Heeheehee.

A quick update indeed.

I'm terribly bored and I'm sick. Hooray.

This is more of our beloved toe Henry. Yay Henry! Numair finds Henry again and…well…just read the chapter.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Henry was quite bored. The other toes in the Realm of the Dead weren't as horny as he thought they were.

Henry decided to go on an adventure. So Henry told the Black God that his realm of the dead was a big rip-off and he ditched it. Being dead was overrated anyway. Why be dead when you can not be dead?

Henry walked down a path a little bit until he found a big gate. The gate was very big. In fact, it was bigger then Henry. Henry found this funny.

Anyway…

On the gate was a sign that said. 'Yo hommies whazzup. Dis place righ' hurr is da newest bumpin' club in the his-house yo!'

Henry found clubs to be very sexy, so he went through the gate and walked up to the club.

"Stop right there toe," said the guard holding his hand up.

"TOE?" said a voice from inside the club. Dumbledore walked out. "It's the TOE!"

Silence.

Dumbledore smiled. "Listen here Toe, have this ring." Dumbledore handed Henry the ring.

"grifdrerom!" exclaimed Henry excitedly in elfish.

Dumbledore just happened to know elfish and translated it roughly to 'why?'. Dumbledore smiled. "Because my old rotting fingers are to big and moldy to wear it, you silly TOE!"

Henry took the ring and put it on. The ring made Henry feel like a pimp.

"Remember…KEEP IT SECRET! KEEP IT SAFE!" Dumbledore cackled.

The IFCACOMWHNBTDWTL (Institution For Crazy And Confused Old Men Who Have Nothing Better To Do With Their Lives, but since that name was way too long (even abbreviated) they nicknamed themselves Third Generation Armenian Pimps and the Foxy Grandpa. But since that's too long also, they sometimes just call themselves Jello) took away Dumbledore and threw him into their submarine.

I love submarines! Thought Henry happily. He wanted to go too, but the guard held him back.

"Do you want to go in the club or what?" asked the guard.

Henry nodded.

"Well you can't," said the guard laughing. He held up a sign that said NO TOES ALLOWED.

Henry was not very happy about this. Not very happy at all.

"JLFKEJOVKNSJGNLKFN! YOU SLDKFJLKEFBLEEPSEFK! BLEEPBLEEPER MCBLEEPING MOTHERBLEEP! YOU'RE SUCH A BLEEP WHO BLEEPED YOUR OWN BLEEPING MO—BLEEP!"

The guard paled. He tore up the sign and practically threw the toe into the club.

Henry got smashed.

Damn…not again.

However, the ring that Dumbledore gave him turned out to be a port key!

(Suspenseful music)

Henry was transported to the dragon land.

Henry found dragons to be very cool and inspiring so he was happy that he wasn't transported to Dairy Land or something lame like that.

When he arrived at Dragon Land, he found that every dragon down in dragon land, the tall and the small, was singing! Without any presents at all! He HADN't stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Toe, with his Toe-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags!" And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Toe thought of something he hadn't before!

Why the hell was he speaking in rhyme?

Henry froze and looked around himself. He wasn't even in snow! Note to Self: hit toe-head over and over again for speaking in rhyme.

He walked up to the dragons.

"lskdhg!" he said to one that was particularly fat.

"slkdh!" it replied.

"slkghen. Slkdhgeiogw, alkhflkewngslkng! Slkng?"

"jslkefglkwngW?…!…?"

"…?"

"LSKGNELKWG!"

The dragon kicked Henry and Henry flew into a small dragon whose name was Kitten. What type of name is that anyway? Kitten…the fearless dragon! How the hell is a dragon gonna be all bad ass when it's name is friggin Kitten! I mean really? Who the hell thought of that anyway!

"Hey!" said Daine highly insulted.

Oh go kill yourself.

"I most certainly will not! Kitten is a wonderful name!"

Wonderful name my left foot! That name totally sucks!

"No it doesn't!"

Chh…yeah it does. Hun, do you wanna fight? Cuz I will take you down!

"Yeah I wanna fight!"

Well let's go then punk!

Meanwhile, Henry and Kitten were having a conversation.

"lakfklewn."

"trill trill chirp-trill burp."

"lskgn?"

"hack."

"…lskdnlwkeglkwnegw, wlkenwlkegoskndgs!"

"Gag trill chirp trill headache trill trill."

"slkgnw!"

Henry jumped on Kitten's back and Kitten flew away back to Tortall.

OOO In Tortall OOO

Numair was very sad. He had been looking for his toe for two months now, and hadn't found it yet. He even put up signs and reward money, but alas, no toe. And now Daine was even gone. She went to go fight with some chick in the Divine Realms or whatever.

Suddenly, there was a crack!

Crack.

Kitten appeared in a sad attempt of a Poof.

Pu-oof.

"Kitten!" Numair said, pointing out the obvious. "What are you doing here!"

"Trill!"

Numair smiled cheekily, pretending that he knew what she was saying but had absolutely no clue.

Henry the toe jumped off of Kitten's back.

Numair gasped. "MY TOE!" He picked up his toe and held it tightly. "YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"slkdfgnlwknf!" or elfish for Shit! Shit! Some mental guy is trying to rape me!

Numair got a roll of duct tape and taped Henry to his foot.

"LIFE IS WORTH LIVING!" Numair cried happily as he admired his now five-toe foot.

Kitten ran away, discovering that over her absence, Numair had turned into a pathetic moldy old guy whose liver spots were hairier then his pe…ahem…well…yeah.

Henry didn't like being connected to the foot again, but found that life would be okay. He was surrounded by female toes.

Dumbledore walked in with an insane looking expression. "LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ah ha ha. I love Henry. You know…I should make I love Henry shirts and sell them to you guys. That would be wicked.

Replies:

Silver-star-0: I'm not dead yet! Hooray! Lol. Follow the Butterflies isn't nearly as funny as this one…of course. But that's because my sister would kill me if I made it stupid…like this one. Lol. I'm currently working on Guardian of Animals, but the next chapter is really really really long. Like, the longest one yet. Lol. I can't wait! Ew…begging. Lol. I like Kitty too.

Queenofdakittys: Girls rule…of course. Why would I have the guys win anyway? Yay follow the butterflies! Heehee. You should read GOA, you'll like it. The beginning is really lame but around chapter 10 it gets way better. Lmao.

Me and a half: I like me and Neal together too. I'll do more KD…hmmm (thinks of a funny plot-line). What can I say…I'm a sucker for KD and KN.

Landunderwave: yay you're back! Hooray for radishes. They don't taste very good. Boing? An interesting word. I like it.