-Amy-

Sonic's not back yet. He should be back. It feels like a long time since we returned and Blaze told us that Sonic, Tails, and Shadow had gone to try and get another Chaos Emerald. They'd thought they'd be back before we were – something must be wrong... Unless they just mistook the time they'd need. I looked at the robot listings Tails had downloaded; I can see why Sonic thought it would be safe to go. I think he might have gone anyway, though, for he's just as he used to be, before... not like the rest of us. I can't seem to stop being reminded of that, and I suppose it's not too surprising, really. But Blaze tells us it's best to stay here, and somehow, he's always right... so we've listened, we're staying. He is right, too – even if something has gone wrong, what possible purpose could our trying to help serve? Only to get us all into trouble. Sonic, Shadow, and Tails are the best fighters among us. If they can't do what they've set out to, none of us can.

I'm most worried about Shadow. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help myself. In all the time I've known him, now... I've come to care about him, more than anyone else, though I shouldn't. But I have to be honest with myself, or sooner or later some self-deception will stretch into a miscalculation that could kill some, maybe all of us. I like Shadow... I care for him... I love him, though I don't dare to... Not like the way I used to chase Sonic around, all those years ago, seeming impossibly distant now, not like that. I'm older, I've grown up since then, since that passing phase that could never be more than that.

I've got to know Shadow well, over the years we've spent together. When nothing's happening, all there is to do is talk. Sometimes it helps us to fight the despair our situation inevitably weighs us down with. Sometimes it helps with other things as well.

Out of all of us, I know I'm the one who he's talked to most. Maybe because, when this began, I understood, if without truly knowing why or even that I knew, I had to listen to everyone, I had to understand them if we were ever to work together truly effectively... I think that's all it was, then. I sought him out and talked to him, and, little by little, he started telling me about himself. Not much, at first. While he was recovering, when Tails and I found him after Robotnik had taken part of his arm in the destruction of the Chaos Emerald, he used to talk in his sleep... I think I learned more then than he ever intentionally told me in that whole year. But perhaps Shadow came to like me, too... or perhaps he just understood that I wasn't going to go away. No... I think that he did, at least, see me as a friend. Then, maybe... ...maybe I found a way into his heart the same way he'd slowly wound up in mine...

There was one time, not really so long ago, only a year ago, maybe less, we sat together in a little room in the hideout we were using at the time, the others around somewhere, though I didn't know exactly where. We were just laying low, because Robotnik was looking for us, and those few days of complete inactivity meant that there was really nothing we could do but talk to one another. At first, it started out as nothing, really... we were talking, he asked me a few questions – not many, it's never been like him. I answered him... I don't even remember what we were talking about, he must have been asking me something about myself. Once I'd answered him, in any case, I asked him a few things, too – nothing serious or important, I already knew very well that trying to look at all deeply into his past only brought back too many painful memories for him. He'd answer, but it would hurt him. I never asked after the first time I had. But then he started telling me all about everything he could remember, quietly, slowly, just him and me while somewhere nearby robots searched for us.

His life aboard the ARK, waking up for the first time as a completely innocent 'child' who was nonetheless physically and mentally around nineteen. The few months he spent there, his deep friendship with the granddaughter of his creator... He told me that, when he was on the ARK, he'd begun to wonder what the reason for his existence was, that maybe if he went down to our world, he'd find out... He'd always wanted to see it, him and Maria both, in fact – all that either knew of it, he said, was taken from pictures, books, things like that... They both thought it must have been a wonderful place.

Then GUN came to the ARK, killing the scientists... killing Maria. They'd run, he said, hearing gunshots, voices they recognised cry out and fail, terrified. Run for the escape pods, more on instinct than anything else. Run right into a group of soldiers, soldiers who shouted after them as they turned and ran again, soldiers who shot Maria as she tried to get Shadow to safety, to Mobius. He told me how she'd spoken to him for the last time, he completely helpless, trapped in a little capsule meant mostly for experiments in space and dropping stronger things back to Mobius... she dying at the controls as he watched. She launched him towards the planet... her last words asking him to protect it... to help its people...

Shadow still doesn't remember much of what he found there, his fragmentary memories becoming few and far between after he landed, then finally vanishing completely until one day awakening back on the ARK. He doesn't think he'll ever know how he got there. All he remembers of the Mobius of the time is a city, really, that and a little trekking towards it. It was nothing like what he expected, what they had expected. He told me he grew to almost hate the people, as he lived among them, sheltering down alleys under whatever cover he could find... but then he would always remember Maria. Surely... surely she couldn't have been completely wrong? He knows he began to think that all that was good might have died on the ARK... then, it ends completely, and the next memories are continuous again, back on the ARK somehow, with Gerald.

Even then, he knew Gerald had gone insane... but it didn't seem to matter. He thought – though he probably won't ever know, and nor will I, what made him forget something so important to him, and not simply forget but misremember so completely – that Maria had wanted him to get revenge, on all the people of Mobius. Hearing him tell me that, quietly, sadly, I was shocked. How could he have believed that, reconciled it with his other memories? Just from what he told me, I could hardly imagine that she would even think something like that! But then, Shadow said his own state of mind was none too good either, barely better balanced than Gerald's. They had planned together, he said, quietly. Gerald came up with ways of destroying the world. Shadow mostly agreed that he was capable of carrying them out. So really, I suppose, Gerald had done most of the planning. In any case, Gerald returned – returned, I asked? But he didn't know. Perhaps they'd finally caught him, after the city, in whatever dark time he'd somehow forgotten. Why he'd have been sent back to the ARK with Gerald, he didn't know. At the time, he didn't care. Anyway, he said, Gerald returned him to GUN. He remembered that day clearly, mind full of hatred, of thoughts of revenge... and a fear he could never justify, never explain. He'd gone into the stasis chamber that Gerald had created for him, and there he had been trapped in suspended animation, frozen in time.

He told me quietly that it hadn't been meant to be so long, not really. They had thought he'd get out long before, GUN wanting his abilities for something. But then Gerald would have completed his plans, plans they'd not had time to prepare completely together, because GUN was demanding Shadow return to them. Again that return... they must, somehow, have caught him. Shadow quietly agreed with me. They must have.

In any case, he never did emerge, kept guarded and secure. Gerald's plans had been found out. Judging from that final recording we saw on the ARK, I'd say he was shot. It was all so final. Did my mind shrink from that thought, when I was up there, just a girl trying to help her hero out and winding up in trouble instead? I don't know, but it doesn't now.

From then, he said, I pretty much knew what happened. And I nodded, I did. He asked me, cautiously, tentatively, like he was almost afraid to hear what I'd say, if I minded if he carried on talking. I think it had just dawned on him that he'd said so much, more than he'd ever said to anyone, and he didn't even know what I'd think of it, of him, how I'd react... if I would stay or turn away...

I didn't really know what to say. I'd taken hold of his hand, without even remembering that I'd done it, while he was talking. I looked at him a moment, and gave him a smile I knew was tinged with sorrow for him. I told him he could tell me whatever he wanted, that I didn't mind at all. I didn't say the words I felt wanting to come after that. But I think he heard them anyway.

So he kept on talking, and I kept on listening. There wasn't too much more to tell, really. And then we sat together in silence for a while, and I remember realising that despite the danger of every moment while those robots were still searching, despite the awful state the world was in since Ivo Robotnik had taken control, despite everything... I was content, more than content, I was happy, in a way at least... not exactly what I would have once called happy, in the carefree way of my past, but happy nonetheless. We both were. And if we got found and we never had a chance to meet again, I knew I at least would be able to hold this in my heart for however long the rest of my life lasted, and think 'at least we had this'. Shadow trusted me with everything he was and everything he had. He'd come to trust and like me enough that he opened up to me in a way I'd never seen. And I knew I'd acted the way he'd hoped I would, was afraid I wouldn't.

I think Shadow's always been quiet and self-contained, not the outgoing kind like Sonic and the girl I'd used to be. I still was to an extent, ready to befriend anyone, but my thoughts stayed mine alone now. But after all he'd told me, it must have been hard to overcome all his reservations and fears enough to talk to me like this. It meant a lot more than his life story. He knew it, and I knew it. And I let my own walls go in return, like I'd wanted to do for a long time, but I could never quite tell what he was really thinking well enough to be sure...

So we talk a lot, Shadow and I. I tell myself I should try not to care for him so much, but it isn't that easy. Nothing ever is.

And now I don't know where he is, or how he is, and I'm worrying about him. Sooner or later I know I'll stop listening to Blaze, not heed Crossfire's fatalistically pessimistic warnings, and go after them, after him, anyway. Where are you, Shadow... where are you...?