Mehehe.
Whazzup guys. I'm sorry to admit that my reviews have been slow because of summer skool. Curse education. Yah…sorry.
Disclaimer: what do you think? Do I look like Tamora? That's what I thought. Therefore I obviously do not own Neal—damn.
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Once upon a time there was a magical muffin.
Now this, mind you, was no average magical muffin found at Grandma's house or where ever muffins could be found at times like these, this was a very magical muffin.
Now I know what you're thinking. What's the freaking difference between a magical muffin, and a very magical muffin? Unfortunately such information has absolutely nothing to do with this chapter so suck it up and deal with it.
Anywho. The magical muffin was on a big adventure and was very lost. So the magical muffin went to the nearest landmark. The landmark just so happened to be Corus.
The muffin went inside of the palace curiously. He needed to talk to the leader of this primitive place. You see, this muffin was very intelligent and came from the future where people considered sweaters to be edible, and ballpoint pens weapons of mass destruction.
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!" cried the muffin to the nearest passerby. However the passerby only heard something that sounded like a thirty year old man living with his mom scream down a tall hill being chased by evil bald centaurs and an assortment of rotten fruit. Now this was not usually heard among passerbys and he ran away screaming in fright.
The muffin was quite angry with this.
When the next human came by, the muffin tried again. "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!" The passerby stopped short and looked down at the muffin.
"Hello there little muffin!" said Neal happily as he picked the muffin up. You see, Neal had a secret. He could talk to muffins. This ability was usually called muffin speech among mages, old men, and everyone else that you can think of. But it was very rare to have muffin speech, so Neal kept it quiet.
The muffin looked up at the strange Neal confused.
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER."
Neal laughed. "Awww, how cute. A muffin that says take me to your leader. I have to show Kel."
So Neal walked off with the muffin to Kel's rooms.
OOO
"Kel, listen to this," Neal said holding up the muffin enthusiastically. Kel looked at him strangely.
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER, DARNIT!" cried the muffin rather loudly.
Kel clapped her hands over her ears. "Ouch Neal that sounds like a thirty year old man living with his mom scream down a tall hill being chased by evil bald centaurs and an assortment of rotten fruit! What did you do to it!"
Neal looked at her confused. And then he realized that she didn't have muffin speech. "Oh. Nothing. Come on little guy, say it again."
"Did you just talk to that muffin!" asked Kel with wide eyes.
Neal mentally kicked himself. "No. I was talking to—um—Joe! Yeah, Joe. He's an um ghost that lives in um—your pillow."
Kel stared at him. "You have the muffin speech."
"Damn."
Kel smirked. "I knew it. I suspected it ever since I saw you pet your chocolate chip muffin the first day we started training."
"And what a good muffin it was," said Neal sadly. "I was sorry to eat that one."
"So what are you going to do with it?"
"What?" asked Neal. "Oh the muffin? I dunno, eat it I guess."
"WHAT! EAT ME!" screamed the muffin outraged. Kel yelped and covered her ears with her hands. "I AM THE SUPREME RUELER OF ALL CLEPTON! I WAS THE COMMANDER OF THE SKNEPGORN FLEET. THE FAMOUS WRINKKORMONHEIMER OF ALL SNEPDORGS! AND YOU WANT TO EAT ME!"
Neal looked at him wide eyed. "Sorry little guy. I didn't know you were that sensitive."
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"Why do you want to see my leader?" asked Neal looking at Kel confused. However Kel couldn't even comprehend what the muffin was saying so she was only three times more confused then he was.
"THE END IS NEAR."
Neal eyed him sneakily. "How about I take you to my leader if you give us five wishes."
"MAKE IT THREE."
"four."
"FIVE TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT."
Neal snorted. "And I thought muffins were supposed to be intelligent."
Kel rubbed her head wearily. "Man. I wish I could understand you guys."
Poof.
"Hey, I can understand you guys!" Kel said all to obviously.
"FOUR WISHES LEFT."
Neal glared at her. "Aren't you the intelligent one." He said dryly. He turned to the muffin. "Can us two talk in private for a minute."
"OK."
Kel and Neal walked to her dressing room, so the muffin wouldn't overhear them.
"This muffin is evil, Kel," said Neal.
"How do you know?"
"He smells of evil poppy seeds. You know what that means."
"No, what?"
"I dunno. I thought you knew."
Kel slapped her hand on her forehead. "How do we get rid of it? We could eat it," she suggested.
Neal looked at her. "No. If we did, we would turn evil and blow up."
"Never mind."
"We have to find his weakness." They both nodded and walked back to her bedroom.
"So, muffin thing, what's your name?" asked Neal with a pen and pad in his hands. Kel sat next to him, gazing at him intensely.
"SIR BROCKINJOMBERJSKINRICKSHMERWICKSNAP MC GRAMPSNAW."
Neal nodded. "And how do you spell that?"
The muffin glared at him as if he didn't have the power to know how everything was spelled like the people on his planet did. "S-I-R B-R-O-C-K-I-N-J-O-M-B-E-R-I-K-R-I-C-K-S-H-M-E-R-W-I-C-K-S-N-A-P M-C G-R-A-M-P-S-N-A-W." (A/N: Holy shit.)
"Thanks. Now do you have a fear or some type of weakness."
"I AM FULLY EVOLVED. I HAVE NO WEAKNESSES THAT I KNOW OF."
"It looks like we have a 2890-c4 muffin on our hands, Kel," said Neal in a full, serious voice.
"And what would that be?"
"A muffin with a very high ego."
"Do you fear heights?"
"NO."
"What about spiders?"
"NO."
"Moldy cheese?"
"NO."
"Very big moose."
"NO."
"Candy?"
"NO."
"Muffin eating humans?"
"NO."
"Ghosts?"
"NO."
Neal stared at Kel hopelessly. He put down his pen and pad. He had thought of everything and still the muffin sat strong.
"What are we gonna do?" Kel asked not able to think of anything. "It's going to take forever for him to tell his weakness with that attitude! I wish he could just tell us and not be difficult about it!"
poof.
"I HAVE A TERRIBLY FEAR OF RABID RADISHES COVERED IN MAPE SYRUP AND COTTAGE CHEESE. I AM TELLING YOUR FEAR WITHOUT BEING DIFFICULT ABOUT IT. HAPPY NOW?"
"Yes," said Kel happily. She looked at Neal grinning evilly. "Thanks to muah, we know his weakness."
"What ever," grumbled Neal. "I just wish we had a rabid radish covered in maple syrup and cottage cheese."
Poof.
"You know I'm really starting to like this," said Neal optimistically. He held the radish in his hands and turned to the muffin. "Here ya go." He handed the radish tot he muffin.
"AHHH."
The radish blew up dramatically. It turned out that he had a terrible allergic reaction to it. A shame.
"Yay! The muffin is gone!" cried Kel happily. "The world could have been destroyed!"
"Yes, but I lack to see a point to this at all," said Neal. "Why should we care if he wanted to see our leader. Our leader is evil too. That was a complete waste of ten perfect minutes. I could have been pigging out in the mess hall this whole time."
"Oh suck it up," sad Kel hit him on the stomach. "We saved the world."
"No, not really," said Neal.
"Don't ruin it Queenscove."
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Hahaha…that was a waste of a chapter.
Replies:
Rattail: aww thanx! This one was kinda…unique I guess. Lol.
RetartedMonkeys: lol. that's pretty funny. No I haven't seen that commercial. Llammas. I love llama. They are so llama-ish.
SilentMidnightStalker: Thanks. Jesslaw. Lol…I couldn't think of it for the life of me. Thanks for reading.
Thingy of um thingyness: awesome name by the way. It makes me laugh. Yah… here's the moose. It's chocolate. Hope your not allergic.
Magewhisper: lol. I will make more with Delia and Roger and perhaps I shall add one with the toe again. Thanks for the ideas.
DOMLUVR4EVER: yah, gary loves the word damn a lot. Damn damn damn.
Sull89: thanka. Hehe slow update. Sorry.
Queenofdakittys: alas I have written a chapter so strange and random that it even shut up the queen of the kittys herself. What ever am I to do. I win