Lolita
By Jia Zhang
Act IV
The late Mrs. Aoyagi had been rather infamous in her circle of friends—the high society of Japan, by business, art or politics. As a young maiden, Mrs. Aoyagi had known many men, several of whom courted her, or had become her valued companions. One in particular was a man called Ritsu.
Ritsu was by all means not a special man to Mrs. Aoyagi—there were others more special and endearing—but a kindred spirit in many ways. They had known each other since they were children—playing the same games, attending the same school, and running in the same circle. They were bosom friends, the dearest of companions, the most secret of all confidants. Ever since she was a young schoolgirl, Mrs. Aoyagi had confided in Ritsu of all her secrets and romances. He was like her diary, where she could spill out her heart, no matter how twisted and tormented and etched in rock it was.
But Mrs. Aoyagi always loved Ritsu's company. Next to only Seimei, he was the only man she ever truly cared for, even if she didn't seem to be aware of it. The two friends were so alike in many ways—cruel, taunting, calculating, the mastermind of their own dimensions. They were often thought of as a snake with two heads by those around them, either friend or foe.
Ritsu had always been considered a rather intelligent and brilliant man. He was a literature professor at a London university, and was always giving lectures in around Europe. Often when he returned to Japan, he would bring stories of great curiousity and splendor to the Aoyagi Estate. He'd tell them stories of the Royal Family, or the older tales of Jack the Ripper. He detailed all his travels along the moor, and the magnificent rainbows after a day of heavy storms. The House always found Ritsu to be a very curious figure—troubling, devious, a Jack-of-all-trades, a devil in disguise. But Ritsu-sensei—as many referred to him, even Mrs. Aoyagi—was an incredibly kind man, with glistening silver hair, and deep blue eyes that seemed to see into the depth of your soul. He always had a certain aura about him that attracted everyone, and most of all Mrs. Aoyagi.
Un démon dans le déguisement.
If it were not for her eldest son, many of the House knew that the responsibility of the grand manor would have been left to the idiosyncratic professor of literature. Ever year, Ritsu-sensei would return to Japan, and visit his dear old friend. It was one of the occasions during the year that the House would be the busiest. All the bed sheets would be washed before his arrival, the rooms cleaned to a spotless finish. The kitchen would be busy to plan a great menu for this illustrious guest. It was such an occasion.
Even after the death of Mrs. Aoyagi, Ritsu-sensei still made his yearly visits to the estate, though his stays were much shorter than before. The professor, though eccentric and enigmatic to everyone, did not have a very good relationship with Seimei, of all people. The Aoyagi heir had never trusted Ritsu—ever since he was a child, Seimei always thought that Ritsu was simply not a man you'd trust. He was too much a fox, too much like his mother—devious, spiteful, but with an angelic face that all seemed to love.
It would have seemed reasonable to all that Seimei would write in his will for Ritsu-sensei to take care of Ritsuka if he ever should die, but against the advice of all, Seimei refused such a notion—and only did the House knew why.
Seimei always had a suspicion towards Ritsu-sensei. He was not the saint he appeared. He was always kind to everyone, but whenever he came to the estate, he was always especially darling towards Ritsuka. It was odd, how sweet he was on Ritsuka, patient, and understanding—to Ritsuka, he was like the father he should have had. Ritsu-sensei's attitude towards the young Aoyagi child was even bizarre for Mrs. Aoyagi, who disliked her youngest born most of all.
Mrs. Aoyagi had always wondered why Ritsu had such a taking to her son. She asked him once. He simply laughed that full and hardy laugh of his, full of mockery and ridicule that you could neither see nor hear. He's a beautiful child, he had replied, no matter how much you deny it my old friend. And that was all.
Perhaps Seimei understood what no other had even wanted to imagine. But Seimei never left the custody of Ritsuka to the professor, but to his friend. So even he never thought of a time that once again should Ritsu-sensei bring his presence upon the estate.
It was winter. The snow blanketed over the city of Tokyo, and the wilderness of the Aoyagi Estate. Everything was dipped inside an inspiring colour of silver and white—it was clean and pure, and absolutely marvelous. Ritsuka loved this time the most, to play in the snow, slide down on a hill in a toboggan, catch the snow flakes upon your mouth, to drinking in this beautiful winter wonderland.
And it was so much more wonderful to spend that time with Soubi.
The older man often took him to the more open fields deep inside the forest. They were always alone, though sometimes Ritsuka took Yuiko along. But most of the time, it was just the two of them. They'd laugh, and play in the snow, until they were both warm and cold and laughing. They'd often get into snowball fights, though the outcome was always sketchy, since Ritsuka would always eventually bring his attack upon Soubi in an avalanche of white powder.
Sometimes, quite often in fact, as the two lay inside the snow, laughing together, Soubi would grab onto Ritsuka, and hold him close, placing an icy kiss upon his lips. The boy would blush much of the time, but on this occasion, this particular day where they enjoyed the white, the clean and the sky, he was much more bold. He deepened the kiss, opening his mouth, shuddering lightly as the azure-eyed man slid his tongue inside. It was such a bizarre intrusion, and perhaps in the back of his childish mind Ritsuka realized it was wrong and inappropriate, but he didn't seem to give the matter any thought at all.
Perhaps he was in love. But Ritsuka was still a child, so he had no concept of it.
For Ritsuka, Soubi was just Soubi—an enigma, a gravity, his absolute vertigo.
Mon amour, mon hantise, le propriétaire de mon âme.
Vous êtes mon tout.
Embrassez-moi, tenez-moi, possédez-moi, et je suis à vous.
Aimez-moi, aimez-moi, et amour seulement je.
On this day, this particular day, the preparations for the Annual Aoyagi Winter Gala would begin. It was such a special occasion, to many of the high elites of the world. The Aoyagi's Winter Gala, of music and dining, was the peak of any particular social establishments of the year. Many would come from all around the world—Japan, China, England, America, France, Germany, and so forth. This had been a celebration that the Aoyagi family had celebrated for several generations, and it was well known to all that the event was always best organized by the late Mrs. Aoyagi. When she had been the matriarch of the household, the Winter Gala was the best of its age—the food, and wine, and music, and décor was all beyond that of any regular gathering of splendor.
And Seimei had kept to his mother's procedures for the Gala, and so did Soubi.
Soubi remembered coming to the house once before for the Gala with his parents. It was before he and Seimei had first met, before the two had become such kindred friends. Soubi remembered it to be such an amazing celebration, grandeur, beautiful, glistening inside the sparkle of champagne bubbles. Soubi was never one to plan and organize such a gala as famous as those Mrs. Aoyagi had arranged—so, he just kept to her plans, as Seimei had done.
For days the House was busy with activity, cleaning and grooming the manor, planning the menu for the guests, weeding the gardens, placing beautiful winter features in around the house—holly, flowers, crystal and more. It was such a sight to see.
But Soubi could see how displeased Ritsuka was about all of this. It was quite evident to the azure-eyed man that his young lover had never been in good relations with his mother, and even such a memory as the galas were not a pleasant reminiscence. Ritsuka has told Soubi that he had never been allowed to see the Galas, until his mother had died and Seimei had taken over the preparations. When he was a child, his mother would always lock him in his bedroom, saying that children should come to galas. But Ritsuka heard the voice of children, their happiness with their family. When he was little, he used to cry on those nights, and Seimei would come to comfort him. Even when Seimei became the Master, Ritsuka still didn't like the galas. He had begged his brother not to have them anymore—but they were a tradition, something even Seimei did not wish to break.
And neither did Soubi, for it was an obligation of his contract in Seimei's will.
Ritsuka certainly was not happy at all. He completely avoided Soubi for the rest of the day, often spending his time in the library, reading poetry by Poe, Elliot, Keats and Dickinson. He wasn't upset with Soubi, knowing fully that this was something he had to do. But it didn't change the matter of how upset Ritsuka was.
He hated his mother, and this entire estate, this name, this fate that he was forced to trek upon. Ritsuka knew, that after Seimei died, when he was old enough, he would have to follow in his family's heritage. He didn't want any of this. He wanted Soubi to take him away from the pressure of his blood and lineage. He wanted the freedom he was always denied. Soubi was that freedom, but even he could not offer Ritsuka his desired escapism.
Oh, how he wished to leave with Soubi to all the places he had described—Paris, the Americas, Russia, and so much more. He wanted to see, to touch, to learn, to taste, to experience all the world had to offer. He hated this suffocation—this twisted sense of claustrophobia of his imprisonment.
Until this name of his came crumbling into ash, Ritsuka knew he would never be able to escape from his fate. Oh, if only Soubi would take him away.
Prenez-moi de cet endroit, et aimez-moi en tant que vous par le passé.Laissez-moi s'échapper.
The boy sat gazing out of his window at the sky, cloudy with gray and black. A storm was brewing, of snow or rain he did not know. But an awesome storm it would be. He heard the maids talking outside of his room. The invitations for the Aoyagi Winter Gala had been sent. Soon, the mountains of guests would be arriving for the festivities. Ritsuka buried himself into the blankets of his bed as the maids mentioned the names—Kyouraku, Takahashi, De Lacier, Montessori, Williamson, Chang, Quatermaine, and names that meant nothing to Ritsuka.
And then—
Ritsu-sensei will be coming as well.
Ritsuka sat up.
Ah, ce nom, ce nom pécheur.
He gazed his curious amethyst eyes at the door as he continued to listen to the loud chatter of the maids. The professor would be returning to Japan from Berlin for the Winter Gala, but would only be staying that one-day. He would speak to the new Master of the estate, and see some old friends. But that would be all.
This made Ritsuka curious. The good sensei was always such a mysterious figure in his life—he'd come and go often when Mrs. Aoyagi was still alive. He was always so peculiar, and so kind. Ritsuka remembered how he'd sit him on his lap, and he'd tell him stories, of ancient battles, or tragic romances, or tales by the Brothers Grimm. Ritsuka particularly liked the sensei's visits—he was one of the few adults he appreciated. To the boy, Ritsu-sensei was the like the father Ritsuka wished he had.
But no matter how much Ritsuka enjoyed the sensei's company, Seimei always disapproved of him. His brother never seemed to like the man. Seimei's eyes were always cold and foreboding towards Ritsu-sensei. He didn't trust a word the man said; he didn't trust the man at all. And Ritsuka never cared to know why.
It was perhaps because Ritsuka never noticed the way Ritsu-sensei held him, or the way Ritsu-sensei looked at him, or the way he spoke to him. Tiny details—Ritsuka didn't seem to notice them at all; they were only kindness to him. But Seimei did. Seimei knew what the good professor was capable of, which is why he never placed Ritsu-sensei in his will for Ritsuka's guardianship. The man was like a spider, that was Seimei's perception of him, and had he left the guardianship to the professor, he would've caught Ritsuka in his web of deception and lust, and Seimei's beloved brother would become that innocent little butterfly caught in his trap. Seimei knew well—Ritsu-sensei was too much like his mother.
Une araignée.
Hush, hush, je suis sa hantise privée.
And that was why Seimei left the guardianship to Soubi—to keep Ritsuka away from that man, so he wouldn't be succumbed to him, wouldn't fall for his dangerous perfection. And only could Soubi keep Ritsuka away from him.
But Katsuko knew this was not so.
Katsuko had grown up knowing Mrs. Aoyagi, as well as Ritsu-sensei. But she was never such a good friend with Mrs. Aoyagi or Ritsu-sensei, though she was a regular with both. Katsuko's key relation to the Aoyagi family was mainly through Ritsuka. When the boy was still very young, the Aoyagi family physician had insisted for the young boy to go see her for the first time—Katsuko-sensei was a psychologist.
Katsuko always had a fondness for the youngest Aoyagi boy. She was very sweet on him; to her, Ritsuka was like the son she never had. Although, as she would sometimes think, after her sessions with the child, that she would have much preferred to meet him on different circumstances than to simply be his shrink.
Katsuko was yet another in the long line of people who could have been chosen for Ritsuka's guardianship. Although she was not close to Seimei, Katsuko understood Seimei best next to perhaps only Soubi. After Seimei's death, and Soubi's entrance into the Aoyagi estate, Katsuko became even more concerned for the mental well-being of the boy, after all, he already had so much to deal with throughout his life—the neglect of his mother, the abandonment of his father, the death of both his parents, the bereavement of his beloved older brother, and ultimately, Soubi's appearance in his life.
The good doctor, through all her time of being Ritsuka's mental caretaker, had seen the boy change so drastically from one persona to another. He was always perhaps the most at norm with his eldest brother, but the moment Agatsuma Soubi entered his life, Ritsuka yet again became someone new—yet another personification of the real Ritsuka that the doctor had to deal with.
The way the golden child had evolved was completely unexpected. From the happy bubbly child, he changed into a morbid young student of literature, and then finally, to this immature adult in a child's body. Such a puzzle was Ritsuka, much like the older brother, but nonetheless easier to read. After the death of his parents and the return of his brother, the young boy's mood seemed to have heightened greatly. Katsuko-sensei knew that it was extremely bizarre for a child to enjoy in his parent's demise, but in Ritsuka's case, it was understandable. The emotional torture he received from his dear mother was enough to unhinge anyone. Ritsuka never knew his parents, never knew of love from them, only of loneliness, hate, and abuse. For him, their death was the death of strangers.
But Ritsuka was not an emotionless child—he adored his elder brother, shined whenever Seimei was around. To Ritsuka, Seimei was the one and only family he ever truly had. When he was little, Ritsuka wept for the loneliness he could not understand, and the anguish felt deep within his heart. And it was Seimei that rescued him from the loneliness, the heartbreak, the abandonment, the sadness, the sans amour he had always felt. Seimei was the knight in shining armour, Katsuko always thought, for the innocuous Ritsuka who never had a fairy-tale life.
And then Seimei died. And Ritsuka died. It was an oddity that Katsuko-sensei could not fathom, the drastic change in her favourite patient's persona. It disturbed her, but she always understood the ramifications of what would happen to Ritsuka's psyche were Seimei to die due to his illness. Ritsuka was alone again, utterly alone…but once again, someone stepped into his life, to rescue him from this burning nightmare.
The first impression that Katsuko had of Agatsuma Soubi was that he was a very queer man, simply bizarre in all his essence—his smile, his gaze, his odd politeness and insult at the same instance. Soubi was, in many ways, like Seimei, but much less of a puzzle to decipher. Soubi, the artist, the intellect, the mystery, was much less a mystery than he appeared. He was a pilgrim, though not of a religious sense. But he certainly was searching for something, which would have ultimately led him to the Aoyagi maison, and thus led him to Ritsuka.
Katsuko has always understood Ritsuka's desire for escapism; she understood his hatred towards his name. This was perhaps the reason he so gravitated towards Ritsu-sensei, why he also gravitated to Soubi, they who were figures able to rescue him from the dim existence that he would be forced to bear in a few short years. Seimei knew this as well, which is perhaps why he chose Soubi to bear guardianship of his younger brother. Soubi would able to help Ritsuka escape, but keep him safe as well—care for him as how Seimei did. But even the enigmatic Aoyagi Seimei could not predict the unfolding events that would soon occur.
But Katsuko-sensei felt that brewing storm—because Soubi was an honest man, he would not betray his friend's wishes, and the family's traditions. He would not notice to save Ritsuka, for no matter how much Soubi seemed to care for Ritsuka, he could not fathom the boy's desire for freedom. But Ritsu-sensei could—he understood, and he would ultimately bring this delicious gift to his young obsession.
Il y a un donner l' assaut à au delà de l'horizon.
The light haired doctor sighed heavily before blowing on her hands as the cold blistering winter wind wiped her with its vengeance. It would be a long night of festivities. She was early, and few of the guests had arrived. The Sun had not yet set beyond the country land. Ritsu-sensei, she had already been informed, had arrived a day prior to the events, meeting the new guardian of the estate.
The good doctor wondered how it went, the meeting between the two men—Soubi-kun and Ritsu-sensei. Katsuko shivered, and knew not of what was wrong. A storm brewed beyond the horizon, she saw, a frightening creature with limbs, and arms, and claws, and teeth. For a moment, she was frightened, but brushed it off as some bland woman's intuition. She never dared to trust her woman's intuition, but even so could not force the premonition away. This was one of those times she wished Seimei were still alive—the assuring figure, the constant factor of an equation, the single variable that goes unchanged. Seimei made no mistakes.
Agatsuma Soubi did well as host, welcoming his guests with the same calm stature as Seimei once did. It was an odd déjà vu for Katsuko, entering the house to meet a new Master. She conversed a few words with Soubi, common words, nothing special. But Katsuko saw that he never paid a single moment of his attention to her—he was more focused on something else. Although his expression was normal, and did not see at all out of place, there was this agitated aura about him. The doctor looked at him hard, and saw in the reflection of his spherical spectacles, the image of the professor with his young student.
Katsuko turned, gazing in the same directing as Soubi. Smiling and laughing, children surrounded the clever professor, hearing of his new tales in his teachings abroad. The children sat all around, but Ritsuka alone sat on his lap. Katsuko saw, as Seimei would have often seen—the sensei's hand, gently caressing Ritsuka's shoulder, the insidious smile he implored at the boy, the licentious gaze his eyes reflected. It disturbed the good doctor.
And it disturbed Soubi as well.
Il était étrange.
Since the beginning of the preparations for the gala, Ritsuka's mood had turned for the worst. He was often cold and distant towards Soubi, and nearly everyone in the House. But the moment he saw Ritsu-sensei, he brightened up considerably, and the azure-eyed man could not help but feel rather dejected. He did not wish to search too much into it, but it was impossible not to sense something odd about the whole affair. But Soubi had yet wanted to admit he was jealous.
The instant he met Ritsu-sensei, he did not like him. Seimei had mentioned before about this idiosyncratic professor who agitated him so, and Soubi felt the same, in a much different way. He felt threatened, as if, for the first time, he was forced to compete—Soubi was always best at everything he did, much like Seimei, so such a feeling he was not used to, or was he able to comprehend. But there was something ominous about the eccentric professor—to the silver haired artist; he was like a spider, a black widow almost.
Katsuko observed this as well.
And Katsuko had asked Soubi of his opinion of Ritsu-sensei. He seemed reluctant at first, but revealed his opinion—it was just like Seimei's, Katsuko thought, this bizarre distrust. She shared it as well. She knew something had to be done. Seimei was not here to command, and Soubi could not grasp what it was he knew was wrong, and Katsuko was the only one who seemed to sense this odd premonition.
That night, while Chopin played in the background, Katsuko took a moment to speak with Ritsuka. It was her duty, and she wanted this premonition away. She walked out into the terrace with the boy, staring off at the Moon. They were silent for many turns of the hand, and then, out of the blue, Katsuko-sensei spoke the warning Seimei was never able to offer.
Stay away from Ritsu.
The boy blinked at her curiously, and for a moment was quiet. Then, he asked, rather softly of the reason behind the sudden counsel, the tenseness the doctor radiated. Katsuko could not place her finger on it either, but knew it was what Seimei would have wished advised upon Ritsuka. Perhaps he was still too young to see the truth, but Katsuko believed, with Soubi at his side, it was time Ritsuka learnt the truth.
He covets you.
Il convoite pour vous.
Katsuko was surprised, not Ritsuka. Katsuko was shocked, not Ritsuka.
Non, il est évident, est il pas, qu'il m'adore?
The boy seemed unchanged by the revelation, almost as if it were the answer to a question he already knew. He spoke, ever so softly, how he had known all along. He has known what the professor felt for him, what the professor desire to do, what the good professor wanted. He had known it all along. He smiled bitterly. It was something his mother revealed a long time ago, the desires of the Flesh. It was perhaps why she loved Seimei more than him, he observed.
But the professor was dangerous, Katsuko wanted to say.
But the professor was not different from Soubi, that was what Ritsuka said. They are all the same.
The doctor turned to her young patient. A positively absurd smile lit up on his face. An absolutely childish smile. A haunting smile, a taunting smile, a smile Katsuko never thought would exist on such a pure and innocent face.
"I already have him…"
Je le possède déjà.
Il est le mien, et je suis son papillon.
I am his butterfly, but I have caught him.
It was such a smile—the smile of his mother. The storm flashed lightening claws and broke through the Earth. The green mother shuddered fearfully, and went quiet once more. She waited for the fall of the raining, and the beginning of this frightfully long storm.
Katsuko covered her mouth, trembling. She wanted to scream.
The rain descended from the Heavens.
L'histoire sinistre n'a pas une fin simple.
Il est un 'love story' ennuyeux. N'écouterez-vous pas encore plus?
End Act IV
Author's Note:
Hello lovelies, I'm back! Finally…finally I am finished this Act. It took me so much longer than all the rest, because I couldn't decide what to do with it. So I ended up shifting between a lot of profiles, from Ritsuka's, to Katsuko's. (sigh) I actually finished this act back in October, but because I was focused on homework and my Angel Sanctuary saga, The Bible, I sorta shoved Loli aside. But hey, at least it's out.
Development wise, this is probably the most important chapter. I do suggest you translate the French, because it does begin to get really important. I would do it, but I'm too lazy. Sorry, but I really am very busy. You have no idea how long and how much pain I went through to finish this chapter. And yes, that is as much dialogue you will ever get in this story.
Don't be weirded. I know the ending of this chapter is slightly…messed up, but it has a purpose. I hope you get the point—Ritsuka is using Soubi. Get my drift? He's using Soubi to escape from his name—doesn't mean sweet Ritsuka isn't in love with Soubi. But it gets dangerous in the last chapter, and will reflect even more of the original tale of Lolita. Ritsu-sensei was really hard to write, and he is probably the best representation of Quilty. God, how I hated Quilty, even though I really like Ritsu-sensei.
Anyways, I hope you continue to read Lolita. The end will be a shocker! I promise you! Don't worry, it won't be a classic "Jia" type of ending. If you've read my stuff before, you can see the kind of style I have. (nervous laugh) I hate cliché happy endings, but this fic will have…kind of a happy ending. Kind of. But you just have to continue reading to see what happens. I promise nobody will die...actually, I really can't make that promise (especially for people who know the ending of the real Lolita).
On another note, I am taking a temporary hiatus from writing to catch up on my real work...like my essays and my exams, which I must do well on if I ever want to write. Again. But, I will try to get the last bit of Lolita out as soon as possible.
Well, thanks for reading, lovelies!
Wow…there is only one chapter left…and an epilogue…
Jia Zhang
© October, 2005 by Jia Zhang. All right reserved.