Chapter 23: Fighting Emotion.

"Why can't you just give it up?" Jack didn't bother looking behind her when she stepped out of the door and was followed promptly by Kevin.

He oozed out of the door; she could feel his eyes on the small of her back, taking in the amount of her flesh that the outfit revealed with a greedy expression on his face; she was glad that she couldn't see. Kevin made her feel dirty, like her whole body was crawling with fleas. She turned around and stared at him when he didn't answer her.

There was an appreciative smile on his face as his eyes raked her up and down. God, what was it with men? Didn't they get that unless a woman wanted them that they would really rather not be gawked at like they were a piece of appetizing meat?

"We both know you dress that way for me. You put yourself on show just so I'll see you. You're just waiting to catch my attention." There was the glitter of cold steel in his left hand as she backed slowly off, unzipping her bag as she went. "You've got it, why don't you stop pretending that this isn't what you want? After that, we can get down to business!"

"Business?" Jack gave him a very cynical look. "I think not!"

"Doesn't always matter what you think, love." Kevin's answer was said so lightly.

"We both know that there is no way that I would ever dress like this for you. We both know that I will never let you touch me in anyway at all. Look not touch, remember? That's the rules for every guy out there that I don't give express permission, got it Kevin?" She reached in her bag, taking out her own shiv and letting the bag fall to the ground near her. "I'm more than sure there are plenty of other women in that club who wouldn't mind your advances. Why don't you find one of them to bug so I can go back in there and dance with Luke or Joe?"

Jack's eyes followed the shifting of his eyes carefully and she moved when he did, always keeping what she discerned as a safe distance between them, in case he decided to do anything really stupid. Kevin normally wasn't as aggressive or persistent as he was being at that moment. It had to have been the mix of alcohol and whatever else it was that he had consumed that had given him the sudden courage to talk to her the way that he was talking to her now.

"I'm quite happy with you babe, why would I need anyone else?" He skirted around her bag but she moved carefully away from him, always keeping the right distance between them, never letting him closer than she absolutely had to, and that was never under five feet.

"Because I can't be had; there are only two people in this world who could have me, one is dead and the other isn't interested. Do you understand me? Leave me alone Kevin because it's not going to get you anywhere chasing me!" Jack snapped as he again tried to close the distance between them. Why did Johnny insist on keeping this fool around? "Stop trying, you're not going to get anywhere, Kevin."

"This is about that Riddick guy isn't it? You're his bitch right? His fuck buddy? What would Bret have to say about that?" Kevin spoke slowly, knew the effect that his words would have on her. Jack bristled and a snarl escaped her lips. Kevin and Bret had never been what she would call close; he was always part of the crew that Johnny had surrounded himself with, so hearing him talk as if he knew how Bret would feel made her angrier then she probably should have felt.

"I'm no one's bitch or fuck buddy. Bret is dead and the dead can't come back to life, therefore he can't have an opinion, but let me clue you in a little bit on Bret, alright my friend?" Her lips curled in a sarcastic snarl and she looked as if she might fly at him for no reason. "One, he would want me to be happy, if that meant Riddick, then so be it, all he ever wanted was for me to be happy. Two, if he could have an opinion on all of this shit, he would be rolling over in his grave if I was ever fool enough to let you get anywhere with your advances." She said and Kevin lunged at her, his blade cutting through the air, missing her by mere inches as she jumped away from him. She had been smart to keep her distance she found herself realizing. "Be smart Kevin," Jack warned. "I will gut you if you push me, and you don't want to cross that line because there is no mercy beyond it."

"You won't get the chance to even try. If I can't have you, then he can't have you either. It's really that simple sweetheart." Kevin launched a blistering attack that she hadn't been expecting. She managed to keep a step ahead of him, ducking, weaving and twisting but barely. He was quick for a man high and drunk, and for a moment she couldn't help but let herself wonder what he had actually taken.

"Kevin, snap the fuck out of it!" Jack snapped as she ducked a wild slash and she kicked his legs out from underneath him, landing him on the ground a few feet away from her, slightly winded as the heaven's opened in an almighty torrent. "I don't want to hurt you, Kevin but you're not giving me a choice here." But even as she said the words she was forced to jump backward as he rolled over, his arm stretching out as he went for her ankle with the blade in his hand. "Fine." She whispered, letting the silver bladed shiv in her hand become visible to him as he stood up. "You've sealed your own fate Kevin, do you understand me? Whatever happens now is your own fault, you brought it on yourself."

"No babe, you sealed it, it never had to be this way." He stood up, cracking his neck, his red hair hanging lank and wet around his neck as he looked at her. She snarled, aware that the clothes she was wearing were sticking to her body, not leaving much to the imagination but it wouldn't matter for long, soon enough he was going to be on his way to the seat of the gods.

There was no fear in her eyes as they started to circle one another, her eyes grew totally cold and harsh, her lips curling back showing teeth like a wild animal, cornered prey fighting for her life or a predator waiting for the right minute to pounce, she could have been either. There was something unreal, something un-Jack like about the look on her face, like she had suddenly lost her heart or humanity. She looked dangerous, quietly aggressive.

This Jack was all animal. Her survival instinct turned up to full. Kevin had never seen her like it, with her face full of cold aggression and hatred or was it just a desire for blood, he wasn't sure but he was suddenly unsure of himself, she could feel his uncertainty coming at her in waves. It fed the feeling, it was like she couldn't control herself, she was turning and she couldn't stop it, part of her didn't want to stop it, part of her revelled in the change.

They circled each other, her stance and the way she kept her eyes on him could have proved without much difficulty who had the most experience and ability when it came to this sort of predatory dance. She licked her lips, tasting the rain that was falling from the sky and made her first attack, cutting him twice, both very shallow cuts to his upper body, the falling water making the blood flow quicker, making shallow wounds look much worse. She was in her element, she was fighting a fight that she had every confidence in and it didn't scare her. It seemed that each time she turned, the turning got easier, the loss of true emotion less alarming, more comfortable and each time it was harder and harder to turn away from it, to keep even a thread of her humanity with her while she fought.

She was messing with him, everything about her little attacks screamed it, but she couldn't make herself go in for the kill. A small thread of humanity was still a part of her and that thread still registered as Jack and that part recognized Kevin and who he had been to her before he had pulled that blade with the intent to use it. The minute he gave up or walked away she would back off. Jack still had enough control to be able to stop herself if she was given the chance, but that chance had to clearly be given to her, no half hearted effort would work.

She knew that she was being pushed and that Johnny wouldn't blame her if something happened to Kevin because of it, he knew the situation but it didn't mean she wanted something that she could have controlled to happen. Why did the guy have to be such a stupid fucking bastard all the time? Didn't a girl saying 'no' mean anything any more or was she just fucking property for one purpose and one purpose only? Whatever the reasoning was, it made her mad as hell and that only made that thread of humanity weaken slightly.

Kevin's own blade flashed out but she stepped out to the side and managed to get behind him for long enough to give him another shallow nick, slicing through his t-shirt. She was keeping herself in check, she wanted to give him every chance to back down, 'that or gut you' a voice in her head said and part of her laughed at it, while another acknowledged the truth in the comment. Was she waiting for him to get smart and come close to killing her?

Kevin spun on his heel faster then she had anticipated. That blade ran lightly over the skin of her stomach but she knew it would have bit hell of a lot deeper if she hadn't jumped back. Not that her speed and agility really did her that much good after that.

Before she realized what had happened, she had slipped, the bad grips in her boots had given out against the mud under foot and she was flat on her back, pain making her body tingle; she had however, managed by some strange stroke of luck to keep a hold of her shiv, but barely. She could feel the blade biting into the edge of her palm, her grip having changed as she fell but that wasn't her main problem. To be honest she had too many problems to think of at that moment.

Problem number one: She couldn't breathe, her wind had been knocked out of her in the fall but it wasn't a normal kind of 'couldn't breathe', it felt like she had been paralyzed or something, her limbs were all tingly and she couldn't move no matter how hard she tired to get herself up.

Problem number two: She had Kevin with an evil grin on his face and glint in his eyes, not to mention a blade in his hand walking over to where she lay unable to breathe and practically paralyzed. That look was pissing her off but there was nothing in hell she could do about it, and that made her stomach clench as she made a strangled noise at the back of her throat as she tired for air once more.

Problem number three: She had a light graze on her stomach from his knife, that looked hell of a lot worse then it actually was due to the rain and her own blade was cutting into her hand and she was unable to move it into a better position or stop it from digging into her hand further.

Problem number four: She was royally screwed and she wasn't regaining control over her body quick enough to do anything about it. Before she would have a chance to do anything about it, she would more than likely be dead or dying from a cut or slash of Kevin's blade.

"If you had just given me what I wanted." Kevin said as he readjusted his grip on his blade, his voice holding a strange sad sort of resignation that just bloody well confused her. He was standing over her, the look on his face triumphant contradicting his tone of voice completely. He made her sick! "We could have been so good together Jackie baby. It's just a shame you couldn't see it because now, it's just too late."

"You're totally fucked! You know that, you're brain is warped or something. Fuck the hell off!" Jack's mind screamed but all she was able to do was look up at him, her eyes rapidly blinking as the rain fell, splattering her face and instead of being able to say what she was thinking all she could do was choke in a couple of short, ragged breaths. There was something a little more then ironic about the whole situation. If she could have she would have laughed at the irony of it all, because there was hell of a lot of irony there.

She was flat on her back in a back ally behind a club owned by people she would have thought of as family, having screwed up a fight she would have won hands down if she hadn't been trying to give him a chance to back the hell down. She was about to be gutted by a man whom she had known and who had had her back on numerous occasions in the past when she had been in trouble. It could even be argued that she had trusted the man that was about to kill her, even if it was only fractionally.

The whole thing was totally fucked!

"What the fuck is he waiting for?" Jack couldn't help but wonder as she got a sudden burst of feeling all around her body, the tingling turning to something akin to pins and needles. Was he waiting for her to be back to normal before he killed her or what? The suspense was killing her enough without him looking at her and sounding like he might actually be regretting what he was about to do.

"Get the fuck away from her. She's mine. No one gets away with hurting or threatening what belongs to me!" It was a voice that she had wanted to hear but realistically hadn't hoped that she would ever hear again. At that moment, as Kevin dropped his weapon and stared at her out of wide frightened eyes, she didn't even care that what was said by that deep gravely and comforting voice made her out to be a piece of property. She didn't care if she was property at that moment, she was completely safe again and with that realization came a relief that she couldn't begin to describe.

If she hadn't been struggling for breath and trying to maneuver the blade in her own hand she would have cried in relief. Those purple-blue eyes were glowing at her from behind Kevin's fear and rain soaked body. "You got it all wrong Riddick man." Kevin tried to talk his way out of his situation. "I wasn't gonna kill her man." He tried as a black, handmade shiv appeared at the corner of the red haired man's jaw.

"I know what I saw and nobody messes with what is mine, got it?" And then in one fluid motion she watched the blade slip around Kevin's throat and the grip that Riddick had on him released as he moved out of the way of Kevin's body that fell backward, red blood spilling from his throat, the panicked expression that had been on his face changing to a vacant one.

Jack was vaguely aware of sobbing Riddick's name as he picked her up, pocketing her blade and picking up her bag and jacket before walking back into the club and up to the bar. Her hands were curled around fistfuls of his drenched wife beater and she turned her face into his shoulder against the sudden brightness of the lights.

Johnny came up to them immediately concern written all over his face. Who could blame him? She was still sobbing while trying to breathe; he had a blade clearly visible in his hand, they were both soaking wet and Riddick looked angrier then a monster from hell. The whole thing just did not look good; it was a good thing that her bag and jacket covered the shallow cut on her stomach and the small amount of blood that it was producing.

"Everything alright?" The club owner asked.

"You have a mess that needs to be cleaned up in the back ally. I'll explain what happened later, at the moment I think I have more important things to worry about then that. Look in on the kid. We'll be back sometime tomorrow. She might just need a little bit of recovery time after what just took place." Riddick said, and behind the bar Johnny frowned, not liking what he heard.

"I'll go clean up the mess." Joe said and took a quick look at Jack before he walked away, blending in with the crowd easily.

"If you need anything, you know where we are." Johnny said as Riddick turned to go.

"When you find out about the mess in the ally, you might not feel the same way." Riddick said and left the club quickly for him, and yet to the onlooker his stride would still have looked normal and relaxed.

By the time they had driven out to the airfield and Riddick had bundled her into The Gemini she was beginning to feel more like herself. That was when a case of the shakes set in. He guided her onto the ship and she sat down numbly in the galley, her head working over and over what had taken place, and she became stock still, like she wasn't even there but the tremors that ran through her body at timed intervals were unmistakable.

By the time Riddick got back to where she was sitting, a first aid kit in his hands she had dissolved almost completely into tears. The pain in her hand, back and the stinging cut on her stomach didn't register anymore; all that mattered was that she had been the cause of another person's death again, the fact that he had been trying to kill her and that she would have killed him herself if she had been able to, had escaped her mind for a moment as her mind jumped instantly to the consequences.

"I killed someone." Jack said as he wet a cloth with warm water and ran it across the shallow cut, which really was more of a scratch that had bled deceptively much. She flinched away from the warm wet cloth for the simple fact that it stung, but the back of the seat stopped her from moving completely away.

"No I did." He said pointedly. "Do you still have clothes that fit on board? You're soaked and if you don't get out of those clothes you could very easily get yourself very sick."

"Yeah, there should be some in the drawers." Jack nodded as he finished wiping the blood away with a soft dry towel that he must have brought with him with the rest of the first aid stuff without her even seeming to notice. She stood up abruptly and started pacing, ignoring her wet clothes. He pulled out a spray can of what was labeled, 'spray on adhesive' and then watched her for a few moments.

Jack wasn't crying any more, but her head was spinning. Kevin was dead. They had fought, and now he was dead. Riddick's words floated through her head, 'No, I did.' Maybe he had killed him but she had been the cause of it. The whole thing was her fault, if she hadn't provoked Kevin then Riddick would never have had to find her and save her ass again. She turned around and almost walked into Riddick. She looked up at him and the shaking started all over again, spreading a chill all through her body that wasn't caused by her rain soaked clothes.

"We have to get the physical shit done now Jack, after that you can go into shock if you have to, just hold off for a while longer." He gripped her by the shoulders, his fingers digging into the joints slightly till she looked up at him and she swallowed hard, but nodded and he was forced to watch the look in her eyes change from haunted to hard and her whole demeanor changed with it. It was almost as if she had an on/off switch for the aggressive side of her.

"Lets make this quick then. I'm close to the edge of loosing it." She sat down and he finished patching her up, starting with her stomach and finishing with her hand. Jack didn't understand how he was so calm, after each of her very few kills she had always become a shaking, rickety mess, only until now, no one had ever seen it happen.

"Don't loose it yet." Was all Riddick had said to her and that had been half way through cleaning her hand and the shakes had threatened to set in all over again. Once he was done, he looked at her for a minute
and then stood up. "Bathroom." He ordered. "We need to get you cleaned up. You're still covered in mud."

"I'll be out in a couple of minutes then." Jack answered with a pained expression on her face as she rotated the wrist he had just wrapped but he shook his head.

"Can't get your hand wet." He answered her and followed her to the bathroom door. She turned around with her hands on her hips when they reached it and shook her head again.

"Well, I dunno about you and what is crossing the line for you, but this is crossing the line for me. We've already had the whole relationship slash romance talk; it makes this whole thing a step over the line for me. I don't need your help and I don't want things to get more complicated then they already are for me, therefore I will be going in there alone." She shook her head stubbornly. "Got it?"

"How are you going to wash your hair? You only have one hand to use." He gave her an even look and she couldn't stand the lack of emotion on his face. It was as if the whole thing didn't bother him at all.

"My hair really doesn't need me to wash it, the rain did a good enough job of that, all I'll have to do is wrap it in a towel." She answered. "Anyway, I have one good hand and it's not that hard to hold your head under a shower head."

"Jack I'm not going to try anything."

"I know you won't. That's the whole point." She snarled and pushed her own weak side away. Her other side had taken over again and was keeping her sane for the moment, it had asserted itself first when she had been forced to fight with Kevin and then again when Riddick had forced her to push the shock away. The other side of her was still angry and her emotional turmoil over Riddick wasn't helping her with the guilt and the shock of being the cause of Kevin's death, even if he had deserved it.

"So you want me to start something?" He asked evenly, no emotion in his voice at all, and it only helped make her angrier.

"Nothing you can't finish." She challenged and he said nothing, just looked at her. She clenched her jaw and sighed. "I thought so," She said when he didn't say anything at all. "I'll be out in a while." Was all she said before closing the door a little harder then she had meant to, she reappeared a little over ten minutes later, wrapped in his old bathrobe, her hair damp but it had obviously been attacked with a dry towel, her skin was still a flushed pink color, an after effect of steam from the shower. She stood in the middle of the galley and looked at him.

"You want me to do your hair?" He asked. She bit her lip and shook her head; it wasn't hard to see the strength holding everything together start to falter. The fact that Kevin was dead because of her bothered her, but not as much as the reactions of what was left of her friends and surrogate family would be. That was what was playing on her mind more then anything else. She wondered how long she would be welcome to be their friend or family member, more then likely not for that much longer, at least not when the truth came out.

"Give me ten minutes to throw some clothes on, and we can go pick up Candace and the rest of our things. I'll come back for The Chancer in a few months, but we can't stay here now." She said in reply to his question. There was fear in the back of her eyes.

"Running away?"

"Leaving before I bring any more trouble to these people." She shook her head, it was different, running away and leaving for their own good. She took a step toward the master bedroom but the minute she moved, the started trembling again. He closed the distance between them, enveloping her in a warm embrace that started to take the chill that had settled in her bones off. Even the shower, as hot as she had made it hadn't been able to deal with that chill.

"Don't worry about it." He said, one of his arms holding her close to his chest, the other hand running his fingers through her hair in a manor she found almost as comforting as the distinct smell that was all Riddick. Ever since she had been a teenager and been comforted by him after nightmares that smell had signified so much for her.

"Then just hold me." She said into his chest, her words coming out slightly muffled.

There was no risk of tears, she knew that she was past that, but a deadly cold had set in and she couldn't seem to shake it. She was very close to her breaking point and she didn't want to see what was on the other side of the wall. If she had been alone she would have filled a hot water bottle and be curled up on the couch back at her home watching a cheesy movie that kept her mind from thinking, maybe opened a pint of ice cream… But she wasn't alone and she didn't know how to deal with these emotions when she wasn't alone.

"I'm here." He let her sag against him, knowing that she only did it because she was in desperate need of comfort and trusted him to deliver the kind of comfort that she needed. She trusted him with a lot, her physical and mental safety, she had trusted him with her emotions and now she trusted him with her decisions.

He let them stand there in the galley for a while, never taking his arm from around her body, his other hand gently massaging her neck, releasing the tension that had been building up. Every once and a while he would feel a tremor run through her body and his other hand would lazily stroke her back to make her feel a little better. She had always been one to take comfort from physical contact and proximity. That was how he had managed to keep most of her nightmares away for all those years. He had never been out of arms length at night.

Jack just stood there and let her forehead rest against his collarbone. He was safety to her, he felt and smelled and radiated safety. Leaning there, against him made her feel like everything was going to be okay no matter how screwed up things might have been seeming at that moment. Before him it had been her parents that had made her feel safe, after him Bret and then she learned to make herself strong and now he was there again, like he had never left in the first place and she was happy to let him continue to make her feel safe.

She pulled away just enough after a chill set up and down her spine and looked at him. His lips gently brushed her forehead and she sighed deeply. She was in pain, she was causing pain and yet he was being so tender, like she actually deserved to be treated tenderly. She wanted him to be mad at her, to yell at her or something, she had made him kill again, she had made him kill for her.

"Why didn't you just leave me to…" She asked, not trying to escape the comfort of his arms but found herself unable to finish the question and was not getting her hopes up about the answer. Riddick was known to do some things on a whim, what if that had just been another one of those?

"I need you alive Jack." Was all he said.

"Why did you say that I was yours?" To her own ears, her own voice sounded a little too hopeful for her liking. She did not want to get the wrong answer, but she wasn't expecting the right. She was pushing things, she knew it, she knew she should be letting things run their course but she couldn't help herself.

"Because you are." Another annoyingly simple answer.

"Not that easy." Jack shook her head, but rested it against him again. He chuckled, it sent vibrations all over her body, it made a smile creep across her face but it never quite reached her eyes. Her green eyes would have looked tired, sad and cold. But like the smile on her face, her eyes were hidden from his sight.

"Really?" The amusement traveled to his voice.

"Please don't. You know it's not that simple or easy. You don't have the claim over me that you think you do, and I am too emotionally drained right now to deal with this too if it's going to end like last time. There isn't a right time for this or us remember?" The arm around her tightened at her words.

"You brought it up."

"Don't remind me." She answered dryly.

"Do you realize that you scared me tonight, Jack? Twice?" Jack stiffened when she heard those words. Riddick frightened sounded strange to her, let alone her being the cause of it. "You've only ever caused me to be afraid two other times since I've known you which means you doubled up tonight."

"Wanna explain a little more?" She stepped back so that she could look at him properly.

"When you got that infection and nearly died on me when you were still a teenager and, when you all of a sudden weren't there on Demedia."

"I mean tonight."

"Walking into that club tonight, seeing you dressed like you were, dancing like that and in Luke's arms like he owned you or something. You looked happy and you didn't know I was there; you didn't need me to be there. I worked so hard not to want you, that it only made it worse." There was honesty in his face and a gentile smile appeared on her face that was meant to be reassuring.

"Jealous?" She wrinkled her nose slightly.

"Totally." He answered and she couldn't stop the laughter, him being jealous was an alien concept to her, almost as strange as him being afraid in the first place.

"He's so gay! Come on, you know me, I've never been much of one to lap up attention from guys."

"Five guys in two years."

"God, I knew that one was going to jump up and bite me in the ass one day. It was really only one guy and four skilled workers whom I fooled into teaching me. Nothing much really happened with those four, as if it was any of your business." She stated evenly. "Only two men have ever captured my heart and imagination. One died for me and the other keeps saving my life, like it's a life worth saving." It was his turn to chuckle lightly. "When was the second time?"

"Right after Joe got me and told me that there could be trouble brewing between you and Kevin, when I saw you outside, laying at Kevin's feet, choking in air. I wasn't actually sure if you were dieing on me right then or not."

"Takes more then a little cut to kill me. I've had much worse."

"That bothers me too."

"Don't let it. It happened a long time ago." She shook her head. "But what now?"

"Now, we get you all tucked up in bed and you sleep this shit off. In the morning, I'm sure we'll get a visit from your friends after we get home. After that, we'll see what happens and where this shit takes us alright?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know it's not what you meant but that is your answer for now." She nodded her understanding and he gave her a nudge in the direction of the master bedroom that they had shared on their travels before his disappearance in her life. "I won't be far away if you need me."

"No." She shook her head. "Don't leave me alone right now. Please?"

"Alright," He nodded. "Go change and crawl in, I'll be right though."

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Pendragon4 – Hey, hadn't heard from you in a while, wondered where you had gone…lol. Hope that my explanations helped a little bit, if you need any more help…just say and I will do my best.

Pumpkinhead0402 – Glad you like Candace…she's a peach and will be having quite the roll to play sooner then you may think.

A – All will happen in good time.

Riddick's Sita – Wow…three reviews. I'm glad that you like the story and hope you had a good time with your friends. Riddick is quite the character and I'm glad that you think I've made him realistic, I have done my best.

POO Piles of it – Ahh yes, the drinking culture in the UK. Am well aware of his, have been living in the UK for 9 years now….lol. I'm so glad that you like the story and yes, I love my cliffhangers…they are so much fun even if they are evil.

Cateyes120 – Thanks so much for your help. You've been great with this chapter; this was a chapter that created a headache…if it wasn't for you it might not have turned out as well. Thanks.

FaTaL DiStRaCtIoN – I hope that because of this update I won't be hunted down and hurt…lol. Thanks so much for your review. I'm glad you have that much of a liking for my story, I just can't wait to see what you have happen to Riddick and Jack in your own story. Anyone looking for a good Jack story, check out 'Saving The Forgotten'. It's fab!

nikki-da-latina – More JR alone time is on it's way and also an appearance of a friend that has been mentioned but not as of yet seen…just to help Jack get her head around things….thanks for the review.

Thanks all for reading…please do review and tell me your thoughts.

K.