Finding Marie Chapter 4, a x-men: the movie fanfic

Author's Notes: Thoughts are signified by 'these'. Emphasis, telepathic conversation and the voices in Rogue's head are in italics.

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Rogue was coming back to med lab after lunch two days after Xavier had woken when she was stopped in the doorway by the sight in front of her. Joy filled her as she realized that the bandages Jean was almost frantically checking under no longer covered wounds. Logan had healed. Rogue almost walked further into the room but was stopped when Jean stroked the skin under a large bandage on Logan's abdomen, causing the man to grunt. He also reached up to grasp the hand that had been touching him.

"Uh," he grunted hoarsely. "That tickles."

Jean smiled softly at Logan, even softer than the just-this-side-of-intimate smile Rogue had seen the woman share with Xavier. Rogue felt her throat close up and wanted to turn away from the scene, but she felt frozen to the spot. If she moved, one of them would spot her. She didn't want to be caught eavesdropping, no matter how innocent her part in it had been.

"Hey," Jean said in an almost-whisper that only her Logan-enhanced hearing allowed Rogue to hear.

"Hey," Logan returned only slightly louder.

"How you feeling?"

"Fantastic," Logan grunted, sarcasm dripping from the one word.

Jean smiled affectionately and Rogue felt like she had been punched in the gut. If Jean returned Logan's budding feelings even a little, he might never move past his infatuation with her. And Rogue knew no matter how much Jean flirted with Logan, she did love Scott. Logan could only get hurt in the situation.

"That was a brave thing you did."

Rogue scowled. Logan had saved her, not Jean. She should be able thank him for his sacrifice, not the redhead. Rogue watched as Logan's eyebrows drew together in a concerned look.

"Did it work?"

Rogue almost stepped forward then, but Erik stopped her.

What else is she going to say about you? Will she put a spin on things that have happened in the last few days that will make him see you differently?

Never happen, Inner Logan growled back.

But he didn't sound as certain as he usually did, so Rogue went against instinct and listened to Erik's suggestion. She stayed where she was.

"Yeah, she's fine. She took on a few of your more charming personality traits for awhile."

Logan made a sound between a snort and a wheeze, and Rogue wondered what he was picturing when Jean said 'charming personality traits' in that half-mocking tone.

"But we lived through it," Jean continued. She paused, looking down at their joined hands before saying, "I think she's a little taken with you."

Rogue's heart stopped for a minute. In that moment, she gladly would have drained every last drop of life from Dr. Jean Grey. How dare Jean say something that was so personal (and frankly wrong and none of her business) to Logan like that? But no matter how angry Rogue was, it didn't prepare her for the heartache that followed Logan's reply.

"Well, you can tell her that my heart belongs to someone else."

Rogue had even more reason to be concerned for Logan now. How could he have fallen so hard for Jean when he had known her so short a time and given his dislike for doctors? If he got hurt enough, he would leave Xavier's, and Rogue would lose the only person who cared about her.

Jean stopped smiling and stammered, "You know… you and I…"

"How's the Professor?" Logan interrupted.

Rogue forced herself to breathe and held back the tears that threatened. She knew Logan would smell her tears if she let them fall.

"He's good," Jean automatically answered.

"Good."

Logan lifted Jean's hand, which he was still holding, and kissed her fingers, causing Jean to smile again. Rogue took the opportunity to quietly make her escape before she could be noticed.

She ran to the elevator as soon as she was out of hearing range of med lab, her mind racing. The Logan in her head was begging Rogue to understand that Logan had simply been flirting, that it didn't really mean anything. But once she had been away from the scene and able to sort through them, Rogue knew from Logan's memories that once he had gotten past the fact that Jean was a doctor, he had been immediately attracted to her. When Inner Logan growled and tried to explain again, Rogue pulled Erik to the forefront so he would drown Logan out.

There was a railing in the elevator that Rogue held onto, hard, as the elevator moved upward. It hurt her hands a little, but she was glad for the pain. Anything to draw attention away from her racing heart. She didn't want to be alone again. When the elevator door opened on the ground floor in the mansion, Rogue let go and looked down, her eyebrows flying up.

She had left her handprints in the metal railing, no doubt from Erik's power. Did this mean she could draw on powers she thought had faded when she was particularly emotional? Glancing out of the open elevator doors to make sure no one was watching, Rogue concentrated and manipulated the railing back to its original shape.

Well done.

'Shut up, Erik. Do you know how much trouble I would have gotten in if anyone had found out I did that in the first place?'

Does it really matter anymore, my dear?

Rogue drew a deep breath. 'No. I don't suppose it does.'

And just like that, Rogue realized that once she had shown Logan that she was fine, that he no longer had to keep his promise to take care of her, she was leaving. Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters was not the place for her. She wouldn't be treated like a child. She wouldn't stand by day by day and watch other mutants freely interact with each other when she would never be able to touch. And she wouldn't stay near Jean, who was everything she wasn't.

Intellectually, Rogue knew Jean wasn't a bad person. Jean hadn't made Logan fall for her on purpose. But Rogue would always feel inferior to the redhead if she stayed. Jean was beautiful, well educated, poised and in control of her powers. And Jean's powers didn't hurt other people like Rogue's did. Jean's powers were good for something other than self-preservation. She helped people with them.

Rogue stood outside the elevator for a minute, indecisive as to what she should do first. From everything she knew of Logan, she thought the best way to prove she didn't need him anymore, at least to him, would be to fit in with the kids here. Or at least pretend to for a little while.

Rogue tucked her hair behind her ears and made sure her clothes were covering as much as they would. The t-shirt she was wearing, borrowed from Jubilee since her own clothes had all been lost or destroyed, had a deep v-neck and short sleeves, leaving a few inches of bare skin on her arms before her opera length gloves started. But that and the scarf wound around her neck would have to do for now. Her head held high and a fake smile plastered on her face, Rogue headed for the common room where she knew the teenage students would be gathered.

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Logan stood to the Professor's left in the Briefing Room half an hour after waking up, watching carefully as a topographic image of a ruined building took shape in front of him.

"There's an abandoned military compound at Alkali Lake in the Canadian Rockies," the Professor was saying, "close to where we found you. There's not much left, but you might find some answers."

"Thank you," Logan said, still staring at the image.

Unfortunately, it wasn't ringing any bells yet.

"Are you going to say good bye to them?"

Logan turned his head to look at the Professor, blinking a few times. For a minute he wondered if 'them' included more than Jean and Marie, the only two people here who really meant anything to him.

Instead of answering the Professor's question, Logan asked gruffly, "You'll make sure she's okay?"

"Of course."

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Ten minutes ago, Logan had been in a meeting with Xavier, but Xavier was now watching a television news report about Senator Kelly. Rogue glanced at the TV when she had the chance, but mostly she had to focus on the foosball table in front of her. So where was Logan?

Someone paused the television broadcast and Storm said, "Mystique."

Rogue tensed when the telecast resumed and a report was made about Kelly's assistant's death, relaying "Guyrich was mauled by a bear." But Rogue knew it had been Sabretooth. She had seen what the huge feral man was capable of. Rogue shivered, glad he had never been allowed to touch her once she had been captured.

That was when she noticed a new scent in the air. Logan's scent.

Peeking under her lashes, Rogue could see through the open doorway that Logan was standing by the door to the side foyer, a backpack slung over one shoulder. Outwardly, she continued to smile and play foosball with Bobby, John and Jaime, but inwardly she was waiting to see if he would come and say goodbye to her. She felt his gaze on her, but he turned and went through the door to the foyer. Telling Bobby she'd be back, Rogue ran after Logan, needing to see him one last time before they both disappeared.

When she went through the door, he had just reached for the handle to the one that led outside. He turned back around when he heard her behind him.

"Hey," she said.

Logan barely glanced at her before looking down, not meeting her eyes.

Thanks, Jean, Rogue thought sarcastically. To try to put them back on the footing they had previously enjoyed, she teasingly asked him the same question he had asked her on the train, "You running again?"

It didn't work. He continued to avoid her eyes.

"No, not really," he answered almost nervously, shuffling his shoulder strap. He looked down again, and for a wild moment Rogue considered looking at the floor to see what was so interesting. "I have some things to take care of up north."

Although Logan still didn't look in her eyes, he lifted his left hand to barely stroke her newly acquired white streak. The gesture seemed to be slightly hopeless, and Rogue knew he was feeling sorry that he hadn't reached her sooner. Rogue wanted his last memory of her to be happier than that.

"I kind of like it," she told him, surprised to find that she actually meant it.

Logan nodded his head slightly.

'Take me with you', she wanted to say. Despite his gruff attitude and her fear of touching others, friendship had grown quickly between them. Why couldn't they go back to being two lonely souls traveling together? The closest thing she would allow herself was, "I don't want you to go."

Rogue watched as Logan undid the chain around his neck. He lifted her gloved hand and put the dog tag into it, folding her fingers over the metal.

"I'll be back for this."

Before she could answer, before she could tell him that she wouldn't be here if he ever did come back, he had turned and gone out the door, closing it firmly behind him. Rogue stared down at the tag. Was it so wrong to keep this one part of him? Maybe one day they would meet again. And if not, she could always mail it back here. She knew Xavier would hold onto the memento for Logan.

Rogue heard the roar of a motorcycle engine and smiled. She had Logan's memory of his high-speed ride on Scott's machine. He had really liked it. The added bonus of making Scott mad was more than Logan could pass up, Rogue was sure.

Rogue slipped the chain with Logan's dog tag over her neck. The metal, still slightly warm from his body, settled between her breasts. Rogue touched the tag lightly and went back into the hallway. Sensing someone watching her, Rogue turned to meet Xavier's gaze. Rogue decided there was no point in drawing out the inevitable and moved to Xavier's side.

"I believe it would be best if we spoke in my office," Xavier said mildly.

Rogue nodded and followed sedately after the Professor's wheelchair as it moved down the hall to the designated room. While Xavier wheeled around his desk, Rogue closed the door behind them and sank down in one of the chairs in front of the desk. Xavier sat forward slightly and steepled his fingers, studying her intently for several seconds.

"You've developed a rather powerful mind block in the last week, Rogue," Xavier remarked as he sat back once more.

Rogue fidgeted in her seat for a minute, wondering if he knew how she had accomplished that. "I had too many people in my head already. I didn't want anyone else poking around up there."

Xavier nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Maybe you should wait a few days to leave, Erik prodded. You're going to need more than just the clothes on your back to survive even for a short time.

'You're right, but I already owe them so much. It wouldn't feel right to take more from them.'

Owe them? For what? Treating you as the adult you are? Keeping you out of my clutches? Putting your life above those of complete strangers? You owe the Wolverine, not them. Besides, Charles owes me for all the work and money I helped him put into this place. Take what you need.

Erik had said it like it was final and Rogue barely stopped herself from grinning. He was even more stubborn than she was. Maybe she could take more. She was a realist. When she had left Meridian, Rogue had her own meager savings and a backpack of clothes and food to at least get her started. She had nothing now. When she did eventually get settled, she could find a way to pay Xavier back if her conscience continued to nag her. Xavier leaned slightly forward in his wheelchair and Rogue turned her attention back to him.

"Well, I think if you feel ready on Monday that you should rejoin the classes we previously put you in…"

"Actually," Rogue cut him off, "when my mutation manifested I was only two months shy of getting my high school diploma. I'd like to get my high school equivalency instead if you could help me with that."

If Xavier was surprised, only the tiniest lifting of his eyebrows signaled it. "How old are you, Rogue?"

"I turned nineteen a month ago."

There went the eyebrows again.

"I see. In that case, I would be happy to help you get your GED. It should take a week to set up the test if you feel you would be ready by then." Rogue nodded and Xavier continued, "Storm has offered to take you shopping Sunday since your clothes were either lost or destroyed in the recent events."

"Thank you, Professor."

Rogue stood up and made to head for the door.

"Rogue, if you need to talk about what happened or you'd like me to help you with the memories in your head that aren't yours, I'm always here."

Rogue nodded, not trusting herself to speak. The Professor seemed genuine, but she knew if she worked with him, it would come out that she had touched him. She didn't think she could deal with that. Erik's animosity for the views of the man he had formerly cared about didn't help matters either. Rogue doubted she'd ever be completely relaxed around Xavier again.

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Two weeks after Logan had left, Rogue had her GED, a small but functioning wardrobe and money she had earned helping with homework and chores around the mansion. It wasn't a lot, but she knew she could survive on it for several weeks if she was careful. Now she stood in front of the door to Xavier's office, everything she owned in the world packed into a backpack similar to the one Logan had left with.

Rogue had said good-bye to her roommates, Kitty and Jubilee, when she was packing, but she thought they probably believed Xavier would talk her out of leaving. Rogue raised her hand and knocked, following Xavier's prompt to "Enter."

Xavier gave her the once over and asked, "Are you going somewhere, Rogue?"

"I'm leaving," she said simply. "But before I left I wanted to know how much about Logan's past you actually told him."

Xavier leaned back, his eyebrows drawing together in a frown. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that in 1944 in Poland Erik was twelve, making him around seventy, but in the same war Logan looked pretty much the same he does now. And Erik says there's more that you know about the Wolverine but he won't tell me what."

"Only what he would be able to handle right now." Xavier answered her original question but didn't expand on it.

A small, disbelieving laugh escaped Rogue.

"Of course, Charles," Erik said aloud through her.

Xavier narrowed his eyes. "I don't think you should leave if you're not in control of your own mind, Rogue."

Rogue smiled slightly, "I am leaving. If you won't help Logan to the full extent of your abilities, how can I trust that you would be helping me as much as you could? There is a couple I want to find who took care of me before the D'Ancantos. I have to do that on my own." She released a sigh before finishing. "Could you deliver these once I've left?"

She handed Xavier a stack of folded notes addressed to him, Scott, Jean and Storm. In each, she thanked the X-Men for their parts in her rescue and subsequent healing process. In Xavier's, she had apologized for touching him without permission and promised to find a way to repay them for all they had done. No matter how much she felt she didn't fit in at the X-Mansion, she didn't want to leave anyone with hard feelings either.

Xavier nodded and set the notes down on his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out an envelope, handing it to her. It wasn't sealed, and Rogue saw that it contained a few hundred dollars in cash and one of the X-Men's communicators.

"I can't take this."

"Yes, you can," Xavier responded calmly. "It's a loan, so I do expect to be paid back over time. I told Logan I would make sure you were okay, and if this is the only way I can keep my word, so be it. If you get into trouble, contact us on the comm and we'll find you."

Rogue moved around the desk and briefly hugged the older man. "Thank you, Professor."

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Five days after Rogue left 1407 Graymalkin Lane, a small package with a return address of a post office box in Salem Center was sent to Professor Charles Xavier. Inside it was the communicator he had given Rogue and a simple note.

'If I want to be found, you'll know.'