Not sure what had led him there John slumped down in one of the visitors chairs in Elizabeth's office – it may have been a year but he along with everyone else including Caldwell still thought of it as her office, everything was pretty much as she had left it before her disappearance. A few of the newer people in the control room had given him odd looks as he absently wandered into the office but he ignored them.

He closed his eyes and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Opening his eyes again John swept his gaze around the empty room. She wasn't there and that was the problem. He had wandered into her office intent on bugging her – and if he was honest with himself to flirt with her – but she wasn't there. It wasn't the first time he'd found himself there, quite a few times he'd wandered in there over the last year, forgetting momentarily everything that had happened.

Once again feeling the weight of his guilt crashing in on him John bolted from the room using the back entrance. He didn't know where he was going, but didn't care as long as he got away – from what he didn't know he just knew that he had to get away.

--

Slowly Elizabeth shuffled from her bed over to the small bathroom. Even though it had been two weeks since she'd woken up and a little over a month since she'd been rescued Carson still hadn't allowed her to leave the infirmary yet. Even though according to him her injuries were healing nicely Carson was reluctant to let her out of his care just yet, but he did consent to let her get out of bed and move around a bit.

Normally Carson's mother hen tendencies would have annoyed her, but at the moment she had other concerns on her mind. The cast had been removed from her left arm the day before and Elizabeth fully intended to take advantage of that fact by taking a long hot shower, but first she had to get to the shower without falling flat on her face.

Shedding her clothes as she went Elizabeth scratched at the back of her neck where her implant had once been. Even though Dr Biro had been able to successfully remove it, every now and than Elizabeth swore she could still feel it in the back of her neck if she moved it a certain way.

The sight of her reflection in the mirror stooped Elizabeth in her tracks. Her normally vibrant hazel eyes stared back at her red-rimmed and lifelessly. Her skin was paler than she ever remembered seeing it. Her once smooth and flawless skin was mottled with bruises. The colors ranged from yellow and a standoffish brown, to blue and deep purple, all depending on the time frame in which they were inflicted.

The disgusting purple and green souvenirs drove her memories into the light of a horrid reality. It did happen. Here was the proof, along the ridge of her ribs, along her hipbones, and lower still. On the flare of her hips, the soft, inner portion of her thighs, and…

…And within the delicate folds and depths of her body, much farther beneath the surface of her skin than any discoloration. Their bodies had marked her own, had plunged deep within her.

"Elizabeth?" She heard the voice, but didn't acknowledge it.

Receiving no response Carson stepped into the private room. He didn't see Elizabeth right away, but noticed the light on in the bathroom. Moving over to the closed door he knocked, "Elizabeth…?"

Again receiving no response Carson cautiously cracked open the bathroom door and poked his head in. Seeing Elizabeth standing in front of the mirror looking as pale as a ghost, shaking and with a far off look in her eyes, he cursed softly before moving to grab the blanket off the bed.

Elizabeth cast her eyes down when she registered Carson in the same room with her. She felt him wrap a blanket around her shoulders and his strong gentle hands turn her away from the mirror.

"C'mon," Carson guided her out of the bathroom over to the bed. Glancing up briefly Elizabeth met Carson's gaze, he smiled softly but she could see it in his eyes…

Pity…Anger…Disgust…

Elizabeth quickly diverted her gaze as Carson prodded her to lie down. She didn't want to see the things that were reflecting in Carson's eyes. Feeling her eyes begin to sting with tears Elizabeth rapidly blinked trying to hold them off.

Sliding into the chair by her bedside Carson watched as Elizabeth attempted to fight off the tears that were forming in her eyes. Just thinking about the things that had been done to Elizabeth made Carson angry. It disgusted him that people could do something so horrible to another person.

It was breaking his heart to see his friend suffering, but he knew that there was nothing more he could do for her. He could heal her physical wounds, but there was only one person that could help heal her emotional wounds, her wounded soul. And that one person had been frustratingly absent since Elizabeth had woken up.

This had to stop.

Making a quick call to Kate to come sit with Elizabeth for a little bit Carson rose from his seat and strode out of the infirmary. He was a man on a mission and heaven have pity on anyone who got in his way.

--

Barging into John's quarters Carson came up short as the strong scent of alcohol hit him. Glaring at the man sprawled out on the bed Carson yanked the bottle of – he took a quick taste – Zelenka's home made brew out of John's hand.

"Hey!"

Carson ignored the protest, "You know Radek's been going on a rampage trying to find the person who raided his stock."

"Good for him." John's voice wasn't slurred yet, but it was close. "Now was there something you wanted or do you just feel like being annoying?"

"Aye, I want you to get your scrawny little white ass off that bed and sobered up." Carson reached down to haul John up, "And it wouldn't hurt you to take a shower."

"Hate to break it to you Carson, but I don't need another mother." John tried to grab the bottle back from Carson.

"What you need is a good kick in the ass." Carson started manhandling John towards the bathroom. "Elizabeth needs you John and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let her see you like this."

On some level John knew that Carson was right, but that didn't mean he knew how to stop feeling like it was his fault she'd been hurt. He should have been there. Been there to save her, to hold her, to protect her. He should have been paying more attention to their surroundings...and not to Elizabeth's backside.

Listening to the doctor moving about in his room John let out a frustrated sigh as he stared hard into his bathroom mirror studying his own face for a possible answer. Carson may have been right but John had to be honest he wasn't sure if could be the person Elizabeth needed him to be.

--

Elizabeth laid curled up on her bed where Carson had left her. She knew that Kate was sat in the chair next to the bed now, but couldn't bring herself to roll over and face the woman. Elizabeth knew that Kate and Carson were worried about her and just wanted to help, but what she needed was John who she hadn't seen since she'd returned. She did have a vague image of seeing him the very first time she woke up, but that's all it was a vague image, nothing solid.

She was shaking softly and couldn't stop. She closed her eyes and the memories of what Jerick and countless other Arcadian men had done to her crowded in her mind. Her thoughts whirling with all the emotions she had felt. One taking its place after the other.

Pain...anger...revulsion...hurt...loss...disgust...

She was plagued by images of men over her, their hands squeezing her thighs hard, forcing her down. Her skin burned at the memory of fingertips roving her body. The feeling of them inside her...her stomach convulsing in revulsion. She choked back a whimper as she forced her eyes open again.

'Where are you John?'

--

After reading the same paragraph for the millionth time Rodney gave up on trying to get any work done. He was worried about Elizabeth, but had no idea what to do to help. The last time he'd gone to visit her he hadn't missed the way she'd flinched every time he got to close or the fear that was constantly in her eyes.

Rubbing his eyes Rodney allowed his thoughts to wander. John was drowning in his own sorrow. He felt guilty, even Rodney with his less than stellar people skills could see that, but his absence was hurting Elizabeth. Even though he hadn't been to see her since she'd woken John was the only man, aside from Carson, that could get near Elizabeth with out her flinching and fear flashing in her eyes.

Carson was beating himself up over something he couldn't fix. It was killing him seeing Elizabeth in pain and not being able to do anything about it. Rodney also knew that Carson was getting more and more frustrated with John. Elizabeth needed John's support, but he was letting his guilt get in the way of that support.

Ronon was being Ronon, offering his own form of support. These days the man could usually be found standing guard outside of Elizabeth's room keeping a silent vigil. On a few occasions Carson had actually resorted to slipping a sedative into the man's food in order to get him to sleep. On other occasions Carson had enlisted Teyla to bully Ronon out of the infirmary.

Teyla was…well to be honest he wasn't really sure how Teyla was doing. Rodney hadn't really seen much of his teammate lately, although he did know that she visited Elizabeth every day. She was also spending a lot of time in the gym – probably beating the crap out of unsuspecting soldiers. Rodney made a mental note to catch up with Teyla.

With John being emotionally AWOL Kate was the closest thing to a lifeline they had for Elizabeth. So far out of everyone Kate was the only person that Elizabeth had had an actual conversation with.

As for himself he'd holed himself up in his lab. Rodney didn't know how to deal with everything that had happened. He was dealing with things the way he usually did, by burying himself in his work.

Moral was at an all time low around the city and it didn't look to be getting better anytime soon.

--

John dropped his gaze as he approached Elizabeth's room, Ronon was giving him a glare that spoke of great bodily harm if John even so much as stepped an inch out of line. Yeah John knew he'd been a selfish ass letting his only feelings over shadow what was really important; Elizabeth.

Ronon's hand none to gently contacting with his chest made John stop. The tension he could feel in his friend's arm told John that the Satedan was seething with anger and the only thing that kept him from killing John was the fact that it would hurt Elizabeth.

"Easy…I know I've been an ass, but I'm here now." John held his hands up in a placating manor.

"You hurt her again in any way, the Wraith will be the last of your problems." Ronon's tone left no doubt in John's mind that the man would follow through with any threats.

Ronon may not have known the Lanteans for very long, but there was something about Elizabeth that demanded respect and loyalty. She was a strong, intelligent, brave, woman; a woman Ronon could have easily found himself falling for if not for the fact that her whole heart, body, and soul had already belonged to John and only John – whether she knew it or not. No Ronon was content with playing the protective older brother role – in a figurative sense, since she was technically older than him.

Nodding his head in understanding John entered Elizabeth's room. Kate was sat in the chair next to the bed, worry evident in her eyes. Looking up she smiled softly at seeing John standing in the doorway. Rising from the chair she moved towards the door pausing to give John's arm a reassuring squeeze before disappearing out the door. Crossing the room John stopped a few steps away from the bed, Elizabeth was lying with her back to him as her body softly shuddered and he wasn't sure what to do.

"Elizabeth?" John stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"John?" Elizabeth rolled over slowly as if not sure what she was hearing was real.

His heart stirred at the sight of her. Her cheeks were shallow, eyes deep in her face, angst and pain swirling in her gaze. Elizabeth slowly reached out a shaking hand. John moved the last few steps to her side and grasped her fingers tightly as he sat to the edge of the bed. Without hesitation Elizabeth flung herself into his arms nearly knocking the breath out of him. John wrapped tight arms around her body, holding her gently.

--

A week later Elizabeth sat on the edge of her bed waiting for Carson to officially release her from the infirmary. She knew that Carson was hesitant to release her, but there was really no medical reason for her to stay in the infirmary any longer. She had to admit that she wasn't sure she wanted to leave either, but she couldn't stay hidden away forever she had get out and face the world again sometime.

Letting out a large breath Elizabeth stood up feeling a bit antsy. Her movements were a bit slower and stiffer than usual due to her having been stuck in bed for a month, but she pushed that to the back of her mind. To keep herself occupied Elizabeth busied herself checking to make sure she had the few things of hers that had migrated from her quarters to the infirmary while she was there, John had helped her pack the items into a small duffle bag the night before.

John…

There was another issue that was weighing on her mind. She knew that something was going on with him, but couldn't get him to talk to her about it. For the first two weeks since she woke up he'd avoided visiting her, then all of the sudden a week ago he'd finally come to visit her and hadn't strayed far from her side since. She still didn't know what had caused him to stay away and then change his attitude.

But while he'd been there for her physically, he'd been emotionally distant. Their relationship – if it could be called that – hadn't matured or even moved forward at all. Elizabeth knew she wouldn't be ready for an intimate relationship for some time, but that didn't mean she didn't want things between her and John to progress. The whole situation was starting to frustrate her.

Pausing in the doorway for a moment John studied Elizabeth as she moved about the room. She was wearing a simple pair of jeans and a white pullover hoodie; it was the most casual set of clothing he'd seen her wear and he'd never seen her looking more beautiful. Shaking his head John pushed off the doorframe and strolled into the room.

He cleared his throat to announce his presence, "Hey you ready to go?"

Turning around to face him Elizabeth smiled faintly as John took her bag and offered her his hand. "Yeah let's go." She intertwined her fingers with John's as they left the infirmary.