As if on cue, her stomach lurched, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.
"What's wrong?" Willow asked, hardly pausing at all in her mission to hack into the FBI database.
"Mfnkmprnt," Buffy mumbled against her hand, and the redhead glanced over, still tapping away at the keyboard, even though she couldn't see what she was doing and could've been alerting the government to her whereabouts. (she didn't, of course, because she's Willow, and she can multi-task like nobody's business.)
Buffy's arm dropped to her side, and she sobbed out, "I think I'm pregnant!"
Willow gaped, and rushed over to her best friend, holding her laptop protectively as she attempted to comfort the small blond. (priorities, you understand.)
"How could this happen!" Buffy wept copiously, tears running like lines of crystal from her huge green orbs. "I've never even had sex before!"
"Well, there was that one time with Angel..."
"Except with Angel."
"And Parker..."
"He didn't count."
"And Riley..."
"Riley left me! How could you be so insensitive!"
"He just went to class, Buffy."
"Don't argue with me! I'm very fragile right now."
"And of course, Spike..."
"That was all your fault! We thought we were engaged!"
"Er, right. So who do you think is the father?" The redhead asked, typing with one hand and patting Buffy's back with the other.
"I don't know! Why is everybody picking on me? I can't take this kind of pressure."
With that, Buffy leapt up from her bed and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Willow sighed and dutifully traipsed after her best friend, leaving her computer behind, because cracking the FBI database was just too easy; she needed something that would challenge her, and discovering who the father of Buffy's baby was would do exactly that.
She found her right away in the cafetaria, eating pickled fish and pudding, as pregnant women are wont to do.
"It will be all right, Buffy!" she declared. "We can find out who the father is after the baby is born!"
"We can?" Buffy gasped. "Just by looking at it?"
Willow slumped back into her chair, looking tired, but piously smug. "Well, yes," she admitted, because she was a Scooby, after all. "But also by doing a paternity test."
Buffy burst into tears at this latest affront to her chastity, and spooned more pudding and fish into her mouth.
--