Author's Notes: Thoughts are signified by 'these'. Emphasis, telepathic conversation and the voices in Rogue's head are in italics.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Despite all her intentions to stay awake, Rogue eventually passed out from sheer exhaustion. Thankfully, the nightmares couldn't penetrate the deepness of her sleep. When Jean shook her awake, Rogue was at least not as tired as she had been. Jean suggested she get something to eat and Rogue reluctantly complied after getting a promise from Jean that she would be the first to know if Logan woke up.
Rogue found Storm in the kitchen and ate a mostly silent meal with the white-haired African beauty. Storm asked a few questions about how she was doing but, after receiving vague answers, seemed to appreciate Rogue's need for silence. As Rogue left the room, Storm extended an offer for Rogue to join her in gardening should Rogue feel the need for a relaxing pursuit to get her mind off things. Despite thinking that the Wolverine would probably not be able to sit still long enough to accomplish anything in a garden, Rogue thanked the other woman. Now rested and full, Rogue felt a crawling sensation under her skin that signified the need for the Logan in her head to do a little damage.
She stalked down the hallway in search of Scott, passing Jubilee, one of the two girls who had been her roommates the few nights she had spent in the mansion before Magneto had kidnapped her. Rogue had to fight not to pinch her nostrils shut when she drew even with the girl. Her perfume was overpowering to Logan's senses, making Rogue's eyes water. She feebly returned Jubilee's friendly wave and scurried past her, barreling straight into Scott.
Steadying her by her sleeve-covered arms, Scott said jokingly, "We've got to stop meeting like this."
A sneeze and a watery smile were all the answer Scott got until the scent of Jubilee's perfume vacated Rogue's over-sensitized nostrils. Thankfully, Scott seemed to prefer the simple clean smell of soap.
"Bless you," Scott responded to her sneeze.
"Sorry," Rogue said softly. "Jubilee's perfume... Would it be possible to use the Danger Room again?"
Scott smiled gently, "Sure."
When they got to the Danger Room, Scott took her to the control room and showed her how to start the program on a timer so it wouldn't start until she was in the room. She wondered why until he asked if she wanted to do a joint session. Intrigued at the idea and wanting to observe Scott's fighting style, Rogue easily agreed. Scott set the timer and they headed down to the Danger Room floor together.
Half an hour later, just as Rogue was tossing a robotic bad guy into Scott's line of fire so he could destroy it with an optic blast, the Danger Room program halted. Rogue looked up to the control room, barely catching a glimpse of red hair. Beside her, Scott flinched.
"What are you doing Scott Summers?" Jean demanded as she strode in angrily a couple minutes later. "We just got her out of trouble with Magneto and your putting her in the Danger Room?"
"Jean, she needs..." Scott tried.
But Rogue was capable of defending herself. "I think you of all people would know how difficult it is to maintain a sense of self when you hear other people up here," she said, tapping her head. "If I didn't have this outlet... I don't know what I'd do. Scott is helping me preserve my sanity until Magneto and Logan fade."
It was mostly the truth, though Rogue knew Erik and Logan would never fade entirely. Their presences were too strong in her mind.
Jean blinked and looked slightly taken aback. After a silent minute, she nodded her head slightly.
"I'm sorry, Rogue, I had no idea." Jean reached a hand to Scott's shoulder, a gesture of apology, "Thank you for helping her, Scott. Just promise me that once they have faded, you won't allow her to endanger herself."
Scott nodded and Jean left the room. Scott asked Rogue if she wanted to start up again, but Rogue declined. She was tired again and decided to take a nap in an actual bed before returning to her vigilant bedside wait. Her Inner Logan had reminded her more than once since yesterday that when Logan woke up, he wouldn't be too happy with her or the 'X-geeks' if she still looked worn out after what he had done for her.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
More than an hour later, Rogue sat straight up in bed, breathing hard. A memory had surfaced while she was dreaming, one she had never seen. There were two women in it; one a woman who called herself Raven, and the other an older, blind woman whose name was Irene. They had lived together and adopted a young girl whose father had all but kicked her out of the house when her mutation manifested and she sucked the life out of her first boyfriend, Cody. The problem with never having seen the memory before was that the girl was her. How could she have forgotten her own memories?
What had happened to Raven and Irene, whom she had called 'Mama' and 'Mama Irene'? She had a vague knowledge that they had both been mutants. That they had allowed her brief touches so that she knew them as well as if they had always been her guardians. But if that were the case, why would she have completely forgotten them and why had they left her with the D'Ancantos for nearly two years after she turned sixteen? Especially without warning either her foster parents or her about her mutation. And how was it that her mutation had been suppressed until David had kissed her?
A terrible guilt filled her as she thought about Cody. They had only been thirteen when she had accidentally put him in a permanent coma. At least David had woken up after three weeks. As soon as David had been out of the woods, Rogue had left. Moving from town to town in Mississippi with little money and a healthy fear of touching anyone had made the going slow. When she eventually made it to Laughlin City and met up with Logan, she had been on her own for nearly fifteen months, and two birthdays had passed, making her nineteen. Because of what had happened with David and the timing of her leaving, she had not graduated high school, though she would have if she had only waited a couple more months.
Rogue made a decision right then to get her high school equivalency. She wouldn't sit in classes she had already taken and be forced to be seen as being younger than she was. She would never be able to stand it; especially with how old she now was mentally. Maybe someday she would remember more about Raven and Irene and be able to track them down. Maybe then she could get the answers she desperately wanted.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Rogue was in what she now considered her chair (without the pillow and blanket since Storm insisted she get enough rest in an actual bed each night) when the first of the two patients in med lab revived. It had been five days since the events on Liberty Island.
Jean leaned over Xavier to adjust one of the electrodes attached to his forehead. Rogue watched silently in her chair as Xavier's eyes blinked. So the Professor, despite his age and his lack of self-regenerative powers, had pulled through faster than Logan. She was glad for him, glad for the school and the X-Men, but Rogue couldn't help but feel that it was somehow wrong. Logan was supposed to be the invulnerable one.
"Welcome back," Jean greeted Xavier with a small smile. "I knew you'd find your way."
Xavier's steady gaze remained on the attractive redhead. "I had you to guide me."
Jean's smile widened, her eyes soft, and Rogue felt as if she were intruding on a private moment.
"How did we do?" he asked after a silent minute.
Jean looked over her shoulder in Rogue and Logan's direction. Xavier turned his head to the right to stare at the bandaged and monitored Logan. After a few seconds his gaze traveled to Rogue. She wanted to give him a reassuring smile, but her inner Erik didn't want her fully trusting Xavier.
Was he more concerned for you or for the precious humans?
Rogue felt Xavier attempt a gentle probe of her mind, but with Erik's help and some of Xavier's own residual power, she was able to block him. Xavier frowned and shared a look with Jean. Rogue's eyes narrowed. Were they having a telepathic conversation about her? She exerted Xavier's mental power and tried to listen in.
What happened? Xavier was asking.
Magneto hooked her up to his machine, but we managed to stop the effects from reaching the delegates. It sucked the life from her, but Logan was able to revive her.
Rogue mentally rolled her eyes. That was certainly simplifying things. Not wanting to get caught by either of them and not really caring what they thought of her after all that had happened, Rogue shut down using any borrowed powers. Her Inner Logan paced.
Can we go back to the Danger Room now?
'After dinner', she mentally promised him. 'Knowing Erik would be the next to ask for an outlet, she added, And then we'll bring a book down here from the library and read.'
She had quickly discovered that giving the two dominant voices in her head an outlet kept them pacified. And Rogue had found that she liked learning new things. She had never truly liked school growing up, but that had mostly been about other kids and tests. Rogue didn't like tests. But Logan's thrill when exercising combat skills and Erik's love for philosophy and literature were inspiring her to learn more than she had ever considered.
Rogue lifted her gaze when Jean approached her chair.
"Would you mind going upstairs for awhile and hanging out with some of the other kids? I need to get the Professor up and dressed."
Rogue spared a glance at Logan's still form.
"You'll send for me if there's any change?"
Jean nodded.
Rogue stood and nodded to Xavier, heading for the door. She stiffened when Logan's hearing picked up Jean's observation.
"Poor thing, she's got it bad."
Rogue rolled her eyes. Just because she cared about Logan, the first person she had trusted in a long time, it didn't mean she had a crush on him. So much for Jean being a powerful telepath.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Instead of 'hanging out with the other kids' as Jean had suggested, Rogue ended up in the Danger Room again. Scott had given her the codes to the first five levels the previous day, telling her that she shouldn't have to hunt him down every time she needed to vent. As the days had progressed, the Logan in her head took over less and less, but she had still acted strange on many occasions.
When Bobby Drake had tried to ask her to watch a movie with him during one of her forays into the kitchen, she had growled at him. Since she had no intention of pretending to be normal with a boy chronologically and mentally younger than herself, her Inner Logan had taken a certain glee in scaring the boy. Rogue had apologized and told Bobby she'd like it if they could be friends. She felt a little bad when he looked disappointed, but it was better to nip it in the bud before he got it into his cocky young mind that he could find a way past her powers to get something from her.
Besides, she didn't want any man trying until she had at least a better understanding of her own pwers. And most of males of the school weren't even men yet. In fact, besides Logan, only the Professor and Scott truly qualified. And though she thought she could become friends with Scott if given the chance, she was attracted to neither one of them. She giggled when Logan growled at the thought of she and 'Cyke' being more than friends and Erik made his relief clear at the knowledge that she would never be interested in Xavier. Sometimes the two men in her head were very amusing.
Of course, she hadn't thought it was so amusing when she'd had a craving for a cigar and had gone sniffing around Xavier's office trying to find where the aroma of tobacco was coming from. Jean had been the one to find her sniffing at a drawer in Xavier's desk, and the Logan in her head had proceeded to smirk at the redhead and had almost started to flirt with her. With Erik's help, Rogue's own force of will had stopped that from happening.
When Rogue had reluctantly explained to Scott what she had been doing in the office when Jean passed her off to him, he had allowed her a single cigarette and a non-alcoholic beer. It had gone a long way in her Inner Logan's acceptance of the X-Men leader.
The Danger Room sessions had been a big help as well. She had fought alongside Scott twice and done a special training exercise with Storm once. But her favorite sessions were the ones during which she was physically alone. Under the tutelage of both Erik and Logan, she was learning a lot about defending herself and others. She had never been in a fight before leaving her foster parents' house after hurting David, but she knew her skills were now approaching formidable. If she had to, Rogue would be able to take care of herself.
Terminate the program, my dear, Erik said.
Rogue did as he had said and waited expectantly. But the next voice she heard in her head wasn't Erik.
Hello, my sweet Marie.
Rogue's breath caught in her throat. 'Mama Irene?'
Yes, child. I need you to forgive your mother and I.
'Why did you leave me with those people? They didn't understand. Whatever you did to make me forget, you shouldn't have done it. I hurt someone again; it's how I got into this mess.'
I was dying, child, and your mother wanted to take me home to Austria so I could be buried there. We thought you would be safe with our neighbors until she could come back for you. I'm not sure why she didn't. And as for the rest, it had to happen the way it did. I'm sorry we hurt you, but it was destiny. You had to meet the X-Men, and you had to be saved from Erik's plan.
Rogue's blood ran cold. Irene had called Erik by his real name. 'You knew him.'
Your mother works for him, and I helped her.
A memory tried to surface, she wasn't sure if it was hers or Irene's, a flash of blue, white and a little red, but Rogue refused to let it come out. She wouldn't believe it, she couldn't.
That's enough for now, Irene, Erik ordered sharply. To Rogue he said, Do you see why you'll never fit in here?
You fit with me, kid. We're two of a kind, me and you. Never forget that, her Inner Logan growled comfortingly.
Suppressing all the voices as best she could, Rogue ran from the Danger Room to the elevator. Her bed in the room she shared with Kitty and Jubilee was her final destination. She couldn't risk Jean sensing her pain if she returned to med lab, because somehow she knew that Jean would probe for more information. And once Jean found out what had her so upset, her time at the X-Mansion would be limited. Rogue wouldn't let them kick her out before she knew Logan was okay.