Beach Head watched as his team loaded their gear into the transport chopper. Cover Girl was having trouble with her extra bag, and the others—Shipwreck, Mainframe, and Airtight—weren't helping. Instead they were making rude and suggestive comments. "Hey, doll—you packed your special nightie just for ol' Ship, right?" the sailor asked. She ignored him and heaved the bags into the helicopter.
Beach Head saw Wild Bill give a thumbs up from the supply helicopter. He would follow behind as Beach Head flew his team to their remote location in Wyoming. The drill instructor hoped that they all had everything they needed. He refused to mollycoddle them, though. If they forgot anything, that was their own bad luck.
He couldn't believe that he was going to be stuck in the back of beyond with these four people for a month. On top of that, Beach Head got the feeling that Duke was testing the waters and seeing how he dealt with some of the more…interesting characters on the team. He knew them well enough, but on this mission he couldn't exactly make them do push ups if they got on his nerves. It could have been worse, though. Flint was stuck taking Lady Jaye, Alpine, Footloose, and Bazooka to Colorado. Their team had left the previous day. He smiled. It wasn't exactly a competition…not officially…but it would be interesting to compare notes later.
Climbing into the pilot's seat, Beach Head yelled back to his team, "Everyone strapped in? Last chance for a potty break." He started up the rotors before anyone could answer and lifted off. The flight was uneventful, mostly because he couldn't hear his passengers over the sound of the rotors.
They landed in a small clearing and stepped out to stretch and take a quick look around. The building they were supposed to convert into a base looked to be almost falling down. The stone foundation was crooked and the roof was almost non-existent. He doubted it would take them the entire month to fix it, though.
They pulled out their gear and slung the duffels under a tree. The supply helicopter was unloaded within a half-hour—despite Shipwreck disappearing for the entire time to find the best tree to use as a toilet—and Beach Head declined Wild Bill's offer to stay and help set up the tents.
He called everyone together and said, "Alright. Cover Girl, set up your tent. Airtight and Shipwreck, put up the other two. Mainframe and I are going to look around and gather firewood."
"Oh, man, why am I stuck doing the work?" Shipwreck complained.
"Because you haven't done a darn thing so far," Beach Head answered.
He gestured to Mainframe and the two men set off into the woods. It was mostly pines, although a few beeches and elms dotted the landscape. They broke dead branches from the underside of the trees and piled them into a stack to carry back later. Beach Head knew there was a water source somewhere in the area, and they spent a few minutes tracking down the small clear stream.
Mainframe bent down to drink, but Beach Head pulled him back by the shoulder. "Don't drink untreated water unless you want to end up with foaming diarrhea for the next two weeks," he growled.
The computer expert looked disgusted. "Ugh, thanks for the image," he replied. He stood and turned around. "Okay, which way back to camp?"
Beach Head rolled his eyes. "You're kidding, right?" He stomped off back to the woodpile and picked up his share. Mainframe followed, looking around with wide eyes.
"Um, are there bears here?" Mainframe asked.
"Bears, wolves, coyotes, porcupines, cougars, and bobcats," Beach Head answered.
"Oh," Mainframe said in a small voice.
"And rattlesnakes, bighorn sheep, elk, and moose," Beach Head added.
Mainframe swung around, trying to look in all directions at once.
"What's wrong?" the drill sergeant asked him.
"We don't have wolves in Pheonix," Mainframe answered.
"Huh. A Moose is more dangerous than a wolf."
"Really?"
"Sure. Wolves run away. Moose trample you."
"Great."
They made it back to camp without running into any wildlife, though. Beach Head dropped the firewood and stormed over to the other three Joes. "What is this?" he hollered. The tents were not so much "up" as leaning precariously, or, in Shipwreck's case, lying flat on the ground.
Cover Girl looked up. "These tents don't make sense," she complained, gesturing at the spare parts littering the ground.
Beach Head sighed. "Well, for starters, you could use the tarp as a ground cloth and put the rain cover over the top instead of the other way around."
Shipwreck scratched his head. "Is that what this is?" He held up a bundle of cloth.
"No, that's your tent," Beach Head growled. "THIS," he picked up a different piece, "Is your raincover, and the one that looks like a tarp is the tarp." Shipwreck backed up as Beach Head expertly fitted the pieces together. In less than ten minutes, the first tent was up and pegged into place.
Airtight and Cover Girl shrugged and bent over their own tent parts again. With a little coaching, they each managed to put them up. "Now, who wants to light the fire?" he asked his team.
No one volunteered. "Were none of you boy scouts?" he asked.
"I was in academic bowl," Mainframe answered.
"I was in the chemistry club," Airtight added.
"I was a loner," Shipwreck put in.
Beach Head turned to Cover Girl. "What about you?"
She shrugged. "I was a cheerleader."
"Figures. Airtight, can you at least start a fire?"
He nodded, and Beach Head gestured for the others to follow him. "Let's go through the other supplies and set up a roster for meals," he said. "I want everyone to share in the food preparation and clean up." He glared at Shipwreck. "And I mean everyone."
They took the food boxes into the most sheltered part of the house. Beach head lifted the first lid and pulled out a can. "Dinty Moore Beef Stew. Huh. Not my favorite. Let's see what else we've got."
He opened the second box, then the third, fourth, and fifth. "Damn."
"Please tell me there's other stuff underneath," Cover Girl said. She pulled out a layer of cans. They were all the same, down to the bottom. "Oh, for crying out loud…Is this all we've got to eat for a month?"
"Looks like it," Mainframe said. "Did you pack this?" he asked Beach Head.
"No, Duke did." Beach Head frowned. "I knew I should have double checked everything. He did this on purpose."
"We can't live on canned stew for a month," Cover Girl commented. "That's so unhealthy."
"I once lived on anchovies for a week," Shipwreck told her.
"Forget it. We'll be fine. It's just a month," Beach Head muttered. He pulled out a few cans, handed them to Cover Girl, and asked Shipwreck to bring the other cooking supplies. He headed back to the stream to fill a five gallon container with water—he would boil it later—and by the time he returned, their first meal was heating over the fire.
Beach Head grabbed a bowl from Airtight and took the envelope he had been given out of his pocket. He read the information twice, frowning. Finally he looked up and said, "Well, kiddies, here's the plan. In addition to fixing up the building, we have to set up a radio tower, make a map of the area, dig latrines and get the generator running, and divert the stream closer for a water source." He looked them over and sighed. "Shipwreck, you get to work on the repairs; Cover Girl, set up the radio; Mainframe, work on the map; Airtight, you divert the stream. I'll…dig the latrines."
There was a moment of silence, then Shipwreck raised his hand and asked, "Okay, what are our real assignments?"
"Those are your real assignments. Duke's orders," Beach Head growled.
"Well that's just stupid," Cover Girl said.
"Yeah, Duke's just pulling your chain," Airtight added. "Isn't he?"
"No, I don't think he is. Just do your jobs. Shipwreck, you're on clean-up detail tonight. Mainframe, you'll bunk with me. Everyone get a good night's sleep. I'll wake you nice and early tomorrow."
Beach Head showed Shipwreck where the stream was and returned to set up his sleeping bag. It was late enough that he had no trouble falling asleep despite his anger at the situation. Duke was obviously setting him up. Well, he would be in for a surprise. His team would succeed if he had to force them every inch of the way.
The night was peaceful and serene. No one heard the visitor prowling outside of Beach Head and Mainframe's tent. It crept as close as possible and let out a very loud screech. Mainframe shot bolt upright, catching the roof of the tent and bringing it down in a tangle of poles and cloth.
Beach Head fought desperately to work free of the constricting material, finally resorting to drawing his knife and slashing an opening. He stood and looked around the clearing.
A few feet away, Airtight stood doubled over in laughter. "Aw, man, that was great," he wheezed.
Mainframe's head shot out of the opening. "Mountain lion!" he screamed.
Beach Head smacked him on the head. "No, that was Airtight." He turned to the prankster. "Congratulations," he told him. "This is now your tent." He dragged his sleeping bag over to Shipwreck's tent, where the sailor was still snoring loudly. He heard Cover Girl ask sleepily from her own smaller tent, "What's going on?"
A few minutes later, Mainframe crawled into the now cramped space and climbed over the others. "Sorry," he mumbled on the way past Beach Head.
Airtight was plucking at the torn material of the other tent. "Some people can't take a joke," he commented loudly.
Beach Head ground his teeth. It was going to be a very long month.