Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Martouf. I don't own Sam either.
I sit here alone and shivering in this dark room. The covers pulled up to my chin, my heart beating uncontrollably from the recurring nightmare. I see him again kneeling on the cold hard floor, helpless, at the mercy of those surrounding him. There is no longer a light in his eyes, nor a smile on his sweet face. Instead there is only fear and disbelief. His eyes finally find mine. He's suffering, knowing what he has done and what he will do but powerless to stop it.
"Samantha."
My heart feels as if it will break into a thousand tiny pieces. I rush to his side and hold him close in my arms unable to let go but knowing that I must. I look into his boyish face, willing him to live. I feel myself beginning to lose control. To weep for this man that I have only know for a few short years and yet it seems that I have know him for ages. I can feel the burning stares of the Tok'ra and humans that surround us. Their stares are almost unbearable. Every moment seems to stretch on for an eternity until finally the silence is broken and my whole world comes crashing inexorably down.
"Sam, you have to let him go now."
I can hear Janet's words but I don't understand. I can't let him go because he cannot be gone. No, I'll wake up and it will all be a dream. Just a nightmare, but I don't wake up because it isn't a dream. He's really gone, gone forever.
Sometimes I catch myself looking up at the stargate waiting for him to walk through it just once more. Once more so that I can look upon his beautiful face, gaze into thoselovely blue eyes… but he never does… and he never will again.