opened them and deliberately read the family history. Father – Calvin C. Hoyt (whereabouts unknown)… Mother – Melissa A. Stephens (deceased) …Legal Guardian – Woodrow Wilson Hoyt (paternal uncle).
Jordan felt herself shaking from head to toe as she pushed open the door of the exam room, but Alice's bright smile served to vanquish any emotional upheaval Jordan was feeling at the time. She listened to the girl's heart, reviewed the sonograms done earlier, and then sent Alice out to the play room with Nurse Rosea.
"How's she doing, Jordan?" Woody asked.
Jordan could read the anxiety in his eyes. If Woody didn't know where Cal was, and Alice's mother was dead, Jordan knew why Woody had told her Alice was all he had left.
Alice was his sole surviving family member. Any unsettled feelings she had towards him for not being straight up with her from the beginning melted under his obvious duress. "She's doing as well as could be expected with a heart in her condition…and much better than I expected," Jordan hedged.
"Well, that's good, right?"
Jordan nodded. "But it still doesn't negate the fact that Alice needs a transplant and sooner rather than later. The longer she's able to maintain her health, the better…she'll have less problems with the transplant, but …"
"She won't be able to do that forever…"
Jordan nodded again. "I'm sorry, Woody."
Woody sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Why didn't we know about this earlier?"
"I don't know. I do know that Dr. Peterson, her regular pediatrician, is a good man. If he had remotely thought anything was seriously wrong, Alice would have been in here long before now."
Woody nodded and carefully considered the tile floor.
"Can I ask you a question, Wood?"
"Yeah, sure. Anything."
"Did Melissa or Cal either one have a heart problem?"
Jordan watched as the impact of her words hit him hard…he looked like a balloon with a slow leak as she saw his shoulders slump and he sank into a nearby chair and sat down, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. Taking a deep breath, he asked, "When did you find out?"
"About a half an hour before I came in to examine Alice. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
Woody dropped his hands from his face to look her in the eye. "I don't know… I guess I felt that it didn't matter. Alice has been mine for so long that I feel like she really is my daughter in every sense of the word, and she doesn't know any different. She's called me 'Dad' ever since she could talk."
Jordan nodded. "I understand…but in order for me to really help Alice, I need to know…did Melissa or Cal have a heart condition?"
"Calvin, no. To my knowledge, his heart has always been fine….but Melissa, well, that's hard to say, Jo."
"Then tell me what you know."
"It's not a pretty story, Jordan. Cal was working in New Jersey…a bouncer at some techno club. He met Melissa and they hit it off, in more ways than one. Seems that Cal and Melissa enjoyed a mutual interest in recreational drugs…Cal knocked Melissa up and then dropped out of sight. Melissa was pregnant and broke, but she remembered that Cal had told her that he had a brother that worked for the Boston Police Department. Needless to say, she found her way to Boston and looked me up.
"She was obviously pregnant by this time…about four, maybe five months along, but she needed to get clean…she was still using. So I put her in rehab…saw her through with withdrawals and helped get her clean. Then I told her she could live with me until the baby was born. That way I could keep an eye on her…make sure she stayed clean for hers and Alice's sake.
"Meanwhile, I tried to find Cal…I called everyone I knew in Kewuanne to see if he had run home, but he hadn't. It was like he disappeared from the face of the earth…but honestly, I didn't try too hard. Melissa was clean by then. I didn't want her getting involved with him again…I was afraid he'd drag her down. And I sure as hell didn't want my niece brought home to a family of junkies. So after three or four half-hearted attempts at finding him, I conveniently gave up. Sure, Cal should know he was a father, but in my opinion, being a sperm donor doesn't make you a daddy."
He was talking then, looking sightlessly in front of him, as if he was spilling everything that happened to him in the past seven years in front of her for her to judge and set straight…reassure him that he had done the right thing. She opened her mouth to confirm his actions, but he kept on talking.
"Alice born seemingly healthy, but the drugs, pregnancy, and labor had taken a toll on Melissa. She was never really well after that…she and Alice moved in with me and I took care of them both…Melissa died shortly after Alice's first birthday. She knew she was dying….she made me Alice's legal guardian months before she passed away…" His head dropped back into his hands then and if possible his shoulders slumped even more, as if he had dropped the weight of his world in that exam room with the wordless hope that he prayed she would help him bear the burden.
And she would. Quietly, Jordan walked over to Woody and knelt in front of him, easing his hands away from his face and gently wiping his tears away with her fingers. She could picture Woody the doting father…getting up with Alice at night…seeing the baby through teething and toddling, potty training and learning the alphabet. The man in front of her had more compassion than anyone she knew. "You did good, Woody. No one could do better," she managed to choke out around her own tears.
"Thanks, but…"
"There is no 'but' about it." Jordan continued to stroke his cheek with one hand and let the other slip through his hair. "You did a great job. But sometimes when people use for a long time, there are some irreversible side effects. Sounds like Melissa had a few…what was her drug of choice?"
"Crack…sometimes ecstasy. "
Jordan nodded. "Then that explains a lot."
"It does?"
Jordan bit her lip. Her past and present were now converging. "Did you have an autopsy done on her?"
"No…it just seemed unnecessary at the time, what with Alice and all…"
"Could I see her medical record?"
"Sure...I'll call her doctor tomorrow and get it faxed to you. Why?"
"One of the things that has been bothering me about Alice is just where her heart condition came from. If it was genetic, then the chances of her body attacking a new heart and damaging itare good…and that could possibly lower her position on the transplant list…but if the damage to Alice's heart was due to her mother using drugs….and that otherwise she would have been born with a normal, healthy heart, then that gives good reason to believe that she will be a fine transplant recipient…."
"So even though Melissa got clean…"
Jordan nodded. "The damage to Alice was already done….but you probably saved hers and Melissa's life, Farm Boy. You should be proud…" She lowered her hand from his hair and took both of his hands in hers. "You did good….you did the right thing, as usual. Alice is a very lucky little girl to have you in her life."
Woody lowered his head, looking at his hands held tightly in hers. Jordan felt one of his tears splash on her fingers. "I just want her well, Jordan…completely well. She doesn't deserve this."
"And neither do you. I'll do everything in my power, Woody, to help you and Alice. Everything. You get me Melissa's medical records and I'm going to get on the phone to the National Transplant Board this afternoon. I won't leave any stone unturned and I'll talk to whomever I have to until I'm blue in the face…"
Woody squeezed her hands before standing to go. "Thanks Jordan. When the EMT's told me that night that Alice was going to be in the best hands in Boston, they weren't lying. There's no way I can ever repay you…"
Jordan felt a blush rise to her cheeks. "Just wait until you get my bill…" she deadpanned.
Woody chuckled. For the first time in weeks, he felt lighter. Hopeful. Like maybe there was a pot of gold for him at the end of the rainbow….hell, now maybe he even had a rainbow…. "Still, thanks." He turned to go, but stopped with his hand on the door knob and looked back at her. "You'll never know how angry I was at you when you left the morgue…"
Her surprised look told him she had no idea.
"I was. I was furious. You left with no warning…without a look back or an explanation…no phone call…no nothing. You were just … gone. Meanwhile, I was going through everything with Melissa and Alice. But you know, my priest always said that everything happens for a reason. And if the reason you had to leave was so that now you'd be here to save Alice, then I understand…although I've missed you like hell, it all makes sense now…Thanks, Jordan." He opened the door then and went down the hall to the playroom to find Alice.
Jordan sighed and closed the file in front of her. She was uncomfortable with the connotation that God had used her to save Alice's life, when as far as she was concerned when she left the morgue, she had done so to put her past behind her – including Woody – and go on with her future. There was no altruism involved…only selfish planning.
She was even more uncomfortable with the fact that three months after she had left, Cal had called her, trying to get Jordan to help him reconnect with his brother.
And she had blown Cal off…telling him she no longer worked at the morgue and no longer saw Woody.
What would have happened if she had helped the two brothers reconnect? Would Cal have gotten clean with Melissa and both of them made a home for Alice?
Or would Cal have dragged Melissa even further down a spiral of drug use…and ended Alice's life long before it had even started?
Jordan shivered at the thought. Maybe I've already saved Alice's life once…