My Worst Fear

I don't own Sailor Moon, or any of the characters, and all that fun stuff.

October:

Serena was sitting on a stool in her kitchen staring at the blinking light on her answering machine. She didn't want to listen to the messages, but she needed to. She reached down to press play.

After a moment's hesitation Serena stood up and walked away.

She turned on her stereo, and walked into her studio. There were so many designs in her head that she just had to get out. The studio was the messiest room in Serena's apartment. Sketch books and giant blue prints covered nearly every surface of the room, but even in all of the disarray there was something calm and organized. And there was something sick and hidden.

A small glass table was set in a shadowed corner of the room. It seemed as though both light and the playful disorder struggled to reach the corner, but died away before they managed it.

A neat stack of books sat on the table; a black bound law book, a medical reference, a pink photo album, and an address book. A set of letters sat in their envelopes next to the pile of books, waiting to be addressed. On top of it all was a stack of legal sized papers.

Every couple of minutes Serena would look up from the design she was working on, and spend a moment staring into the shadows. She would shake her head and return to her design, but no matter how hard she tried to ignore the little glass table the darkness kept pulling her gaze to it. Finally, the blonde stood. She walked over to the table and picked up the legal papers, before continuing out of the studio into her kitchen.

Serena dropped the papers onto the counter next to the answering machine, and perched herself on a stool.

She pressed play.

"Hey Serena. This is Raye. We missed you at lunch this week. I'm just calling to say that you really need to put us into your schedule. It is getting a bit annoying."

Beep.

"Bunny! This is Mina. Ami and I are going to a party tonight; we were just calling to see if you wanted to go… Your secretary said you were free tonight. Call me back."

Beep.

"Serena? Where are you?"

Beep.

"Hi Bunny. It is Ami. We missed you at lunch again this week; Raye wants to do dinner at Lita's restaurant. Call me back if you can make it."

Beep.

They went on messages from her friends and family, people wondering where she had been. Serena just sat there listening to the messages staring at the legal papers until the words across the top began to blur and tears coursed down her face. She slumped over on the counter and began to sob into her arms.

That's how he found her.

Strong arms wrapped around her, stroking her hair. "Baby?"

Serena looked up into the crystal blue eyes of her fiancé, Darien Sheilds. She immediately moved to cling to the man, crying on his white shirt front, unable to do anything but sob.

Darien had always been good looking, and at thirty-three he hadn't lost an ounce of his dark, mysterious charm. It was that charm that had made him an exceptional lawyer, and was now making him an amazing politician. It was that charm that Serena had once fallen in love with.

Darien seemed to realize that his fiancé would not be able to articulate what she was crying about yet, so he gently gathered the petit blonde in his arms. He turned to take Serena over to the couch when the legal papers on the counter caught his eye.

Darien stood there, paralyzed by the words on the page.

Last Will and Testament.

He didn't need to ask who's will it was. Serena's name was printed boldly at the top, and her beautiful signature graced the bottom of the first page. "Baby..." He felt the words catch in his throat and he had to clear it. "Baby, why do you have your will here?" He said it more gruffly that he had intended, but tears prickled his eyes at the thought of losing the love of his life.

"Baby, why do you have your will here?"

He tried to consol himself. He had made Serena make a will when she turned twenty, and he had been bothering her to update it for months now. Surely she had just taken his words to heart. Surely it was just a coincidence that she was crying by her will. Surely nothing bad could happen to her.

"Bunny, it is Ami. I know what is going on. What you are doing isn't healthy, Serena. Please, just call me back."

Darien shifted Serena a bit to stop the answering machine. She was still shaking and sobbing onto his shoulder, but her shaking was less violent and her sobs no longer racked her whole body.

"She... She thinks I'm... anorexic."

Darien looked down, surprised. He had noticed that Serena was losing weight rapidly, and she was frighteningly light in his arms. "Are you?"

Serena sniffed and turned her teary eyes up to meet her fiancé's, "Of course not!" She sounded insulted, but at least she had stopped crying.

"Good." Darien sat down on the couch. He shifted around a bit so that Serena would be more comfortable, lying across him with her head on his shoulder. "I would hate to take you out to eat tonight only to find that you have stopped eating."

There was a pause before Serena spoke cautiously. "Do we have to go out tonight?"

"No. We don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought that you would like to go out with your friends tonight. They miss you." Darien had been receiving worried calls from Serena's friends for the last week while he was out of town, he was glad that he had come over as soon as he got back. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Darien turned his head to softly kiss Serena.

"We could just stay here if you want." Darien said. Serena's tears had been replaced by a soft, wistful smile that he just couldn't say no to.

"I would like that."

Darien was about to leave when he saw the papers on the kitchen counter again.

Serena was throwing out the Chinese takeout containers in the living room. So Darien walked up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and leaned down to kiss her neck.

"I see you finally took my advice on updating you will. I'm proud of you, baby."

She turned in his arms, tears in her eyes again, and Darien knew in an instant that he was wrong. He knew that he didn't want to know what was wrong; he knew that he would do anything to stop time so that they could stay in each other's arms forever. He pulled Serena closer, so that her arms went around his waist and her head rested on his chest, and hugged her.

"I've got cancer." She said quietly.

Darien felt as though some one had punched him in the stomach; his breath left him, his heart constricted painfully, and tears welled up in his eyes. "We'll fight it." He said, it came out strangled.

He felt her shake her head. "I don't have anymore options, Darien."

"What about Chemo? And they can give you drugs and… and do surgery now. We can fight it. We can win!" Darien grasped at anything to prevent her from leaving him.

"I did."

Darien blinked. He sank down onto the couch. "I don't understand."

Serena bit her lip, considering what she could do. She had never been good at being the strong one in their relationship, but it seemed like this time she would have to be. The blonde perched herself on the couch next to Darien, and took his hands in hers. For a moment she sat there, staring at their interlocked hands; his clutching hers, hers clutching his.

"I found out two years ago." She looked up into his eyes and tried to smile. "I couldn't imagine that I could die; I mean, no one ever thinks that it could happen to her. So I didn't want to worry anyone, I thought I would take my chemo and that would be the end of it. I didn't lose my hair, and Ami wasn't around enough to figure it out."

"But chemo didn't work. Then a year ago I went on a long trip... I said there was I house I was designing in the US. Remember?"

Darien nodded. He had been upset that he wouldn't get to see Serena for a whole month, the thought that she would move to the US and leave him had made him propose when she got back.

"I had surgery in Houston, Texas." Serena's smile faltered. "It is amazing there, I would really love to go back one day. But I don't think anything can compare to the beauty of the cherry trees blooming in the spring."

"We thought that the surgery went well. They said they got it all. I thought it was over, and then you proposed and I didn't want to spoil it with worry. So I didn't mention it. Then in July we found out that it was back, and now we know that there really isn't anything they can do... It is too advanced. So..." Serena trailed off.

"So you are dying."

The blonde nodded, tears welling up in her eyes again. "I'm sorry." She pulled her hands out of Darien's and slipped off her engagement ring. "I know you probably want this back. I couldn't ask you to marry me now." Serena bit her lip to keep from crying as she dropped the diamond ring onto Darien's palm.

Darien blinked, and stared at the ring on his hand. Somehow he was aware that she was letting him out of the pain, hoping to make it better for him. She thought that if he didn't marry her he couldn't be so heartbroken when she died. In a way she was right.

"No you couldn't." Darien said quietly. "That's why you aren't asking." Darien gently slipped the ring back on to Serena's finger.

In a way she was right. What she didn't understand was that he would be more heartbroken when she died if he abandoned her now.

"Serena, I have loved you from the moment I first set eyes on you. I loved everything about you. I love you in a way that is greater than this world, or the next. And you are the only woman that I will ever feel this way about. So even if I tried I couldn't stop loving you just because you have cancer."

Serena's face moved from upset to shocked, her mouth opened in a silent "Oh."

A smile broke across Darien's face, as he moved one hand behind Serena's head, and leaned in to kiss her. Serena leaned into the kiss, and it deepened. Soon they were kissing desperately, tugging at each others clothes. Acting like the world would end tomorrow.