This is my first time posting a story here. I like epilogues…filling out scenes...adding bits and pieces. This is an epilogue to the final scene in "Black Market," after Adama let's Lee know that he knows about the woman.
Constructive feedback is needed and welcomed.
I don't own anything BSG or otherwise. RDM does. Don't sue me please.
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"But you should have told me about the woman."
Lee looked up sharply in surprise at his father's words. How did he know? Not knowing what to say, he settled back against the couch, his eyes focusing on the far wall. He tried to think of what to say…anything to say, really. In the end, he just let go and said the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm sorry, Dad," he glanced over and resigned himself to the obvious part of it all, "I know you're disappointed."
Adama didn't move his stern gaze from Lee's face, but his head tilted slightly. "I'm not judging you, son."
That seemed to get Lee's attention. His son's eyes came around to look at him.
"You're not?" Lee asked quietly. He sounded dubious.
"No," Adama answered simply, and left it at that.
Lee couldn't accept what he was hearing. His dad wouldn't just let him off the hook. Would he? He'd been seeing a socialator, a prostitute, for weeks. Surely that would earn him a lecture or a reprimand…something. Absurdly, his brain turned back to how his dad knew in the first place. He had included Shevon only peripherally in his report. Then it clicked.
"The call from Cloud 9?"
"Yes."
Lee couldn't help but notice that his dad's steely eyes hadn't left him. They remained focused on his face, drilling slowly towards his soul with every passing moment. He started to squirm a little under the scrutiny, and took another sip of the ambrosia in his hand to cover the discomfort. The urge to bolt from the room was growing within him, but his father spoke again just before the urge became unbearable.
"What are you looking for, Lee?"
A few seconds went by as Lee just sat there, trying--no, wanting--to answer the question. He couldn't. He had nothing inside with which to answer. Finally, he just turned and looked at his father. He couldn't bring himself to speak.
Adama was taken off guard by the look of abject sorrow in Lee's eyes. It was suddenly clear that Lee was drowning in that sorrow. He had never seen this in his son; the emptiness that was consuming him was obvious. How did I miss it these past few weeks? The lack of…life…in Lee was plain to see as he stared at him now. He chose his words carefully, not wanting to screw up the next few minutes.
"I'd like to help. If you'll let me…."
Lee didn't turn away, but his eyes drifted down towards the couch cushion, "You can't." He loathed himself for saying it. He knew his dad would think that he was just pushing him away. He wasn't. But how could anyone help him? The world had gone mad. His own father and his President had been willing to commit murder, execute Cain like they would a Toaster, just because they couldn't find common ground. And Kara had gone along with it.
Where was the father he'd grown to love and admire? Where was the idealistic Roslin that he'd sacrificed everything for to set free just a few months earlier? Where was the Kara that would never willingly become an assassin? The fact that the Cylon had beaten them to it and killed Cain meant nothing.
He wished that frakking Raptor had never found him. He'd been so close to being done with it all. This pointless life of running and fighting forever could have been over. Maybe I would have even seen Mom and Zak again….
He idly wondered if the alcohol was getting to him, he felt like he was sinking deeper into the cushions. Aimlessly, he brought the glass up and drained it, then slowly stood. Laying the glass down carefully on the table, he straightened and almost turned back to his father's worried expression. Almost.
"I'm sorry…I wish you could," he whispered, and took a step towards the hatch.
"Son…"
Lee stopped at the sound of Adama's voice; he turned to find his father on his feet close behind him. He let Adama pull him into an embrace.
"If you need anything, anything at all, come to me, Lee. I want to help you," Adama murmured into his son's shoulder. He felt only slight comfort when Lee's arms returned the hug. He let go after a few moments, when he felt Lee weakly pull away. The empty, expressionless look on Lee's face terrified him. His son was clearly in pain, but he wouldn't say why. Or maybe he couldn't say why.
Lee held his gaze for a moment, and then slowly left the cabin. He wanted to tell his Dad everything, but he didn't have the words. Even worse, he didn't know why. He wasn't angry with his father, he knew that much. Why couldn't he talk to him? What made him think it wouldn't matter even if he tried? Gods…nothing makes sense anymore….
Lee wandered slowly down the passageway. He didn't even have a destination.
Adama stared at the door where Lee had just been. What had happened to his boy out there? He knew that Lee had very nearly died of asphyxiation. But it seemed to him that the spark of life hadn't returned when he was resuscitated. What was wrong? His mind's eye drifted back to the last time he'd seen Lee before the battle. Lee had come to him, asking about the mission to kill Admiral Cain. He'd thought, at the time, that Lee was trying to change his mind. He'd stonewalled Lee's questions. He didn't need to be swayed from the decision. Too much was at stake. Lee would understand in time. He hoped Lee would just drop it and he had. But the last look on Lee's face had troubled him.
Had that been hurt? Disillusionment?
He had to reach his son somehow. Somebody needed to. With a sigh, he made his decision. He needed help.
He left his quarters. He needed to find Kara.
