Yes I know I'm late. I'm really sorry. Don't give up on me! I couldn't update because our computer had this really evil virus that was like brutally killing our computer. And I've been at camp. Good enough excuses? Good.
Okay then…well this chapter will just hopefully be downright funny, and not in a terribly stupid way. Of course I will have to add in some randomness…it's a sickness, I can't help myself.
Lol.
Disclaimer: what? Do you think I'm smart enough to think of this stuff! If you do then…hey thanks. If not…HOW DARE YOU! ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID! (humph)
And yes (sigh) it will be fluffy.
Idiot mortals and their obsession with people being connected by the lips…good grief…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The big plan was a gigantic success. Neal's mission was complete. His life was now worth living. This is a really lame way to start a chapter.
"I win! I win!" cried Neal as he hopped up and down. He decided to do a little dance in his own joy. However, Kel, who was looking at him with an odd face, soon interrupted him.
"Neal, you won a game of Go Fish," said Kel bluntly as she tried to hide her amusement. She began to shuffle the cards. Oh, and by the way, did I mention I love you, but your bitch of a wife Yuki is in my way and I want to kill her? Kel thought to herself.
Neal pouted. "I like winning. It makes me happy inside." By the way, did I mention that I love you, but my bitch of a wife is in my way and I want to kill her? Neal thought to himself.
"NEALAN OF QUEENSOVE!" Kel yelled horrified as she dropped the cards and stared at him with a wide, open mouth.
This display of emotion shocked Neal so much that he began to make screeching noises that sounded a lot like Kitten violently choking on an overcooked, spicy, turkey meatball.
"Neal stop sounding a lot like Kitten choking on overcooked food, you're scaring me."
Neal froze and brushed himself off. "Oh…sorry about that." He then looked at Kel confused. "Did I say what I think I thought out loud while thinking that I actually thought it, but oblivious to the fact that I didn't think I said it?"
Kel rose her brows. "I have no I idea what the hell that means, but yes Neal you did."
"Shit."
"Where?"
"By that tree out the window. Man that dog must have eaten a lot or something…"
Kel turned around to look and grimaced before quickly turning back around and staring at her best friend. "You know what this means right?"
"That we're going to need to get a very large pooper scooper?"
Kel smacked her forehead. No dumbass… Jeeze why am I always stuck with the idiots? Oh well, he's cute. Who's complaining? "It means that you hate Yuki."
Neal winced. "When are you going to kill me?"
Kel looked at him confused. "No silly. You don't realize I hate Yuki with a passion as well. And…well…Iluvyou."
"I'm sorry what did you say?" Neal asked leaning in so he could hear her better.
Kel swallowed. "Iluvyou."
"What was that? Just one more time…"
Kel started to glare. "I. Love. You."
Neal still had the look of an old man who just lost his hearing and got his brain removed by a surgeon who never went through any training.
"DAMNIT NEAL I! LOVE! YOU!" Kel was panting by the time she had finished.
Neal gave her a knowing grin. "I wonder how thin these walls are…hmmmm?"
"Darn it all Neal, you heard me the first time didn't you."
"Yup."
"I hate you."
"Woah there…mood swings. First your screaming you love me and the next you hate everything existent, what's next?"
Kel cuffed his ear.
"A temptation to hit everything in sight…I see."
"Get to the point Neal."
Neal looked at her confused. There wasn't really a point to Kel's mood swings. In fact even the wonderful, gifted, perfect, humorous, desirable, beautiful, author was getting quite confused. So she decided to cut to the chase.
"I love you too Kel," said Neal as he smiled a little shyly.
Kel half-smiled. But then that smile turned into a malicious grin that radiated all things evil. "So, how do we kill her?"
"Well I don't know, I'm a healer. And everyone knows that healers are pure at heart."
Kel couldn't help but snort. "So you're saying that I am more violent then you? That's some accurate logic you have here Neal."
"Thanks. And yes I'm saying that you do seem to be a bit more violent then beautiful old me."
Kel glared daggers—actually more like razor sharp spikes—at Neal. "Why do I love you?"
Neal smiled sweetly. "Because I love you back," he said as he whispered in her ear. Kel couldn't help but shiver in agreement. But then, realizing that Neal was purposely drawing away from the topic, she shoved him away.
"NEALAN OF QUEENSCOVE! YOU THINK OF AN EVIL PLAN RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"
Neal clapped his hands over his ears. "Okay, okay! Mithros woman! So forceful…okay I thought of it."
Kel stared at him. "Well that was quick."
Neal shrugged. "Whatever. Just, listen up. Okay, here is what we're going to do. Yuki and I scheduled (well actually Yuki forcefully black mailed me) to have dinner with her by the rose garden. Don't ask. I'll start kissing her, and then you creep up behind her with a dagger with your cool Yamani creep that doesn't make a sound. And then you slice her neck viciously. Got it?"
"That's actually a pretty good plan."
Neal brushed off his tunic. "Well…what can I say? Being a man and all…"
Kel slapped him on the shoulder playfully. "Don't push it Queenscove."
Neal pouted. "Yes mother."
Kel smiled heatedly at Neal, as she tried to make his hair look more like it actually had some sort of order. "How about a quickie before we get ready for the plan?" she whispered only scant inches from his face.
Neal's green eyes widened, and he blushed an impressive shade of maroon. "Kel…this is so sudden. Truthfully I don't think we're ready for such," he swallowed. "Dramatic actions. I mean…we only found out about five minutes ago that we actually—."
Kel looked at him with disbelief. "I knew it. All that men think about is bloody SEX! Nealan of Queenscove, you should be ashamed of yourself. I did not mean that at all. I meant…well…since no one is here…watching…that we could…well…"
Neal's blush vanished without a trace and he smiled at her. He brought his hand around her neck and brought her head up to his for a fierce kiss. He brought his other hand around her waist to pull her closer as Kel's hands wove through his hair making it only messier then it had been before.
Neal cut it off only seconds later and brought his lips to her ear. "That quick enough my Lady Knight?"
Kel looked deep into his eyes, her face only a mere inch away from his as she grinned. "I think you're meaning of quick is quite different from mine Sir Neal."
Neal kissed her again. "That's what I thought."
Kel looked at Neal with wanting eyes as she brought his head towards him and kissed him with so much fierceness that it left Neal gasping and thinking of algebra to clear his thoughts. Neal kissed her back as he ran his hands up and down the sides of her back caressing her fragile, yet muscular body.
Kel smiled in her kiss as shivers began to take over her. She hadn't been kissed since Cleon had left her so many years ago, and Gods did it feel good. All of those years of watching Neal flirt with girls, Neal meet Yuki, Neal kissing Yuki right in front of her eyes, and then Neal being out of her grasp by her once Yamani friend when they got married had scarred her hope savagely. But now, witch each soft kiss on her wanting lips, those scars began to disappear. Neal was her man, and anyone who dared to disagree would have to talk face to face with her glaive. Not a very wise idea really.
Her stomach dropped when Neal began to slide his hand under her shirt and stroke her stomach. His hand was so soft to her skin that it made her feel warm down to the very tips of her toes. Out of need, she increased the kiss, all those years of hopelessly crushing on him poured into her lips and searching tongue. Her own hand slipped under his tunic and pressed against his chest. His body was lean…but damn…he had quite a muscular…ahem…well then, back to the story…
"Neal," Kel groaned in between a seductive kiss.
"Kel," Neal moaned back.
"No…Neal," Kel said with more emphasis.
"…Kel."
Kel cut off the kiss and looked at him sharply. "Neal, stop moaning my name like you're having an orgasm and listen to me…Mithros sake."
Neal blushed. "Sorry."
"I forgive you. But you have to get ready for your date with Yuki, and I need to think of the best way to kill her."
"Yes Ma'am."
Neal began to take off his shirt…
"NOT IN FRONT OF ME QUEENSCOVE!" Kel said horrified, but then she froze and thought for a second. "Well actually…if you want to…NO! BAD KEL. NAUGHTY NAUGHTY KEL!" She turned to Neal who was looking at her amused with his hot, shirtless…anyway… "Neal, as much as I enjoy the view, I think you should go in the bathroom to change."
"But, this is my room."
"Ah…well then I'll be seeing you at the rose garden then."
Neal shrugged. "Kay."
Kel walked out of the room with a blush that rivaled Cleon's hair.
OOO
Yuki was looking quite…well to put it frankly she was looking like a man who just went through plastic surgery, put on 2.5 tons of makeup on her face, got attacked by a hungry Griffin, got eaten by an evil albino, tap dancing, newt, then thrown back up again, kicked around by soccer obsessed giants, and then served for food at McDonalds. In other words, you could say that she looked as disturbing as usual.
"Yuki, luv, you look just as…beautiful…as ever darling," said Neal as he held his wife's over manicured hand. "Did you loose weight?"
Yuki giggled/snorted/weesnawed/roared disturbingly. "Oh darling. I LOVE you SO much! Unlike my 15 other BOYFRIENDS that I'm secretly CHEATING on with RIGHT now! Tea?"
Neal winced. "…Was it made by you?"
"YES!" Yuki said…um… elegantly.
Neal rubbed his head. "I think I'll stick with the wine."
Yuki smiled maniacally. "Okay then DEAR. I GUESS you're just getting DRUNK for TONIGHT?…!..!….?..!…!"
Neal almost hurled. "Yeah…tonight." Okay, Neal thought, time to get this over with. Pucker up pretty boy.
Holding hands with Yuki, he made her stand up. Gently he pressed his lips to hers.
"Mmmmmhmmmmhmmmhmmhmmmmm." Yuki moaned. Neal almost gagged but fought it down. What was I on when I married her? He thought to himself. Oh well…it will all be over soon.
He opened his eyes when they were still kissing to see Kel creeping along with a dagger in her hands. She winked at him and brought her finger to her lips. Neal winked back, still kissing Yuki.
All of a sudden the disturbing sound effects of Yuki stopped and the sound of a bloody body hitting the ground was heard.
"Shit, Neal. What are we going to do with the body!" Kel whispered frantically. They forgot about this part.
Neal pursed his lips as the gears in his brain turned quickly. "Quick! Let's run away crazily with the evidence and hide in the dark and spooky forest before someone sees us!" They both bolted off like terrified deer.
When they were just feet inside the spacious forest, they stopped and leaned against a trunk to catch their breath.
Then, all of a sudden, Kel saw something far, far in the distance.
"Oh my Gosh Neal! The IFMWK (Institution For Maniac Wife Killers) is coming!" screamed Kel frantically as she held Yuki's body. "Where are we going to put her!"
Neal thought quickly with wide eyes. "Quick! Shove her in that yawning bear's mouth," he said pointing to a bear that just so happened to be feet away from them.
Kel did so gratefully. Suddenly, the yawning bear noticed that somehow he wasn't hungry anymore. Fascinating.
"Hello you two," said a member of the IFMWK in a hilariously serious tone. "You haven't happened to see a couple of punk kids run off with a body and shove it into a bear's mouth did you?"
"Er…no. I'm pretty sure I haven't. But I think the first place you should check is that dangerously steep ditch over there. You never know what's hiding in these parts anymore…"
The member nodded. "Thanks."
Kel and Neal also walked away with relief on their faces. They winced at the sound of the member tumbling down the ditch. Then there was a yell.
"HEY! THOSE PUNKS MADE GARY FALL DOWN THE DITCH! AFTER THEM!"
Kel's and Neal's eyes widened as they ran for dear life.
OOO
"Hey Kel," started Neal rather confused. "How did we end up in these tombs? It smells like sweaty old men."
Kel gagged. "Gods Neal, don't make me hurl. And I don't know how we got here. The last thing I remember was that we were running away from those crazy IFMWK people."
"Maybe we got lost."
"Ha ha ha…good one Neal."
OOO What Really Happened OOO
"Run quicker Kel!" yelled Neal over his shoulder.
"Well sorry Mr. Never Ending Energy, but I wasn't born with trait for running like a five legged cheetah high off of Mithros know what!"
By then they were inside of the palace and running up a flight of stairs.
"Why are we still running?" called Kel over towards Neal."
"What if they are still on our tail!"
"Shit!"
"Quick, in this room!" cried Neal as he grabbed Kel's wrist and tugged her into a room. Both of them lacked to see the sign that read: Numair's Memory Charm Lab.
"Oh…erm. Hi Numair!" said Neal cheerfully as the two of them stood in the room awkwardly.
Numair was sitting on a chair reading The Best Way to Impress People With Your Magical Powers by Henry the Toe. He looked up and smiled. "Oh, hello! Has anything dramatic happened today to you guys! As my mother always says, 'Drama is always enjoyable until you get carried away and slice your wife's neck'." The mage burst out in laughter.
Kel exchanged horrified glances with Neal. "Heh heh heh. Good one. Silly parents. Heh. They always come up with the oddest things…" started Kel. She then tried to change the subject. "So, Numair, how is life with nine toes?"
Numair shrugged. "Pretty much the same. I almost have my walking down." Kel and Neal pretended to be happy for him. "So…do you guys want to see my newest potion?"
"Oh…um…sure!" said Neal innocently.
Numair beamed at them. He reached over to a table and grabbed a vile of orange looking liquid.
"It's a memory potion," said Numair. "It will erase anything that happened in the past seven minutes." Numair began to stand up to get closer. Unfortunately walking with nine toes is a rather difficult thing. Numair tottered right onto the floor like a stiff beam of wood. Fortunately the potion vile didn't break.
"Oh, no big deal, I'll get up by my self," said the carefree Numair as he began to get back up again. Neal and Kel just stared at him. "No really, I'm fine. I don't need any help at all. Thanks for asking."
Thirty seconds later, Numair was back on his nine toes with the potion in his hands. He continued with the walk towards them when all of a sudden…
Oof.
Numair fell again (today was not a good day for our mage). Somehow with some exotic force that only Jedi could explain, the potion shattered and drops of it flew into Kel's and Neal's mouth.
All of a sudden, everything seemed to be moving in a cool, Matrix slow motion. Kel and Neal were shot back towards the doorway from the impact of the drops going in their mouths (don't ask). Neal was yelling and flailing like a mad man as he slammed against the door. However, the door wasn't closed all the way and he was thrown out of the room with Kel tripping behind him. Neal grabbed Kel's hand as he started to fall sideways, bringing Kel with him. With a horrified yell, the two of them fell down several hundred flights of stairs with such clumsiness that would have made Emmy jealous.
Meanwhile, back in Numair's room, Numair quickly stood up and walked back to his seat with a cat-like grace. "Ah, I love messing with the kids," Numair said as he chuckled.
OOO
"I don't know what happened," admitted Neal as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Whatever," said Kel looking around. All that is our concern is getting out of here."
Neal grinned. "How about a little spit sharing to celebrate our victory."
Kel looked at him with a smile. "I hardly think making out in the presence of dead people is at all romantic. After we get out of this place, I would be more then happy to kiss you Neal."
Neal smiled as he looked around. "Oh…a button! I wonder what it does!"
Now you see, Neal loved buttons. Instantly, if he saw any type of button, he would go racing towards it like some type of wild moose chasing a sexy guy, or girl in his case. Whether it be, elevator buttons, belly buttons, or just the average button, Neal would go crazy.
Kel smacked her head. "Here we go again."
Neal raced towards the prey…I mean…button, with the grace of a ballerina hippo. Slam! He hit the button so hard he nearly broke his hand. But…he didn't.
What he lacked to see was what the button label read.
Warning! Do not push! If doing so, the result will be having the life of Roger of Conte come back from the dead.
"NEAL DID YOU JUST DO WHAT I THINK I SAW YOU JUST DO?…!…!" Kel said with freaky, bulgy eyes as she stared at a very confused Neal.
"Um…yeah?"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHARY HAR HAR (hack)! HARY HAR HARY HAHAHAHHEEHEEHEEBWA HA HA! HAHA (Yay I'm back from the dead!)! HAHAHA (wow)!" said an evil voice that sounded a lot like Roger coming back from the dead from a room next to the one they were in.
"Oh…shit."
"Where?"
"Shut up Neal, this is your entire fault," Kel said as she glared at him.
The door burst open and there stood Roger wearing limes green bell-bottoms, a pink top, and some pretty groovy shoes.
"HEY MAN! WHAZZUP! I'M BACK!"
Kel and Neal froze. Was this really Roger?
"Hey buddy, what's with the hippie suit?" asked Neal confused as he looked at the evil guy standing before them.
"It was for the Halloween ball at the Black God's realm. Pretty sweet huh?"
Kel smirked. "Yeah. It's wonderful. But listen, this event with you coming back from the dead and all, wasn't really supposed to happen, so we're going to have to kill you. Hope you don't mind."
Roger stared at them. "Mind? Well f course I mind! Now that I'm back, I can finally see my lover again!"
Kel and Neal exchanged glances. "Lover?" the both asked confused.
Roger nodded. "Oh Delia! Where did you go?" he called in a singsong voice.
All of a sudden Delia popped out of nowhere. Which was quite shocking because usually people didn't do that.
"Hellooo darling," Delia purred seductively to her lover as she walked over. Roger grinned as he scooped Delia up in her arms and kissed her thoroughly before putting her down again kissing some more.
Neal grimaced as he looked away. "Um…how about we leave those two love birds alone. We'll kill Roger later. All of this romance is making me hungry."
Kel grinned and walked up an only just noticed flight of stairs to the ground level of the palace.
(A/N: idiots…not even noticing the stairs before…And now what you have been waiting for. A very fluffy love scene with Kel and Neal. Yay. And I still don't understand why you mortals like this 'kissing' stuff so much. This is a strange strange world…)
OOO
"Kel, you're in my room again."
Kel blushed, and wiped her hands on her pants. "I just wanted to tell you…um…how much I…how much I liked going through this whole thing with you. You know?"
Neal grinned as he walked towards Kel and wrapped her up in his arms so tight that Kel felt like she was going to burst. "And I just wanted to tell you how much I like kissing you."
Kel put a finger to Neal's lips as her hazel eyes twinkled mischievously. "Less talking, more kissing."
Neal was happy to oblige. He kissed her wantingly, his tongue teasing her mouth to open and explore her. Kel kissed him back with as much passion as Neal as her hands snaked around his hair.
Neal's hands went around Kel's back as he stroked her lovingly, claiming her as his own. She was his girl, and no one was going to take that away from him. When he was young, not to mention foolish, he always thought that curves and beauty were all that counted. That the more beautiful the girls were, the happier he would be, damn was he wrong. He always thought Kel as…well…Kel. Just his best friend, nothing else. But as he grew older, he realized that he was wrong. Kel wasn't Kel, Kel was a girl (A/N: wow nice going Neal, you can tell what sex people are now. Congrats.), a beautiful one at that. Of course she didn't have those tempting curves, that innocent look, and that's what he liked about her. She had her own little spark to her. And that spark made her, to his eyes, the most beautiful girl in the world.
Anyway…the author realized that she was drifting off and not being funny or fluffy, so she went back to the kissing scene…
Kel cut off the kiss slowly, and leaned her head on the nape of Neal's neck. She fit him perfectly. She shivered, and her stomach dropped to her feet when Neal planted a kiss on her head and ran more down her neck and jaw. Kel once again found her man's lips and pressed lovingly against her own.
Her finger twitched to touch his bare skin, to feel his warm body pressed against her own. To have that comfort that she had lacked of since Cleon had left her. She couldn't help herself, her hands rose up to the top of the buttons on the front of his shirt. She began to undo it with careful fingers, Neal didn't hesitate, he just pressed his body harder to hers. She undid the second one.
Neal cut off the kiss sweetly, his lips on a paper's width away from hers. His eyes were still closed as he whispered, "Take it off."
Kel began to undue the buttons quicker as his lips found hers again. Faster then she thought, his shirt had been thrown carelessly to the ground by her hands as she kissed his long and hard.
His body was hard, but felt so soft against her skin, it brought warmth to her that couldn't be felt by the heat of the sun. Her blood rushed fast through her body; her heart was at the tempo of a quick presto. Her hands searched his muscular back that was lean, yet strong to her gentle hands. Her other hands was pressed against his chest, fingering the small patch of hair, and stroking his strong stomach…oh my…was that a six pack...?
Chills swept up and down her spine when Neal began to untie the back lacing of her shirt. She couldn't help but hesitate, his fingers quickly stopped and he cut off the kiss.
Kel shivered again. She felt empty and abandoned without his hands on her. She wanted him to explore her body like she did to him. She looked up into his confused green eyes. "Don't stop," she whispered as she kissed him again.
"Are you sure?" Neal asked seriously in between loving kisses.
The smile in her lip-lock was enough of an answer for Neal.
He began to slowly undo the rest of her ties. Gracefully he slipped the shirt from her body and wrapped one of his arms around her hip. He stroked her stomach.
"I love you," Neal said in between many wet kisses.
Kel left his lips and trailed her kisses down his neck and to his chest. Neal planted a kiss on her forehead.
"I love you too," she whispered with as much emotion as she felt when her mouth found his ear. Neal shivered as he kissed her sweetly again and began to stroke her breasts.
Kel stomach dropped, and she smiled in her kiss. She pressed her body harder against his. Her body ached for him, for him to love her until the end of her days. She knew they were meant to be. And though they only discovered their feelings for each other earlier that day. It felt like she had been a lover with this man for years. And perhaps, in some twisted way, they have been.
Neal's hands went to her back and found their way to the hook of her breast band. His hands shook. Gods he loved this girl, he wanted to learn all about her, and he felt like she had the same thoughts. His body hurt to keep contained, to not throw her down right now and make love to her. No…Kel was going to be the one to decide when it was time.
From the way that Kel moaned when Neal began to unhook her breast band, he knew she would be fine. Gently, he took off her breast band and discarded it away with all the rest of her clothes. Gods she was beautiful. He stroked her breasts gently, with their bodies smashed against each other like they were one.
Kel didn't feel at all exposed, she felt loved and wanted. She wanted to love Neal, right now. It didn't matter; she had her pregnancy charm. Cutting off the kiss and taking his hand, she led him to his bed.
Neal laid her down, his hands on her shoulders as he hovered over her body and stared deep into her eyes. He straddled her hips and kissed her again and again as he gently began to take off her breeches and…that's where I'm going to end it.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lol. wow…don't want to change the ratings there. I do not want this to be an M fic. Um…if you think the ratings should be raised due to this little fluffy moment, seriously tell me because I don't want to be kicked off (again). Lol
Um yeah…
I hope you guys liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I made it oober long so that I could make up for all the lateness. Sorry.
Replies:
Retarted Monkies: lol. Yes I do find that some reviews and replies are quite interesting…lol. Yeah! Snape is quite…well actually…I have a secret. Okay, so I re read HP 6 and I realized that there was no way Snape could just kill Dumbledore without some hesitation or reason. So…that's when I figured out that Snape isn't actually evil. Funny huh. And now you're probably wondering why. E-mail me and I'll tell you.
Silver-star-0: lol. thanks. Sometimes I just read over the stories as well just to see what random things I thought of back in the day. Fun. Oh and guess what, I figured out that Snape isn't actually evil. Um…e-mail me.
Tortall princess: lol. Yeah…when I re read my story sometimes, I find myself laughing so hard it's disturbing. Hahaha I never thought I was that funny. W/e. And guess what? Snape isn't actually evil, so don't kill him! I'm pretty sure that he killed Dumbledore for a good reason. E-mail me. Flettangsan. Well there was a little bit of Delia Roger in here. Lol. Sorry about not updating soon at all.
Sull89: I freakin love Malfoy! Arg! Awesome guy! Roger chunk, what was I on when I wrote that. Geez. Sorry about not updating so fast. Um…did you know that Snape isn't actually evil…I'm pretty sure? I re read HP6 and took like hard core notes and stuff. E-mail me and I'll tell ya why.