Chapter Seven

My Heart Must Have Been Broken

Jordan nervously tapped her foot on the floor. She was early…at least a good half an hour early, but she had to get out of the pediatric cardio unit. So as soon as things had calmed down from the morning rush, she had clocked out to take an early, and a long, lunch.

Her job, that had once been so fulfilling, was getting less and less so each day. Her schedule grew more hectic, her shifts grew longer, and her work load grew heavier. In her mind, an early and a long lunch was the least the hospital owed her.

Plus it was her birthday. And Garret had called her last night, asking if he could take her out to lunch to celebrate—something very low key, he had told her. "I promise I won't tell the waitress it's your birthday, so no one will sing to you or make you wear a funny hat…or give you extra dessert…unless you're into that kind of thing now."

Jordan had chuckled and told him, no. She would go out to lunch with him, but as far as her birthday went, her feelings hadn't changed any.

She hated birthdays. All they signified was that one more year in her life had passed and she was still searching for what defined her…what made her complete…what she wanted out of life.

Seven years ago, she would have sworn to you it was a career as a ME and a relationship with Woody. Only he had slowed down the relationship to a crawl and then it coasted to a complete stop.

A year ago, she would have sworn she had found it. A career as a pediatric cardiologist. She was saving lives…helping children.

Three months ago, she would have told you how she had once again held her breath and hoped for the best when hers and Woody's path crossed again.

But she had hoped in vain. After the heart transplant, Alice's medical care was turned over to Dr. Baines. Jordan no longer saw the young girl…and no longer saw Woody. After that rainy, muggy Boston night….that she had sat with Woody for hours and held his hand as they waited on the results of Alice's surgery, Jordan had chose to fade back into the woodwork. She inquired about Alice to Dr. Baines…but didn't feel free enough to come to the girl's room. Woody had left her with the distinct impression that he couldn't reconcile himself to her new medical career—one that "depended on someone dying…so that someone else can live – especially kids."

"I understand what you do and why you do it…I just can't see anyone waiting around hoping a child dies so that another one lives."

"Woody…it's not like that," she had argued. "I don't choose…I just respond…"

But despite the fact that Alice's transplant had gone well, her body accepted it, and the girl was doing better than ever expected, Jordan felt rejected by Woody once more.

And her heart refused to take it. It had been broken once by him and had never properly healed. All it took was one look in his blue eyes and the band aid was ripped off…exposing the scar that had never mended…raw and sensitive.

The jingle of the bell over the door brought her out of her reverie. It was Garret. A small wave of her hand motioned him over to where she was sitting. "Hey…" he greeted her, taking off his coat in the process.

"Hi yourself. How's it going?"

"I should ask you that. You're the one that's a year older…" he teased.

Time melted away. It was if she had never left the morgue…they had never stopped working together. Jordan found herself relaxing more than she anticipated. The stress rolled off her shoulders in waves. "Thanks," she told Garret as lunch was winding down.

"For what?"

"Lunch…the conversation…a good time," she chuckled.

"Glad you enjoyed it," Garret said, wiping his mouth. "I did want to take you out for your birthday, but I had an ulterior motive."

"Ulterior motive?"

"I'm hiring for an assistant now, Jordan. Someone to work into the position of chief ME when I retire. And I want that person to be you."

"Garret…"

"I'm serious, Jordan. I want you. And so does Walcott and half the Boston homicide detectives. There hasn't been anyone as good as you in the morgue since you left. You've kept your medical examiner's license up-to-date. There's nothing to keep you from returning to the morgue except your own stubbornness and unwillingness to admit that you belong back there."

"But…"

"Think about it, Jordan. I don't have to have an answer right now…but I need one soon. One way or the other. Will you or won't you?"

Jordan sighed and stirred her tea with the straw that was in it. Garret was right. There was an unsettled feeling in her…that something wasn't right…that cardiac care wasn't as fulfilling as it used to be…that she missed the morgue and the people there more than ever…that she missed being an ME.

And that rippling feeling in her soul had been building ever since Woody and Alice had found their way into her emergency room.

But still…she had a lot of time and training invested at Boston Children's Hospital. She had patients. Responsibilities. Open cases.

What should she do? Ride out the tidal wave of emotion that Woody had stirred up … or recognize that these emotions were valid and do something about them?

"Okay…" she responded, blowing out a sigh she had been holding for the last five years. "Give me twenty-four hours and you'll have your decision. One way or the other."

Twenty-four hours.

After Jordan left the restaurant, she found herself walking through a familiar section of Boston. Pearle Street….Not much had changed in her old apartment building. Still the same big, red doors…in a neighborhood that was slightly shabby and wholly individualistic. That was one of the things that had attracted her to it after her father got rid of the snakes…The memory of it brought a smile to her face…as well as other memories that begin to slide in her mind. The locket Woody had brought back to her. The Sickboy 23 case. Cozy dinners watching TV and cuddling on the couch.

Were those days all behind her?

Six blocks up north and two over west was Woody's place. She imagined that since he had Alice now, he had long given her his one-bedroom apartment. His bachelor pad…with the ping pong table.

Were they ever that close? Really that close? Jordan shook her head. She really didn't know. It didn't seem like it. How could two people that were seemingly destined for each other…so much alike they were like two sides of the same coin…end up so far apart?

And so angry with each other?

Before Jordan realized it, she was backtracking around all the corners she had turned in her life. The park where they used to run. The diner where they had more lunches and dinners and bad cups of coffee than she could count. The Pogue. I miss dancing with him…I miss him…I miss my old life…is it too late to get it back?

The Nineteenth Precinct.

That was the next place her reminiscing feet took her. Woody's police department. She stood for a moment outside the building, shivering slightly in the autumn wind. The last time she was there was to give him a list of housekeepers…and he had admitted being angry with her for leaving the way she did.

When she had left the morgue for the children's hospital, she thought it didn't matter to him.

She had been wrong.

But that didn't negate his anger. And if she returned as chief ME, she'd have to work with Woody. He was chief of detectives now. Could she handle having her heart break a little every day?

She wasn't sure. But at least she'd be near him…she would be able to see him and Alice.

And maybe that was better than nothing…if she could deal with the emotional pain.

"Hey…what are you doing here?" a gentle voice asked just as she was turning to go.

Drawing a deep breath to stave off the tears, she swallowed hard before she turned to face him. "Nothing….nothing much….I just had lunch with Garret."

"Did you now?"

She nodded. "He took me out for my birthday…"

"Ah…it is your birthday. Happy birthday, Jordan."

"Th…thanks…He's offered me his job, Woody," she said in a rush…needing to tell him now, or she was afraid she'd chicken out.

"Really? That's good."

"It is?"

Woody nodded and reached out to brush a spastic strand of hair out of her face that the wind kept whipping in her eyes. "It is good. I'd be glad if you came back, Jo. Things haven't been the same since you left. There hasn't been another ME nearly as good as you are….and I ….I miss you." The soft smile that followed the admission left her no doubt that he was telling her the truth.

"You do? I thought that after that night in the hospital.."

"The night of Alice's surgery?"

Jordan nodded. "I thought…well….that frankly, you didn't like me…hated me, to be exact…because of …my job. What I had to do…"

Woody shook his head. "No.."

"When did you stop being angry with me?" she asked, eyeing the sidewalk with sudden interest. "Was it because of Alice?"

"No." His hand moved from her ear where he had tucked the errant strand of hair to softly cup her cheek. "I stopped being angry with you long before that…I just didn't have the guts to admit it…it's a male thing, you know…never admit you're wrong to the woman you…"

"Hoyt!" Seely called from the door of the precinct. "There you are. I couldn't raise you on the radio. Oh…hey, Jordan…." Matt looked between the two with interest. He obviously had interrupted and something they wished he hadn't. The looks Woody was throwing at him should put him under the sidewalk. "Anyway…they've caught the Peterson suspect, Hoyt. He's in interrogation room three…."

"Good," Woody said, his eyes and hand never leaving Jordan's face. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay…" Matt replied, before ducking back in the door. "Good seeing you again Dr. Cavanaugh…"

Jordan waved back to the ill-timed interruption.

"Jordan…" Woody began again.

"I know…you have to go….but tell me…how's Alice?"

Woody continued to look in her eyes….recognizing the conflicting emotions swirling there. "No…I don't have to leave yet," he said softly. "But Alice is just fine now, Jordan."

"That's great…I'll see you around." She tried to step backwards out of his grip.

But was completely unsuccessful. His hand cupped her face a little more tightly. "Come home, Jordan. This is where you belong. Here…with the morgue and the police department….and me."

She never really recalled her drive back to her office at the hospital. She was running late…far later than she realized. She would have to hustle to get back and see her patients on time.

She bounded in the door and checked her schedule. "You're late," whispered Nurse Rosea. "Dr. Comings is pitching a fit. He had to see one of your patients…"

"It's my birthday and I told everyone I'd be gone later than usual."

"Yeah, well evidently no one got the memo but me…."

Jordan sighed and looked over her appointments. Five more had been added since she left to go to lunch. She'd be lucky if she got out of the hospital before eight. She groaned inwardly.

This was not why she became a pediatric cardiologist. Hell, this wasn't even why she became a ME. She did both to try to help families and find personal fulfillment…whether that was chasing her own demons away or just bringing closure to some tragedies.

And of the two professions, the medical examiner's office suddenly seemed a lot saner. She chewed her bottom lip for a minute. Not to mention…Woody…He must have broken my heart …at least three or four times…but for the life of me, I can't remember why. All I know is that I want another chance…at being a ME and being with him…

With a determined motion, she flipped open her cell phone and punched five on speed dial. He picked up on the second ring. "Garret…."