AUTHOR: trista groulx (the dustytiger)
DISCLAIMER: kim, faith, fred, joey, bobby, jimmy, bosco, davis, sully, none of these characters are mine, i'm just borowing them to play with them for a little while, they belong to their creator and the actors and actresses who portray them, i promise i'll be gentle, don't sue
RATING: PG-13 tops currently
CONTENT: kim/faith friendship, fred/faith divorce, kim/bobby r, faith/bosco sex/ust
SPOILERS: 32 bullets and a broken heart (missing scene/continuation)
SUMMARY: Kim and Faith become friends after they share their heartaches that Valintines day.
AUTHORS NOTES: now the drama goes into high gear, read and you'll see, i did a lot of research on the subject, and i feel that my info is fairly accurate, thank goodness for google i say! well read on and to find out what's going on with kim
Kim felt horrible for not telling Bobby that the specialist she was seeing was an oncologist. Even though she knew that it may be nothing, she felt guilty not being honest with him.
She just hadn't wanted to worry him if it turned out to be nothing. As soon as the procedure had started, she regretted not asking him to go with her.
It wasn't like she hadn't known the procedure she was going to have. But as soon as she saw the tube that was being used, she wanted Bobby there to hold her hand, and reassure her that it would be all right.
She felt like she was a child again, and for a moment she even thought she wanted her mother. The whole thing scared her to death, and she regretted keeping the whole thing a secret.
After the exam, it felt like she was in there for many hours, waiting for the results and diagnoses. She wanted Bobby next o her so much, she was terrified, she knew that his taking so long could only be bad news.
When the doctor came back into the room Kim was already on the verge of tears. She regretted not telling anyone the truth so much, now.
"Miss Zambrano, there's no easy way to put this," the doctor said. "You do have a malignant tumor, it's defiantly stomach cancer.".
Kim went pale. "So what happens next?"
"Since you have a fairly small tumor in your stomach, I think we may have caught it in its early stages, but I won't know for sure until I get a few more test results back."
"All right. What kind of procedure do I need?"
"Stomach cancer is treated with surgery rather then chemotherapy, or radiation therapy, unlike most cancers. Since we have found that chemotherapy does not generally work. It's a pretty major operation of course, since we have to remove a part of your stomach."
"Remove a part of my stomach?"
"Yes, we remove the part that's infected by the tumor, and any surrounding lymph nodes which may be infected at the same time. Then we reattach the stomach to the small intestine. You're actually very lucky, you only need part of your stomach removed, some patients need their entire stomachs removed."
"All right." Kim went even more pale just thinking about it.
"The side effects to the surgery are very similar to a gastric bypass surgery. You will have to reduce your portion sizes, and if you eat too much or the wrong foods you will get sick. In your case, since you are already a very good body weight you will probably have to go a higher calorie diet to keep up your strength, and weight."
Kim nodded. "What's the success rate of this procedure?"
"It has about a sixty five percent five year survival rate, in the early stages, as I think you're in. If the cancer has spread past your stomach, there is generally only a ten percent five year survival rate."
Kim let some tears escape, whispering. "I don't like those odds, Doctor."
"Without it you will be dead within a year."
The then tears began to come like a river Kim was terrified, she didn't want to have a part of her stomach removed, even it would make her better
She needed Bobby, and wished she hadn't kept this from him. How was she going to tell him that she had cancer?
"I can't discuss everything right now, I need to talk to my, um, fiancé," Kim whispered.
"That's fine, I'd like to see you back this afternoon, if possible."
"Does it need to go so quickly?"
"Yes, the sooner we get the process started the better the prognosis."
She nodded. "All right, I'll see you later then," she said, shaking his hand.
"Just tell my secretary that you'll be taking my two o'clock cancellation."
Kim nodded again, then left the exam room. She told the secretary, left the building, then called Bobby.
"Hello?" said Bobby.
"I need you to call in sick, too," she told him.
"All right, I'm at the coffee shop where you asked me to meet you right now."
"All right, I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Kim are you okay?"
"No," she replied, matter of facltly, before hanging up the phone
Kim walked over to the coffee which was only a few blocks away, there were only a few other people there. She noticed him sitting by the window. He stood up upon seeing him, and she walked over to him.
"Bobby," she whispered, as she approached him.
She wrapped her arms around him, and began to cry. He brought her close, and hugged her. Every time he hugged her he realized just how much weight she had lost. He simply held her until her tears subsided.
He knew that she had gotten bad news, and he wanted to know how bad it was. As he held her he ran his hand through her hair. She was even shaking a little bit, he noticed, but as soon as he touched her she seemed to have stopped.
Kim was just glad to be in his arms. Somehow just having him there holding her made it a little bit better. She felt so loved in his arms, and she knew that his being there would make everything seem so much better.
"Kim, what's wrong?" he asked, when she finally seemed to have stopped crying.
"I- I-" she stammered. "Bobby, I have stomach cancer!" She began to sob again.
He held her closer, wanting to help, but knowing all he could do was be by her side. She had her head buried in his chest, and she was glad he was there. She was also glad he was not mad at her for not telling him how serious it could have been.
She knew logically that he probably wouldn't be mad for not telling him the whole truth, and she was very relived that she had been right. She knew that everything would seem far worse if he wasn't there supporting her.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing her hair. "Promise me you'll fight for me."
"I love you, too. I promise. I have to go back at two, and I need you to be there. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I needed you then too, but I didn't want you to worry. I'm so sorry Bobby, I should have been completely honest with you from the start."
"Shh, shh, don't apologize, all right?" he kissed her forehead. "I'll be there every step of the way. Oh Kim, it's okay, I don't care, that you didn't tell me before. It's nice that you didn't want me to worry, but I could have handled it. I'm just glad that I know now."
"I'm so scared, Bobby. I wanted you to be there I just didn't want you to worry."
"I'm here now, so just worry about getting yourself better."
"Yeah." She seemed to calm down for a moment. "Oh my god! What am I supposed to tell Joey? How am I supposed to help him with this?"
"I'll do that, if you want me to, you'll have enough to worry about. We'll get through this"
She looked at him, unsure. "Bobby, do you really love me this much?"
"Of course, and more."
"If I make it through this, I want to marry you."
He nodded. "When you make it through this we'll have the wedding of your dreams Kim."
"I'd like that."
"I guess I'll have to buy you a ring now."
"Bobby, I'm so scared, aren't you?"
"Of course I am, but you need me to be strong, and I can do that for you. How bad is it?"
"He thinks it's in the early stages, but he can't be sure until he gets some tests back."
"That's good, right?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. It's better, anyway. I'm so scared."
"I know you are. So what kind of procedure do you need?"
"Surgery, they have to take the part that's infected," she whispered.
"All right. So there's not going to be any chemotherapy then?"
"The doctor said no."
He ran his hands through hair. "I'd miss doing this too much if you had to have chemotherapy."
She smiled, weakly. "So would I. I feel so much better when you do that."
He smiled at her. "Then I won't stop unless you ask me to."
She took a deep breath, wanting to stay in his arms. "I guess I have to tell everyone at work that I'm not going to be around for a while."
"I'll do that too, if you want."
"Thank you, but I think I need to tell them myself. Oh god, what do I tell Jimmy?"
He brushed her hair with his hand. "The same thing you just told me."
"He's gonna want to help me through this too."
"I know, and I guess I have to be fine with that. But he's going to have to deal with my being there as well."
She looked at him, in his eyes, to see if he was just humouring her. She melted when she saw only love for her. There were times where she still couldn't believe that his eyes were firmly planted on her, and had no desire to look away.
"Oh, Bobby," she whispered. "Poor Joey, I mean what's the point of having to fathers when he might not even have mother?"
"Don't say that! You're gonna make it through this, and you're gonna be stronger then ever because of it."
"How can you be so positive?"
"I have to be."
She kissed him lightly. "Bobby, you can be scared too."
"No, Kim, I need to be strong for you." He kissed her forehead. "I love you so much, I'm not going to let you go."
She started to cry a little again. "I have to tell my mother, and Faith, and-"
"Shh," Bobby whispered, running his hand through her hair, and placing it behind her ear. "We'll do all that later, once we go back and see the doctor, and we have every little bit of information we need."
"Everything was going so good, and now, this. Bobby, if I don't have this surgery I'm going to die. And if I do have it I could die anyway."
"Don't think like that, Kim."
"I can't! I'm terrified Bobby, I just found you, and now I might have to let you go."
"I'm not letting you go anywhere. I'll get my whole church to pray for you."
She sniffled. "Bobby-"
He put his fingers on her lips to silence her. "No more negativity, Kim. Just keep positive, and you'll be fine."
"I'll try."
"Good."
"Can we go for a walk before I have to go to the other appointment?"
"All right."
He took her hand in his, and they left the coffee shop. Both of them were terrified about what the future might hold for her. He was trying to be strong on the outside, but inside he was falling apart.
He knew that he would not be able to live without the woman who stood next to him. The woman who had finally let him into her heart, even though she thought it might never work. The woman he loved more then anything else on this earth.
Now he was being tested, he had finally found her, and now he might get her taken away from him. It hardly seemed fair. He was going to have a long talk with God and his pastor about everything.
He knew that he'd have to draw his strength from his faith. He knew that he could not ask her for help when she needed his so much. He knew that with help he could be strong enough to support her.
For so long he had looked to her for strength. Now she needed him to be strong for her. He just hoped that he'd be able to do it.
Kim glanced at the man standing next to her, and was glad that he was still holding her hand, and she hoped that he would continue to do so throughout the whole ordeal.
She knew he had promised to marry her if she got through this, but part of her was scared that he'd leave her just like Jimmy had. She knew he was nothing like her ex husband, but she had nothing else to base it on.
She had so many people that she had to tell, and she didn't know how she was going to tell them. She was just glad that she had the option of having Bobby's strong hand in hers as she told everyone she had to.
xxxx
Kim and Bobby had decided to go to Kim's mother's after the doctor's appointment. She knew that she had to tell her mother what was going on, but she was dreading it. It was not the kind of thing that you could really prepare yourself for.
How do you tell your mother that you could die of cancer? Kim knocked on the door, and her mother let them both. They all went into the living room and sat down.
Kim and Bobby sat on the couch, and Bobby had his arm around her. While Catherine sat on an armchair across from them. No one knew what to say.
"I'm going to assume that you have some kind of news for me?" Catherine asked.
Kim nodded. "Yeah," she replied.
"Is it good news?"
"I wish it was, Mom."
Catherine's eyed dropped. "Can you just tell me?"
"Mom, I have cancer," Kim told her mother, barely above a whisper.
"Cancer?"
Kim began to cry, and Bobby took over. "Stomach cancer. She's going to need surgery."
"What kind of surgery?" Kim's mother asked him.
"They need to remove the part of the stomach that's infected."
Catherine went pale. "Remove a part of her stomach?"
Kim nodded. "Yeah, it's at the early stages."
"What does that mean?"
"A higher survival rate."
"How high?"
"Sixty five percent," Bobby answered.
Catherine went pale, and she too, began to sob. Kim went over and hugged her mother. Kim was soon crying again too. Bobby watched helplessly wishing he could do something to help them. He knew there wasn't anything, and that they needed each other, and some space.
"Mom, it's gonna be all right," Kim whispered, reassuringly.
Catherine looked up, and smiled weakly at her daughter. "How can you say that?"
"I have to believe that it's going to be fine."
She nodded. "Are you scared?"
"Terrified, but I have to try and keep positive at the very least. I know it's a major surgery, and it'll change my life, but I have to believe that I'm going to be better after it's all said and done."
"Yeah, so what are the odds like if they don't catch it soon enough?"
"As low as ten percent."
"Oh dear god. What are you going to tell Joey?"
"I have no idea, I don't even want to think about that right now."
Catherine nodded. "Who else knows?"
"Just us, the doctor, and now you."
"When are you going to tell everyone at work?"
Kim shrugged. "I guess I have to do it pretty soon, cause I'll be leaving to have surgery in about a month."
"That soon?"
"Yeah, they want to get it done as fast as possible to make sure that it doesn't spread."
"That makes sense then."
Kim had gone back to sit next to Bobby again. He had taken her hand in his, and she automatically felt more relaxed. Kim was glad that she had him supporting her like that.
Catherine was also glad to see Bobby by her daughter's side. She knew that she was facing a very tough battle, and she was so happy that she finally had a good man by her side to help her fight.
"I'm glad you told me first," Catherine said.
Kim nodded. "I thought you should know before anyone else, you are my mother."
"Are you going to tell your sister?"
"I don't Mom, can we not bring that up?"
Catherine nodded. She was a little disappointed that her daughters might not even be able to make up under the grim circumstances. She understood that what Melanie had done was horrible, but you're supposed to be able to turn to your family in times of crisis.
Catherine knew that her daughter had somehow forgiven Jimmy. Although Kim would insist that it was all for Joey's sake. She knew there was something more there.
She just wished that Kim could see past the end of her nose, and find it in her heart to forgive her sister. Blood was supposed to be thicker then water, and this was one of those situations that you need your family.
"Have you thought about how you might explain to Joey so he might understand?" Catherine asked.
Kim shrugged. "I don't know how I can make him understand any of it. If I tell him that I'm sick, then he's going to think he can get sick too, and he can't."
"Yeah," Catherine agreed.
"Not to mention he's now at a higher risk of getting cancer when he's a little older."
"Leave that part out until he's older."
Kim nodded. "What if I'm not there?"
Bobby squeezed Kim's hand. "You'll be there, Kim."
She looked up at him. "Bobby."
"I just don't want you to keep saying it. I know the truth, but I don't want to keep hearing it."
Kim nodded. "All right."
"And I'm not sure that it's the best idea to tell Joey that you could die."
"I have to agree with Bobby on that," Catherine said. "I think that that'll scare him a lot more."
Kim nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right. He's only five, how am I supposed to explain this to him?"
"You'll find the words."
"Mom, why does everything have to go wrong for me. I finally get something really good, and now I may get it all taken away from me."
"It's just a test, Kim, I'm sure you'll pass."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Cause you're so strong Kim. You can make it through this if you believe you can."
Kim was crying again. "It's hard to think positively when your whole world is falling apart around you. Even if I do make it through the surgery, there's still five years where I'm at a high risk for going out of remission. Five years, that's a long time for things to change."
Catherine nodded. "But that doesn't mean you need to put your life on hold for that time. Or even this time until your surgery."
"But this is going to change everything. I need to take half a year off of work. After I have the surgery I have to completely change my eating habits. There's no part of my life that isn't going to change."
"I know that, but what are the good things that might happen when you're getting better?"
Kim smiled, weakly. "I guess one of the good things that'll happen is that I'll always be pretty skinny."
"That's every woman's dream."
"Yeah."
"And as soon as you're up to it, I'm going to give you the wedding of your dreams," Bobby reminded her.
Kim couldn't help but smile. "I hope you're not just doing that cause I got sick, though."
Bobby shrugged. "It just sped up the whole process, see another positive."
Kim nodded. "Yeah, but I still would have figured out that I wanted you around forever without getting sick."
"You two are engaged?" Catherine asked.
Bobby nodded. "Just a matter of buying a ring."
"And here I thought I was only getting bad news today. I'll actually have a son in law who has a clue."
Bobby couldn't help but laugh. "There's always positives."
"Though I guess I'm still going to have to deal with Jimmy too, right?"
Kim nodded. "I don't think he'd just not going be there for me through this. We've been through a lot together."
"Yeah, but you have to remember to keep him in his place."
Kim nodded. "I know, I'm learning that now. Bobby's helped of course."
"Yeah, I'm so happy about the two of you."
Kim smiled. "I hate to cut this short, Mom, but we should go by the house, and tell Doc, and Lieu and see what they want to do about this."
"All right, that's a good idea. Kim, tell Jimmy in private, don't tell him when the rest of the squad is there, all right?"
"Thank you for the advise, Mom. I'll call you later?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
"All right." She hugged her mother. "I love you Mom."
Catherine began to cry again, a little, it had been so long since she had heard her daughter say that. "I love you too, Kim."
Catherine also gave Bobby a hug, before they left. They then left the small house, and started toward work, even though they had called in sick. They knew that it was because of person stuff, and they probably would want to hear what they were going there to say.
Catherine watched helplessly as they left. She wished that she could do something for her daughter, but she knew there was nothing that could be done. She was just glad that she had Bobby by her side keeping her strong.
She wanted to keep positive, thinking that she would see her daughter marry the man of her dreams once she was better. At the same time she was terrified that something wouldn't go right, and something would happen to her.
Catherine knew that she didn't want to out live her daughter, she had so much to live for. She just hoped that she could find a source of the strength to draw from just like her daughter had. She knew she'd need it, she had to be strong for her daughter.
tbc...
end notes: so the bomb's been dropped! gasp i told you angst and drama would be coming, i did a lot of resarch on this, and feel that the medical stuff is fairly accurate, also a lot of the stats and info is going to be repeated as kim tells more people what's going on, i'm trying to switch things up, but there's only a few ways to tell stats, anywho i hope are still liking this!