A/n: Welcome to my Naruto parody. I do not own Naruto, of course. I have no clue what I was doing when I wrote this, other than the fact that I was on a very big sugar high and was typing so fast I forgot what I was typing at times. Either way... Please review if you read. :P I'm likely to return the favor for you. Thanks, and enjoy.

Gather around, children. Yes, there you are. A scary story, you say? Alright, I think I have just the thing... but don't blame me if you can't sleep for a week.

Now, once upon a time, there was a blonde ninja boy named Naruto. Oh, he was indeed a handsome one, though he was a bit wanting in the brain. Back in my day, ninjas had to have both the looks and the smarts... like me, for instance. Hehehe, anyhow...

Then... there was the evil ninja... Orochimaru. Yes, yes, I remember him well. Didn't I warn you? Bah, children have no gall these days...

One day, Naruto was sent to a village of rather unusual ninjas. You see, they were... chibi. Yes, chibi ninja, go ahead and laugh. But those midgits were the scariest fuckers you've ever seen when they get pissed. Don't start a fight with a chibi ninja if you value your ankles.

Well, Orochimaru was attacking these chibi-ninjas, and he was one of the few ninjas that really had the balls to do it. He'd turn into a big, old, ugly ass snake, and then the chibi-ninjas had no ankles to bite. Poor fellows got gobbled up like gummie worms in a preschool.

So, Naruto went off to save the day, stupid little shithead. Orochimaru was waiting for him, and soon the two were squared off. The chibi-ninjas were hiding behind some rocks. Yeah, I know. Stupid little shit-heads. Now, I swear to you, all I am about to say... is true...

Naruto stood only feet from his enemy, chest puffed up with pride. "I'll get you, Orochimaru!" he yelled, even though he was only feet away, nearly blasting out the eardrums of anyone within a mile radius.

After stopping the bleeding from his ears, Orochimaru stuck out his tongue, which nearly poked the eye out of a chibi-ninja twenty feet away. "Are not, are not, are not!"

"PROVE IT!"

That did it. Suddenly, Orochimaru's tongue turned into a snake, flying at Naruto's face. A brilliant sword sprung from the serpent's mouth, going right towards our young hero...

And then... Nartuo did the unthinkable. He grabbed the sword. He grabbed the sword, and he ran with it.

Orochimaru shrieked, hopping from one foot to the other in a rapid little jig of horror. "NOOOO!"

Naruto was also shrieking, but from an insane laughter, running away while swinging the sword over his head. "I GOTS IT! I DID!"

The chibi-ninjas cheered from behind the rocks, shaking their tiny fists into the air with triumph. Their celebration was cut short when Orochimaru suddenly lunged at Naruto, eyes blazing like a golden fire. Naruto turned just in time, or just at the wrong time, rather, getting hit in the chest by the snake-man. The chibi-ninja screamed, more in utter confusion than fear, for the two disappeared over the side of the hill and rolled down it's slope.

"MIIIIII-IIIIIIII-IIIIIIIINE!"

"I GOTS IT FIIIIII-IIIIII-IIIIIIIRSSSSSSSST!"

This continued back and forth as the two tumbled down the grassy slide, their shouting match halted as they both crashed into the ground at the end of the hill. For a moment, both say there, blinking at one another... and promptly burst out crying.

"You fuckeeeeeer!" Orochimaru wailed, tugging at his hair.

"You bastaaaaaaard!" Naruto retorted with a sobbing screech.

".. Sword."

"What sword?"

Orochimaru suddenly pointed a few feet over, to where his stolen sword lay. In two pieces. "MY SWORD! YOU BROKE MY SWORD!"

Naruto's eyes turned into little dots. Orochimaru's eyes turned into little slits. Both burst out crying yet again. The chibi-ninjas watched from the hill, tiny sweat-drops appearing on their heads.

"FUCKEEEER!" Orochimaru screamed, bitch slapping Naruto so many times that blur lines appeared across his hand.

Finally, sick of being bitch-slapped, Naruto leapt into the air, landing on his foe's back and yoinking on on his face, contorting it into all sorts of perverse poses. "SMILE FOR THE CAMERA, BASTAAAAAAAARD!"

The chibi-ninjas watched over the hill as a cloud of dust formed.

When the dust settled, Naruto was sitting on top of Orochimaru's stomach, beaming with pride. The chibi-ninjas applauded, but alas! The celebration was too soon! Orochimaru's mouth opened, and a snake swept from inside, flying at Naruto's face!

"Like that's going to scare me?" Naruto asked boredly.

Suddenly, the snake turned into a slimy tongue and licked Naruto's face, leaving a slime-trail over his entire head. "NYAAAAAAH!"

Naurto screamed, louder than anyone had ever heard anyone scream before. He screamed. And screamed. And the chibis screamed. And Orochimaru screamed, because everyone else was screaming, and it kinda looked fun. Finally, Naruto turned blue, screaming, and tore off up the hill, bowling over chibi-ninjas as if they were pins.

Orochimaru lay there a bit, turning the little hidden crank on the side of his face that rolled his tongue back into his mouth. After a moment, he sat up, little cat ears appearing and a wickedly pleased smile crossing his face. Bouncing to where the sword lay, he picked it up and bounced off into the horizon towards the Ninja Kwik E Mart, knowing just the thing to cure his ills.

Beating Naruto, reclaiming his sword and causing chibi-ninjas everywhere to need therapy for the next ten years. Life was good... now all he needed was super glue.

And that, children, is the victory of Orochimaru, the creepiest fucker to ever have lived.