Chapter 5 "sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me"
Keely had to drive them all back home because Phil was in no shape to do so. Phil sat up front fiddling with the radio and begging Keely to drive a bit slower. Pim and Little Danny were in the backseat and Keely was afraid to look in the rearview mirror.
"I love this song," Keely said nearly swerving off the road.
"Could you not kill us please?" Pim asked from the backseat.
"Sorry!" Keely said.
"You're doing great Keely; you only hit that fence post." Phil said resting a hand Keely's knee.
"Phil," Keely whined, "I didn't mean to you can use the Wizard to fix it right?"
"Uh huh."
Satisfied with his answer Keely continued to sing, "I'm a genie in a bottle you've gotta rub me the right way..."
"Could we have both hands on the wheel please?" Phil asked.
"I know this song." Pim said.
"Don't you start singing it; my stomach can only take so much." Phil said.
"Well, if you wouldn't have drunk all of that gin and shared some with the rest of us you wouldn't have that problem now would ya boozy the clown."
"We're here," Keely said parking in the Diffy's driveway and little on the grass too.
"Okay, there's a bit of change in the events, Owen backed out of the match tonight so you're off the hook Phil as soon as we finish hiding the oddities. I mean the rarities. We should be all set for the party." Pim said as they got out of the car.
"What are you going to do about the pool full of hot fudge?" Keely asked.
"I'll use it to make Hackett's life a living hell." Pim said.
"I don't like the man anymore than you do Pim, but his life already is a living hell. He just moved out of his mom's house, he's gone bald, he'll probably never get married, and on top of all that he wears sweater vests." Little Danny pointed out.
"We could make sundaes." Pim said grudgingly.
"Sundaes are good." Keely said.
"I could really go for a sundae myself, a hot fudge and Keely sundae." Phil said walking around the front of the van where Keely was standing.
Pim shook her head and walked past them on into the house with Little Danny in tow, "Just as long as no one gets pregnant."
"Maybe when you sober up." Keely said smiling.
"I'm just a little bit tipsy," Phil said.
"Tipsy?" Keely asked, "You were a bit more than tipsy at the dance."
"How about I go up and take a shower and sober up a bit then can I have my sundae?" Phil asked.
"Sure, I'll be waiting for you in down here okay?" Keely told him as he started upstairs.
Keely helped Pim put away the oddities while Little Danny set up his D.J. equipment. He said he'd let her know when he finished.
You can dress me up diamonds
You can dress me up in dirt
You can throw me like a line-man
I like it better when it hurts
An Ashlee Simpson song blared through the massive speakers her voice shaking the walls of the house. Pim suppressed a maniacal laugh; Hackett was not going to get any sleep tonight either. Finished with her task she went to give the bouncers she'd hired the guest list. She wouldn't be able to afford a drifter next month, but she doubted she'd need one. She smiled sliding an arm around Little Danny's shoulders as the party goers started arriving.
Keely was dancing alone in the crowd; she spun around and came face to face with Tanner.
"I saw you looking at me and I decided I would see what was up." He asked.
"Tanner? Nothing much, I'm just waiting for my BOYFRIEND to come downstairs. What about you?"
"You were making eye contact with me. If you keep on I'll be forced to cater to you." He shouted over the music.
"I was not making eye contact. I don't really need to be catered to I'm good I just ate." Keely said walking over to the D.J. area where Pim, Little Danny and Phil were standing and of course Tanner followed.
"What's up Keely?" Phil asked.
"Not much, just being stalked by a caterer." Keely said.
"This dude?" Phil asked
Little Danny sized Tanner up, "You used the 'cater to you' line? You gone need a bit more game than that to compete in today's competitive world of dating."
"I don't know how he got in here anyway." Keely said.
"Want me to get rid of him?" Pim asked.
"Nah, I got this." Phil said."
"Bring it." Tanner said.
"Oh believe me it's already here. Keely, Hold my jacket." Phil said.
"But you're not wearing a jacket." Keely said.
"That's what guys always say before a big fight scene, can we pretend for once, that I am normal guy about to have a fight." Phil asked.
"I guess we could, but I don't want you to get hurt."
"I'm not gonna get–ow…." Phil said as Tanner's fist connected with his face and he hit the ground.
"Fight! Fight!" Little Danny started to chant.
"I'm not about to let you get pummeled further, without you around whining to mom and dad they'll be watching me too closely and I'll never get to rule the universe." Pim told Phil as Keely helped him to his feet.
"Pim, this is a big deal for me. I've been drinking and swearing all day, can't I cap this whole day off with a fight." Phil whined rubbing his jaw.
"I've got a better idea," Pim said picking up Henry the rooster that was crowing at their feet.
"Hey, Caterer catch." Pim said throwing the chicken at Tanner's face.
Henry, a trained attack chicken did what an attack chicken would do. He scratched and clucked up a storm as proceeded to peck the living hell out of Tanner.
Pim snapped her fingers and two of her security personnel came up
"Get that peckerhead out of here."
Pim watched with grim satisfaction as Tanner was escorted out.
"You enjoyed that a bit too much, didn't you?" Phil asked.
"It gave me that low tickle." Pim said.
"Actually that was me." Little Danny said Phil could hear Pim's skirt rustling.
"Very good. But you don't have permission to land there Sailor." Pim said.
"I so didn't need to know that." Phil said walking away from them.
"Phil!" Keely shouted over the music.
"Keely, I got punked in front of everyone; I don't need sympathy right now." Phil said.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I'll let you know once the swelling goes down."
"Let's get you upstairs, and I'll take care of you." Keely said.
Phil was interested, "Take care of me how?"
"Come on." Keely said taking his hand and running upstairs.
Phil was still a bit upset about the whole thing with Tanner; he sat down on his bed dejectedly, while Keely went to get some ice.
"Cheer up Philly-Willy; it was your first fight it could have happened to anyone." Keely said coming to sit down beside him.
"It must be hard knowing that your boyfriend can't even protect you." He whispered.
"Phil, I don't love you because you fight like Vin Diesel. I love you because you're you; you're the most understanding and completely caring person I know." Keely said.
"So you love me even thought I'm not the epitome of manliness ness?" Phil asked.
"Yeah, so what if you're kinda small, you've got a good heart. But next time something like that happens, I want you to just run away."
"Small!" Phil said.
"Phil, you know what I mean. If that happens we'll run, we'll both just run away."
"I hope you're fast because I know am. Small people have to learn how to be fast." He said poking out his lower lip.
"Okay, now let me see your jaw." Keely said.
Phil turned to face her, she took his chin in her hand lifting it so she could see better.
"It's not so bad," she said putting the ice pack on him.
Phil tried not to flinch when she put the cold ice pack on him, "I think a few minutes will take some of the swelling down. It shouldn't bruise too badly." Keely said.
"How do you know this?" he asked.
"I'm a woman, I know these things. I don't know why though." Keely said.
Phil smiled though it hurt and the left side of his face was half frozen.
"Keel, thanks. But I think I'm going to be okay, you can go downstairs and enjoy the party."
"Do you really think I'm going to go down there without you?" she asked.
He seriously doubted it, "No, well what are we going to do up here."
"We can still hear the music so it's kind of like we're down there, we could dance."
"Handsome Town can hear the music, the foundation of the house is about to rock it off the block." Phil said dryly.
"We could do something else." She said, taking the ice pack away.
"We could play checkers." He suggested.
Keely got up to go put the ice pack in the bowl she'd brought it up in.
"I was thinking something a bit more mature," she said sliding her skirt down her hips, Phil watched in slow motion as it fell down her legs.
She stepped out of it, leaving her in her thong and tank top, "I think you need some sexual healing."
"Umm… you were right when you said it would be mature." Phil said, trying to stop gaping, but he couldn't Keely Teslow was stripping in his room, and he was actually in there.
She laughed, it sounded so different from the way she usually laughed, it was so sensual.
"You could say we're playing doctor." She said.
"What's that?" Phil managed to stammer he was so turned on.
"You never played it when you were younger?" Keely asked.
"No, I certainly would remember playing a game where a beautiful girl started taking off her clothes right in front of me." Phil said.
"Your innocence is beautiful Phil, that's why I want you to be the first man to make love to me. The only man to make love to me." Keely smiled, walking over to where he sat blushing.
"I'm not that innocent," he stood up and grabbed her by the hips pulling her close and kissing her, it was unlike the kisses they'd shared at the dance, it was urgent, and a bit rough.
She moaned into his mouth, as he continued to kiss her that way stealing her breath.
He broke off the kiss, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
She nodded biting her lower lip.
"Keely, I need to hear you to say it."
"I want this more than I've ever wanted anything." She whispered.
He kissed her again, softly this time just enough to distract her so he could lay them down. Phil started off slowly; he didn't feel the need to rush with Keely. It had taken them three years to transition from friends to lovers. He didn't want this to be over in three minutes. He loved feeling her curves and hearing her moans, as they gently explored each others bodies. Slowly but surely all their clothes were gone and the only thing between them was skin.
"I was wrong about one thing Phil; you are not small at all." Keely smiled, and he kissed her.
Phil slid a hand down to her wet sex, Keely grunted and gently nipped at his neck.
"I'm ready," she moaned in his ear, her breath sending chills down his spine.
With trembling hands, he put himself inside her making them one.
She groaned he knew it had to hurt, "Say the word and we'll stop."
"I'm fine, let's keep going." Keely said.
Phil gave her a gentle kiss and kept going, this time he heard her groan in pleasure. She really seemed to be enjoying herself, he'd always had the sinking suspicion that he'd totally crash and burn in the bedroom the way he sufficiently did in other aspects of his life.
The party didn't stop it went all night, a lot of the kids ended up crashing there for the night. Pim slept on the couch with Little Danny, she'd managed to tame the Sailor in him and he was a perfect gentleman the whole time. The house was sufficiently trashed, but they had till Friday to clean up so she wasn't really expecting an six am wake up call.
"Pim!"
She bolted out of her best dream, falling off Little Danny, "Mom?" she asked meekly from the floor.
"That's right young lady, what in the name of Orion happened here?"
"N–nothing." Pim stuttered.
"There is some guy passed out on the lawn, there are two naked girls in the laundry room and where is Phil?" Barbara asked her daughter.
"I guess he's still upstairs, I haven't seen him since we did the cha cha slide." Pim admitted.
Her mother glared at her, and turned to stomp upstairs, three separate screams rang out through the house.
"You probably should knock first." Pim smirked.
Phil woke up to Keely kissing his chest and rubbing his morning erection, "I could get used to waking up like this," he said.
She smiled, and threw her leg over his hip, "Me too,"
He slid a hand up her side running a hand over her smooth flat stomach, "I love you Keely, last night was amazing."
"I love you too Phil, you were unbelievable."
"Ready for round seven?" He smirked.
"If you are,"
There was a shout from downstairs, "Was that?" they both asked jumping out of bed looking for their clothes.
The door to his bedroom flew open as they were scrambling trying to get dressed. Keely was the first to scream when she saw Barb standing in the doorway. Phil's scream soon followed, and finally his mother screamed loudest of all.
Barbara put her hands over her face, "You two are in an unbelievable amount of trouble! Put something on and join us downstairs. NOW."
The door slammed shut and she was gone, "Were we inconclusive about whether or not a person could actually die of embarrassment?" Keely asked.
"We aren't dead yet, but I'm certain once my mom gets over the initial shock of it all we will be." Phil said pulling on a pair of flannel pajama pants and tossing Keely the matching top.
She put it on skipping buttons, seeing the exposed skin made Phil remember what they had been doing before his mother barged in the shirt looked far better on her than it ever did on him, it stopped off about mid thigh on her, exposing her long sexy legs.
"Let me help you." Phil said, walking over and buttoning the buttons correctly.
"Phil," Keely said starting to cry, "Your parents are gonna hate me."
"Keel, they won't hate you, my parents love you. We'll probably get into some trouble but it'll be fine." He said pulling her into a hug.
They walked downstairs a few minutes later, when Keely had found her skirt and pulled it on.
Lloyd and Bard were in the kitchen seated calmly at the table.
"We've already talked to Pim. She told us this was all her idea, and that you just went along with it." Phil's mother stated.
"I wanted to throw this party as much as she did." Phil pointed out.
"That's why you'll be grounded for a month." Lloyd said.
"I take it I'll be grounded more than one month." Phil said.
"You'll be on probation until school gets out. And I've called Keely's mother and she is expecting her home anytime now. I am very disappointed in the two of you." Barbra said.
"Mom, I don't want you to think badly of Keely because you know..." Phil said.
"Why would anyone think badly of Keely?" Lloyd asked oblivious as usual.
"We don't. I want you guys to be careful, I knew this would happen sooner or later. I was hoping it would be later and also that I wouldn't have to walk in on it." Barb said ignoring her husband.
"Did I tell you how much you rock Mom?" Phil asked.
"No, I don't recall that." Barb said.
Phil hugged his mother, and Keely did too.
"You will have to follow some rules while you're grounded. You are only permitted to spend time with Keely in the living room. No dates until you get taken of probation, unless it's a group activity with the family. Keely isn't allowed to be alone with you in your room until your probation is over, and even then the door has to be open at all times." Barb said.
"If I can still see her that's enough for me." Phil said.
"Did you tell my mother about...?" Keely asked.
"No, but I think you should tell her. You two should talk about this."
"I really don't want to get shot Mom." Phil said.
"She doesn't own a gun, and I seem to recall you saying that you'd like to get run over by some girl's parents. I think this a perfect opportunity." Keely said.
"What are you talking about?" Lloyd asked.
"I'll explain it later honey,"
"You two get going, Keely's mother is expecting her home soon." Barb said.
"We're going to finish getting dressed," Phil told his parents.
"Leave the door open and no funny business either,"
"Alright." Both Keely and Phil chirped as they headed upstairs by passing Pim who was scrubbing fudge out of the rug in the living room and muttering to herself.
Keely managed to find her shirt and bra, and put them on. Phil tried to pretend like he wasn't watching her as he dressed. But he was doing a poor job pretending. But they managed to get dressed without 'any funny business' as Mrs. Diffy had put it. Phil walked her home.
"Phil, you know aside from getting caught by your mom I think this was the best Venereal Disease Day I've ever had." Keely said as they found themselves on her front porch.
"Me too Keel." He kissed her, "I'm gonna head home and help Pim finish cleaning up. I'll see you at school today right?"
"You bet." Keely said.