Again, I borrowed from the anime about Roy being all upset about not being informed about Ed's hospitalization. I actually don't even watch the anime, but the internet is a wonderful resource. Fanfiction can be misleading sometimes though. From one or two instances everyone thinks that Roy is a total slacker and Hawkeye is trigger happy. I'm victim to the slacker!Roy myth here. Oh well, I guess the anime did more with slacker!Roy anyway. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Chapter 4: Past times

"Lieutenant, what is this about Fullmetal being hospitalized?"

"He was injured while investigating the 5th Laboratory, sir."

"Why wasn't I told about this!"

"I assumed you knew, sir."

"I don't mean you, I mean other people, damn it!"

"Perhaps they didn't want to worry you. After all, when it comes to the Elric brothers, you aren't always at your best."

Understatement. But it was one of the few times she said what she meant instead of the logical, cop-out answer like, 'Information travels in strange ways, sir."

Roy Mustang was flustered for a moment before he stalked angrily to the nearest telephone, to harass Edward Elric, no doubt. She followed along, though she wasn't sure why exactly. It would be amusing as it was exasperating, at least. And she could foist some paperwork on him when he was done. She knew better than to try and talk more sense into him now, but she could scold him afterwards with reminders of the rest of his life (i.e. paperwork). There was always the chance he could wander off after his rant. Or maybe she just liked being around him. No, she couldn't think like that anymore.

After Fullmetal had yelled back at him stringently and hung up on him, Hawkeye foisted some paperwork into his hands.

"These are due tomorrow for the weapons council's approval, sir."

As if he weren't irritated enough. He muttered darkly as stalked back over to his desk. Riza shuffled through the rest of his uncompleted documents. He found himself irrationally thinking that she had beautiful hands, which handled the various papers with such grace and care.

"Sir."

His eyes traveled back to the papers in front of him. Was this another one of his daydreaming days? He was sometimes like that. Most of the time Hawkeye thought he was musing over alchemic equations, or the more pressing (in his mind) and covert matters. Most times she was right. But once in awhile he let his mind wander to the past, even though it was always painful. And thinking of possibilities was just self-defeating.

The Riza Hawkeye he had loved was nothing like the 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye that he knew now. No, that wasn't true. She was still beautiful and she was still strict and efficient and straightforward. Like a bullet, unmerciful, her grandfather had once said. He had asked, then, why he disapproved so much of Riza being in the military.

"She's far too devoted," he had replied. "This military . . . is no place for her. She'd get lost in it, or she would realize that the military was lost and she'd . . . in any case, a beautiful young woman like her should really be married, don't you think?"

It was the one time he had been given an answer that was openly sexist or protectionist. But Hawkeye was working for him. She wasn't helping the military achieve whatever dubious goals it had; she was helping him achieve his. Wasn't that enough? It was enough for him. His goals were first and foremost.

That's why he needed to keep her at arm's length. If he let her get too close he would forget. Everything. Or maybe he would give up. Maybe he would decide it was too hard and too complex and he would settle for the sweet simplicity of her love. If she still loved him.

She certainly was devoted to him. But not the same part of him as before. Before she had been devoted to him, the man, and their love. Now she was devoted to him, the soldier, and their mission. The two did not mix. In fact, she had taken careful pains to sever the two. She had requested to be reinstated into the military, and to be under his direct command. She had shown up in a crisply pressed military uniform (which had been splattered in dust and blood, the last time he had seen it) and a crisp military salute. She had called him sir, and waited for orders. No small talk. No recognition in those hard, steely eyes. No screaming and slapping and struggling to get out of his arms as when he had asked her to come with him. It was unnerving.

So he accepted it. That was the way things had to be. They had made a new pact, stating that the past was closed. And good thing, too. Good thing! Because if she ever did acknowledge that they had a past, he might acknowledge it too. She knew he wasn't strong enough for that, right? She knew that if he let himself she would be on his desk (paperwork be damned!) and he might drown himself, might never come up for air. Because what else mattered, anyway? What else mattered?

And that was why he had to keep her at arm's length, why he needed to let her keep him at arm's length. Otherwise he would have thoughts like that. And then he would forget.

Colonel Roy Mustang focused him eyes on the papers before him, due tomorrow, regarding the weapons distribution of Amestris.

Yay! Reviews!

Blonde Hurricane: Favorite author? Awesome. Really, I was being sad and rereading old, sad Royai fanfiction (because it seems like no one writes Royai/Riza-centric fanon anymore, thus forcing me to write my own), and then: review! It made me so happy.

Yeah, about General Grumman. At first I was like, "Yeah, this is some absent-minded General that Roy is sucking up to," but then, he won how many chess games? And then I found out he was Riza's grandfather. There just has to be more to him.

mylovemiroku: Ishbal/Ishvar, Riza/Lisa, Rizemboul/Liesenburgh: yeah I can see how it can be annoying when you're used to reading it a certain way. A couple of weeks ago though I committed myself to certain spellings, and I'm sticking to them. Yes! No way they're sleeping together in the canon (as much as we would like them to be).

Wow, such long responses to reviews.

shadowriter55: Yeah, I'm bad at leaving reviews too. Sometimes I just don't feel like I'm up to it; I feel like I have to appropriately convey my response. I've looked at some of your stuff too though so we're even. Did I label this fic angst? I believe I did. Yeah, not much plot except in the third chapter, it's more reflective type stuff. One more chapter to wrap it all up!

momiji-k: Yes! I've achieved an interesting twist on Royai! I have to confess, I hoard my Royai fics too. They're all on my computer, but I refuse to update any more quickly than I do. Unless I get, like, mad reviews.

unexpection: Your reviews are always short and sweet. (unexpection goes to join Edward Mustang and Blonde Hurricane in the Hall of Loyal Reviewers).

Kaori-chan92 (if you're here yet): Thanks for your review, and for adding me to your favorite author's list! I'm glad you didn't think Riza was out of character or anything. Roy's still angsting all over the place though.

Kawaii Kitty-chan: Thanks for your review. It's going to be pretty angsty from now on though.

Edward Mustang: I probably shouldn't tell you this but I'm working on a sequel to Pact. It's all in my head but because of my posting schedule it probably won't come out for weeks. Maybe I should update more often.

tinejensen: Thanks for adding the story to your alert list. Leave a review!