::maniac laugh:: Aha! The plan for fanfic domination is working!
::pause::
You didn't just read that.
…yea so anyway, I think this fic should be a Delia one. Well because the title is The I Hate Jonathan and Delia Fan Club. So now I'ma gonna writify a Delia one.
Let's see it will take place during INHOTG in the Alanna series so the main character will be Alanna. How about a little AG fluff to go with it? And a fight scene? And Jon is evil in this fic so don't ask.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in this fic because apparently the TP phone service just called me, and said they are gonna take away all of my things and send me back to the people in the white coats with the pointy things again. I don't like that place.
::snort::
yea that was a run on sentence…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Alanna's patience was running as thin as a piece of microscopic paper and much more. What was this the tenth time that she saw Delia in Jonathan's bedroom? Probably more now that you think of it. And now as she tried to sleep in her bed, those nightly noises were giving her a massive headache.
It's not like she was jealous or anything, but Delia made her sick. And now that she thought of it more Jon was making her just as nauseous. He was so simple minded, and didn't even care about other people.
Alanna promised to herself that she would move out of the country and perhaps move out of those countries that she just moved into when Jon became king.
If he became king, Alanna thought with a wicked smile.
(A/N: uh oh, is Jon gonna die in this one too? Just makes it better I suppose.)
"Faithful," Alanna hissed quietly at her kitten. The lazy kitten just twitched his tale and released a rather large yawn before once again falling into slumber.
"Stupid cat," muttered Alanna as she put on her boots and a jacket while also making sure her chest was bound flat. "I guess I'll be going to George's without you then," she snapped at the cat.
Congratulations, he said a little too mildly, and then once again began the soft snore of sleep.
Alanna muttered about stupid cats that will no longer be able to sleep on the nice soft bed as she left the room and stealthily walked the halls.
At last she arrived at the city gates. They were dressed in jewels and other riches that could've fed a poor family for years. Just shows how much our wonderful palace is, Alanna thought angrily as she walked out of the palace gates and into the lower city.
The dancing dove was a rowdy place for an inn, but then again what fun would an inn be without cheering and drinks all around? The inn was packed with a variety of people from the average thief, to the noble man who was out for a strong drink.
"Alan! How 're ye doing me' lad?" Cried the familiar voice of the caretaker. "Out to see my Majesty I presume. He's over at his table me' lad."
Alanna smiled and walked over to George's table. She saw him sitting at the head of his table with a round of friends around him.
"Alan hello!" George greeted with a kind smile, but it was soon replaced with concern when he remembered the time. "What's wrong?"
"We need to talk about something," Alanna said to him. When she looked back up at him, she saw something in his eyes, she didn't know what it was, but it made her feel giddy.
George nodded and rose from his seat. With his arm on Alanna's shoulder, he led her to his room. He could sense Alanna trembling, but whether it was because she was tired or angry he couldn't tell.
Once in his room George made Alanna sit in a chair across from his own. He poured a glass of lemonade for them both.
"Gods George he's tearing me apart!" Alanna cried as she put her head in her left hand. "He's annoying the crap out of me, and that Delia girl isn't much better."
"Easy there lass," George cooed. "I presume we're talking about Jon right?" at Alanna's nod he continued. This times more quietly as if he didn't want her to hear. "You're not jealous are you?"
Alanna rose her head to shoot violet eyes at him. "Anything but," she retorted. Did he just look relieved? Alanna thought confused.
"So how should we kill im'?" George asked with an evil grin.
Alanna grinned too. "I was thinking poison."
"That makes two of us. Well actually I was thinking for Delia that we could make her look like a fool of herself and then poison her."
They talked for a few minutes as they concocted an evil plan.
"That works." Alanna stood of along with George, and she began to walk out the door.
"Lass," George started almost like he was nervous. Alanna spun around to meet his eyes. Gods they were so beautiful. She never really did notice how much green was in his hazel eyes, and his smile made her want to drop to her knees.
"Yes?" she asked when he didn't continue.
He walked up to her so their bodies were only a foot apart. "I just want to say that I like what yer doin', but I like you much more." He raised her head up to his with a finger on her chin and kissed her sweetly.
Alanna was shocked. She never knew that kisses could be so emotional. And surprisingly enough, she was depressed to have it end. She was amused to find that George's face was a tinge redder then a while ago.
"There's a ball tomorrow, I think we can do the Delia plan then," Alanna pointed out. George smiled and nodded. She waved and left the door leaving a very flustered George.
The walk back to the castle was a fast and cold one, and Alanna didn't like it at all. Something about the air told her that she was being watched, and she didn't like it at all.
As if to confirm her feelings, she heard footsteps behind her. She quickly spun around with two once hidden daggers in her hands.
All that she saw was a piece of parchment blowing away with the wind.
Alanna glared at nothing and turned back around as she started her walking once again.
Once again the hollow stalking footsteps followed.
She sighed an inward sigh and grinned. "What the hell do you want?" she snapped as she turned around quickly.
She nearly jumped out of her gift when she saw a man in dark robes and darker hair stand before her. He too also seemed surprised (even though he was the one doing the stalking).
"I want all you—OH MY LORD!! YOU HAVE PURPLE EYES! GAHH! OMY—THAT IS JUST UNCALLED FOR!" And with that he ran away in many high pitched girlie screams.
Alanna snorted and continued her walk.
With those footsteps still following.
Shivers ran up Alanna's spine as she started to get freaked. If those footsteps weren't that crazy guy's, then whose were they?
"Hello lad," drawled an oily voice behind her. She spun around once again with her daggers exposed. Waves of fear surged throughout her body. She never liked stalkers, and here one was draped in black robes and rich garments.
"Okay listen," Alanna started. "I've been having a really bad day because this guy is getting it on with this witch with a capital B in a bedroom next to mine and their making all this noise, so you know I plan to kill them cause they really piss me off. So I walked to the inn to talk to my friend and he kissed me, and I thought I liked it but now I'm just really really confused. So we came up with a plan to kill…
Does he ever stop talking? The mysterious man thought a little bit over annoyed.
"…So I said goodbye and I was walking down the road and I hear these footsteps right? So I turn around and all I see is this stupid piece of paper, and I have to admit I got a little scared there, but I just continued walking. Then I hear those footsteps again and this gender confused guy is staring at me and he gets all freaked because of my eyes. I mean really it's not like their scary or anything right? Their just purple, nothings wrong with purple. I actually have learned to love the color even though it does clash with my hair. Cause just face it. Purple and red? Nu uh, doesn't match at all. So anyway he runs off screaming bloody murder, I really love that game, and then I start walking and I hear those footsteps again and by this time I'm like dying of fear. And then I see you and stuff and you look kinda scary, but it's nothing I can't take, so I'm not really that scared anymore and--."
"DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?!?!" the man yelled to her.
She paused thinking it over. "Not really, no."
The man was about to explode right then, but he quickly let it down. "Can we just get the fight over with?"
"Oh yea um sure. Just a sec," Alanna said. She fumbled with her sleeve until she produced two daggers. She got in the ready position. The man drew out a long sword.
"You aren't a commoner are you," Alanna said uneasily. Commoners weren't aloud to wield swords.
The man laughed an evil, maniac laugh. All he did was laugh and laugh for five full minutes. He wiped hysterical tears from her eyes. "No I'm not. I am you father."
(A/N: kay that was unexpected…)
"SAY WHAT?!?!" she cried, almost dropping her weapon in shock. "Dude I hate to burst your slightly disturbed bubble, but my dad is dead. Good riddance," she said under her breath.
The guy scratched the back of his head. "Oh…erm. Your uncle then?"
"You scare me," she said flatly.
In a burst of speed, Alanna brought her daggers up to attack, but the man blocked it with his long sword. It wasn't the best block however; he didn't expect an attack.
Alanna once again attacked only to be blocked by a powerful sword that made her bones jiggle. She gritted her teeth from the impact.
At last Alanna pulled away and ducked just before the sword was about to behead her. She swiftly collapsed his feet from under him with a spinning kick and jumped back up.
She brought her dagger down to his heart, only to have it blocked away. The impact from the other sword made her dagger shoot up and accidentally scratch her cheek.
Gods that was so stupid of me, she thought getting very pissed. If that happened during practice, she would be doing extra work for the rest of the year.
The man quickly stood up.
With a yell of fury, she brought her daggers in a butterfly sweep knocking his sword under her hilts.
With her hilts crossed and connected to his blade, she brought the long blade up, but her body shook with the effort.
Alanna carefully put her foot on his stomach and turned her hilts hard. The sword twisted out of his hand and she heard bone crack. Before he could throw a punch (with his not broken arm) she kick him with the foot that was on his stomach and made him fly over her shoulder.
When she saw him slowly start to get off the ground from behind her she smiled. Slowly she turned around and at the speed of light she threw one of her daggers at him.
When she looked at him, she saw that the dagger was lodged deeply in his throat.
Gritting her teeth she took out the dagger and went home at a run, not giving a shit if there were still following footsteps.
OOO (A/N: that was so weird)
The ball was overly crowded for reasons that Alanna did not know, but it made things all the better. Embarrassing Delia would be fun!
She was disguised as a lady in a long green gown. She gown was a forest green with black lace trim and a low neckline. She wore a long black wig that hid her fiery hair, but her violet eyes were still exposed.
She cautiously walked over to her knight master not believing what she was just about to do. He was standing there evilly with Delia fluttering over his shoulder.
"Hello Jon," Alanna said unlady like. Not like she gave a damn of course.
Jon turned around with wide eyes as he looked at Alanna. Though she was sure he didn't recognize her. He had the memory of half of a goldfish.
Jon laughed. "Why hello there my lady! And who might such an attractive young lady be?" he said with his eyes lingering on her chest. Alanna saw Delia glare.
Wow I never knew that courting fights could be so much fun (as in two court girls fighting over a guy type of thing.). Alanna smiled and battered her eyelashes. "Alianne of…Queenscove, your highness."
Jon obviously fell for the fief's name. She didn't look like a Queenscove at all. They all had green eyes. And violet isn't even close to green. "I see, would you care to dance My Lady?"
Alanna smiled kindly and glared daggers at Delia who looked like she was about to explode. "I would be delighted," she said as she took Jon's arm. This is so much fun!
As they passed by the very jealous Delia, Alanna 'accidentally' stepped on the hem of the evil girl's dress and undid the lace of her dress with a very small dagger.
Delia didn't notice, but it would be only a matter of time until the dress would fall off.
"Jon, I just adore you, and I've always wanted to do this," Alanna said 'heatedly' right in front of Delia. She grabbed Jon's head and kissed him passionately. It was the last thing in the world that she wanted to do, but it was for a good reason.
"Whoa," Jon said when she was finished. Delia started to scream insults at Alanna. Everyone soon began to stare at the ruckus.
Soon the crowd burst into laughter. Delia stopped screaming her insults and looked down to find that she was only in her under dress.
A serving man (AKA George) came right after and seemed to trip over her fallen dress. The outcome of such 'clumsiness' was red wine spilled all over Delia.
Delia glared at everyone and ran out of the building in tears while everyone laughed.
OOO
Later that night, news reporters reported that Delia had died of embarrassment and poisoned herself.
Translation: later that really funny night, Alanna made Delia die of hilarious embarrassment and George poisoned her while laughing.
OOO
"You know I don't miss her at all," Jon said as he and Alanna sat in a couple chairs. "She was just there so I could look good. The only reason I even dated her was because I wanted to make people think I'm rich and powerful. Even though I already am."
No shit Jon, Alanna thought. "How about a toast to the death of Delia?" she asked holding up her cup full of whine.
"Of course," he said a little too happily. "I really hope this drink isn't poisoned," he added as he took a sip.
Alanna snorted in her drink and coughed. "Why would you think that Jon?" she asked innocently.
"I dunno. Maybe because--." And then he fell too the floor.
Alanna was happy to see that he wasn't moving or breathing! She quickly took out a trash bag and stuffed the body inside. Then she opened her window and through the body out.
"OUCH MY BLOODY HEAD!" cried someone from below. She obviously didn't look to see if the body would hit anyone. She looked down now to see an unconscious Roger under Jon's body.
(A/N: OMG three people in one fic! World record!)
Alanna couldn't believe her luck. She began to do a happy dance in her room.
Walking to the closet she opened the door to admit a concealed George.
"We did it!" Alanna cried. The both hugged each other tight and started to kiss passionately.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Yay! Delia, Jon, and Roger died! Heehee! That's great! Okay now you guys have to review this time cause I only got like three reviews on the last chapter and that is just sad.
Review!
Bbye
heartdamoose