Shadows of Doubt

by elfmage

Disclaimer; I own none of the characters of the Harry Potter universe, that honour belongs to the brilliant Ms. J.K. Rowling. Eternal praise be to her for providing us fanfiction-addicts with enough material for a lifetime!

Warnings; Extreme angst (I mean it, this was written to satisfy my sadistic need for amazing amounts of angst!), self-mutilation, attempted suicide, depression, and other cheery things.

Additional notes; See prologue. Short chapters are for emphasis of content!

Reviews are appreciated, but only if you wish! Now that that is over with, on with the story!

Chapter Two: Bleed Just to Know You're Alive

Remus was sitting in the lounge-room, staring at the doorway through which Sirius had left. He was going over every word his friend had said in the past week, which did not amount to much, trying to discover any hint of what was going on in his friends mind.

As much as he did not want to admit it, he was beginning to fear for his friends' sanity, and even his well being. Sirius had changed so much, that Remus sometimes felt that he did not even know the man that he was sharing the decrepit mansion with.

Lupin shook his head. He refused to give up hope, refused to believe that his friend had changed beyond help. And he had the feeling that the only one that could help him was his best friend. It didn't matter whether or not Sirius wanted to co-operate, Remus was going to help his friend, just as Sirius had done for him in the past.

His decision made, the werewolf walked slowly to the doorway. He had reached the foot of the stair when he heard the sound of breaking glass. There was a short pause, during which he tried to pinpoint the origins of the sound as he paused on the stair, before the house echoed with a shrill scream.

"REMUS!"

It was the sound of pure terror, despair, horror, the sound of someone desperate. Remus leapt up the stairs, his heart in his throat, dashing for the door to his friend's bedroom, dreading what he was going to find.

Throwing open the door, Lupin quickly scanned the dark, almost black, room, desperately seeking out his friend. Not seeing him on the bed, or at the desk, Remus strode towards the cupboard, desperation rather than logic guiding his actions, as he searched for his best friend.

Halfway across the room, the werewolf stumbled over an obstacle on the floor, crashing to his hands and knees. As soon as he had made contact, he knew what that obstacle was, and he scrambled across the hard floor to where his best friend lay, facedown.

Remus reached out and grabbed Sirius' frighteningly thin shoulders, feeling the bones even through the robes that the Animagus had borrowed. He turned Sirius over onto his back his now adjusted eyes quickly scanning his friend for any obvious damage.

"Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God. Sirius, what have you done?"

Remus' eyes were impossibly wide, his mind frozen in horror. Then he gathered his wits about him and quickly pressed the edges of his robes against the gaping, bleeding wound, hard. Noticing the copious amount of blood pooling on the floor around Sirius, he knew his friend was in bad way.

Remus cursed himself silently for not having bothered to learn any healing spells that could be useful in a situation like this. He began to panic, noticing that his friends' breathing was almost non-existent. Keeping one hand tightly pressed against the gash, he used his other to yank open Sirius' robes, exposing his thin chest.

Containing a gasp of horror at the way in which he could clearly see every single one of Black's protruding ribs, Remus turned himself to the task at hand, laying his ear rather awkwardly against the skeletal ribcage beneath him, making sure his grasp on Sirius' forearm remained secure.

Sirius' breathing was rapid and shallow, as if he were caught in a particularly terrifying nightmare. His heart raced furiously beneath his starkly visible ribs, and Remus wondered that he was not able to see it, so thin was his friend. He was no medi-wizard, but he felt that if he could not slow his friend's panicked breathing, and calm his dangerously fast heart, they would simply stop.

The fact that his friend still drew breath was a great comfort to Remus, until he realised that he was still stuck in a room, without his wand, and with his best friend probably only minutes away from bleeding to death, maybe even less when the speed of his pulse was considered.

Trying to order his priorities, Remus thought quickly. First he had to slow Sirius' dangerously fast heart, and his breathing, which was bordering on hyperventilation.

Lupin was mentally flicking through the list of spells he knew, searching for one that could be useful, when his previously unresponsive patient suddenly awoke.

Sirius came to with a terrified start, and if Remus had previously been worried about the way his systems were racing, he was now petrified. His panicked mind worried that no human body could possibly take that much strain. Remus knew he had to calm Sirius down, now.

"Sirius, listen to me," Lupin spoke urgently. Noticing that his friend was not really focusing on anything, he grabbed the bony chin in his hand for the second time that night, and directed Sirius' attention towards him.

"I don't know what happened here, but you have to listen to me. You have to calm down. Your body is working too fast, too hard, and you have to calm down. Do you understand?"

The look in Sirius' eyes was so much like a lost, confused, hurt puppy that Remus wanted to cry. At the moment though, he needed to stay composed. Sirius needed him to stay composed.

"Do you understand, Sirius?" He repeated, his voice taking on a more urgent tone. When there was no response, other than his friend continuing to look terribly lost and confused, he sighed. He hated doing this to Sirius when he was obviously petrified, but he had no choice.

"Animo Linqui!"

Sirius was now unconscious, and his body was beginning to relax, although Remus dreaded what his friend would do when he awoke. Which made him wonder even more; what had put Sirius in such a state?

Remus risked a glance at the deep gash on his friend's forearm, removing the pressure for just a moment. The bleeding had slowed considerably, although Sirius had still lost a great deal of blood. Sighing, Lupin raised his wand;

"Accio, muggle first aid kit!"

Neatly catching the green box that came flying in, and thanking his muggle habits, he rummaged through it one handed, looking for something useful. Not knowing quite what was appropriate, he placed a spell designed to stop bleeding, which he had only used on scratches and small cuts before, but he hoped would be successful here, on the cut, and then wound a long, white bandage tightly around Sirius' forearm.

Lupin then sagged visibly, the panic and adrenaline beginning to fade. Suddenly feeling much older than he previously had, he got to his feet, and with only a little help from the werewolf strength within, he lifted Sirius into his arms, and carried the Animagus out of the cold, dark and bloody room, into Remus' warmer one.

He placed Black gently on the bed, pulling back the covers and tucking a fully dressed Sirius under them, not concerned about the blood that would indubitably stain his sheets. Remus noticed that the effort of lifting Sirius, who was quite tall, was far less than it should have been. He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, and sat down beside the bed, waiting until his friend awoke.

Whether Sirius wanted to or not, they had to talk. It had taken his friend's near death to make Remus realise just how close to destruction Sirius really was.

A/N; And here ends Chapter Two. Next chapter coming soon (it's already written, so I feel safe in saying this... :P ). Hope you enjoy!