Chapter 4: Drunkenness and Wickedness

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from BtVS or Angel. Joss Whedon is a god! I do however own Rebecca, Hayley, and McKenna and would appreciate it if no one takes them. Thank you!

"Bloody hell! Why do you watch these… these…?" Giles turned to Wesley. "I said something good earlier. What was it again?"

Wesley pushed up his glasses with a finger before replying, "I believe you called them bloody imbecilic ignoramuses with no manners what-so-ever and mush for brains."

Giles grinned. "Ah yes. I say, that description fits perfectly. Don't you think so Buffy?"

Buffy stared wide eyed at the television, which just happened to be showing 'Jackass, The Movie'. "I'm gonna have to agree with Giles on this one guys."

Xander and Angelus whipped their heads around and growled. "Shut-up!" Just as suddenly their attention reverted back to the television, completely engrossed.

Willow walked up to Giles and tapped him on the shoulder. "I have a question." Giles turned his attention to the red-haired wicca. "Which ones are the imbecilic whichamacalits?"

Giles and Buffy laughed. "I don't think we'll ever know, Will," Buffy said.

"QUIET!"

Cordelia shook her head and glanced over at the cot where Spike was laying unconscious. Or was… "Where's Spike?" Everyone turned at the panic in Cordy's voice. "He's gone. He was there a minute ago."

The gang, both dead and alive, looked at the entrance to the kitchen as the freezer closed loudly. Spike swaggered out, carrying a bottle of an expensive scotch. He took a large gulp before grinning at the group. "You all look like you've seen a soddin ghost."

"Are you… how… when…?"

Spike sighed. "Yes, I'm back. I don't know. Just now." He walked back into the kitchen and chugged the rest of the scotch and threw the bottle into the can by the cupboard. He walked over to Dawn who was sitting at the bar, her head on her arms, sound asleep. He petted her hair softly before whispering, "Wake up call, Nibblet. Scoobies are wondering where Slayer's little sis has gotten herself to." Dawn mumbled softly and Spike leaned in, his eyebrows raised, not entirely sober. "What was that, Nibblet?"

Dawn pushed herself up and looked at Spike groggily. "I'm not little." She peered at him. "You're drunk."

Spike looked at her, his words slurred. "Am not." He went to sit down but missed the chair by a foot. Spike landed on the floor with a thud and stared up at Dawn, who gave him a look that just screamed, 'I told you so.' "Alright. Maybe a little." Spike tried to stand up but just fell on his butt again. He gave up and just sat on the floor, pouting. "I can be drunk if I sodding wanna." Spike grinned suddenly. "Hey! Did that rhyme?"

Dawn looked at Spike and sighed. "Not really."

Spike went back to pouting. "Wanker." Dawn began to walk away when Spike grabbed her hand. She turned, slightly creeped. She almost laughed when she saw the puppy-dog eyes plastered on his face. "Can you get me a beer pet? Pweety pwease? With sugar and cherries and-"

"Okay! Just… don't move." Dawn walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. After she had placed it in Spike's arms, she walked out into the living room. "Spike's drunk." As Buffy and Angelus hopped up to go see to Spike, she walked over to Giles and Wesley, who were playing chess in the corner. "He called me a wanker." She looked accusingly at them before she asked, "What's a wanker?"

Giles snickered and walked away for a moment, leaving Wesley to explain. "Well it's… ah… the, um, British equivalent to jerk or idiot." Wesley eyed Giles, who walked into the room and sneered at him.

Dawn stalked into the kitchen, where Buffy and Angelus were trying to so 'sober up' Spike. She walked up and Buffy and Angelus paused in their actions, gauging hers. Spike stood up and looked at Dawn. He reached out a hand but stopped when he felt a swift kick in the shin. "Idiot," she said calmly, before she stalked out of the kitchen again. Spike looked after her in wonder before rubbing his sore shin.

"Why did she…?" He looked at Buffy and then Angelus for answers. Then, he smacked himself in the forehead, replaying the very short conversation in his head. As he began to rush out, he saw the questioning looks on the others faces. "I called her a wanker," he said in explanation.

Buffy sighed and sat down on the floor, leaning against the counter. Angelus followed suit, grabbing two beers on the way and handed one to Buffy. She started to decline but thought better and took it shrugging her shoulders. "I bet the PTB or whoever is up there is just laughing their butts off. I'll kick 'um all just as soon as I get there." Buffy glanced up at the ceiling, her eyes glazed from the beers she had had already. "You hear me? I'll get you, you… you… stupid things!"

Angelus nodded and clanked his glass against Buffy's. "I could drink to that lassie!" He took a deep swig and lowered his bottle, a drunken gaze meeting his own. "What? Can't a man drink when 'e wants to anymore?"

"When did you get an Irish accent?"

Angelus was about to respond when Xander walked in. He took one look at the two drunks sprawled on the linoleum and walked out again without pausing, shouting, "Hey G-Man! Yours is drunk and sitting on the floor with hers!"

A scuffle could be heard in the living room, followed by a shout. "What do you mean Xander? Who is drunk?" He rushed into the kitchen. There he found "his", Buffy, sitting on the kitchen floor with "hers", Angelus, getting as drunk as possible and arguing about the Powers That Be. "Oh dear," he said with a sigh. Carefully he hoisted Buffy up and led her to the living room. "Now Buffy. Please just relax. And no more alcohol." Buffy growled softly as her beer was taken from her but she soon forgot it as she became fascinated by the buttons on her own coat.

Angelus stormed through the house, not sure what he was looking for. Finding what could only be Giles' room, Angelus grinned. He closed the door and locked it before setting himself to his newest hobby, for the moment anyway. After a few minutes, he went downstairs and motioned for Spike to follow him, who did, albeit with a strange look on his face.

Seeing what Angelus had done, Spike grinned. "Alrighty, mate. Let's see what else we can do."

Giles headed upstairs, wanting to relax for a little while, outside of the drama in his living room. He also wanted to find out what could have caused Angelus and Spike to come downstairs, grinning like idiots and whispering. He soon discovered their fun and shrieked. Buffy, now slightly sobered-up, rushed upstairs at her mentor's shout, giggling at the sight she received. "Nice make over Giles. I didn't know you were so… pink." Giles' once stoic room was now caked in pink. His walls, clothes, bed, and everything else as far as he could see was pink.

Buffy followed Giles as he stormed down the stairs, laughing as she tried to calm him down. Spike and Angelus looked up and smirked. "What?" Angelus questioned. "I take it you don't like our attempt at decorating?" Everyone laughed as the watcher chased after the two vampires, never quite reaching them and getting extremely frustrated.