Disclaimer: All HP characters are property of JK Rowling. Ali and Caitlin belong to themselves. xD
Authors Note: The little (IJ) things stand for 'Inside Jokes', meaning they're based on actual inside jokes between myself and friends. xD Makes for good comedy, right?
And they're teenagers in this story. xD Just so you don't get confused cause I tend to jump around with their ages.
It was complete and total chaos in the Burrow, as it was every year, when the Weasley family prepared to go on their annual Camping Trip; Ronald Weasley dreaded the trip, as he was the subject of his brothers--Fred and George Weasley's--antics durring the entire campout. The only thing Ron had to look forward to was Harry and Hermione joining him which, he hoped, would deter the troublesome twins from their troublesome ways...even only for a short while..
"Don't forget to pack a few extra pairs of knickers, Little Ronald.." said George to Ron, setting his backpack near the front door. "You remember what happened last time you got scurred, don't you?"
"Wot?" said Fred, poking his head out from the kitchen; Ron assumed he was stuffing his pack with enough food to go into hybernation for two whole winters.
"Poor bloke nearly wet himself over a spider!" blurted George before cracking up laughing.
Ron turned crimson. "It was a BIG spider! ..And I was like..8 when that happened!" He argued before turning away angriliy. 'I'll show them. I'll show them so bad..'
There was a faint pop behind Ron; he turned to see Hermione and Harry standing there, clutching large camppacks.
"Cheers, mate!" said Harry, stepping forward to shake Ron's hand. "How's it going?"
After briefly chatting with Harry, Ron faced Hermione, ready to say hello, but upon suddenly seeing the expression on her face, seemed to forget how to generate a simple sentence.
"Erm..what's wrong, Hermione?" asked Ron. Hermione slowly turned on Ron, her eyes shaped into small slits.
"What's wrong..? I'LL TELL YOU WHATS WRONG! I BROKE A NAIL! Wanna know how I did it? I CUT MYSELF IN THE FORHEAD WITH IT! Wanna know how I did that? CAUSE HARRY MADE ME HIT MYSELF IN THE FACE(IJ)"
"Did NOT. I was only giving you a highfive. That'll teach you to hold your hand so close infront of your face. ..Witcho bigass forehead.." mumbled Harry.
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley stumbled down the stairs, with Ginny following close behind.
"Are we all packed and ready!" asked Mr. Weasley, who was leaninng forward under the weight of his pack.
Mrs. Weasley turned to her husband, looking quite concerned; She held her backpack in one hand and a large stack of laundry in the other. "Arthur, are you sure you don't need me to..-"
"FOR THE LAST TIME, WOMAN, I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY PACK!" snapped Mr. Weasley, before storming out of the house, mumbling to himself "..All up in my grill..the nerve of that woman.."
Harry looked at Ginny, his breath caught up in his throat. "H-Hi Ginny.."
Ginny glanced at Harry before walking out after Mr. Weasley, looking slightly put-off. Harry frowned.
"Why won't she talk to me anymore..?" he asked, looking to Ron for some answers.
"Cause yous a geek, son.(IJ)" replied Ron before moving towards the door. "Let's bounce(IJ)"
"DON'T WANDER OFF TOO FAR, KIDS!" shrieked Mrs. Weasley to Ron, Harry and Hermione's retreating backs. "I'M SERIOUS! IF YOU'RE NOT BACK BY SUNDOWN, I'M SENDING THE COALITION(IJ)"
The trio walked a little ways til they reached a small, gleaming lake. Ron plopped down onto the grass, expecting Harry and Hermione to follow suit, but..they didn't.
"Let's go skinny dipping, guys!" said Harry, removing his shirt as he spoke. The sun took one look at his pale chest and dipped a little closer to the ground, increasing it's rays: Hermione's face darkened immediately, but Harry's chest refused to give up that easily.
"AGH, WHY YOU SO WHITE!(IJ)" complained the sun to Harry's chest.
"WHY YOU SO UGLY!(IJ)" retorted Harry's chest. The sun fell from the sky, walked over to Harry's chest and slapped it, leaving a single red..ray-print(OC: Or handprint.. xD I don't know..) in the middle of it.
"AND WHAT! I WEEN!(IJ)" blurted the sun before quickly floating into the sky.
"You really want me to go skinny dipping, Harry?" asked Hermione, removing her toe socks.
Harry blinked for a moment, wondering if Hermione was setting him up. "Uh, yeah..?"
Hermione SLAPPED Harry upside the head with her sock, the sound of fabric against flesh echoing through the trees; Birds flew from their trees and the little furry forrest animals scampered back into the woods.
"Homie don't play dat" said Hermione, before stomping away from the lake.
"Oooooh SNAP! She slapped the TASTE outta yo' mouf!(IJ)" blurted Ron, rising to his feet. He snickered at the red foot print on Harry's face.
"Lookit your face! I wouldn't be laughing if I were you!" snapped Harry's face.
"Psh. WATever(IJ).." mumbled Ron. The faint sound of two people arguing floated in the air.
"What's that?" asked Harry.
"Dunno. Let's check it out!"
Harry and Ron followed the voices and were lead to a small clearing where another campsite was set up; The tent itself nearly took up the entire space, as it was as big as a two story home. Harry and Ron hid amongst some bushes and waited quietly. Moments later, three people emerged from the tent: Harry recognized them immediately.
"Cedric, Caitlin and Ali? What the hell are they doing here?" mumbled Harry.
"SHH! Didn't we agree that you would shut up?(IJ)" hissed Ron, before turning his attention to the activity infront of him.
Ali gathered some sticks and began to rub them together while Caitlin sat on a log with Cedric, clinging to him.
"GO DO SOMETHING USEFUL AND GET AWAY FROM MY MAN!" blurted Ali, waving a twig threateningly at Caitlin.
"Wadaya gunna do if I don't?" asked Caitlin, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
Ali raised the twig like a wand. "AVADA KADAV-"
At the same moment, Caitlin held up a ziplock baggie; Ali fell silent.
"Yeah. That's what I thought." said Caitlin cheerily.
Ali turned back to her pile of sticks, scowling. "One of these days, Caitlin..one of these days. That bag won't always be there. One of these days, you're going to need to pack yourself a sandwhich or some trail mix.. and you're going to need something to put it in. And when that day comes, I'll be there.."
"SHUT UP AND MAKE A FIRE, FOO'(IJ)" snapped Caitlin.
"COME OVER HERE AND MAKE ME!" Ali snapped back, dropping the sticks to the ground.
"I WOULD, BUT YO' BREFF STANK(IJ)" Caitlin replied. There was complete silence, except for a trio of baby bluejays chirping up in a nearby tree.
"SHUT THE HELL UP, BIRDS!" Caitlin snapped. The Bluejays fell silent.
Ali began to twitch violently and foam at the mouth. "AGHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAH!" She lunged at Caitlin, tackling her to the ground.
Harry and Ron slowly turned to look at each other, then back at the catfight. Cedric stood up, waving his hands over his head.
"Ladies, please! Please, stop!" he pleaded. Ali and Caitlin paused in their wrestling to look at Cedric: Ali sat on Caitlin's back, holding her in a headlock, while Caitlin was reaching back and holding a tight grip on Ali's hair. Both girls looked unkept, covered in dirt and grit, but flashed gleaming smiles up at Cedric dispite it all.
"YES LOVE!" they said in unison.
"I..have something to tell you.." said Cedric, lowering himself onto the log again.
Ali dropped Caitlin's head with a 'thump'. "YES, I'LL MARRY YOU!" she blurted.
"No, that's not it..." Cedric murmured. "It's just.. My name isn't really Cedric..it's Elmer. And I'm not 16 years old. I'm actually 83.." Wrinkles suddenly appeared on 'Elmer's' face. "I'm also on the run from the FBI, the CIA and the ABC..I'm a serial killer.."
Ali and Caitlin stared at him.
"And.." 'Elmer' continued, looking down at his hands. "I'm not British.." He finished; sure enough, the British accent was gone and replaced with a Texan accent.
Ali and Caitlin gasped.
"WHAT! OMGWTF!" Caitlin shrieked.
Ali stood up, slowly moving towards 'Elmer'. "You mean to tell me..that you...are not.."
Elmer shook his head. "No, I'm not a teenager.."
"..BRITISH!" Ali finished, eyes widened in horror. "OH! The DECEPTION! The betrayal! You decieved us!"
Elmer stared at her. Was he hearing correctly? "..Yeah, I'm sorry, but I just.."
"Old man, PUH-LEZE.." inturrupted Ali, turning away in disgust. "SOMEONE get this old man away from me before I break his hip.."
Caitlin twiched violently. "How..could..you..DO THIS TO ME!" She lunged forward and dropped a ziplock over his head, suffocating him.
Ali and Caitlin stared down at Elmer's body.
"..So, like..you liked an old man. ..Well, he's all yours now.." Ali said, walking towards the tent.
"OMG, NO! You liked him FIRST. You can have him!"
"Beetch, pleeze(IJ).." Ali started, but stopped when she noticed some rustling in the bushes. She peered towards them, seeing tufts of bright red hair poking from the leaves.
Harry and Ron glanced towards each other.
"On the count of three.." started Harry, "We book our asses out of here.."
Ron nodded.
"One.." murmured Harry.
Ron gulped.
"Two.."
Ron's eyebrow twitched.
"Thre--" Harry's breath caught in his throat when he suddenly felt himself being pushed forward, out into the open. He turned, and saw Ron running in the oposite direction while blurting a quick apology and saying "how they'd always be friends, even while Harry was stuck 6 feet under.."
Harry slowly turned forward. Ali and Caitlin smiled ruefully at him.
"MINE, I CALLED HIM FIRST!" blurted Ali, lunging forward. Harry turned and started to run, but didn't get far, and was football-tackled around the knees seconds later.
"NO! NO FAIR! I SAW HIM...Like..before you and stuff!" argued Caitlin.
"Argh, fine.." Ali mumbled, rising to her feet. "I'll go get the red head.."
"But..I want him too!" said Caitlin.
"SONABEETCH!(IJ)" snapped Ali, but she calmed almost immediately when she looked down at Harry: He was curled up in a fetal position, weeping quietly.
"..Let's just.. let him go.." said Ali, knealing down next to Harry. She pat him on the head gently. "You're free, little one. Fly fly..(IJ)"
Harry looked up at Ali, hesitantly standing up. He glanced between Caitlin and Ali before scampering off into the forrest. Caitlin pouted.
"Nooooooooooooo! If I can't have him, NO ONE CAN!" shrieked Caitlin, before quickly pursuing Harry, ziplock in hand.
Ali sighed, watching Caitlin run off. "I'm too young for this shit. I'm gunna be mentally scared for the rest of my life.."
END.