AUTHOR: trista groulx (the dustytiger)
DISCLAIMER: kim, faith, fred, joey, bobby, jimmy, bosco, davis, sully, none of these characters are mine, i'm just borowing them to play with them for a little while, they belong to their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them, i promise i'll be gentle, don't sue
RATING: PG-13 tops currently
CONTENT: kim/faith friendship, fred/faith divorce, kim/bobby r, faith/bosco sex/ust
SPOILERS: 32 bullets and a broken heart (missing scene/continuation)
SUMMARY: Kim and Faith become friends after they share their heartaches that Valintines day.
AUTHORS NOTES: this is not what expected for this part at all, you'll see, but i actually like it, and i hope that you do too, wow what was with being dow for the last little while huh? gave me sometime to get ahead on this fic, i've got another two and half parts written, but they need lots of editing... reviews make me very happy so keep 'em coming!
When Faith got back to her place, she was not surprised to find Fred still sleeping. She assumed he was sleeping off a hang over. The kids went into their room, and unpacked their backpacks.
Faith went into the kitchen to make some coffee, waiting for Fred to emerge. She knew that he would have a lot to say about what had happened the last few days.
She had it all figured out, she was going to tell Fred that she would find a new place to live, and until she could they would take turns spending the night at the apartment and at friend's houses.
She knew it would be better for the kids to not be moved around as much, and that Fred did spend more time with them. After all he wasn't working, so it just made sense that he stayed with them.
She didn't really want to do it that way, because she knew she'd probably see her kids even less then she already did, but she knew that it was the best way for them.
She wouldn't even fight it if the courts gave him more time with the kids, as long as there was a clause that he had to stay sober around them. When he wasn't drinking he was great with the kids, and she didn't want to take that relationship away from them.
She just hoped it wouldn't be too long before she was able to find a new place to live, and hoped the Fred could find a job, to pay the rent on the place they already had. She knew that money was going to be even more tight, and wondered if she would even have time to see her kids after the divorce was finalized.
She was happy that until then her kids didn't grow up in a day care, but she also regretted not being able to be the one who stayed with them. Unfortunately someone had to bring home the bacon, and Fred had never been very good at doing so.
She didn't really want them growing up in daycare, and while the way things were not how she had thought they would turn out, until then it had all worked out well. Then Fred had to exasperate the situation by going to pick them up drunk.
He had always been a good father, and he just let the drinking get in the way. There had been other problems that his drinking had magnified, and she just needed to get away from it. But she did hope he could stop drinking and be the great father she knew he was.
She wished that it hadn't had to come to having to get a divorce, but it had. She could not wait around until he decided to actually stop drinking. She refused to be one of those women.
Maybe she was cutting off her nose to spite her face, but she had made up her mind. She could not live and be married to Fred anymore. But she didn't want that to effect her kids, and she would do everything she could to help them through it all.
With all of the other things on her mind dealing with what had happened between her and Bosco had been impossible. She was desperately trying to do what was right for her kids, and her own problems didn't much matter to her at that point.
When Fred finally came out of the room, it was obvious to tell he was hung over. He didn't even look at his wife, as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He then took two ibuprofen to calm his throbbing head.
"We need to talk," she told him.
"I'm not in the mood," he grunted.
"I don't care right now."
"I know how this talk is going to work, you'll do the talking, I'll do the listening and you'll have a hissy fit if I don't agree with every word you have to say."
"Fred!" she snapped.
"My head."
"I don't care about your damn head right now Fred! We have been tiptoeing around the truth for two days now."
"No, Faith, you have been avoiding me like the plague the last two days. I know what you want, and fine, I really don't give a flying fuck right now."
"There's still more to this!"
"What's your grand plan?" he demanded.
"I'm going to move out, and find a new place. Until I do the kids are going to stay here. I'll see them when I can, and when I do have days off I'd like it if you could find somewhere to stay, like I'm planning to."
"All right, so how are we supposed to pay two rents?"
"I will have to pay my rent, and you'll actually have to keep a steady job to pay for your rent."
"There's no other way?"
She shook her head. "No, Fred, any chance you had of me not going through with this was flushed down the toilet the moment you picked the bottle over working this out."
"You know our problems aren't only the drinking!"
"I know that, Fred, but I can't work on everything else if you can't stop drinking. At least now they'll all go away. But so help me if I ever find out you endangered our kids because of your drinking, I'll make sure you never see them again."
He laughed. "So you'd rather them be raised in day care then be with their drunk father?"
"Yeah, Fred, that sounds like a really good idea to me."
"You know you're not gonna get 'em, right?"
She scowled at him. "I may work a lot, but at least I didn't try to pick my kids up from school, under the influence."
"So what now? The kids are gonna be bumped into daycare?"
"That's the way it's going to have to be, because there's no way that I have a salary that the courts could garnish to give to you to support you entirely."
He shook his head. "I don't need you to survive financially, you know? I was doing this for the kids!"
"Were you drinking for them too?"
"I have a problem!"
"Then fix it Fred, and stick to the solution more then a month!"
"It's hard!"
"And it's easy for me? To have to work the hours that I work, and scrimp and save, to see you drink anything we have left over at the end of the month? Do you think it's easy for me to have to tell people that I can't even afford an apartment with rooms from each of my kids. You think it's easy of our daughter and our son to share a bedroom Fred?"
"Like that's gonna change when you have more to pay with the same amount of money coming in!"
"Let's just stop fighting, it's getting us nowhere. We know what's going on. There's no point in arguing any more."
They went silent for a long moment, and the kids came out of their room. They had both been crying, and it was obvious to tell.
"What's going to happen?" Charlie asked.
"Everything gonna change," Emily told her brother.
Faith looked at her kids, and her heart broke. She could not have ever imagine how devastating this would be for her children. She loved them so much, it hurt her to see them hurting so badly.
For a moment she considered just staying with Fred so that they wouldn't have to deal with what was coming around the bend. But she knew that what they would have to live with if they didn't get the divorce would be far worse.
It also hurt to know that she would be seeing even less of them. She hardly saw them as it was, but she had to do what was best for them for once.
"So who are we gonna live with?" asked Emily.
"That's for the court to decide," Fred replied.
"Are they gonna take us away from you, Daddy?" asked Charlie.
"I don't know what's going to happen. But I promise you that it'll be better the way the judge decides."
Emily began to cry again. "You promised that you'd do everything not to get a divorce! And now you're getting a divorce!"
"That's not my fault!"
"Yes it is!" Emily shrieked, angrily. "Yes it is! No one made you drink again!"
"Emily I'm sick."
"I know you are, but you coulda fought it! You coulda tried harder! You shoulda done everything to not do it anymore! But you didn't! You didn't!"
"Emily," Faith tried to calm her.
"No!" Emily yelled. "This is all your fault, Dad! I don't wanna live with you! I don't care if I'd have to almost live with a babysitter I don't even know! I don't wanna live with you anymore!"
"Emily, you're angry, you don't mean that," Fred tried to reason.
"You hurt Mom, and me and Charlie all the time! And I don't want to be hurt anymore!"
Fred looked helplessly at his daughter. He didn't know what to say to her. His head was aching, and he couldn't do anything to stop the pain.
Emily had always been his little girl, and for the first time he realized just how much he had been hurting her. He never realized just how much his drinking had effected his family.
Now the illusion of a happy functional family was crumbling around him, and he wasn't sure he could stand in the rubble and accepted it.
Despite all the trouble it had gotten him into, Fred just wanted to have a drink. A good strong one, to make him forget what he had just seen. He wanted to forget hearing what he just had.
Even though he knew it would make matters worse he wanted to drink until he forgot that he had a family. A family, he had realized he had hurt more then he ever imagined possible A family he had torn apart, and didn't have the strength nor desire to rebuild.
He wanted to blame all the problem on everyone else. He wanted to blame it on Faith's hours at work. He wanted to blame it on the stress of being a stay at home dad. But the long and short of it was, it was his fault for picking the drink over his family.
He had never wanted to admit it before, but he finally realized that he was happiest when he was drinking to forget. He didn't want any help with it anymore.
He didn't want anything else in his life, he'd just give it all up for the drink. He was willing to give up his family for the drink. He just couldn't stand to watch himself hurt them anymore. He knew if he could just get a drink then he'd be all right again.
When Faith had first suggested he go get help, he did it just to get her off his back. He realized now that that was the wrong reason for it. He should have done it for himself, because it didn't help any other way.
At the AA meetings he remembered people talking about their rock bottom. He thought he had hit his. If it wasn't the real rock bottom would be even more impossible from him to scrape himself up from that.
He looked over at his wife, and children, who were all hugging each other, and crying. The scene playing out before him was his fault. All the other problems had been magnified because of his drinking.
It really was too late, there was nothing he could do, nothing he wanted to do. He was losing his family, and there was nothing more he could do to hang onto them. He had gotten his last chance, and he had blown it.
"So what happens now?" Charlie asked, barely above a whisper.
"I'm gone," Fred said, suddenly.
"No!" Charlie screamed.
"No, I'm leaving. I'll call when I find a place to stay, but I'm not going to live here any more."
"Who's gonna take care of us when Mommy's at work?"
"I don't know, but I'm not going to be here anymore. When a judge tells me what he wants to have happen, then I'll do it, but until then I'll just visit once in a while when your mother's not here."
Fred went into the bedroom, and began to pack. Faith went to call someone, and Charlie followed his father into the bedroom. Trying to throw things out of the suitcases Fred was packing.
"Charles Yokas!" Fred thundered. "You leave my shit alone!"
Charlie looked up at his father, terrified. "I wanna go with you!"
"You can't!"
Charlie began to cry so loudly it was more like screaming. Fred had never seen his son act like that, and he wondered where it was coming from. He also wondered how long he could scream like that before he hurt himself or made himself sick.
While Fred was packing all of his clothes, he was going to leave everything else. He was surprised to hear the doorbell ring.
"Grandma's here!" he heard Emily call.
Charlie quieted down, and went into the living room to see his grandmother. Faith had called her because she knew she needed a little while to talk to Fred, alone.
"We're going to go out for a few hours, all right?" Faith's mother told the kids.
"All right," they both said, rather unenthusiastically.
The three of them left the apartment, hand in hand. Faith went into the bedroom. Where she saw two suitcases packed, and almost overstuffed with clothing.
"Fred," she said. "We need to talk."
"No more talking," he told her.
"So you're just going to abandon your kids?"
He shook his head. "They don't need me around until I'm better."
"They don't need you completely gone out of their lives."
"I can't see them until I'm better."
Tears were rolling down Faith's face. "So you'd rather walk out on them then let them see you sobering up?"
"I can't do this to them anymore Faith."
"You walking out on them will be worse then anything you've ever done."
"I'm not walking out on them!"
"Then let them see you!"
He shook his head. "I can't!"
"So help me, Fred, if you walk out that door, and stop seeing them for any length of time, don't ever look back! Because if you leave under these circumstance, I will make sure they are never in your life again." Faith threatened.
"Then that's just how it'll have to be."
Faith couldn't believe what he had just said. He actually agreed to never see his kids again. They had always been the most important people in his life. From the moment they were born he changed, and he took care of them, sometimes almost by himself.
Faith found it hard to believe that he meant what he had just said. It had to be the alcohol speaking, she decided.
She looked at him straight in the eyes. "Fred, if you chose to this, and you hurt these kids that much by making them lose their father, then that's your choice. But know that if you ever try to waltz back into their lives, and walk out again, I will have you hunted like a dog, and there will be nowhere you can hide from my wrath."
"Faith I've made up my mind. I am going to walk out of this house with the clothes that I have, and I'm never coming back.."
"Fred?" she asked, unsure, calling his bluff.
"I'm gone Faith, I just can't do this anymore."
"If that's your choice, then we'll live with that."
Fred picked up the suitcases, and walked out of the apartment. He didn't even look back. He was crying, but he knew this what he had to do. He would miss his kids, but he couldn't be a half assed father.
He had always tried so hard to be a good father, but he couldn't let his children see him fighting to chose them over his addiction. All he really wanted was to drink. He knew he needed help, but at that moment he didn't want it.
He just wanted to be as far away from anything that was considered a responsibility as humanly possible. He needed to get away from it all. He knew it would hurt his kids, but he needed a fresh start when he finally decided he wanted his life back in order.
He decided that he was going to do what he had to do, alone, and at his pace. If that meant sacrificing his family, that was what he had to do.
In her bedroom Faith had fallen to the floor, and was now in the middle of the room in a heap, sobbing. She knew she, nor her kids would ever see Fred again, and she didn't know what to do.
She never thought he'd walk out on them like that. He had always loved his family more then just about anything else. She hoped that once he sobered up that he would come to his senses, but a part of her knew that that would not happen.
She didn't know how long she had been sitting on the floor, when she picked up her cell phone. Her fingers were on auto pilot, and she dialed Kim's cell number.
"Hello?" said Kim.
"Kim?" she asked.
"Faith?"
"He left," she began to sob again.
"I'll be right there."
Click. The phone went dead. Faith didn't move from the spot in her room until she heard frantic knocking at the door. She went over and let Kim in. As soon as Kim had shut the door, she hugged her.
"He's gone," Faith sobbed. "He said he'd never come back."
Kim wasn't sure what to do for her friend. "Are you sure he's not just drunk?"
"I really don't think so."
"I'll help you through this as best I can," Kim assured her.
"I needed to hear that."
Kim wanted to say something reassuring, but couldn't think of anything that could make the situation better. Her friend had just watched her husband walk out on her, and her kids, what could she do to help.
"I'm feeling really light headed," Faith mumbled.
"I'll get you a glass of water," Kim offered, scurrying into the kitchen.
She came out and handed her friend a glass of water. She took a few sips, and calmed a little. Kim was alarmed to notice that Faith was looking rather pale, despite having just been crying. She expected her friend to be red, but she wasn't.
"Could you let me check your pulse?" Kim asked.
"What? Why?" Faith asked, concerned.
"You're in shock, and I think you are very close to having a really bad anxiety attack. I really don't want that to happen while you're alone here."
Faith held out her wrist, and Kim placed her fingers on the pulse point. Sure enough her heart was racing, and Kim was worried.
"Would you come down to the bus with me, and let me take your blood pressure?" Kim asked her friend.
"Yeah," Faith replied.
The fact that Faith hadn't even really protested further alarmed Kim, she knew Faith was a fighter. She didn't want to leave before she knew it was just a state of shock, and nothing worse.
Faith followed Kim down the rig that was parked in front of her building. Bobby looked on, a little confused. But decided not to question anything that was going on. Kim checked Faith's blood pressure, and she didn't like the numbers she saw.
"You are at a very high risk of really hurting yourself, if you don't get to a hospital. You could even have a heart attack Your kids need you more then they ever have, so I'm going to take you to Mercy."
Faith simply nodded, then got in the back of the rig. She heard her tell Bobby that they had to get to Mercy. Then Kim joined her in the back, glad he was not using the sirens as they went to the hospital.
Kim took her friend's hand, and just held it the entire way to Mercy.
"You'll get trough this, somehow," Kim assured Faith.
"I never thought that this was how this would happen," Faith whispered.
"Just remember, I'm here for you."
"Thank you, you're the only friend I have, since I screwed things up royally with Bosco."
"No, you didn't. If you asked him, I'm sure he'll be here supporting you too."
When they got to Mercy, Faith was put into an exam room almost immediately. Kim stayed in one of the waiting rooms with Bobby, who still didn't know the whole story.
"Kim!" she heard a voice call.
"Yeah," Kim replied in the direction of the voice.
"Did I just see you bring Yokas in?" Bosco asked.
"Yeah."
"Is she all right?"
"She's going to be fine. I was just worried about her vitals."
"What happened?"
Kim looked at him, helplessly. "I can't tell you anything more then she was having a really bad panic attack, and I was afraid she might have a heart attack."
"Because of?"
"Fred."
"Did he find out about, you know?"
"No, that wasn't it. Look I'm sure she'd really like to see you right about now. Why don't you go ask her yourself."
"I think I'm about the last person she wants to see right now."
Kim shook her head. "You are far from the last person she wants to see. She could really use all the friends she can get right about now, so don't let the other night stop you."
"Can't you tell me anything more?"
"I'm sorry, it's really something she'd have to want to tell you."
Bosco nodded. Kim told him where he could find Faith, and he went to the room. He watched and waited till the nurse left, then slipped into the room.
"Bosco?" Faith asked.
"I saw you come in earlier, I wanted to know what happened, and Kim wouldn't tell me," he told her.
"She's a really good friend."
Bosco nodded. "So what about the other night? Are we good?"
"Yeah, I want us to be good. I'm not sorry it happened, I just regret the timing."
He nodded. "What happened?"
They never needed a lot of words to be able to communicate. He knew that something really bad had happened, and he needed to know what. So that he could help her any way he could.
Faith looked down at the floor. "Fred left."
"I thought you wanted a divorce anyway."
"I did, I do- It's just that he really left. He's gone, for good. He doesn't even want to see the kids again."
"You have to be lying to me cause you don't want me to know the real truth."
"That's it, Bos. He's gone, for good."
Bosco realized that she wasn't lying to him. He couldn't believe that Fred would actually leave his family like that.
"So what now?" he asked her.
"I really don't know. I guess I have to tell the kids what's going on. After that, I guess it's going to be a long road to being healed," she replied.
"I'll help with that in any way I can."
She smiled at him, and began to cry again. "Thank you, Bos, I really appreciate it after the way I treated you."
Without words she had apologized to him about walking out that night, and he had accepted her apology.
"What are friends for?" he asked.
"Yeah." She pulled her wedding ring off. "Mind throwing this somewhere where it'll never be found?"
"Be glad to."
"Thank you."
"No problem."
She smiled at him, weakly. "So we're friends, and that's all?"
"For now, yes. If you ever want something else when all this is over, I'll be there."
"Thank you."
"I have to get back out, but if you need me, call me, anytime and I'll be there."
She smiled at him. "Thank you so much."
He left the room, and soon the doctor came back, and told her that she could go. He also prescribed her some anti anxiety pills, until she was able to see a therapist, to keep her from having a full out panic attack, or worse.
Now her biggest problem was going to be telling the kids that their father would probably never come back. She didn't know how she was going to do it, but she was going to be a single mother.
tbc...
end notes: yeah, i know not how i'd expect fred to act, but keep in mind nothing's happened after after 32 bullets and a broken heart, so i suppose it could happen this way... as i said drama, and angst too, not what i had planned but when the muse whispered into my ear i thought we could make it work, so here it is... pls tell me what you think... up next faith has to tell the kids