Chapter Nine
Confessions
Authorís Note: Thank you all sooooo much for the reviews! They completely make my day! Hope you like this chapter! Please review!
We walk in that same park we walked in the first day he told me he was marrying Natalie. The sky is cloudy and the ground is damp with remnants of rain and I wouldnít think about walking on the grass for Iíd sink ankle deep in mucky water. The stone pathway has patches of water and droplets are clinging to the dead lamps. The sky would be a pale orange or pink if it wasnít for the menacing storm clouds over head.
The silence is threatening but Iím not going to break it. He can walk into this one, Iíve dealt with enough of his crap. Apparently he realizes the tension and the fact that Iím ticked off because when weíre in an abandoned part of the park he breaks the silence.
ìSo whatíd you want to talk about?î he asks, stopping to look at me.
Itís so hard to hate him when I love him so much.
I laugh acidly.
ìItís about today isnít it?î he asks, not sounding annoyed, not sounding scared.
I stare at him, ìAlong with other things.î
ìLook Iím really sorry but you said youíd be okay-î
ìHarry, I was a millisecond away from having a panic attack!î I shout. ìI wasnít about to say ëOh Harry no, stay with me so your precious Natalie wonít call me a whore again and not apologize!î
He stares at me for several seconds with a suspcious look in his eye, ìSo youíre angry with Nat?î
I groan, ìAlong with other people.î
ìHermione whatís going on with you? You havenít been acting at all like yourself since I came back.î
I laugh, if only he knew.
ìMaybe you just donít know me very well anymore,î I say bitterly.
He sounds hurt, ìThatís not true, youíre my best friend.î
The words sting. Best friend. It was never a poisonous word before but now it hurts just to hear him utter that word.
I press my lips together, as to not let a sob escape, and turn away from him.
ìHermione?î heís reaching for my arm but I twist around and look at him furiously.
ìYou came here out of the blue and tell me youíre getting married! Am I supposed to be happy for you? Am I not supposed to be upset!î I demand.
He looks at me sternly, ìHermione youíre not being very fair-î
ìHarry!î I cry out. ìYouíre not being fair! You knew her for a week!î
Heís turning angry, I can tell. Heís keeping quiet but his eyes are set low and his jaw is clenched, heís gonna snap at me sooner or later... I hope he does.
ìDidnít you think it was a little inconsiderate-î
He lashes out without a second thought.
îHow dare you!î he says, disbelief in his eyes.
We both knew he loved me once upon a time, itís a forbidden topic. Something we havenít spoken about because itís over and done with, something of the past. But I know itís bubbling to the surface in his mind, just aching to escape his lips. He wants to use it against me, and he does.
He shakes his head, ìYou left me, Hermione. Nine years ago! You left without telling anyone where you were going,î he pauses, anger blazing in his eyes. ìYou knew I loved you, you knew I was going to ask you to come with me but you left anyway.î His voice is dry, ìAnd Iím inconsiderate! Iím unfair!î
I want to say something but I canít.
ìIím inconsiderate because it took me the longest time to actually get over you, and now I finally am, Iím getting married! And Iím happy, Iím getting on with my life, Iím okay with just being your best friend,î he pauses. ìAnd Iím inconsiderate.î
God heís so hot.
Oh right, and he does have a point.
I look down, my nails are digging into my palm and my breath is coming out in little puffs of steam, ìI know what I did was wrong...î I trail off.
Thereís a long silence, I look at him and Iím afraid I might begin to cry. My eyes are hot with tears and I swallow hard.
Finally he says, ìAnd maybe,î he pauses. ìMaybe I never really got over you, and I knew - I just knew you would either reject me or head for the hills,î he sounds as if he might even cry. ìSo I found Natalie, I thought everyone would be happy but instead theyíre all telling me Iím rushing into it.î
I stare at him in awe, Maybe I never really got over you - The words echo around in my head, sending a chill down my back.
His gaze is hazy and heís shaking slightly. His green eyes are penetrating as he stares at me and suddenly I feel weak. Is this the same Harry I knew from so many years ago? the same Harry who went into a battle and came out battered and bruised but still willing to give his life for anyone? The same Harry who would never let anyone put themself in danger for him? The same Harry who was so war-beaten but so strong at the same time? Is that same Harry vulnerable? And if so is he so weak and yielding to the world right now . . . . Because of me?
His teeth are chattering a little bit and as he stares at me, his face forlorn I canít help but fall in love with him all over again.
ìAnd what about Robbie!î he questions. ìYou didnít tell me about him! At least I told you about Natalie!î
I throw my hands up in exasperation and roll my eyes, ìRobbieís gay!î
He stares at me for a second, giving a double-take, ìExcuse me, what!î
I sigh, ìHeís just a friend of mine, heís really the gayest man you will ever meet in your entire life.î
ìThen whyíd you tell me he was...î he trails off.
I canít stand it, I canít take it anymore! I love him and if I donít do something about it soon I will completely crack! I canít remember a time where I didnít love him, a time where I wasnít thinking about his gorgeous face and the feel of his lips against mine.
ìHarry Iím about to do something, and if you hate me for it then Iím sorry.î
So I do the only thing logical, I kiss him.
My lips cover his and vice versa, I sneak my arms around his neck, pulling him tighter. Iíve waited to do this for so long. His lips are warm and sweet despite the cold forgotten atmosphere around us. Heís not pulling away and heís not pushing me back, he returning the kiss. Maybe he canít help it, or maybe Ron was right... I donít know, I donít care right now, the whole world could go bonkers right now and I wouldnít mind.
Itís heaven on Earth for nearly a minute and he suddenly pulls away.
ìI canít do this! Iím engaged!î he shouts, backing away.
And with that final statement, I turn away, making a quick fleeting decision, ìIt was nice knowing you Harry.î And I hurry away before he can break my heart again.
Not that a shattered heart can break anymore, but he could probably stamp on the pieces pretty well.
Authorís Note: Okay, more sadness? Sorry! Next chapterís probably gonna be the last! tear tear Haha. Hope you liked the chapter! Please review!