Chapter 4
Title: Imitation
Pairing: Alphonse/Ed
Word Count: 328 Spoilers: the movie "The Conqueror of Shambala"
Summary: Sometimes Al wants to be like his brother so much that it hurts.
A/N: Al is portrayed a little dark in this drabble but I guess everyone has its dark side. I wrote this because Al resembled Ed too much in the movie that I got uncomfortable with it. Anyway, I'm so relief that Al cut his hair and became his old self once more in the end.
Al stared at his reflection in the mirror. He marveled at how much he had come to resemble his elder brother, Ed.
He had grown his hair long and tied it back in a ponytail. He had tried out his brother's old clothes – black long sleeves, black pants and the eye-catching red coat – and they had fit him as if they were tailor-made for him. He even had a pair of gloves with transmutation circle sewed on both palms so that when he clasped both his together, he could perform alchemy instantly, just like his brother.
Just like brother. Sometimes Al wanted to be like his brother so much that it hurt. His brother had been his role model, his inspiration and the only family he had left. Most of all, his brother was the centre of gravity in his life. Without his brother, he lost his bearing.
Al felt so much for his brother.
Love.
Respect.
Admiration.
And perhaps a little envy?
But Al would never admit it, not even to himself. Envy is an ugly, poisonous emotion. You are not supposed to feel anything like that towards your siblings, your closest family. Not supposed to. But he knew it was there, lurking somewhere in some dark corners in his heart, like the "Devil Nest".
Ed was everything he wanted to be. Ed was always smarter and more brilliant than him. Everyone else except Granny Pinako and Winry had always seen him as Ed's younger brother. Now that his brother wasn't by his side, what could he be? Nothing more than a weak imitation of his brother? Try as he may, he couldn't replace his brother's place. No one could. He was a fool to even try.
But he pretended anyway because an imitation is still better than nothing. At least that was what he convinced himself. Better than nothing. He repeated the mantra in his mind.
When you have nothing, anything will be better than nothing.
END