Hold On
By Dan'yu
Chapter Two: Comforts
"Are you scared?"
His voice was soft and husky, smooth as silk. In the dark, the body leaning over her held a strong and masculine presence that was so very Kyou, and simultaneously unlike anything she had ever encountered. His eyes were imploring and dark.
"No. I could never be scared of Kyou."
No, she was not scared. She was the safest she had ever been, here with him. Her heart raced within her breast. She could feel him closer than he had ever been before; his presence was all around her, overwhelming her every sense. Kyou. "Kyou…"
And her thoughts were filled with him and nothing more.
He could hear her crying at night.
He had never been one to sleep soundly through the night. With all the stealth he had once used in his martial arts training, he was able to stalk through the house without the slightest of sounds, the fall of his feet producing no clamor as he crept up the stairs and down the corridor, dark and still as the night around him.
Even in Kyou's absence, his midnight ramblings did not cease, proving to be a habit hard to break as he continued night after night. Two nights passed since the day Kyou had allowed himself to be locked away, and in the twilight hours was the first time he heard the muffled crying coming from her bedroom.
He hesitated outside her door, struck frozen by indecision as he found himself torn between his desire to comfort her and his nagging sense of propriety. In the end, he had only stood by helplessly as she finally cried herself to sleep.
Not wanting to push himself into her affairs, he tried to shrug off the night's events as a one-time incident, perhaps a relief of the grief she felt over her loss of Kyou. But the soft sobbing continued to break each night's accustomed silence, and it was impossible for him to ignore it any longer.
In that ridiculous battle between his sense of respectability and his love-prompted worry, it was his concern that won out in the end. Having ascended the stairs with the intention of returning to his room, he stopped in place at the quiet sounds coming from Tohru's room. His muted knock to the door was a sudden and startling sound in the otherwise serene silence, bringing an abrupt pause to any noise beyond the barrier made by her door.
"Yes?" Her voice sounded weak and muffled, oddly strangled as if she forced a lighter tone to her words.
He hesitated for only a moment. "Honda-san? May I come in?"
Her soft voice granted him permission to enter, and he did as she bid, pushing the door open to step inside, then closing it behind him as soundlessly as he had entered.
He raised his eyes to focus on her, and he felt the familiar flutter in his stomach, the tightening of the muscles in his throat that he had come to associate with his first sight of her. She was half buried in a cocoon of blankets and sheets, her hair loose and let down as the long tresses draped around her shoulders, seeming vibrantly dark against the pale shade of the bedclothes.
She had obviously attempted to wipe away the signs of tears upon her face, for her cheeks were dry, but her eyes and face were red and blotched, the bruised flesh beneath her eyes more shadowed than ever in suppressed pain. He looked beyond the forced smile she graced him with, the strain all too evident to one attune to her shifts in mood and temperament. It was a skill both he and Kyou had acquired in the years they lived together, one that came in handy during times where she refused to allow anyone to help alleviate her burden.
His heart ached for her. She stared up at him in bewilderment and incomprehension.
"Yuki-kun? You surprised me. I did not expect anyone this late at night. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"I…I heard you crying, Honda-san. I came to see if you were alright."
Her friendly smile faltered for just a moment, but it was enough to prove to him it was all a false mask. "Oh, my. Gomen nasai, Yuki-kun. I did not mean to make you worry about me."
With a quiet sigh, he crossed the room, kneeling before her beside the bed. He reached for the hands folded in her lap, enveloping them in his own. His touch was light and cautious, and he was ecstatic when she returned the gesture with a gentle squeeze.
"Please don't apologize, Honda-san. You have no reason to. Do you want to talk?"
"I don't want to trouble Yuki-kun with my problems."
An undecipherable expression flickered over his face, and then a warm smile spread over his striking features. "The only trouble for me, Honda-san, would be to see you so upset. I'm here if you need me…"
Trailing off, he leaned closer, lifting a hand to touch her cheek, his eyes softening with affection and concern as he studied the unhealthy pallor to her skin, the shadows forming from lack of sleep. "You haven't been sleeping well. You've been crying at night?" At her reluctant nod, he brushed the pad of his thumb over her cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "Tohru. Your tears. They're for Kyou?"
Her eyes widened slightly, at both his voluntary mention of Kyou and his use of her given name. She turned away from his gaze, the shadows cast by the darkness effectively hiding the expression in her eyes.
Slender fingers curled around her chin, gently but insistently turned her back to face him. "Tohru. That baka neko was right about one thing. It's alright for you to be selfish from time to time. It's okay if you're hurting." It took less effort that he had thought to swallow back his distaste toward Kyou. He pushed the wondering thought away for future consideration.
He took her hands again, knowing it was the little physical comfort he could actually offer her. "Will you talk to me?"
The pregnant silence that followed seemed to last for an eternity, filled with tension and pain and thoughts they had never before dared to speak out loud. Just when he was certain she would refuse his confidence, she began to speak, her words nearly inaudible if not for the heightened senses that came with being Jyuunishi.
"I've been having dreams lately. And Kyou-kun is there with me, and I call to him, but he always fades away. I can never reach him. I wake up every night, crying, begging for him to come back." Tears pooled in her eyes, causing her eyes to shine to the moonlight illuminating the room. She irritably brushed them away, refusing to cry in Yuki's presence. "I can't seem to make them stop. I had similar dreams after Mom died. It feels as if I've lost Kyou-kun in the same way."
She gazed up at him, perched at the side of her bed with perfect balance, his violet eyes loving and focused solely on her. In the summer heat, he wore nothing more than a pair of gray pajama bottoms, bare-chested and barefoot. His body was lean and finely boned to the point of seeming delicate, but she was fully aware of the incredible strength lying dormant in the powerful muscles beneath his deceptive frame. She studied him, letting her eyes linger over each feature and perfection of him, committing to memory this new side of the man she had come to care so much about and yet knew so little of.
The full moon had risen that night, the moonlight streaming through the window, the combination of his silvery hair and alabaster skin causing him to appear almost apparitional.
Her face stained with color as she realized she had been staring, and the sudden acknowledgement of what she had said finally came to her. "Gomen, Yuki-kun, I did not to blurt all that out."
He laughed, a low, rich sound of mirth that she was delighted to hear, rare as it was. "It's fine, Tohru. I'm glad you're talking to me." He dipped his head to be level with hers, brushed away the hair falling in her eyes and tenderly kissed her forehead. "You're blushing," he whispered, his tone underlined with amusement. If anything, her blush only deepened.
"I used to have nightmares constantly when I was younger," she softly confessed, tentatively reaching out to grasp his hand once more, experimentally enlacing their fingers. His fingers were long and slender, delicately entwining with hers with a gentle pressure. His grip was strong and warm, she decided, not unlike Kyou's, reassuring in a similar fashion.
But she found herself missing hands rough and calloused with years of hard use, strong fingers and joints, sharply defined with muscle, large palms more than capable of completely enveloping hers in his sheltering grip.
She swallowed back the intense storm of emotions that came with the thought of Kyou, continuing with her narrative. "They were especially bad after my father passed away. Mom would come into my room at night, and hold me while I cried, telling me stories or just talking until I fell back asleep."
Yuki did not miss the odd, yearning lilt to her voice. Another gentle kiss to her forehead. "It must have been wonderful, having a parent who cared so much for you. You must have really loved her."
Tohru sighed sleepily, wearily leaning against his shoulder, forgetting her normal shyness in the wake of her exhaustion. "She was the most important person in my life."
"…until Kyou…"
Tohru tensed against him, warily glancing up to study his expression. His eyes were strangely expressionless, his face dark. She hesitated. She was no fool not to know she had been living in a house for the past few years with two boys who cared about her, who had fallen in love with her. As much as the fact still astonished her, she knew it to be true. Above all else, hurting either of them was a concept that completely horrified her.
"…Yuki-kun?…"
His dark countenance quickly transformed into a heartening smile. "Gomen, Tohru. I know how you care for Kyou. If that is your choice, there's nothing I can do to change it."
"I never wanted to hurt either of you, Yuki-kun. Please believe that. I care for both of you, honto ni, but with Kyou-kun…"
"The feeling is different. I understand."
Tilting her head, she shyly placed a light kiss on his cheek. "Arigatou, Yuki-kun, for understanding."
Yuki cupped her face in his hands, drawing her closer, brushing his lips over hers in the gentlest of kisses. The contact felt so fragile to him, as if a single wrong movement or a harsher puff of breath would shatter its existence forever.
But she accepted his kiss, closing her eyes at the soft contact and touched her hand to his face in turn. He pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against hers, lightly exhaling. "A single memory for my sake. If loving him is what makes you happy, I'll stand aside."
With an almost panicked reaction, she reached out to grasp his arm, violently shaking her head. "No, no, no. Please Yuki. Please don't turn aside."
Shocked at her reaction, he carefully draped an arm over her, doing what he could to alleviate the tremors running through her thin body. "Tohru, Tohru, it's alright. If you don't want me to, I won't turn away. But I don't understand."
"Nani?" Her voice was choked with tears now, still refusing to let them be shed.
"You know how I feel about you. You don't want me to turn away?"
Another vigorous nod bumped her chin into his shoulder, causing him to bring her closer, cradling her head in the crook of his neck. She seemed to welcome the physical support, her body visibly sagging as she leaned into his side.
"Please, Yuki-kun. I…I don't know what I would do if I lost you as well."
"I'm not going anywhere, Tohru. As long as you need me, I here for you."
He felt moisture against the bare skin of his chest, realizing she was crying once more. Not from pain this time, but from gratitude and relief. "Thank you, Yuki-kun. Arigatou."
He smiled. "You're exhausted. I should leave you to sleep. Unless…" He averted his eyes, visibly swallowing with nervousness. "Do-do you need me to stay with you?"
Her eyes widened in surprise, and he was quick with an explanation and leeway. "That is…well, you told me your mother would do the same. If you want, I can just go. That is…I just wanted to make sure you would be alright…"
She placed a finger against his lips, effectively stopping his words. "Iie, Yuki-kun. I would be very grateful if you stayed with me."
His self-conscious nature reared its ugly head as he was sliding into the bed beside her, pulling the comforter up despite the warmth of the season. She lay with her back to him, curled into a ball, seeming smaller and more vulnerable than he had ever seen her. Glancing thoughtfully down at his pillow, he slid it between their bodies, wrapping his arms around her around the barrier. She jerked in surprise, but nearly instantly relaxed in his embrace.
Tohru smiled as she nestled into the embrace of a loving friend. There were no nightmares that night.
xx
Two weeks later, the warmth of summer was gradually fading into the crisp freshness of autumn. Yuki prepared for his upcoming year at the university with a lighter heart than he was used to, despite the lingering guilt over Kyou's imprisonment. Tohru knew and accepted his feelings, and though it was not all he wanted, he had the affection, unconditional love and acceptance of a true friend. The looming darkness of the Sohma family eased its malignant hold on him, and with its relief came an alleviating of his ill feeling toward Kyou. Though grudgingly admitted, he was actually missing the neko's presence.
The sudden shrill sound broke through his reflection, startling him momentarily as he fumbled for the phone in his pants pocket. Managing to maneuver his fingers enough to activate the phone and hold the speaker to his ear, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Sohma."
"Yuki. I'm glad I got a hold of you."
"Hatori? Is something wrong?"
"It's Honda-kun."
Yuki froze, stopping promptly in his tracks in the middle of the busy promenade. A strolling couple behind him just barely managed to avoid him, the man shooting him a dirty look as he passed. Yuki dutifully ignored everything but Hatori's expected answer on the other end of the line. "Is she alright? Did something happen?"
"Shigure was with her at the house when it happened. She had a fainting spell, Yuki, but from what I can tell, she's perfectly fine. I do want her on bed rest for the next few days, however."
"Fainted? Is she ill? Honda-san is usually so healthy."
"She's been pushing herself too hard for a woman in her condition. She needs to take it easy. And I want her to make regular visits to the clinic. I'm sure I can count on you to get her here."
"Condition?" Yuki felt ridiculously similar to an echo of his older cousin, but he found himself genuinely lost.
There was a considerable pause on the other end. "Yuki," Hatori responded finally, his words careful and weighted, "Has Honda-kun not told you yet? She's known for nearly a week." Hatori sighed; Yuki could just imagine him rubbing his temples in a habitual gesture of exasperation. "She's nearly three weeks pregnant, Yuki.'
With that, Yuki promptly dropped the phone, blindly unaware as it fell from his hand and smashed into the concrete at his feet.