AUTHOR: trista groulx (dustytiger)
DISCLAIMER: alex, jimmy, kim, bobby, bosco, yokas, sully, davis, DK, walsh, lombardo, carlos, doc, ect NOT MINE don't own 'em, it's unfortunate really, i'm just borrowing 'em, letting them play a little, and then returning them (reltivly) unharmed, still not working, so don't sue, all you'll get is my credit card debt and two bratty calico cats!
RATING: PG-13, T, TV14, if you can handle the show you can handle this, just adult situations and language warnings, nudity but it's fic you don't see anything unless you've got a graphic imagination!
CONTENT: so far... alex/jimmy sex, bobby/kim ust
SPOILERS: anything and everything up to "a rock and hard place" nothing after that has happened
SUMMARY: kim has a chat with bobby about alex calling thier affair off
AUTHORS NOTES: the rabbid rabbit of doom just keeps hoppin' this one's not quiet as good as the drinking, but lessons 3 and 3.5 are gonna be really fun, juicy, and soap oprea-ey you just stay tuned, and keep the reviews question: where did the title come from? answer: simpson's referance from dr frink, i've never been able to use it before, but i think it fits because let's face it this fic is nothing but nonesence and chaos, but there's some fun to learned laugh (i also do not own the simpsons, i just like the quote)
DEDICATION: again to kristen for egging me on!
Kim and Bobby were working together, as per usual, and it was a fairly slow day. Kim was curious about how Bobby was feeling about Alex canceling their date the day before. She was having fun teasing him about getting shot down by her.
Though Kim had to hand it to Alex and Jimmy to think of such a hilarious plan to get Bobby to think that it was his idea to call everything off. She just wished she had had a camera when Bobby told her yes, he would have a threesome, with her and Jimmy. She was glad that Bobby had let her watch it, cause it had been a lot of fun to actually see, and not just hear about it.
"Come on Bobby, you're not even a little bit upset about Alex?" Kim asked him.
"Why are you so interested in my love life, all of a sudden?" Bobby asked.
"You're my best friend, I wanna make sure you don't get your heart broken."
He looked at her quizzically. "That's funny, I somehow remember my so called best friend breaking my heart a while back."
She looked away from him, and blushed, remembering that incident.. "I didn't know that's what you wanted. I thought you wanted someone to make it better."
He shook his head. "Is that your idea of making things better?"
"Well, yeah. You can call me a slut if you want, but I didn't realize you felt that strongly about me. If I had known how you felt I wouldn't have done anything. Besides it wasn't like you didn't know I wasn't over Jimmy."
Bobby shook his head. "I just don't get you Kim. How you can still be in love with a guy who slept with your sister? But you can't even try to make room for a guy who'll treat you right?"
She shook her head. "Let's just drop this all right?"
"Kim, I just want to know why you don't value yourself."
"What!"
"You heard me!"
"I do value myself, I just- I don't have to justify my actions to you!"
He shook his head. "I care about you, Kim, and I'm sick of watching you get yourself hurt by him."
"At least I'm going back to the same guy right?"
"That doesn't really make it better."
She shrugged. "Maybe one day I'll grow out of that, but until then butt the fuck out!"
"Why are you so defensive about this?"
She shrugged. "Look, Jimmy is, I can't explain it. It's like he has a- I don't know. When I'm with him he just makes me believe that everything is going to turn out just fine this time."
"And then you both wake up, he leaves, and sees another breasted creature."
Kim laughed. "Something like that. I am trying to keep away from Jimmy now."
"It's always the same, he makes you believe that he's going to change, then you don't see him again for a while. It's always the same."
"It could change."
"Or you could end up in the same rut the rest of your life." He offered, grimly.
She smiled at him. "I know, you want to come on your white horse, and save me, but I don't want saving right now. I'm trying to keep away from him."
"I know you're trying. But I'm sure that if you were with someone it might help you not want to go after him anymore."
She shrugged. "I don't know, I just, Bobby you're just too good for me."
He shook his head. "How do you figure?"
"You're just so amazing, that's not the kind of guys I get."
"You can have one. You deserve to be treated like a queen after what you went through with Jimmy."
"How about I call you if I ever feel the same way?"
He shrugged. "If I'm single at the time."
She smiled. "When has that ever stopped me?"
"You know there's names for women like you?"
"And somehow there's not for men like Jimmy. Do you think I care what people call me behind my back?"
He shook his head. "I really wish you wouldn't be like that."
She shrugged. "This is me, and if you think it's not then you're really not in love with me. You're in love with some Kim you made up in your head."
He smiled at her. "The real Kim really outdid anything the fantasy Kim did in just one night."
She smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself then."
"Look, I'm trying to tell you that I like you for more then what you do in bed."
""I know you do, but that's not what I need."
"Yes, it is."
"How would you know what I need?"
He shrugged. "I just think that you need a guy who values you, so that you'll value and respect yourself."
"I'll call you when I find that person. I know she's hidden in here somewhere."
"I wish you'd let me bring her out in you. Cause that's what I love about you."
"Bobby! Please! That's what's got me scared in the first place!"
"That someone could love you?"
She shook her head. "That someone like you could love me."
He shook his head. "You shouldn't feel like that, Kim. You are amazing."
"Look forget this fantasy you have of me being this good girl, all right? That's not me. I'm not a good girl, who like hearts and flowers and white knights on white horses. I like real guys, who have a wild side."
"I know that, but I have my bad side too. And I do like the bad side of you a lot. I'd just like it if you could let your guard down with me, and let that side of you that wants to be loved come to me, instead of running back to a certain someone else"
She shook her head. "See, you're just too good for me."
"There's no such thing."
"Look, could we please just drop this?"
He nodded. "Fine, but this isn't over."
"It never is."
"Not until you give me a real chance."
"Bobby, just drop it, please. Go on with your life."
"I want you as part of it, I can't make that feeling go away."
She took his hand, and squeezed it. "I just can't do that right now."
She knew that she was being horrible to him, but she didn't feel like she deserved his love. He was so amazing to her. He treated her really well, always listened to her, and let her whine about just about anything.
That was why she was glad when he went to her when he was hurting. She knew she was good at helping people cheer up. She had just wanted to comfort him the best way she knew how.
While she had liked it that night, she thought it was that he had liked the same things everyone else had liked about her. She liked proving her worth in bed, and that's where she put value in herself. When she made a guy feel good, she knew she had done everything right, and she was happy.
That was how she had learned to get men to like her, and she couldn't understand how any one could value her any other way. She knew that Bobby did, and that he was different from anything else she had ever been with. That was what scared her abut him
The way he cared for her terrified her. It was easier for her to do what she knew then to try to fall in love with someone who was good for her, and could teach her something new.
She didn't like change, and at that point she was perfectly content to live her life as she was living it. She wasn't hurting anyone, and she knew that Bobby would still be waiting if she actually decided that she wanted to try real love one day.
She knew Jimmy had never really loved her. They told each other that they did, but it was more an obligation. You're supposed to love the person you're married to. That was why she couldn't keep him from going off with other women.
She did care about Jimmy, very much. He had, after all, given her Joey. But she didn't love him, not the way you're supposed to love a husband. She only went back because she knew him.
She knew that he almost always welcomed her back into his bed. When she was with him she felt safe because being in his arms was something she knew. Being with him was a comfort to her, and she felt it always would be. It was never about romance, it was just about lust.
She liked that when she woke up in the morning he never made her feel guilty about running back to him. She liked that he was able to satisfied her basic needs, and not want anything in return.
Love terrified her, she had seen what it had done to her mother. Although she told people she was still in love with Jimmy, she wasn't.. It was just a good way to get a guy to back off..
She knew that her running back to Jimmy had more to do with her fear of change then with love. She knew that Jimmy would always welcome her back, and until that changed, she didn't have to look any further.
She was actually, for the most part happy with what she had with Jimmy. Her only real regret was that her little boy was stuck in the middle of it all. She had wanted to give him a seemingly normal family. That was why she had tried to get Jimmy back when he was going to marry Brooke.
She just wanted her son to have the family that she had always wanted. That's why she had married him when she found out she was pregnant.
She just wanted waned her son to be able to grow up knowing what a family was. The last thing she wanted for her son was for him to grow up with her warped sense of love, and family, and Jimmy's passion for women. She knew it would be a lethal combination, and she needed to just tie Jimmy down so that it would not happen.
Once she was able to do that, then she thought everything would be prefect. Even if it what she had with Jimmy wasn't perfect, it would be the illusion of love, and she thought that that was all he really needed.
She hadn't even realized until Bobby was jumping out of the bus that they had gotten a call, she had been so wrapped up in her thoughts.
tbc... (up next lesson 3... bosco)
end notes: yeah, i know that one wasn't quiet as good, and less juicy then "drinking" but the next two should more then make up for it! i really hope you folks are digging this as much as i'm diggin' writing this, soooo much fun, hugz and kissez trista