Hold On
By Dan'yu
Chapter Four: Acceptance
"You know something? The moment I first saw you, I had the strangest feeling my life was never going to be the same again."
"Did you? Maybe it was a fated meeting."
"Do you believe in all that crap about fate and destiny?"
"I believe that there are people in the world each of us are meant to meet. Each of these people are destined to impact our lives in some way, whether we come to love them or otherwise. There is one special someone who we are fated to be tied to, a special someone we are born to love."
"Soul mates…? You know, that concept doesn't sound so bad. I'll tell you something else. That time, our first meeting…I was scared. Something inside me just knew that you were there to change my world, and the very thought scared the heck out of me."
She leaned closer to him; close enough to brush nose to nose as their vision blurred with the proximity. "Are you scared now?"
He gently reached for her hand, placing it palm side down against his bare chest. "Do you feel it?" he asked softly.
"Your heart…it's racing…"
"I'm not scared, koishii, but my heart…my heart is yours, Tohru. It's beating for you. Maybe…maybe I was born to love you…"
"Soul mates, Kyou-kun…"
Hatori Sohma had never been one to be particularly fond of the autumn season, and his dislike branched from the simple fact that autumn was far too close to winter for his liking. Winter on the Sohma estate brought for him months of stress and worry, haunting memories and midnight calls to interrupt his already limited sleep.
With winter came memories of her. Each snowfall brought back memories that haunted him in his quiet moments, with no other distraction around to sidetrack him from thoughts of her. A the long, cold days dragged on, he grew foolish enough to begin to hope again, waiting ever so patiently for the warm breath of spring to thaw the frozen land. But that warmth never came, and even when the seasons faded into the spring, he let hope die away once more, feeling more the fool for letting the forbidden emotion distract him, and another part of him would harden, grow colder than the previous season. He was meant to be a cold man after all, with a heart of ice and unquestionable loyalty to his god.
But what people are in the past cannot always be regained, he thought as he climbed the steps to the inner compound where Akito's home was located. He could never become once more the cold and stoic man he had been in his younger years any more than he could be the gentler lover Kana had known. Time not only had the capability of healing wounds, but also the ability to break the spirits of the downtrodden, and any fire still existing within him was dying away. What once was a strong and proud spirit was dwindled away to nearly nonexistence. The burden of the Jyuunishi had taken its toll on a pain stricken man.
Kureno's silent and stealthy appearance at his side surprised him momentarily, but when the younger man responded to his greeting with nothing more than a polite nod, he followed just as quietly as the other while being led into Akito's inner chambers.
His next surprise came in the form of Shigure kneeling on the floor beside the room's entrance, his normally amused expression shadowed with an unusual seriousness. He arched a brow in question as he caught a hint of fear. Since when did anything shake Shigure enough for him to be afraid?
His continued observation of the room brought about a heavy and very tired sigh as he kneeled beside Shigure. He was sure Akito must desire getting ill, leaving the great windows along the far wall open the way she did in the cool weather of autumn. The young clan head demonstrated her defiance to his requests as a doctor in the way she lounged beneath the windows, her feet bare and her body clothed in nothing more than a thin kimono as the birds flocked around her hands. Such a childish and blatant defiance was dangerous to her health.
And so the weather would grow colder, and Akito's illnesses would grow more frequent and harsh. Constant attendance to his patient would fill his days, and his nightly sleep would be cut shorter and shorter by urgent calls in the night requiring his attention to the clan head's latest tantrum or attack. He felt weary already at the mere thought.
Ten minutes from the time he had first entered the room, Akito finally made the decision to grace them with her attention. Hatori felt an involuntary shudder run down his spine at the pure malice of her smile. "I've made my decision, Shigure, Hatori, on the matter of the child."
Hatori swallowed hard, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. A side affect of the curse was their forced obedience to Akito, and as much as the heart inside of him screamed against it, his mind and body had acted of its own accord. There had been no other choice for him and Shigure both but to report Tohru's pregnancy to their god.
Glancing out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shigure tense, staring straight ahead at Akito with enough force that she would have been sure to take offence if she paid him any attention. His body nearly radiated tension; Hatori was certain he was in much the same state.
"The child is of no concern to me. It may live, and of course remain with the girl. I see no reason why anything else about the situation should change." The malice darkened into something menacingly feral. "This is her punishment, after all, for being arrogant enough to involve herself in our affairs. She will no longer have her monster lover at her side. That is fitting enough, I think."
"Just make this very clear. That whelp of hers will have no standing in this family. I will have no bastards in my house. If I ever catch her or her bastard anywhere near the inner grounds, I will not hesitate to act. Do I make myself clear?"
"Hai, Akito-san." Their instantaneous answer was given in unison obedience.
"Good. Let that hag have her child. Who will want it, after all? The bastard whelp of two monsters?"
Hatori and Shigure said nothing in reply, both of their bodies relaxing with relief. Akito had no way of knowing that there was only one thought passing through both their minds. That Tohru's baby was safe from Akito's wrath.
xx
Families were complicated things.
At least, reflective of his own experiences, that was Yuki's opinion on the matter. Betrayed and practically sold by his own parents, abandoned by his brother and a family who treated him with equal amounts of reverence and disgust, he knew his view was not an objective one, though complicated was an understatement when referring to the dark cloud surrounding the Sohma family.
And then, a young girl with an innocent and ever optimistic heart had completely changed his perspective as she helped them to create a home and family all their own. Helped him to realize that his family had been there all along, in the Jyuunishi who had always cared for him, from the compassionate Haru, to his own misguided brother, everyone else in between and even Kyou. They were his family.
But still, he decided, families were a complicated matter after all, as he stood to the side, watching silently as Tohru confronted her grandfather with the startling news of her pregnancy.
Tohru knelt humbly before the elderly man, her head bowed, hands folded in her lap, and her body tense as the stifling silence took residence in the room, enveloping all the room's occupants in its discomfort and tension.
Grandfather Honda, as he was called, was an elderly and feeble man by all first appearances, far past his prime and quite into the twilight of his years. Of the man behind the mask of old age, Yuki knew very little, for there was nothing senile about the dark eyes that raised to focus on him, their intensity full of intellect and resolution, softening with kindness and gentle concern as they came to rest once more on Tohru's fragile frame. This man, no matter how deceptive his appearance, wielded the power as the patriarch of the Honda family, and it was ultimately his decision that led to the family's acceptance or rejection of Tohru and her child.
Honor and acceptance, they were both heavy burdens to bear. It was both his appreciation of this burden, and his gratitude of their gifting to him that drove him back to the Honda house on this day, less than three days after Tohru's last encounter with her grandfather.
He was shown into the house by a startled girl relatively around his own age, remembering her vaguely as a cousin of Tohru as she showed him into a sun filled dayroom where Grandfather Honda knelt in a serene silence, his eyes closed and his breathing low and steady in a meditative state.
Yuki entered the room as silent as his nezumi nature would allow, drawing the attention of the older man despite the lack of sound. "Grandfather" as Yuki had come to know him as, greeted him with a friendly smile and a welcoming gesture to take a seat. Yuki opted instead to take a traditional position as he knelt before his host, imitating the other's pose with his back straight and head bowed respectfully.
"My apologies for dropping by so unexpectedly, Honda-san."
"It is no trouble at all, my boy. I don't believe we have ever been properly introduced. I am Takashi Honda, as you probably know. And I believe you are one of the young men Tohru-san has been living with these past few years. Gomen…but I did not catch your name."
"My name is Yuki Sohma, sir. As I said, I am sorry to intrude, but I wished to speak with you."
And then the feigned vague awareness left the Honda elder's eyes, replaced by the shrewd intelligence Yuki had caught a glimpse of on his previous visit. "Ah, I see. You wish to speak with me about the matter of Tohru-san's child."
"Hai, sir. That is it."
The old man sighed, raising a gnarled hand to rub his temples as if in pain, consequently reminding Yuki of the serious and responsible Hatori. "You must consider my position, Sohma-kun. As the head of this family, my daughter and her family as well as extended members of our family will respect my decision no matter how ragingly senile they believe me to be, but at the same time, I can neither condone nor condemn Tohru's actions. You must understand, young man, that while I care for my granddaughter's well-being, I had to appease this family, no matter how bitter their hearts. The most I could do was to accept her confession and sent her again from my home. Honor works as a two-edged blade, dear boy, and tradition holds stronger than the ties of blood ever could."
Yuki was silent for a moment, mulling over his companion's words in his head. "…I understand, Honda-san, truly I do. Life had long since taught me similar lessons. But that is not why I am here."
"And why did you seek an audience with me, Yuki Sohma-san?"
"If I may speak candidly, Honda-san?" At the elder man's approving nod, he continued. "Despite your silence, I could see in your eyes how much you care for Tohru-san. I thought that…I did not want to leave you uncertain over the fate of your granddaughter and great-grandchild.
"No matter what happens, this child will be cared for and loved by so many people just waiting for his entrance into the world. This child and Tohru will be provided for, loved and sheltered, always."
There was a soft appreciation in Takashi's eyes as he regarded the boy turned man before him, finding no sign of dishonesty in the young face intent with promise and love. "And why is it their fate is so guaranteed? Can you give me that kind of reassurance?"
"Merely the fact that this child is Tohru's would guarantee his safety and adoration." Yuki smiled softly. "Honda-san, we, myself included, would do anything for Tohru. That is my promise. And…this baby is a Sohma, and one of our own. The very thought of casting either of them aside is incomprehensible, especially not after the way we lost his father."
"Ah, the elusive father. Tell me of him, Sohma-kun."
Yuki's face blanked, strangely expressionless, as his eyes grew distant. "The baby's…father, Honda-san, cannot be here with Tohru and the child. Just know that he loved Tohru greatly, and it was not his choice to leave them."
"The Sohma clan is a very elusive family, shrouded in such mystery. In the past, Tohru's ties to your family have put me ill at ease. Can you guarantee me her protection as well, for one so young and vulnerable, when you yourself are just entering manhood?"
Yuki's jaw tightened in a stubborn line, tight with anger as his body tensed. "I am no child, Honda-san, that I can assure you. I would give anything for Tohru, my life and happiness included."
"Yes, I believe I understand now. Forgive me, Sohma-kun, for I did not mean to offend you…You are in love with my granddaughter yourself, are you not?"
"I…" His face staining in a vivid blush, Yuki cast his eyes away from Takashi's amused but sympathetic visage. "Yes…I do care for her. But I was not the one she chose, sir. The most I can do is guarantee for Tohru and her child the kind of life and support they deserve."
"For such a young man, Yuki Sohma, you are very wise. Take good care of my granddaughter and great-grandchild. I have a feeling they will have need of you."
"I really don't know who needs who more, Honda-san. Whether she needs me as much as I need her, I have no idea."
As the younger man moved to rise to his feet, the Honda patriarch stilled his movement with a gentle hand to his shoulder. "Do not give up so easily, my boy. Happiness is destined to come to us all."
"I outgrew such idealism long ago, sir."
"Perhaps it is time to embrace it once more. Hope is a strange thing, young Sohma, one that comes in the most unexpected of forms."
Hope…what place did such a sentiment have in their lives?