Werewolf Tears

Harry did not know what to do. The man who he had come to call a father, was kneeling at his feet, broken and crying. He felt his own emotions tugging at his heart, aching to be released. His eyes were burning with tears he wished to release. Remus silently cried on the damp ground, the moon shining down from above. Harry knelt down with his old friend and pulled him into a tight embrace. He tensed at first but soon sank into Harry's arms, letting go of his pain.

Tears were now falling from his own eyes. They trickled down his cheeks and dripped to land on Remus Lupin's worn over coat. Harry smelt stale liquor coming from the man but thought nothing of it as he tried to help his old professor stand. Remus was shaking now, his scarred face shining with salty tears.

"Come on, Moony, lets go inside," Harry murmured, guiding Remus back towards the Shrieking Shack. Harry was amazed at how Lupin was able to live in the old house for so many years. The walls were dirty and spotted with muck; some were partially collapsed, as was the ceiling. All the furniture had been destroyed by the werewolf, bits of wood and material were scattered everywhere. A thick layer of dust covered the floor, with a single track leading straight for the rickety stairs.

Harry struggled to keep the man up and walking, as he directed him to the staircase. They almost fell backwards twice on the way up to the second floor. Lupin had stopped crying but seemed confused to where he was. Harry was sure that he was slightly drunk as Remus stumbled on his feet and swayed to the side. There was also a dazed look in his light brown eyes as Harry followed the path to the end room.

Remus collapsed onto the single bed when Harry entered the filthy room. It was quite small and he realized, with a start, that it was the same room that Harry had learnt the true tale behind Sirius Black and the Marauders. There was a sturdy looking chair in one corner beside a roughly built wooden desk, which was scattered with pieces of parchment and a few books. Now that Harry looked around again, there was nothing but books in the room. The floor was tiled with them, so it seemed like the floor had been built up an extra two inches all over. There was no space at all, and there were still piles of the books running along the wall.

Harry sat on the chair and jumped when Remus started snoring loudly. He looked to the drunken man and smiled sadly. From the light of a solitary lantern hanging from the ceiling, Harry surveyed his old friend.

Remus's hair, once only specked with grey, was rough and matted, with large patches of grey in places. There were deep hollows beneath his eyes and many lines that marked his forehead. The man was so thin that his clothes hung off him like troll skin. His werewolf transformation must have been taking a lot from him because there were scars over his neck and by the look of it, his arms as well.

Without the Wolfsbane Potion, the wolf inside him took full control at each full moon, and Remus lost all power over his own mind. Harry couldn't comprehend how it felt to be trapped inside your own body without being able to control it.

Tears fell once more from his eyes for his friend that had been through so much. Harry had been so selfish when he left. He didn't even stop to think of whom he was leaving behind. Remus had lost so many people in his life. He had lost his two best friends to the dark forces out there then he had found another friend and perhaps son who he could relate to and confide in. But Harry had left him, as so many others had. Remus had sunk into the darkness of his own mind. He had been rejected so many times in his life for being a werewolf that the first true friends he had found were ripped from him in the worst possible way.

Remus was left alone in a world recovering from the end of a war, a war in which Light had conquered Dark, and in this world, a werewolf was considered dark. So Remus retreated into the only place he felt safe, the only place he could remember his dear friends clearly. The Shrieking Shack was the only place he could remember when all the Marauders had been together, all happy and young. This had been the place where Remus had felt the most accepted. James, Sirius and even Peter Pettigrew, had learnt to become Animagi so he wouldn't be alone in the worst hours of his life. With them, he could become calm and even enjoy becoming a werewolf. They made it a gift, instead of the terrible curse that it was.

But they were all gone. James killed twenty-one years ago with his wife, Lily. Peter turned to the Dark Side and became a traitor on the same night that James Potter was killed, he was the reason James was killed. The sniveling rat of a man was still out there, hiding like the rodent he was. Sirius died when he fell through the veil going on seven years ago, leaving a godson and best friend to mourn his death.

Harry still had nightmares of that day. He could picture Sirius in the Death Room, dueling with his cousin Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry could still see the looked of shock on his godfathers once handsome face as his back arched gracefully and he fell backwards into the Veil of Whispers. He could still feel the pain inside him from all those years ago, he could feel the guilt inside him, and even though he had been convinced it was not his fault.

Both Remus and Harry had lost someone they were close to. Remus lost his life-long best friend and with him went his savior from the wolf inside him. Sirius was no longer there to make his curse into a gift. He was left to go through the hours of dark by himself.

Harry had lost is godfather, his guardian and his friend. Sirius had been his last hope of a normal life; but that had been stripped from him. Still, he tied to overcome the darkness threatening to consume him and be brave for Remus, who was slowly letting depression take him. They had stood tall together and tried to put there life back on track without the presence of Sirius. They helped each other through the pain and mourned together. They grew closer and Harry began to see Remus as a father and brother. Remus was seeing Harry as a son and another Marauder.

And when Harry as training to become an Animagus, he was doing it for Remus, so he wouldn't have to be in the darkness alone, so they could run free as all the Marauders once did. But, Harry failed at becoming an Animagus because it was taking to much time from his other, more important training. But they didn't let that ruin the bond they had formed, they continued to train together, with Remus at Hogwarts teaching him extra classes, it had been some of the best times of their lives.

Then the final battle came and Harry left the father he had found after ridding the world of Voldemort. Ron and Hermione had deserted him and he felt like there was no other who would want him. He fled to get away from the nightmares and memories. Harry didn't think of what it would do to Remus.

And it was tearing him up inside looking at his old friend, worn and defeated. Pain was pressing down on him and guilt of another life he had destroyed. Harry placed his head in his hands and let the sorrow consume him.

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Harry awoke some time later, still sitting on the chair with head in his knees. He yawned and ran a hand through his hair looking across to the bed in the corner. And it was empty. Harry jumped up, suddenly frightened. Where had Remus gone?

He walked through the old house, looking in each room as he went. When he reached the bottom floor, he noticed the front door open. He made his way to it and walked out in the soft sunshine of the morning. Clouds were rolling around the sky, blocking most of the light. But it still affected his eyes as he squinted out across the hill.

He could see the small Wizarding town of Hogsmeade below; witches and wizards were walking the streets, having already started their daily shopping. Harry made his way out to the top of the hill and looked across the sea of treetops. The Forbidden Forest loomed as menacing as ever but calmed him and made him feel warm inside knowing Hogwarts was just beyond his sight.

"I see you're awake," spoke a soft yet familiar voice. Harry shot his head around to see Remus standing beneath the same tree he was hidden under last night. In his arms, he carried a paper bag and it looked lie he had just come from Hogsmeade.

"Good morning, Moony," Harry said cautiously, taking in the mans appearance. He looked better than the night before. Color had returned to his cheeks and his eyes were shining. But he still had the dark hollows beneath his eyes and was looking incredibly thin.

"You are looking good," he said, walking into the light. Harry looked down at his dark clothes and ran another hand through his scruffy hair, smiling slightly. "And you look-!" he began before Remus grinned wryly and said, "-like crap," Harry flushed and folded his arms, not knowing what to say.

Remus was watching him with a calm gaze while Harry was staring at the ground. "Look, I'm sorry-!" he began to say, looking up. But Remus was gone. Harry looked around, wondering where he had gone. He walked back inside looking around for his friend. Harry heard some noises coming from around the corner and walked towards it. He found Remus in a broken kitchen, pulling things out of the paper bag.

"Remus, I-!" Harry tried to say again before Lupin turned to him. "Harry, we can talk over breakfast," he said, placing two plates of food on a lopsided table. Harry sighed and nodded, "Okay,"

The two of them sat in the chairs Harry conjured and slowly began to eat their breakfast. But neither felt like eating. Harry was playing with his bread roll, nerves and anticipation causing his hands to fumble. Remus was at least biting and chewing his apple, staring out the window with a blank look on his face.

"Moony, I'm sorry," Harry said, breaking the silence, throwing his food back on the plate. Remus turned his brown gaze to Harry who was looking at him with sad eyes. "What for?" Remus said slowly but Harry could hear the pain behind his words.

"For deserting you after I said I would never leave you! For leaving you alone and being so selfish when I ran! I didn't think of the people I left behind!" Harry blurted, his hand shaking as he placed it over his eyes to hide the tears forming. "And?" Remus said softly. Harry looked at him and noticed Lupin's eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"And I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye and not contacting you over all this time. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me and I'm sorry for everything!" he said, his voice cracking with the emotions coursing through him.

"Why did you leave, Harry? Why did you leave everyone behind when you would've been honored for killing Voldemort? Just after you saved the Wizarding world, you vanished! No one knew where you went! We thought you could've been taken by a Death Eater or something! And Ron and Hermione were distraught, they wouldn't say anything!" Remus said, furiously brushing away the tear running from his eye. At every one of Remus's words, Harry felt his heart being pulled through his chest. The guilt was washing over him, just as it did when Sirius died.

"You left everyone, Harry, including me!" he finished, throwing the rest of his apple at the wall. Harry bowed his head. "I didn't ask for you to forgive me," he said softly. There was silence.

"But I do, Harry, because you've come back, even though there are still things we have to sort out, I forgive you for leaving when you said you wouldn't." came the soft and forgiving voice of Remus. Harry raised his head, his eyes glassed with tears. He had never been a crying person, but in the last twenty-four hours, he had cried more tears than he had in the last five years.

"You-you forgive me?" he said, unbelieving. Remus actually smiled at this and this action took ten years from the man's appearance. He suddenly looked like he had before Harry left, before Sirius died. He looked happy.

"Yes, I do," were his words, "But we still have a lot to work out. Like why you left?" he said his brow furrowing. Harry picked up his bread roll and began tearing small pieces from it. There was silence for a while until Harry spoke.

"I left because they wanted me to," he said softly. Harry heard Remus move in his chair but Harry didn't look up and continued to rip up his breakfast. "Who are they?" Remus asked, his voice laced with confusion.

"Hermione and Ron. I locked them away from the fight so they wouldn't get hurt. I couldn't afford to loose them, not when we had come that far together. If I had lost them because of Voldemort after so many years fighting him, I would have died myself. They were my life. If they were taken from me, I would rather Voldemort had killed me and let me be with them again," he said so quietly and painfully that Remus had to lean in to hear him.

"I gather they didn't like being kept away from the battle?"

"They hated it, when I let them out; they shouted at me and told me they would never talk to me again. They said it like they meant it and it tore me up inside. I didn't care if I had just killed Voldemort and saved the entire world. If I didn't have Ron and Hermione by my side, what was the point of celebrating? So I ran away because I couldn't handle being alone. I had always had them by my side when things got tough and that was the toughest tome of my life. I had witnessed Dumbledore get killed-and it-it was the worst time of my life after seeing Sirius fall through the veil. I saw the twinkle fade from his eyes and I could see the satisfaction and joy in Voldemort's eyes after he was dead.

"I lost it. I had already watched so many people die that day and watched lives being destroyed. The pain I felt and the sorrow that so many deaths brought would've taken me down. The only reason I kept on fighting was for all the people around me and for Ron and Hermione. If I fell, so would they. I had to destroy Voldemort because he had taken so much from me and I wasn't going to let him take the two things that meant so much to me. So I killed Voldemort with Gryffindor's Sword for them. So they could live without the threat of someone trying to kill them for being my friend.

"And when they yelled at me with all the anger they had and all the force they had built up, I knew I couldn't live in the Wizarding World without them there with me. I left, without thinking of anyone else I would leave behind." Harry said, feeling as though a great weight had been lifted from his stomach. Remus was watching him with that calm brown gaze and a soft smile on his lips.

"They reacted the same way you would have. You know what it feels like to be kept away from the fight to be stopped from fighting what you believed in. They wanted to fight by your side and help with the battle. Anyone would hate being kept inside while people were outside dying in the war they should be fighting it," the man said after some thought. Harry knew he was right. He should never have locked Hermione, Ron and Ginny inside while mostly everyone else was fighting. It had been a selfish thing to do but at least they survived.

"I have already apologized to them a million times and they shouldn't have forgiven me but they did. Just like you have done," Harry said sadly. Remus could tell that by the way Harry had said it, that it meant the world to him that he had his friends and family back. He could see it in his emerald eyes that he was relieved he was accepted back so willingly. Remus smiled.

"You are a very forgiving person," the werewolf said. Harry looked up at him and smiled sadly. "I'm glad I'm here with you, Moony."

Remus looked at the son of his best friend and knew he was glad as well.

Hey everyone! Thank you for all the lovely reviews, I love knowing my story is liked! So, how did I do the talking bit of the forgiveness? I know it's not as sad as I said it would be but I didn't know how to work in all the crying because Harry isn't one for blubbering like a baby but more of a silent crier. And Remus is a forgiving person, I think. He always seemed calm and collected in the books and I was trying to maintain that perspective of him. So, please review and tell me how I did! Thank you!

DW