Okay just yesterday, I got a genius idea for another chappie thingy. Lol I thought it was really funny…and cute, but think what you must!
It's going to be a chapter where Kel and Neal accidentally switch minds. Lol…you can just imagine. And it's during Page. So basically Kel has to act like Neal, and Neal has to act like Kel (and Neal takes all the crap of being a girl).
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.
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"Come on Neal! Don't tell me you can't do any better!" Kel teased as she held up a wooden practice sword, and beckoned her best friend over to her to face his match.
"Well I'm sorry Miss Pro Sword Yamani Buff Girl!" Neal insulted has he wiped sweat from his forehead. He panted in front of her with his practice sword held to his side.
"That was the lamest nickname I have ever her in my life," Kel pointed out bluntly as she too put her sword down.
Neal smiled evilly. "I guess you haven't heard many nicknames then," he drawled. However his comeback wasn't good enough for Keladry of Mindelan.
"Not as much as you have."
"Meanie."
"Now look who can't come up with the good nicknames."
Neal stuck out his tongue. "Meanie is a perfectly good nickname."
"Meathead."
"Hey!" Neal said pointing at her in an accusing voice. "You don't learn that nickname until Book three!"
"You know, you have a point there…"
Neal smiled crossing his arms on his chest lazily. "Sir Nealan always has the point my dear girl. I bet you wish you were me, so you could always have the point too."
"Chh! Like I would want to be you!"
Neal gave her a surprised look before glaring at her with his nose up in the air. "Just like I would want to be the Yamani Lump!"
"Face it Neal, you know you want to be just like me."
Neal stared at her taken aback. "Me?" he said pointing at himself. "Be you? When pigs fly!"
THEN SO BE IT! Boomed a voice above them from higher then the clouds. The voice hurt their ears and made them go to their knees as they covered them.
The last thing they both saw was a particularly fat pig standing over them wings spread from landing on the ground.
OOO (A/N: wow….that lacked major point. Okay from now on when I say Neal, it's Neal in Kel's body. And when I say Kel, it's Kel in Neal's body.)
When they woke up a while later, they found themselves in Kel's room, sprawled across the ground. Why they were in there however, isn't at all important, so don't worry about it.
Neal sat up clutching his head. It felt like he just fell off of his horse on his head, and it hurt massively. Deciding that he wasn't at all a buff Yamani that could deal with pain, he summoned his gift.
One problem however: his gift didn't come.
"Hey Kel?" he asked as he turned towards her. His eyes grew wide in horror. "OH—MY—OH—OH—MY—WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AH! AH! AH! WHAT DID YOU DO! WHY AM I—WHO AM—WHAT AM—GAH!" Neal froze and touched his face. "Am I dead? Did I pass on to the Black Gods domain and not even notice? Was the flying pig a sign from the god of pigs? Is there a god of pigs? I wouldn't really know. I was never one to study the gods, but I guess it could be possible. Numair would probably know. He's so obsessed with those types of things anyway. Perhaps I should go ask him. If only I weren't dead. Yes, that serves as quite a problem. Well since Daine is half goddess anyway she could always come over here and tell me. But then again it clearly states in book four that she can't visit the god's realms anymore cause she already caused enough mass destruction there. But then again I already am in the realms of the dead, so I can just go ask the Black God myself. Yes, I could just go a'knockin on his door and ask. But wait, does the black god speak? I wouldn't know of course, I've never met him personally. Maybe Numair would know…oh no wait I'm dead. Daine—oh no wait. How about the."
"NEAL WOULD YOU JUST SHUT IT!" Cried Kel exasperated and very cross. She stood in front of her mirror touching her cheek. She looked exactly like Neal. Same eyes, same messy hair, everything. Gods this is a big problem. Neal stared at her.
"So I'm not dead?" he asked as he stood up to walk over to the mirror and look to see Kel as himself. It sent shivers up his spine.
"No Neal, you're not dead," Kel said as if she was talking to a very stupid kid, only the kid didn't understand.
"I guess I can't ask the Black God then…"
"Neal, pay attention to the current problem here!" Kel cried panicked. Neal stared at her, surprised to see her show so much of her emotion. It also looked quite amusing to see himself yelling at himself, wait…. That is so confusing…but it still looked funny.
"So what are we going to do?" Neal asked as he stared at Kel.
Kel shrugged in Neal's body. "Try and find a way out of it I guess. In the mean time we will just have to act like each other."
"You're kidding me. I have to act like a girl?" Neal cried as he turned around so his back was facing Kel.
"Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?" Kel asked amazed as she stared at the back of her own head. She gripped the back of her head to only feel Neal's smooth brown hair.
Neal turned around eyes blazing. "I don't care," he said bluntly. "I'm going to be stuck in your body forever, and I don't care about your hair now. As much as I never noticed how messy my hair actually is, I can't believe this is actually happening. I'll be the second Lady Knight in a century but I'll actually be a boy. Wow it would be like totally opposite of what Alanna did…that is really hard core. I'll have to act like you. The emotionless kick butt girl. I'll be bullied and harassed! My life is ruined!"
Kel stared at her breaking down body as Neal panicked. "Calm down Neal. All that we have to do is act like what body we are while we try to find a way to get out of it."
Neal nodded and shrugged. "Easy enough I guess."
Kel glared at Neal as she tried to act like Neal. "I'm really hungry. Can we go to dinner now? Don't make me eat my vegetables please! I hope the Stump doesn't make us add another weight thingie. I think you're hot Daine. You may not have noticed, but I write poetry to you. My friends say they're horrible, but I'm too IGNORANT and PATHETIC to listen to them. I hope my high ego and sharp tongue never get me in trouble, though it has happened before."
Neal cuffed Kel's ear before she continued on. He was blushing crazily from having his crush on Daine exposed; though they were the only two in the room.
"No blushing," Kel said cuffing his ear back. Neal glared, then remembering that where Kel came from that was disrespectful, he tried to make as straight of a face as possible.
"I am stone. I am stone. Water is the pain stuff, and since I am a cool Yamani guy, I have to make it wash off of me or whatever they say. I like to beat people's butts for fun, and I can fight with a long stick with a piece of metal on the top."
"I do NOT act like that."
"That's where you're wrong…er…sir?"
Kel rolled her eyes. "Come on, dinner is starting soon."
They both ran out the door trying to act like each other as much as possible as to not give each other away. They especially didn't want Wyldon to suspecting anything. That would be horrible.
OOO
When they entered the mess hall, along with many other latecomers, they grabbed their food and sat down with the rest of their friends. Wyldon scowled at the lot of them for being so cheery and young. Unlike him who was old, fat, old, and had an ego that was too high for his own good—and the good of others.
Wyldon stood up along with the others to recite his prayer.
"Mithros, my favorite god above all others. We pray that you will shine your light on me to make me famous and get me out of the hole of ratty teenagers. I ignore you Goddess and will forever, I will never recite your name respectfully in my prayers. And anyone except for the goddess, here my cry to get the lump out of my life. She is a girl, and as a girl, she is too girlie to be a guy. And therefore not a knight. Because knights are guys. And since my prayers are not easy to follow, I hope she doesn't understand what the Mithros I am talking about. So mote it be."
Kel began to fume as she sat among her friends. Her face—or more like Neal's face—grew hot in anger.
"Neal why are you so mad? If anyone would surely be mad, it should be Kel," said Faleron as he dug into his food.
"Oh I'm really mad," Neal said unconvincingly. He brought his bowl of soup to his lips and slurped half of it up before continuing again. "You just can't tell because of my cool Yamani stuff that I can do."
Everyone stared at Neal strangely, wondering what the noodle had happened to Kel. Kel was hitting her head on the table repeatedly. When at last she was done, she dug into her vegetables.
"Neal you're eating your vegetables!" Owen pointed out surprised as he pointed to Kel. Kel froze, a large piece of carrot stuffed in her mouth. With an inner groan, she spit the carrot back out of her mouth and into a napkin.
"Was that what I was eating?" Kel asked stiffly with much worse acting skills then Neal. "I thought it was my dessert."
"Ke—Neal eat your vegetables," Neal said evilly as he ate a buttered roll.
Kel glared, and then popped another carrot into her mouth swallowing it hardly.
"Kel, my flawless euphoria to the sentiment vascular soul of my constitutional inamorato, why haven't you eaten your vegetables?" Cleon asked in his loverish voice. Neal nearly puked in disgust to find that the oaf was flirting with him.
"Oh go read a dictionary, Cleon," Neal retorted in a very unlike Kel way. In fact, it so much unlike Kel that everyone in hearing distance gasped in awe. Kel nearly fainted from Neal's stupidity. This was going to need getting used to. His friends gave Neal who was actually in Kel's body, confused looks.
"Because I—already had my share of vegetables for the day," Neal said thinking fast. His friends all nodded at him strangely, thinking.
"Okay what is wrong with you two?" Roald demanded flatly as he stared at the two of them. Kel and Neal exchanged sheepish looks before looking at the prince.
Kel smiled the most Nealish smile she could muster. "Nothing is wrong dear boy," she drawled biting into a roll. Roald gave her an unconvinced look. "Let's just say it was a dare." Kel said. All of her friends smiled at each other wondering whatever the dare could be.
Neal felt like he could have sacrificed himself ten times over, jumped off of Balor's needle, schooled Mithros in sculpting, and sang to Daine all of his soppiest poems, he was so thankful. Though he then realized that that wouldn't be a good idea to do such things, so instead he just sat there.
"And what would the dare be?" Seaver asked curious.
"Well Ne—Kel and I were practicing in the court yards and we made a bet. If Kel won, I would have to try and act like her, and of I won, Kel would have to ask Lord Wyldon out."
"So who won?" Owen asked excited. "Oh no wait. It was Kel right?"
"How'd you guess," Neal said sarcastically. Everyone stared at her strangely. Kel was rarely sarcastic. In fact it was almost like Neal WAS Kel. Which was true—except they didn't know that.
"Um." Kel started.
"We have to go," Neal said quickly taking Kel quickly and dragging her up and out the door leaving very confused friends.
OOO
What they thought was a disaster in the mess hall last night was soon a miracle sent from Mithros, then blessed by the Goddess. Practice so far was not going too well. Not well at all. Especially when Neal had to ride Peachblossom.
Ouch.
Neal eyed the large gelding nervously as Kel stood behind him—actually her—great, thanks for confusing me. Peachblossom stared at the two of them confused, with ears flat against his head and lips peeled up to show flat, yet terrifyingly big teeth.
"Can't we just ride out normal mounts?" Neal hissed with a whisper as he looked at himself. Kel shook her head.
"It wouldn't be as convincing," she said in an equally quiet voice. Then to Peachblossom she said, "Behave. If you don't I swear there will be no more oats for you."
The gelding stepped back and blew into Kel's face before submitting to her orders. Neal carefully saddled and mounted Peachblossom, as Kel did the same to Neal's black and white smudged mare, Snowdrop.
"Get into line Mindelan!" bellowed Wyldon as he looked at Neal with his harsh glare reserved for girls who were training to be knights.
Neal swore under his breath and nudged the gelding back into line as they walked around the palace. The horse also seemed to be having enough of this.
If we don't find a cure to this soon, I will throttle someone's neck and eat them alive. Wyldon fits perfectly for such sacrifice, Neal thought evilly as he walked with the rest of the pages. When he looked over at Kel/himself, she too seemed to be having much difficulty with Snowdrop, though it wasn't nearly as hard as keeping control over Peachblossom.
Suddenly Peachblossom had an idea to be very evil. He sniggered in a horseish way, and began to buck about crazily. Neal gave a series of chaotic screams and cries as he tried to hold on for his life. So far Neal's day hadn't gone as he planned.
"Calm your horse Kel/Girl Who I single Out all the Time Because I am a Feminist!" bellowed Wyldon in his strict voice reserved for girls.
However Neal didn't hear him because his yells were too loud. In fact, his yells were so loud that people in totally different dimensions heard him.
OOO
"I hear it again," Justin said as he closed his eyes and clutched his head in his hands. His partner in the psychic department put her hand on his shoulder.
"Just hang in there Justin, everything will be okay," she reassured stroking his back.
Justin nodded weakly, sweat flying off of his brow. "I know. It's just so—disturbing."
OOO
Um…what?
Neal had finally calmed Kel's horse enough to dismount. When he did so, he fell to the ground. Kel and Merric came over worried. Kel, in Neal's body, took Peachblossom by the reins calming him down. She didn't notice all of the pages wild stares at the sight of Neal calming the wild horse. Wyldon also wasn't expecting such interesting actions from Queenscove.
"Get off of your bum Mindelan!" ordered Wyldon in his strict voice. Neal moaned and lurched back up to his feet with Merric's help. Kel glared at him with a look that said, 'why did you do that? You just made a total fool of myself! Now the boys will never live this down! Thanks a lot Queenscove!'
Neal gave an apologizing look before staring into Wyldon's murderous eyes. Kel stood next to him backing him up.
"What has gotten into you two?" Demanded Wyldon with a look that could not only peel wallpaper, but could probably detonate it with a detonation system so detonatingly explosivetastic that it could detonate even the toughest and most detonatively proof wallpapers known to the detonaters of the detonating world.
What the?
"It's almost like you two have switched minds!" Wyldon yelled to them. Neal and Kel exchanged shocked looks before looking into Wyldon's firey eyes once again.
"You see Stu—My Lord," Neal said with a drawl only Neal could produce. "Ke—Neal has been having a very bad day today. I'm sure he would love to tell it to you, but it would bring up unhealed scars." Neal then nudged Wyldon with his elbow on the training master's bad arm. "If you know what I mean."
Wyldon rubbed his bad arm unconsciously before speaking once again. "I see. But I still will have none of this behavior. I thought you knew better Mindelan. Though I would expect no less from a girl. You will help with the laundry for one bell on Saturday."
Neal gave a surprised look. "Bu—." He then remembered that he was supposed to be Kel. The Kel who always accepted punishments with no emotion. Stiffly, he bowed wondering how Kel lived like this. It was craziness surely.
Minutes later Wyldon excused them and they rushed to the palace for dinner.
OOO
The next morning Kel and Neal decided to be bad asses and skip classes the whole day. They had to find a way to get back into their own bodies and fast. And what better way to look for a cure then the market?
They went through a secret passage out of the palace, why there was a secret passage way however was not at all any of there concern and never will be. They were not secret passageway specialists.
When they did come out of the passage way they were shocked to find that they stumbled upon an old spooky graveyard that was old, spooky, ancient, and terrifying all at the same time.
Kel and Neal stopped in the middle of the graveyard when they felt someone watching them.
"Neal?"
"Yes Kel?"
"I think we're lost."
"Nonsense. You can't get lost in the a deserted graveyard in the middle of a busy city."
"Then we must have achieved the impossible."
Now I don't know if you've ever been in a spooky graveyard with no one but your friend with you, but it's not something I would not recommend—unless of course you happen to be dead. (In which case you should not be reading this. So stop it! This is not a story for ghosts!)
Kel and Neal walked some more.
"Do you think there are wolves here?" asked Neal nervously. He never liked wolves.
"How would I know Neal? I've never been here before!"
As they walked some more in silence, Neal couldn't help but think there was a wolf following them. Waves of fear crept up his body making his heart beat faster by the second.
There was a growl from behind them.
They quickly turned around, Neal shaking in fear that it was a wolf.
However it clearly wasn't.
Neal's relief that it wasn't a wolf lasted approximately half a second.
"Wow..." was all that Kel could say as she stared at the giant thing in front of them. It looked to be a giant—mushroom.
InterestingHowever that mushroom looked anything but friendly.
"GROWL," growled the mushroom. "GURGLE, HACK, TERRIFYING YELL, NEIGH, WEESNAW."
"What's it saying?" Neal asked.
Kel shrugged. She got her conveniently packed Monster Mushroom Translator out of her pocket to use. She knew it would come in handy some day. "It says if you want the thermometer to eat the wombat's organs with a noodle up his ear, then you have to eat the pickle while tap dancing to the tune…what the heck?"
"Hmm. Funny I've never heard of a tune like that," Neal said deep in thought.
Kel hit him upside the head and then hit her own in her own idiocy. "Silly me. It was on the wrong setting. Much better. It says you shall not pass unless you give me a—shrubbery?" Neal shrugged, as Kel looked up at the evil mushroom thingy.
"What do you want a shrubbery for?" Neal asked to the mushroom.
"LOUD SCREAM, WOOP, LAUGH, GIGGLE, MEEP."
"It says it wants a shrubbery so that his backyard will look nice and pretty," Kel translated.
"A PATH! A PATH!"
Oh shush you!And so Kel and Neal went on a quest in the lands of attacking bunnies and old guys who appear out of nowhere to find a shrubbery. It only just so happened that they found the Holy Grail at the same time.
(A/N: Now if you have no idea what I am talking about, watch the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and maybe you will understand.)
They went on to the market with their small quest completed.
The market streets were busy and bright with nobles and commoners wishing to sell goods. Kids played in the streets, many of them reaching into nobles' purse pockets, while their mothers dragged them out of the streets and onto safe grounds. Everywhere people were throwing goods at them asking them to buy. "Bit o' unicorn hair for better hearing?" asked an ugly commoner with a missing eye.
"Er…no thanks," Neal said shaking his head.
"Cup O' noodles for good luck to your love?" asked a poor woman with stained clothes.
"Thanks, no." Kel said.
"Troll eye for clean teeth?"
"No."
"Toe of Numair for an extra head?"
What?
"No! We don't want to buy any of your—whatever the heck they are!" Kel yelled at the crowds throwing goods in their faces.
"Are you sure laddy?" Asked a poorly dressed man holding what looked like a hippo's ear in a jar.
"Well actually we were looking for something…" Neal started looking at Kel who was himself at the time.
"Ah. Were you looking for mustard guts? You know, for your armpit?"
Kel hit her head on her palm. "No. We. Are. Not," she said hotly. "Do you have something that can switch peoples minds?"
The merchants and traders stared at them while they thought.
"Aye, alas I think not," an old trader informed stroking his chin. "Never heard of anything like that."
Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"Um okay then," Neal said and they started back towards the palace deep in thought of what to try next.
OOO
They still hadn't thought of anything and the dinner bell soon tolled for them to come to their meals. Kel and Neal, sick and tired of being in different bodies, trudged angrily towards the mess hall not in the mood for anything.
And once they saw what was served for their dinner, they lost their appetite as well.
Radish soup.
"Why oh why do people have to be so evil in the art of food!" cried Neal in Kel's body, like a lovesick poet reciting one of his works.
"Why oh why are you acting so strange Kel?" mocked Merric in a tart voice.
"Er…"
"Ne—Kel eat your soup." Kel said as she stirred her own. The purple goodness floated lazily in a radish like way that would make anyone have second thoughts if they should dare eat it or not. Carefully she took a sip of the soup.
Neal glared at her and took a tiny bite as well.
Soon the world around the two fogged and swirled like they were floating in nothing. When they opened their eyes again they were back in their bodies.
Kel picked up her hand and examined it happily. "It feels good to be home," she said quietly with a smile.
"It's good to be what? Kel what has gotten into you?" Faleron asked.
"Um…I said it's good to be home at the castle eating soup." She corrected.
Her friends gave her strange looks.
Neal stood up in whoops of joy. "Yes!" He started a very scary victory dance. "We did it! We did it! We did it!"
"You did what?" Owen asked confused.
"Oh shush you!" cried Kel and Neal at the same time. They then looked at each other and began to laugh.
OOO
"Well that was pretty fun," Neal pointed out as they sat and talked in his bedroom.
"If going through hell in a different body is fun to you, then yes I would have to agree," Kel said dryly.
Neal threw a pillow at her.
"I hope you learned your lesson Kel," said Neal in his usual drawl. "Never wish for flying pigs while Mithros is in earshot."
"Oh great Moral Neal," Kel said dryly.
"Why thank—hey!" Neal threw another pillow at her.
"That didn't hurt you know."
"What do you want it to?"
"No…not really."
"Okay then."
Kel stared at him. "Well what I think is a good moral to this story is to always eat your vegetables," she pointed out. "elsewise we would still be in our little mess."
"I am never eating radishes again."
"You are so right."
"Dear Kel, I am always right."
When Kel heard what he said, she nearly fell off of her horse—well she would have if she's been riding one. As it was, she more or less fell off of her legs.
"You, always right Queenscove!" She said amazed. "When mushrooms fly!"
All of a sudden the monster mushroom flew into Neal's room through the window.
"MANIAC LAUGH. SNORT. SHRUBBERY. GIRLIE SCREAM THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO LAUGH. FINGER NAILS ON CHALK BOARD"
Oh boy.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lol…how strange.
Okay I just wanted to point out that in a couple parts in this fic there are parts that I didn't write, but originaly came from a book called The Knight and the Squire.
Just wanted to point that out you know.
Lol.
Replies:
Joren's Kel: I'm glad you love it! I like Kaddar too. But you can keep him, I have Faleron:kisses faleron: we're getting married soon. Come to my wedding?
HyperLittleCat: dude I totally know what you mean dude. Dude the dudelishious dudey randomness in this dudetastic fic is off the dude world champion dude charts dude! Dude sleepover chapter in duding soon.
Arwen-Dragonrider: I like those chapters too…lol. Potter puppet pals is so funny I luv it when ron goes 'bother'. Lol. I have a t-shirt that has the puppet ron saying bother on it. How funny right? Lol. I luv that website. They need to make another one.
Narm's Briton: lol, thanks!
Sull89: well I'm happy that you laughed! It makes me laugh just thinking of laughing. That made no sense…don't worry it shall be saturated in all the fluffy goodness I can muster! Sugar…sugar yummy in my tummy…
Queensofdakittys: yay I'm replying again! I'm glad you liked the fluff! Mmm…fluffy. I love your idea for the play thing and I promise I will do it once I do the voted chappie K? I luv it! Toodles…funny word.
Keep on voting for your favorite chapter to continue!
Thanx
Heartdamoose.