Elizabeth gradually woke several hours later to the faint, comforting reverberation of a heart beating softly beneath her head. Taking in a long, deep breath, she allowed herself to revel in John's presence, his clean masculine scent, his soothing warmth before shifting further into his embrace. Wincing at the unexpected discomfort across her stomach and arms she drew back, vaguely aware of the circumstances that had bourn their current sleeping arrangements.
Except for a few fleeting images, more like impressions than actual images, her memory of the night before was foggy. She recalled John's attentiveness, the tenderness and empathy with which he had cleansed and bandaged her wounds and smoothed aloe into the irritated skin of her back; how he had meekly massaged lotion over her arms and legs, her shoulders and neck; how he had helped her dress, his eyes never straying or staying fixed on any part of her nakedness for too long; how he had helped her into bed and held her gently against his body as she had slowly succumbed to sleep.
Stirring to consciousness John's arms reflexively tightened around her eliciting a slight pained gasp from her. Hearing her opposition, involuntary though it was, he relinquished his hold on her body, the arm under her head flopping back against the pillow while his other hand came to rest on his stomach. "Sorry," he muttered, his voice scratchy with sleep.
"It's all right," she answered, locating his hand under the blankets and threading their fingers together reassuringly. She felt his other hand alight on her head as his fingers began combing lazily through her hair, and allowed her eyes to droop contentedly closed at the settling, intimate contact.
His warm breath washed over her forehead as he brushed his lips against her skin, "you need to have Carson look at those cuts."
Sighing, she buried her head against his shoulder. "Later."
"Elizabeth," John pulled back to look at her in the gray light of morning, his dark eyes hard with concern, his voice firm yet soft. Disengaging his hand from hers, he gently traced the outline of her face, beginning at her temple, rounding the rim of her ear, and dipping down to her chin before cupping her jaw gingerly in his palm. "He needs to know…Kate too."
"I know…I just…can it wait for a little while…I don't…I mean I'm not…" She trailed off, nervously biting her lower lip.
"What is it?"
"Carson wanted to give me a check up today…you know the usual stuff, vitals, blood work, those kinds of things."
"That doesn't sound so bad, you've gone through those things before." He kissed her temple softly.
"He needs to do a pelvic exam too." she murmured, her voice hardly audible, but her words unmistakable to him.
"I'm here if you need me." John gently pulled her closer to his body offering her what comfort he could. He knew she was scared, aside from a similar exam when she'd returned from Arcadia – which she'd been unconscious for – she hadn't been touched internally since coming home. After a moment he spoke again, "I guess it can wait…'til after breakfast."
"Deal." Her hand wrapped delicately around the back of his neck as she steadily directed his mouth to meet hers. Tentatively their lips touched once briefly, and then a second, lingering time.
"In or out for breakfast?" he ran his fingers idly through her hair before bending down to capture her mouth once again with his, alert for any sign of her discomfort while savoring the sweet taste of her lips pressed gently against his own.
Pulling back from their embrace, she gazed up at him for several long moments, her eyes bright and satisfied, as she adoringly scrutinized his features. Brushing the back of her fingers against his stubble covered cheek, she murmured, "In."
"Right." Groaning reluctantly, he threw the blankets back and slid out of the bed. His arms stretched mightily over his head before he shuffled over to the small kitchen like area he'd set up in one corner of his room.
Elizabeth didn't eat much at breakfast, merely picked at her eggs and hash browns; John knew she had to be even hungrier than he'd been. After all, she'd eaten little since coming home, the results of which he had painfully noted last night — earlier that morning, whatever — as he had taken in the sharp protrusion of her hip bones against her taut skin and the sickly definition of her ribs along her sides.
Glancing across at her hands on the table, he winced at the undeniable thinness of her fingers and the pronounced projection of her knuckles. He'd never thought of her as skinny; lean, yes, complete with the strength and confidence the term implied, but never skinny. He decided he would mention it to Carson if Elizabeth ate little at lunch.
After cleaning up breakfast John curled up on the bed with Elizabeth. She had her legs pulled protectively against her chest and her head resting lightly on his shoulder. Plucking one of her hands from off of her knee, he held it against his own, palm to palm, and splayed their fingers simultaneously, scrutinizing the sharp protrusion of her bones against her cold, pale skin.
"You've lost weight," he murmured, carefully keeping his tone neutral not wanting her to think he was accusing her.
"Have I?" she asked stretching her fingers gently against his hand John nodded. Shivering slightly, she drew her hand from his grasp and burrowed into the warmth of John's sweater she'd swiped from his closet earlier.
Before John could respond he was interrupted by a knock on the door. He instantly felt Elizabeth tense up under his arms. "Hey relax, its just Carson," she looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "I figured you'd be more comfortable with him coming here than you going to him." He disentangled from Elizabeth and went to the door.
Opening the door and stepping just outside it John was only mildly surprised to find Kate standing there with Carson.
"I was meeting with Carson when you called," Kate explained seeing a hint of a question in John's eyes. "Thought I'd tag along and see how you and Elizabeth were doing after yesterday."
"It's ok…actually it's probably a good thing that you're here too, saves me having to go over this more then once." John ran a hand through his hair.
"What happened?" Carson questioned. "You didn't really tell me much when you called."
John squashed the faint tickle of nervousness in his gut as Carson brought the events of the previous night to mind. "She uh had an episode last night I think and she…" He paused attempting to find the most delicate words to phrase the night's events. After clearing his throat softly, he continued, "She hurt herself."
"Intentionally?" Kate spoke up.
"Yeah…but I don't think she was really aware of what was happening at the time."
Assimilating the information, Carson asked after a moment, "Where and how did she hurt herself?"
"Cuts on her upper arms and some on her stomach."
Nodding his head Carson moved to enter John's quarters. John went to follow, but stopped when he felt Kate gently, but firmly grip his arm. "Wait."
Trusting Kate's judgment John paused in the doorway watching as Carson approached Elizabeth who was still sitting on the bed where John had left her.
"Elizabeth…" Carson called out gently, announcing his presence. Waiting until she looked at him, Carson perched on the edge of the bed.
"He told you." It was a statement not a question.
"He cares about you."
"I know." Elizabeth nervously bit her lower lip.
"Would you prefer to have Dr. Biro check you over?" Carson couldn't help but notice how nervous Elizabeth was. He knew that she trusted him and that even after everything that had happened still wanted him to be her primary physician, but he was still a male.
"No, no I trust you." She softly covered one of his hands.
"Ok and can I assume you'd be more comfortable doing it here than the infirmary?" Seeing her nod her head Carson reassuringly squeezed her hand. "I'll need to get some things from the infirmary. I'll be right back." He stood up and headed for the door.
"Carson?" John straightened up from where he'd been leaning in the doorway.
"She wants to do her check up here so I'm gonna go get some things I'll need from the infirmary." Carson explained as he moved past.
Stepping back into the room John moved to sit on the bed next to Elizabeth. "Hey you ok?" He placed a soft kiss on her forehead
"Yeah." Elizabeth rested her head on John's shoulder, curling up to him.
"Elizabeth?" Kate snagged one of the chairs by the table and brought it over near where Elizabeth was sitting.
"Kate." Elizabeth shifted slightly to look at the other woman, but didn't other wise move away from John.
"Feel like telling me what happened last night?"
Elizabeth sighed snuggling in closer to John, "I'm not really sure…I don't really remember much."
"Can you tell me what you were thinking about?"
"Not really." She closed her eyes briefly. While Elizabeth gathered her thoughts John absently rubbed his thumb over the back of one of her hands. "I remember John…his gentleness…feeling safe…but before…it's all kind of foggy…"
The sound of the doors opening cut off anything Kate was about to say. Seeing that Carson had returned she stood up to leave. "We can talk about this more later."
Feeling Elizabeth tense up John soothingly rubbed her arm, "You want me to stay?"
"Thanks, but no…I need to…"
"I understand." Tenderly kissing her forehead John got up and followed Kate out of the room. Having work to do Kate wasn't able to stay, but John didn't care if the Wraith were attacking he wasn't moving an inch further away than he had to.
Watching John leave Elizabeth felt her stomach twist up in knots. Unsure what Carson wanted her to do she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Seeing that Elizabeth was nervous Carson set his medical bag down crouching in front of her but careful not to touch her with out permission. "I promise to do this as quickly as I can. If you want me to stop at any time just say so and I will." She nodded her understanding. "We'll save the pelvic exam for last, I'll take you vitals first, I need you to calm down if you can first though.
Waiting patiently Carson gathered the things he would need first, making sure he stayed within Elizabeth's eye sight the whole time. Satisfied that she'd calmed down a bit he started with taking her temperature.
Checking the reading on the thermometer he frowned slightly. "You body temperatures a bit on the low side." He informed her. "How've you been doing pain wise?" He questioned as he pulled a syringe out of his bag to take a blood sample.
Elizabeth shrugged softly. "Alright I guess. A little sore, but nothing unbearable."
"That's good." Tucking the blood sample away in his bag Carson next pulled out a hospital gown. "I need you to change into this gown. Would you like me to step outside?"
"You can stay." Elizabeth mumbled as she took the gown from Carson.
While Elizabeth gingerly changed Carson turned his back to give her a modicum of privacy, busying himself with arranging his instruments. Drawing a deep breath when Elizabeth vocalized her readiness, Carson smiled as he turned and approached her.
Having Elizabeth lie down Carson carefully prodded the woman's ribcage, carefully watching her for any sign of distress. Receiving only a slight hint of a wince at one point he was pleased to see that her bruised and cracked ribs were healing nicely.
Next he checked her left arm making sure the muscles were regaining strength and that there was no trouble with motion. Satisfied he moved onto the cuts on her upper arms. They weren't deep enough to require stitches, a few of them could've been help with a few butterfly stitches, but he wasn't going to haul her down to the infirmary for them if he didn't absolutely have to.
"Everything's looking good so far." Carson commented as he mentally took a deep breath. "I need to check your upper body now, is it ok if I lower the gown down to your waist?"
At first Elizabeth didn't respond to his question, but after a moment softly nodded her head. Gently Carson grasped the neck of the gown and drew it down to Elizabeth's waist. He briefly closed his eyes as he took in the bruising, even after nearly two months many of the bruises were still visible. He also frowned at the way the skin around her ribs clung to her ribs making them frighteningly visible. "You're loosing weight."
"If you say so." Elizabeth's tone was distant.
"Have you been eating regularly?" Carson tried to keep the worry out of his voice.
"I guess, but I haven't really been that hungry."
"In that case I'd like to start you on a specialized dietary plan to see if we can't get your weight up." Elizabeth nodded as Carson turned his attention to the cuts on her stomach. "I'm going to examine the lacerations on your stomach now. Will you be ok if I touch you?"
Slowly, Elizabeth nodded, the tension in her body visible. Gently Carson examined the worst of the cuts, much like the ones on her arms they didn't require stitches, but could have been helped with some butterfly stitches. Quickly he cleaned and re-bandaged the wounds.
Finished with the bandaging Carson drew the gown back up over Elizabeth's shoulders. Knowing what was coming next Elizabeth closed her eyes, her body tense. "Would you like me to get John?"
She shook her head. No this was something she needed to prove to herself that she could do on her own.
"If you're sure…" Seeing the determination on Elizabeth's face Carson nodded, setting out what he needed. Elizabeth tried to force herself to relax as Carson started the pelvic exam. She struggled to remind herself of where she was, whom she was with.
She was not on Arcadia, she was not in medical being checked, she…she…
Carson stopped what he was doing when he heard the anguished whimpers coming from Elizabeth. Glancing up at her face he noticed her tightly closed eyes and pained grimace.
"Elizabeth?" Receiving no response Carson cursed silently as sobs began to rack Elizabeth's body and strings of desperate pleas issued hoarsely, painfully from her throat. "John!" He called knowing the man would be right outside, as he moved to Elizabeth's side.
Instantly John was inside the room and at Elizabeth's side, he didn't bother to ask what had happened. Sitting down on the edge of the bed he caringly grasped her hand. "Elizabeth, look at me." He soothingly stroked her hair with his free hand as he softly kissed her forehead. "It's ok, you're safe, you're home. Focus on my voice, focus on me not the memories." He continued whispering platitudes to her until finally, he was rewarded with her eyelids snapping open, her wide, terror-filled eyes desperately seeking his.
"John?" Elizabeth whispered, her grip on John's hand tightened.
"Yeah, I'm here." John didn't stop stroking her hair. At his words, her face crumbled and tears poured out of her eyes anew as she reached to firmly grip the fabric of his shirt and bury her head into his shoulder. "Shh…" He whispered, gathering her trembling body into his arms. "You're safe, I've got you."
John held her tightly for several long moments. Feeling her body begin to relax he loosened his hold slightly, pulling back to look at her face. "Sleep," he murmured as he watched her eyes begin to droop shut, exhaustion taking hold.
As John began to gently lay her back onto the mattress, she clutched at his shirt and urgently whispered, "Stay…don't leave."
Smiling softly, he bent to gently brush their lips together then settled her back onto the mattress before stretching out alongside her, leaning most of his upper body against the headboard. She instinctively shifted towards his warmth, nestling herself securely against him, her fingers still clutching the fabric of his shirt.
Looking up John spotted Carson hovering near by. "She's ok right…I mean aside from the obvious flash black?"
"Aye, everything seems to be healing nicely. And none of the cuts on her arms and stomach are in need of stitches. It wouldn't hurt to put some butterfly stitches in a few of them, but I'm not going to drag her down to the infirmary if she doesn't want to go." Carson sat down in the chair Kate had used earlier.
"That's good." John was about to say more but paused when Elizabeth snuggled herself closer to him, her shiver was unmistakable.
Seeing her shiver Carson grabbed the blanket that was sitting on the end of the bed and draped it over Elizabeth. "I'll come check on her later."
"Thanks." John spoke softly. Carson nodded, smiling slightly as he silently exited the room.