Title: Recovery
Summary: The last thing she was aware of was John gently squeezing her hand telling to go to sleep that everything was going to be ok. Trusting John completely Elizabeth stopped trying to fight it and allowed herself to drift off. (Sequel to 'Anything?').
Pairing: Shep/Weir
Spoilers: Nothing big or specific.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine. Only the story line and any made up characters that may appear in the story belong to me.
A/N: Had seriously planed to start posting this sooner, but unfortunately I was blindsided by Real Life. But now things have settled a bit and I'm able to work on this story more.
--
John drew a deep, calming breath and slowly, very slowly, walked towards Elizabeth's bedside. The bruises speckling her body had flourished into deep purples and greens, and had become even more pronounced on the ashen canvas of her skin. Perched on the chair beside her, John reached out a steady hand and gently brushed a few stray locks of hair away from her face.
"Dr. Biro says that the surgery went fine, there shouldn't be any complications. She should wake up within the next few hours." Carson moved to stand next to John. He scrutinized the haggard lines and the hollows that sagged beneath John's eyes, "you should get some sleep. I'll call you if her condition changes."
John didn't respond, at least not perceptibly. After a moment of silence, he muttered, "Give me a few minutes with her?"
"Sure." Carson briefly squeezed John's shoulder then disappeared into his office.
Finally, secure in the knowledge of her physical stability, John allowed himself to bear the full weight of his own sorrow; guilt endeavored to weave slowly into the flux as well. Tears began their gentle descent down his cheeks as he ran the backs of his fingers delicately over her forehead.
He brushed his lips against her temple, indifferent to the probability of onlookers. Passing his hand over her head one last time, he reluctantly turned from her and made his way towards his quarters. He had a feeling that Elizabeth would not awaken within the next few hours as Carson had speculated.
--
A few hours later John gave up on trying to actually sleep and made his way back to the infirmary. Entering the infirmary he froze when he didn't see Elizabeth right away. Before panic had a chance to settle in one of the nurses spotting him frozen in the doorway quickly informed him that Elizabeth had been moved into one of the private rooms to give her some privacy. Thanking the nurse John headed for Elizabeth's room.
Entering the room he wasn't surprised to see Carson sitting by Elizabeth's bed. He turned at hearing John's approach.
John held a hand up halting any questions. "I…rested."
"That's something I guess." Carson turned back to watching Elizabeth.
Careful not to jar her unexpectedly John settled on the edge of Elizabeth's bed. He rested a hand next to hers as close as he could with out actually touching her. He knew that there was no reason he couldn't hold her hand, but something prevented John from moving his hand that final distance to hold Elizabeth's.
"How're you doing?" Carson didn't miss the way John made sure he didn't touch Elizabeth and frowned slightly.
"I'm good." John didn't take his eyes off of Elizabeth.
"You sure about that?" Carson sat up straighter folding his arms.
John opened his mouth to protest, but paused taking time to really think about how he was doing. "Maybe not so good." He was silent for quite some time, staring blankly at his hand resting millimeters away from Elizabeth's. "It was my fault." The whispered remark escaped before he had time to realize he'd voiced his thought. Feeling a new wave of guilt and sorrow wash through him John pulled his hand away from Elizabeth's.
Standing up Carson moved closer to John resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You have nothing to feel guilty about."
"It was my job to keep her safe."
"And you did that job to the best of your ability. You're not Superman John, you can't protect everyone and Elizabeth would be the first one to tell you that." He gave John's shoulder a gentle squeeze before removing it. "I'll be in my office, if you need anything."
John barely registered Carson's exit, so caught up in the emotions that were swelling through him. Moving off the bed he snagged the chair Carson had been sitting in, pulling it closer to the bed. He knew logically that he'd done everything in his power to try and stop Elizabeth from being taken – he'd almost died after all – and he'd done what he had to in order to find and bring her home as soon as possible.
But emotionally was another matter. He should have tried harder to keep Elizabeth from going off world, should have trusted his gut feeling while they were off world that something bad was going to happen, should never have left her side the whole time they were there. If he'd been doing a better job of protecting her she never would have been kidnapped and never would have been forced to go through hell for a year.
It was too much he thought bitterly, seriously, how much more was he supposed to take before it got to be too much? Running a frustrated hand through his hair John leaned forward to rest his head on the bed.
--
Making his way to the infirmary Rodney was deep in thought. It had been almost two weeks since they'd brought Elizabeth home and despite both Carson's and Biro's assurances that her condition was stable and improving, Elizabeth had still yet to wake up. He was no medical doctor but even he knew that, that was not a good sign.
Entering the infirmary he quickly strode across the main area to the private rooms that where set up in the back area. Stepping into Elizabeth's room he paused seeing John there, although he shouldn't have been surprised, the man seemed to be a permanent fixture in the room.
"Any change?" Rodney moved further into the room.
"Nope." John stood up to stretch a bit. "But that doesn't really surprise me."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rodney lowered himself into John's abandoned seat.
"Think about it, if you'd gone through what she's been through would you want to wake up and face it?"
"You think she's not waking up because she doesn't want to?" Rodney's brow furrowed slightly at John's implications.
"I'm no shrink, but it makes sense. She's gone through a pretty traumatic experience and sometimes the only way the mind can deal with something like that is by shutting down for awhile." John moved to lean against the wall at the head of the bed.
"For not being a shrink you seem to have a decent grasp on the functioning of the mind." Carson stepped into the room having over heard the last part of their conversation.
"Yeah well I'm military, one of the most psychoanalyzed demographics. Can't have mentally unstable people running around playing with heavy artillery and billion dollar toys."
"No we wouldn't want that." Carson allowed a small smile to form.
"Lay it out for me Carson," Rodney stood up to face his friend. "Did we get her back just to lose her again?"
"Honestly I don't know." Carson lowered his head briefly before looking up to met his friends' eyes. "These kinds of things aren't predictable. She could wake five minutes from now or she might not wake up at all-- "
"Not gonna happen, Elizabeth's tougher than that. She'll wake up." John straightened up, arms folded in defiance.
"John--." A moan – a distinctly feminine moan – cut off what Carson was about to say. Immediately all three men turned their attention to Elizabeth.
"Elizabeth…hey." John moved into Elizabeth's eyesight. When her half-lidded eyes found his, he felt his heart race.
"Joh…" Elizabeth's words were soft and slurred. She blinked, trying to clear the fog in her mind.
"How are you feeling?" Carson stepped up behind John, but didn't move any closer not sure how Elizabeth would react if he did.
Hearing Carson's familiar accent Elizabeth shifted her gaze to him. She frowned slightly at seeing the way the doctor stayed back; that wasn't normal behavior for the Scotsman. Elizabeth tried to think of an explanation for Carson's odd behavior, tried to remember what had happened to land her in the infirmary, but came up with a blank. Feeling exhausted and having trouble keeping her eyes open she decided answers could wait until later.
The last thing she was aware of was John gently squeezing her hand telling to go to sleep that everything was going to be ok. Trusting John completely Elizabeth stopped trying to fight it and allowed herself to drift off.
--
It had been two days since Elizabeth had last woken up and John had been glued to her side the whole time. It had taken a lot of threatening but Carson had finally chased him out of the infirmary, telling him not to come back until he'd at least showered and had something to eat. Carson would have preferred if he'd gotten some sleep as well but wasn't going to hold his breath on that one. Changing her IV bag Carson paused when he heard a slight moan come from Elizabeth. Quickly finishing his task he waited to see if she would finally come around again.
The first thing Elizabeth became aware of was the annoying beeping of a heart monitor – heck knows she'd spent enough time in the infirmary after John had been hurt to recognize that sound anywhere. Her eyes felt like they'd been cemented shut, but after several failed attempts she finally managed to pry them open.
Drawing a blank about how she'd ended up in the infirmary she looked around the familiar surroundings for some one that could give her some answers. Spotting Carson she tried to speak but found that her swollen feeling tongue prevented it. Coughing slightly Elizabeth didn't miss the way Carson hesitated before grabbing the cup of water off the bedside table and move close enough for her to take a few sips.
The cool liquid coursed over her tongue and down her throat and she welcomed it, grateful for the blessed relief it provided. "What happened?" She croaked out.
"What do you remember?" Seeing that at least for the moment his presence didn't seem to upset Elizabeth, Carson stepped a bit closer to the bed.
"I don't…" She trailed off as images flooded through her mind, the pain, the terror, everything she'd gone through over the last year. Suddenly, she felt sick, violated. "Oh God…" Seeing Elizabeth go pale Carson swiftly grabbed a basin off the table holding it in front of her.
Elizabeth sat up shaking uncontrollably as her stomach heaved. The effort shook her leaving her feeling weak and cold. Her vulnerability, the shame and horror, the helplessness and fear, everything, every emotion that she had experienced on that god-forsaken planet rushed through her sending her sweeping back to the reality of that existence.
Grabbing the extra blanket that had been lying on the foot of the bed Carson wrapped it around her shoulders. Reflexively Elizabeth tried to curl into a ball, but her ribs protested in agony.
"Elizabeth you need to calm down." Consequences be damned Carson moved to offer his friend comfort. Resting one hand on her back he gently grasped her uninjured hand with his other hand.
Elizabeth became dimly aware that the beeps registering her heartbeats were racing together, and she was panting for breath. She stared into Carson's face trying to focus on his words. She tried to steady her breathing. She was safe. It was over. She was safe. She gripped Carson's hand and held it like a lifeline.
She wanted this to be a bad dream, to wake up in her own bed when the alarm went off, ready for a new day. She closed her eyes again, wishing for the peace of oblivion. She felt Carson sit on the bed beside her, still holding her hand.
"God, Carson…" She couldn't fight it any more, burying herself in the security of Carson's embrace Elizabeth started sobbing.
John entered the room to find Elizabeth crying uncontrollably in Carson's arms. He froze the sound of her sobs bringing back memories of when she'd sobbed in his arms back on Arcadia. Feeling over whelming guilt – convinced that it was his fault that Elizabeth had been forced to go through that hell – John wordlessly turned around and left the room.