Well, I must say that I have no idea what is going on in this chapter. That's why I need ideas peoples! I'm sucked out of funny stuff…

Oh wait! I got it! Lol…giggle.

Okay this is going to be a Harry Potter crossover! Man I'm dying just thinking about it! Lol.

But before we start, I have a question. If I put reviewers in a chapter would I be kicked off?

Anyway…lol.

Disclaimer: I don't own any stinkin thing in this chapter. Harry, Ron, and Hermione go to JK, and Tortall and the other dudes are Tamora's

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was a bright and sunny day at Hogwarts castle. Everything seemed to spread a happy radiance to everyone that would make even the most hated Slytherins and most prideful Gryffindors hold hands.

Students skipped down the halls and even the people who got knocked over by skippers laughed at their new bruises and in some cases, broken bones and fractured spines.

Even the usually grumpy, evil, and stressed teachers wore a smile on their faces. Snape gave less homework then usual, Flitwick handed out delightful cherry lollipops at the beginning of class, and Sprout gave each house fifty house points for no good reason.

Even Malfoy, who never seemed to let down his attempt to ruin Harry's, Ron's, and Hermione's lives, didn't even try to trip one of them over or accidentally set a very big troll on them.

Harry, Ron, and Hermoine were all in their house common room laughing and eating candy as they told funny jokes.

Harry himself felt like doing something dangerous and stupid that might get him expelled. "Hey guys, wanna go on an adventure?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Harry we went on an adventure yesterday, can't we have a break sometimes?"

"Um, let me think. No. We have the world to save! My revenge on Voldemort will be complete!"

Ron cringed at the dark lord's name. "Actually I'm up for an adventure."

Hermione sighed. "Well I better come along to keep you out of trouble."

"How about we travel far away with a magical potion that we aren't supposed to do because we are inexperienced and ignorant?" Harry recommended. Ron shrugged and Hermione got out a potions book that she 'accidentally' took from the restricted section of the library.

OOO

About two hours later, the potion was ready and Harry, Ron, and Hermione were getting cups for them to drink the potion out of. Why? Because that's what cups are for.

"This is the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my entire life!" Ron retorted when he tasted a small bit. "This—this is worse then the Polyjuice potion! This thing is so vile that it is unfit for the Satan himself. And even if Satan did try it, he would burn in hells fires and then hell itself would explode!"

"Oh just suck it up and drink it Ron!" Hermione said as she herself gagged on the wicked vileness of the wicked and vile substance that was wicked—and vile.

Eventually, after many curses unfit for little children by Ron, they had all finished the potion.

Harry was the first one who felt his stomach drop as he felt the potion kick in. A belch from Ron verified that he too, was feeling the same thing.

At last the world around him felt dark.

OOO

"Guys? Where the bloody hell are we?" Ron asked as he stared around him. They were in the middle of a cobble stone road. There were poor people, rich people, and just plain people around them, but none of them seemed to notice. Apparently where they were, it was not considered quite weird to see people lying in the middle of a road.

"How am I supposed to know?" Hermione retorted as she quickly stood up. Harry and Ron did so as well and began to brush off their robes.

"Some adventure Harry!" Ron said as he tried to blame their attempt on someone. "We could still be in our nice and warm common room getting drunk on butter beer and belching the brains out of ourselves, but no. I had to listen to little Potter and go one of his adventures."

Harry shrugged. "I think it's fun."

Ron was practically going into hysterics then. Right when he was about to mouth off again, Hermione clasped her hands over his mouth and glared at the red head.

"Come on let's go find someone who can help us!" Hermione said. When she felt Ron calm down, she put down her hand and wiped it on her robe.

As if Hermione knew where they were like the back of her hand (even though she probably didn't know what the back of her hand looks like) she headed down the road with confidence in her step. Ron and Harry rushed to catch up with her.

After a couple minutes of walking, Ron, Harry, and Hermione found themselves in front of a large palace gate surrounded by guards.

"Maybe someone important lives here," Ron guessed as he looked at the wall and the castle that was a little ways behind it.

"No shit troll head," Hermione said as she womped Ron on the head. Ron rubbed it protectively.

"Come on guys let's look for a secret entrance!" Harry said with a little too much joy. Hermione and Ron sighed.

"He's back on his secret entrance obsession isn't he?" Hermione said. Ron nodded. They started to run along the long wall.

"OOF! OUCH! WHOEVER KNOCKED ME DOWN WILL SURELY GET THEIR BALLS REMOVED!" Ron cried as he found himself on he ground and covered with muddy mud that was apparently muddy.

The person who knocked Ron down whoever was not a man. And Ron saw that clearly when he looked up into the person's eyes.

"OH MY GOODNESS! PURPLE EYES! PURPLE EYES! IT—SHE –GAH! THIS IS UNCALLED FOR! SHE HAS FREAKIN PURPLE EYES! THAT IS UNNATURAL! SHE IS A PART OF VOLDEMORT! GAH! SHE'S GONNA GET ME AND EAT ME AND THEN KILL ME THEN THROW ME UP AND EAT ME AGAIN! SHE'S AN EVIL PERSON WHO LIKES TO ASSIST EVILNESS AND EVERYTHING EVIL IN THE CATEGORY OF EVIL EVILNESS! WHY OH WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME YOU RAN INTO! WHY NOT A BANANA PEEL OR ANYTHING BESIDES ME! WHY AM I STILL YELLING! AHHH I'M SO FREAKING FREAKED OUT FROM THE FREAKINESS OF YOUR FREAKY EYES AND MY FREAKING VOICE THAT IS STARTING TO CRACK BECAUSE I'M YELLING AND TALKING SO MUCH!" And with that opinion over with, Ron started to calm down, but still stared into the person's (AKA Alanna in case you're stupid) eyes. Harry and Hermione were also quite shocked.

"Um. Okay…" said the woman that bumped Ron over. "Who's Voldemort anyway?"

"Very, very, very long story," Hermione said as she helped Ron up. "Well actually it's not that long, but well, no—actually it is quite long, yet it has a little shortness to it I guess."

"Just make up your damn mind!" said Alanna. Hermione was surprised at the woman's short patience. "Short or long!"

"Erm…short," Hermione said.

"Fine. Then tell me what it is."

"I can't."

"And why is that?"

"Er…because?"

"Because why!"

"BECAUSE IT'S A DAMN SECRET YOU FOOL!" Hermione yelled. If you looked carefully at the red head's hair, you could see the tips were a bit burnt from Hermione's fiery tone. Harry and Ron were flabbergasted to hear Hermione yell, much less express herself in such—gifted—vocabulary.

"Well you could have said so earlier you know," Alanna pointed out. "And who are you guys anyway?"

"I'm Ron!"

"Harry."

"Betty."

Ron looked at Hermione confused. "Are you keeping secrets from us Hermy?"

"Er…yes?"

"Her names Hermione," Harry said. "She's just being a stubborn prat right now, so it's best if you ignore her. Now if you could tell us who you are?"

Alanna sighed. "Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau. The Lioness, Kings Champion, and first Lady knight in a century, Part of the Bloody Hawk Bazhir tribe, and heroine of many."

"Wow, I'm glad I don't live here. I'd hate to have a name like that," Ron said. At Alanna's look, he took a few steps back. A few big steps back.

"Looks like we just hit medieval times guys," Harry muttered to the others.

"So it seems," Hermione said.

"What the crap are you guys talking about?" asked Alanna. "I've never been so clueless in my life! And I thought I was smart. Grr, just—go away!"

"With pleasure," Hermione said hotly. "Unfortunately we do not know how to get home."

"We don't?"

"We don't?"

"You don't?"

"Hermione! I thought you knew how!" Harry said. "Now we might have to live in a whole bunch of horse poop for the rest of our lives!"

"Well maybe life would be easier if these simple headed people had magic!"

"Sorry-magic?" Alanna asked.

"Yes smart one—magic," Hermione said as she took out her wand.

"We have magic," Alanna said. She brought out the violet of her gift and held it in her palm for them to see.

"What the French fry is that supposed to be?" Ron asked as he stared at the clump of purple stuff in Alanna's hands.

"You're a mage?" Hermione asked amazed. "We're wizards."

"So that's what the stick things were for. I thought you were going to attack me or something. Not like I couldn't hold you off with my hard core magic."

"Bet we can do better," Harry challenged darkly as he drew out his wand.

Alanna turned to him and smiled. "Is that a bet you're willing to loose?"

"Quite the opposite."

"For a second I thought you were joking."

"Not even close."

"You actually think you can beat me?"

"Damn right."

"Hate to burst your bubble, but I'm one of the best mages in the land."

"As am I in my land."

"You're lying."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"A self centered, gender confused, stick holding, four eyed, nose picking, wizard."

"That was uncalled for."

"I know it was, but I'm not one to give a crap."

"Good for you. Now can we get the duel over with?"

"Fine."

They walked a little ways away from the palace walls and got ready. Alanna produced her gift and charged it up. Harry got out his wand and held in front of his head.

Alanna was the first to strike, with her gift she threw purple fireballs at the wizard.

"Deletrius!" Harry yelled with a flick of his wand. The fireballs evaporated into the air when they were only feet away from Harry.

"Incendio!" He cried again. Fire erupted from his wand and towards Alanna.

Alanna made the fire die with a wave of summoned seawater.

"Hey Alanna who are you dueling?" Cried an annoying voice to her right.

Alanna rolled her eyes. "Shut up Neal, I'm trying to duel here!"

"Yeah, but who are you dueling?"

"Some freaky kid who thinks he's better then me!"

"Better tell him to quit while he's ahead!"

"Already tried!"

"Hey don't be calling Harry names!" Retorted Ron as he walked over to Neal angrily. "You think you're all that and a bag of chips don't you? Well let me tell you something bucko, you're not, you're really not. Now shut it and let them duel!"

(A/N: oooh. Buuuurned.)

"Well excuse me," Said Neal as he turned back to the duel.

Harry was shaking away what seemed to be orange peels, and Alanna was in the process of gagging up some very unattractive slugs.

Ron winced. "Oh my. I feel you're pain Alanna!"

When Alanna was done gagging up a particularly large slug, she made a large violet horse gallop towards Harry.

"Morsmorde…SHIT!" Green fire erupted from Harry's wand at the same time that the galloping horse trampled him (and nearly beheaded him in the process).

Harry accidentally summoned the Dark Mark, instead of doing a shield spell.

(A/N: lol. stoopid Harry. He's not even capable of doing the dark mark, but w/e. It makes me laugh.)

"HARRY YOU EFFING BLOODY IDIOT!" Ron yelled.

"Erm…oopsies?"

"OOPSIES IS RIGHT HARRY! WHAT THE MOOSE IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Ron added. He tried not to look up into the green skull that was drifting above them. He also tried to ignore the fact that he just replaced a cuss word with the word moose. What was the world coming to?

"I don't really see how this is a problem," Alanna said. "It's just a skull afterall." She walked over to the three teens that were huddling together discussing their escape plans out of Azkaban once they get caught. Harry recommended that they become a part of the CIA in America and pretend that they are normal and didn't just summon the Dark Mark.

"Guys?" Alanna asked.

"Yeah but there are wizards in America remember?" Hermione told them. Harry hit himself on the head.

"The moon?" Ron asked.

"How about we shrink down to microscopic size?" That came from Harry.

"The moon?" Ron asked again.

"Guys?" Alanna repeated. They still didn't seem to hear her. She cleared her throat. "GUYS!"

"What do you want?" Ron asked patience running short. "Can't you see that we're organizing an escape plan?"

"Yes I can. But I really don't see how this is a big deal," she told them. Many mages in Tortall accidentally summoned a green skull into the air that looked very much like the Dark Mark, and nothing happened to them.

"ARE YOU BLOODY INSANE?" Ron wailed. Neal, who was eavesdropping, covered his ears from his voice.

"He is," Alanna said as she pointed to Neal. "I'm not."

"Switch that around and you have the truth," Neal drawled. Alanna glared.

"I still don't see why this is a problem. And if in some freaky contorted way it is, then we can help you. Follow me, let's go meet the king." She walked off towards the entrance of the gates

"King?" Harry asked as they started off after her.

"Great. Our little 'adventure' and now we're seeing royalty. Fun," Hermione said as she also followed. Ron was still trying to comprehend the fact that they we're about to see a king (and that they summoned the Dark Mark)

OOO

It was a wonderful day for King Jonathan in is wonderfully built wonderful castle that was apparently very—wonderful. There were no wars or anyone he hated (he killed them all). His treasury was exploding with riches and yummy foods, all of the commoners paid their taxes (taxes make him overjoyed), and no one had tried to kill him today (that was a first).

When he looked out the window, he discovered that the grass looked greener and the sky bluer. It could've been because of the threatening skull that was drifting in the air not too far away from the castle walls. Usually something like that would be clearly dangerous, but today he was too happy to be bothered with such things (and his brain couldn't comprehend that it was the size of a walnut. A very stupid walnut, mind.)

A knock on the door brought him back to his desk to hide his action figure dolls that he enjoyed playing with. His favorites were the Kenny and Barbra dolls because they had good looking as—

"Highness?"

"Yes Gary?"

"Visitors."

"You suck."

"You swallow."

Jonathan, who was just then taking a sip of very yummy orange juice, choked. "Just send them in."

A few moments later Alanna, Neal, and three very interestingly dressed kids entered.

"Yes?"

"Jonathan there's a skull in the sky," Alanna said, not even worried about titles.

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Alanna," he replied.

"Your Highness," Hermione started with a curtsy (making Harry and Ron snort). "That's not just any skull in the air."

"Yes, now that I look closer it is a very peculiar color of green. Almost a jade green perhaps, but with a hint of emerald on the edges, and I'm guessing that if the sun hit's it the right way, it will have a little yellow tint to it. But then again, I could be completely wrong and it could turn to black. But who am I to know exactly? I must admit that I am quite interested in the way that colors play in our world, but then again I am a fully trained knight and king. And kings do not have time to flutter over pretty colors no matter how…"

"He could go on for hours if you let him," Alanna grumbled to Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Good for him. Do you think we can not let him?" Ron asked getting quite annoyed.

"With pleasure," Alanna said with an evil grin. She walked over and, very hard I might add, hit Jonathan of the head.

"Jonathan we don't have time for your speeches about colors. These kids accidentally summoned it, and they say it's really bad that they did so."

"That's because it is Dammit!" Hermione said. "We're totally going to die very painfully if the Order or the Ministry finds out. I'll be expelled! Heaven forbid, this can't be happening to me!"

"Wow slow down their skippy," Neal said overtaken by her emotion.

"How would this Order find out anyway if you're in a totally different land?" Alanna asked them. Harry, Ron, and Hermione (who was sobbing into Ron's shirt) all froze.

"Yeah you know you've got a point there," Harry said as he thought it over.

"Jeez how could we be so stupid!" Hermione said growing happier by the second. "I won't be expelled, I won't be expelled!"

"She won't be expelled! Er—I mean, We won't be expelled!" Ron cried, almost giving away his crush for Hermione.

"You won't be expelled?"

"You would've gotten expelled?"

"What the bloody hell does expel mean?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "We still have another problem however. How the moose crap are we going to get home?"

"I think Numair can help with that," Jonathan said as he summoned one of his runners to fetch him.

"What's a Numair?" Ron asked. Harry and Hermione also looked quite confused.

"Numair is the best mage in the realm, and he can probably get you home. If not Daine can always get a dragon to get you home."

"You have dragons?" Ron asked. "What kind? Chinese Fireball, Antipodean Opaleye, Hungarian Horntail, Norwegian Ridgeback—"

"A whatie what?" Asked Jonathan. "We don't own dragons. They are their own kind, and are very intelligent. They live in the realms of the gods, and are all one species."

"um…kaaaay," Ron said. He nudged Harry on the side and muttered in his ear," This guy needs to take care of his mental problems. And soon, I fear for his people." Both of them snorted and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"You wanted me sire?" asked a really tall guy who was outrageously tall and had long black hair.

"Looks like we found Hargrid another friend," Harry whispered to them.

"Yes, Numair. These three need help getting home to their realm, they accidentally got here somewhere."

"They're wizards, and they used a potion," Alanna informed.

"A really nasty potion mind you! It was so disgusting, remind me to never drink Hermione's potions ever again!" Ron cried. For such an outburst he was awarded with a kick from Hermione.

"It think I know a potion that can get them home," Numair said. "Follow me."

OOO

"I TAKE THAT BACK! THIS IS THE NASTIEST THING I HAVE EVER EATEN. THIS IS TWENTY BILLION TIMES WORSE THEN HERMIONE'S! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! WHAT DO YOU EAT FOR BREAKFAST, BUGGERS! I'M SURE YOU WEIRDOS ACTUALLY ENJOY EATING THIS CRAP! IN FACT THIS IS CRAP—ONLY WORSE! THIS IS RUBBER BAND TASTING CRAP WITH LIZARD EYES, TOENAILS, EVIL VILE SLIME, ROTTEN BANANA PEELS, BLUE CHEESE, AND DUCT TAPE MASHED TOGETHER WITH TOXIC GOO! OMY—I AM GOING TO PUKE. AND THEN I'M GOING TO PUKE AGAIN FROM TASTING THE PUKE AGAIN WHEN I'M PUKING, AND THEN I'M GOING TO PUKE AGAIN FROM SEEING MY OWN PUKE! I'M GOING TO BE SICK, AND THEN I'M GONNA DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Would you just shut it Ron!" cried Hermione as she herself was gagging on the potion.

Numair was happy when they finally disappeared; they were starting to give him a headache. The king beside him also seemed to be in the same condition.

"Highness?" said a messenger. "There is a visitor for you. He sys his name is Lord Voldemort. Says something about the skull in the air belonging to him."

"I'll see to it right away," the king said.

OOO

"Well that was a fun adventure," Harry said delighted once they were back in the common room.

"You have no idea how much I hate you right now," Hermione grumbled as she wiped dirt off of her robes.

"So, anyone hungry?" Ron asked.

"I thought you just said you we're going to puke," Hermione said

"I don't feel like it anymore."

"You scare me."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I wouldn't consider it one."

"Neither would I, but I'll make an exception for you."

Hermione rolled her eyes and headed towards the great hall with Harry and Ron in pursuit.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—ahem.

Heehee that was so fun.

Now give me ideas! Grr.

Replies:

Megster: Ah yes. Well pointless is my middle name.

Sull: Yea I loved the slumber party one. Well I hope this chapter gave you some satisfaction. If not I'll have to kill you. Hahahahahahahaha! Just kidding—just kidding! Lol.

HyperLittleCat: Darn it! I hate school too. Except I get to see my friends and get in trouble with the teachers. I'm a freaking class clown and always get in trouble for doing stupid stuff during lunch with my friends. It's fun. But anyway, My spelling is crap so ya. And I like to kill Jon.

Jeweled Rose: grr I hate that when it happens to me. Lol. Dude a fellow Liam hater! Yes….I love hating Liam. He's such an ass. Well I must say that I do have a slight talent for the art of killing people I hate. I'm also kinda random and stuff so that's why all of this is kinda—let's just say—creative. I love your story by the way. Long live KN! You are welcome to steal the pet pig line if you still want to.

Ethuiliel: Yes I myself have aliens as siblings. And my little sister…don't even want to start on that. What pairings should I do? I want to do a crazy one. Maybe a Owen/Kel. That would be so weird.

Hahahahahahaha!

Funny monkey.

What the?

"Some people remind me of a slinky. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."

-heartdamoose's shirt

lol.